AU: (Unfortunately the story is still incomplete...I'm so sorry)
Before I begin an explanation for my long absence I deeply apologize to any and everyone who's been anxiously awaited an update from my story, and a bigger apology to those who left a review fearing the worst in that this story would never see an ending. It's been over a year, so I am just as ticked off at myself as any other reviewer out there. I honestly don't have any good excuse. I have been very busy finishing my degree so I don't regret putting that first on my list, but of course I do have free time and in that time while I can already imagine this story coming to a close typing it in a well-enough written document is a whole other procedure I keep putting off.
At first I thought I was losing interest in my favorite anime character but the recent purchases of Sesshomaru related mangas, posters, figures, and plush dolls could say otherwise. I just need to find motivation again, and it was all thanks to yall's reviews. That's what keeps pushing this story forward.
Special thanks to you all for patience and support :) Pritxka, VedaLeonhart, SessRinz, Nadinebuen, Andreatc, shychick, Taraah36, AGermRocks, Ms90sgirl, Skylark, Spinx, gatoman21, chrysanthemum-nhu, , daddy'sspecialrequest, Gearheadfenton, Aikoblaze, MoonlightMermaid, Dontgotaclue88, X-chick303, Storyfabric, daotrangbb, Mimiohoh, Kaatang1996, RaVen'sAngel510, Jodie, Yuri18, tsukimori-bear13, D, TT, RaNdOmNeSs, and Aproova! And of course I haven't forgotten all the anonymous reviews you guys are great I just don't know what to call you. Hope I didn't forget anyone, I'm going by emails.
Had it not been for yall's reviews this story would probably have been long forgotten somewhere within my laptop, and I'm glad it hasn't because it makes me feel so happy to know I'm able to bring a small bit of entertainment into people's lives even if it simply through fanfiction. I have no hopes to be an author, I'm nowhere near that good, but I'm just glad the little bit that I've written has been liked. That means a lot to me and thank you all again.
To end this AU, I'd just like to add that the main reason why I'm posting this is because I've recently received a lot of PMs (and there's so many that's part of the reason why I'm unable to message every single person back so sorry about that) The PM requested that I update if only for the purpose of simply telling the readers I still have plans to finish the story, I've had a few reviews request the same thing.
At first I was hesitant because I didn't want to keep disappoint everyone with a continuously unfinished chapter, but for the fans who requested it I decided to accept. Now like before I dislike updating anything without showing even the slightest bit of progress. So here's an updated version of the last chapter I posted awhile back, and again I will remove the chapter after a short period of time to make way for something even better. Forgive me if it's not long; I only post what I feel comfortable other people reading, and I hope what little I put up doesn't disappoint. Enjoy!
~~~Some Fools Never Learn~~~ (Title May Change)
"Smile," she whispered coherently as the soft pad of her middle-finger ran a curve along his firm, feather-like lips; gently tracing the ideal expression she yearned to soon see sketched into his face.
I love you, she thought again, trying to process word for word every single intricate detail of her feelings. Such words should never be fabricated unless held true meaning. She knew not a drop of falsehood tainted those three special words.
She was madly, illogically, miserable, all consumingly in love with this stubborn, unpredictable creature with the silver spun hair and honey-colored eyes that never failed to be the first image that entered her mind each morning and last image thought of every night.
She loved him.
"Please, my lord," she murmured passed a choky throat, she had to stay strong. One stray tear and she knew her resolve would slowly start to crumble if he tended to it. How the majority of her senses simply wanted to mold her body with that of his own; to wrap her arms around his strong neck and tangle her fingers into the silky threads of his hair as she whispered sweet words of endearment into his pointed ear. Anything to make him stay, anything to keep him with her forever and yet…
To make him stay, and to make him happy was something she was slowly starting to see as two separate wishes unable to be made into one.
She loved him, she loved him almost too much that it pained her to the point of tears to see the fiery spirit within his ember treasures slowly start diluting with every second he continued to remain in her presence. Their forbidden combination of both human and demon upset him, she knew, it wasn't too hard to tell by their not-so-brief exchange of words.
To choose between her wishes and his…she didn't have to think twice to know which to choose. It broke her in more ways than one to admit it, but he was ready to let her go; now it was time for her to do the same.
"Smile," she pleaded once again, trying to crack a gentle grin of her own to persuade him further, but no avail. Though no words were immediately said in reply, Sesshomaru's body struggled to stay still and as the wind picked up he found it a challenge to keep his leather boots confined to the ground. Her request caught him completely off guard, had she been his enemy in combat he would have left himself wide open for an attack.
She wanted him to smile…why?
Of all the thing to ask of him before they parted; what she wanted was so simple, and yet at the same time so unsuitable of him to perform. He would have easily provided her the finances necessary to live the rest of her life as richly as possible; free from picking at the fields and planting the rice. He could have seen to it she be given only the finest silk from across the country; never again would her skin come into contact with petty village wear. He would have bestowed feminine accessories and hair ornaments only that of a high class princess would own, precious jewels that would forever keep her from doubting her worth.
He would have provided all that and more, and in the end all she wants is a smile, a smile from him no less. By the gods how this woman knew how to tug at his heart. Only she could make him think he had things upside down. Curse her, he thought; curse her pleading smiles and simplistic wishes.
What could she possibly gain from seeing him smile? If anything, all he could see it doing is deepen her misery. A smile was a gesture made when the bearer was content, happy…and it was at that thought; he finally started to understand.
In a gentle motion he calmly shook his head, rejecting her wishes and opposing them with an almost wounded, passive frown. He assumed she would not be pleased with his response, and he was correct. Her own smile melted away and was replaced with a disappointing sulk, something he always found himself despising; her face was meant only for smiles.
"Reconsider," was all he advised, and with the same gentle motion he displayed he watched as she shook her head.
"This is all I want from you," she sternly answered; head high and shoulders strong, she talked to him like that of a challenger, however her ending of, "my lord," displayed her never ending respect. "If this is truly what you want…if leaving me is truly what you desire than I will not stop you, and I apologize for my earlier-"
"Do not apologize," he cut in; he wouldn't hear of it, he was almost thankful that she held him when she did. It was memorable, and now was the time to start storing up as many memories of her as he could, he would need them if ever a moment of weakness came when he would crave the sight of someone smiling at him again…He allowed her room right after to finish up her sentence, "Proceed."
Rin proceeded, hesitating slightly in the beginning when she thought back to his words; so her previous actions did not upset him, she was so glad. "I only want to see you happy," she sighed; in happiness, in sadness, she really wasn't sure. "If letting you go will truly make you happy," she brought he hand to her chest, "then this pain in my heart will subside….if only for a little while," she muttered, the last part of her sentence barely audible even for him.
A pain in the heart, is that what that was? A pain that could not be seen, but obviously was there; similar to the many blows his pride had received years back when he found out Inuyasha was the true inheritor of their father's sword. It was the same, though this time he felt as though he could pinpoint the pain; it was right above his chest, right next to the rapid beating of his heart. That's where he felt that insufferable tug from before, like a little red string tied around his heart that only Rin was given access to pull, and pull she did.
Her palm hovered over his cheek, the warmth of her hand licked at his cool skin. "You hardly ever smile, when I was little I often wondered if you even knew how," she soothingly giggled, hoping to lighten the mood, "I want to see you smile."
To see him smile, he couldn't even bear the thought. For him to smile in such a situation as this, it was absurd. Perhaps if he was given the offer after tasting victory from battle, he could already feel the side of his lips tug at the mere thought, but to smile for this…to show her just how happy he was to be leaving her side once again.
"Desire something else," he said, could she not want something other than that; an object perhaps? Objects were good, objects were easy.
"I desire nothing more than to know you're leaving with no regrets. Show me this is what will make you truly happiest; if so then perhaps even I can walk away happy as well."
It hurt, it hurt knowing he was allowing this to hurt; it especially hurt when a feeling of helplessness began to arise. It hurt to leave, it hurt knowing that from this night forth no new memories with her will ever be made; above all it hurt to know he was hurting her.
No amount of demonic energy can heal this kind of pain. Only one thing could, but could he truly break past the self-important barrier he created through centuries of battles, victories, royal gatherings that never ceased to remind him of how powerful his family bloodline was? A part of him opted for the idea, a part of him opposed, and a little piece of him just really wanted to be alone with his thoughts for a very long time.
"You…just want me to be happy," he spoke, his voice a mix between monotone and curiosity; his eyes stubbornly tried to escape from her affectionate gaze, "What makes you so sure I'll be happy after this?"
Rin blinked, the tables have turn and it was she who was now caught off guard, "I-I just thought…I am unsure…You claimed this was for the better so I assumed leaving me where I stand was what you wanted….Isn't it?"
His eyes ceased their futile escape, and met her eyes so full of compassion. "It should be," he firmly answered as he took the hand that lingered over his cheek, the heat from his hand eased the sudden chill on her skin; she relished in the warmth of his touch and he failed in trying to stop his thumb from rubbing lazy circles against her knuckles. "This should be what I want," he whispered.
I should want these trivial emotions eliminated, these insignificant feelings completely disposed of from my body. I should want the same thing I wanted many years ago; an empire worth ruling, lands worth claiming, opponents worth fighting….power worth gaining. I should want it all, isn't that right…father?
"This should be what I want," he repeated. "I should want this, so tell me Rin," his head leaned closer to hers, their foreheads nearly touching, "Why don't I?"
His sensitive ears caught on to the beating rhythm of her ever-speeding heartbeat, and though his tolerant nature was rarely expressed he managed to puncture through his tough exterior and insist on giving her time to take in his words as she pulled away from his touch.
His stubborn manner defeated by his infinite curiosity, and right now he was very curious as to the sad expression slowly molding its way into her face. Odd, he wasn't quite expecting the reaction she gave him. Rather than sad, he had thought his confession would have rejuvenated her smile back to its innate form. At the worst he assumed she'd be angry, angry at all the emotional Hell he put her through by bouncing from one decision and then back to the other; humans can only take so much confusing turmoil and Rin was no exception to that fact.
What reason did he give her to suddenly deepen her frown? Rin, do you truly want to see me smile that much?
"You…don't want to leave?" she asked, her eyes expressed just as much misunderstanding as his and for that reason he could only leave her with his all too familiar silence. He wasn't entirely sure as to why he had allowed what he'd said to spew from his mouth, but that was no longer the issue at hand.
"Lord Sesshomaru," she slowly persisted with a poorly hidden, hopeful tone lodged in the back of her throat, "Do you really want to leave?"
No, he thought; of course he did not want to leave.
How could he leave what he felt most precious to him?
If not he then who would watch over her? According to the half-breed this era didn't exactly bring anything for humans to be thankful for; constant war, greedy tyrants, vicious demons, and incurable diseases. Who would see to it no such fate befell on Rin?
Indeed she was no longer a child, and though he could tell she was trained it made no difference. He learned from an early age that skill wasn't the only weapon your body needed to survive this world, and unfortunately Rin did not fit all the requirements. Who would protect her?
As if on cue the half-breed and his companions suddenly came to mind. He left her in their care once before, and every day he's reminded how well she had been taken care of. They immediately accepted her as one of their own and in turn she gradually began confining in them for support and guidance, just as she had done to him. They were her friends, her family; they were the ones watching her grow from kimono to kimono while he, no matter the impact, only existed within a small part of her childhood.
She had a family here; her constant care and concern over the old priestess' health and endless chatter with friends and neighbors was an obvious indication of the connection she had mended with her own kind once more.
How could he dare take her away from perhaps the safest haven he could ever possibly bestow upon her?
Her new life was here; Inuyasha and Kagome, the monk and the demon slayer, the fox and the old priestess; then there was Kohaku.
He was strong, courageous, and quick to act. His only flaw was perhaps his gullibility, but of course Rin just had to possess that same small feature herself. It only reminded the dog demon of how mutual the two humans seemed, unlike his union with her. Kohaku could do it all, he thought. Kohaku had the ability to watch over her. Kohaku had the means to protect her. Kohaku…(Sesshomaru's teeth gritted from the truth that reality now forced him to see) Kohaku had the heart…to love her.
It was a lost word to him, and being who he was he never felt any reason to search and see if he was even capable of showing such emotion. Is love not the heated core of compassion? He never deemed himself a very compassionate creature, and too many never stood to disagree so he long ago settled the trifle question with ease. He wasn't hurt by the conclusion, wasn't offended, above all he wasn't even angry. It was just another question laid to rest. He simply could not love.
Here she was, a mortal woman who was unafraid to stand up and object to what he thought was a closed case for many centuries. Did he want to love her? Of all his worldly desires he never thought he would sail into uncharted waters such as these. The want to love someone…? How does such an answer even begin to unfold? His breath hitched at the kind of nonsense his mind was sprucing up. Rin…everything she's done thus far has made him question his ideals, his concern, and what's really disturbing is her antics have gone so far as to make him question his sanity. Could he love her?
"I do not know," he, without his own awareness, audibly answered.
"You…do not know if you want to leave?" her reply drew him back to their conversation, never once realizing he got lost within his thought to begin with. He's said far too much, he thought far too hard pertaining to a subject he never wanted to set his mind on; furthermore his throat was going dry. He had to leave, it was either now before something else unexpected slipped from his tongue.
"I must leave now Rin."
"W-wait Lord Sesshomaru," a trembling hand gestured his stance to come to a halt, "You never…."
"I will not," he meekly answered, body still facing away, "
(To be continued)
Hope that was satisfying enough; I still have a lot of polishing up to do, and there's much more I plan to add on. I'm expecting it to exceed the length of the last chapter but at this point everything is still too foggy to tell. I won't make any promises as to when the next update will be, but I would like everyone to know I don't plan to give up. I know it's hard to believe for some, but one way or another this story will see an ending worthy of the long anticipated wait. Thanks again for all the support, I hope I haven't let anyone down. Till next time!