AUTHOR'S NOTES: So watching the latest episode, I was a little surprised that HalLucifer seemed to be showing actuall concern for Dean and Sam. And while I still think Lucifer-hallucination or other wise-is a dick, I was compelled to write a more sympathetic piece from his perspective.

SUPERNATURAL: It's Not All About You

Torture is boring.

The same old fire and knives and screaming and pain over and over and over day after day after day…

That's why I missed my chats with Sam Winchester.

Believe it or not, it wasn't all taunts and psychological torment.

Sometimes we had veeeery long discussions on the pains of being a younger sibling.

Sam would talk about his Stanford sweetheart, Jessica Moore, and would vent about how he wished he could have saved her.

You see, unlike Sam's brother, I don't mind a chick-flick moment now and then. It keeps you from bottling things up to long so they fester and drive you to things like drugs, alcohol, or suicide.

Suicidal people are no fun to torture. They do it to themselves so much that when they get down to Hell we've got nothing to work with. Although, not everyone who kills themselves ends up in Hell. It's actually pretty evenly split.

And some nights, when I felt like giving Sam a break from the rack, I'd put him and Bela Talbot somewhere quiet. Eventually, the rest of Hell stopped complaining about the noise.

Bela is quite the screamer, actually.

I kept trying to talk to Sam, get him to talk back. I mean, really—how is he going to work through his mental isssues if he doesn't talk to someone? Dean doesn't want to talk and Bobby Singer's gone so that just leaves me.

And then Dean got into trouble and suddenly I was the only avenue available which meant that Sam had no choice to partner with me. So why do it? Why help Sam get his brother back when I could have just kept Sam busy until Dean was dead as a door nail?

Because after everything, finding Dean's body would push Sam over the edge and there's actually a pool in Hell about how the Winchester boys end up killing themselves.

For Dean, it's mostly alcohol-related deaths.

With Sam… it's a tie between a bullet to the head and slicing his wrists.

I don't want Sam dead. Because even if he kills himself, he's going upstairs this time around.

And if that happens, I'll lose my favorite bunk buddy.

Of course, there's still Michael Jackson. But he's got this thing about me touching him that really makes me uncomfortable.