Tingle Vs. Evil Dog
Disclaimer/NOTE:This is the second Nintendo related dream I've had that I felt I should write down to share. Because of this odd occurrence, I looked deeply into my mirror and had a chat with my subconscious.
Me: I know the first dream I had was the result of being sick. What's the reason for this one?
My Subconscious: *sigh* Think hard about what you ate after dinner. Here's a hint: red with sugar.
Me: Oh! That's right; I did eat licorice before bed. It was the licorice, right? Does this mean that if I eat licorice every night before bed, I'll have bizarre dreams all the time?
Me: *confused* Which question does that answer?
Me: Grrrrr. Fine, next questions. Why do both my dream fics include recipes for something? And secondly, obviously I don't own Nintendo related stuff like Tingle, but what about the rest? Are those ideas mine?
MSC: Hmmm, the recipe repetition is kind of odd. I shall look into the matter. As for the second question, I'm not actually sure. We'll just play it safe and say the only thing I own is the Evil Dog.
Me: You weren't any help at all!
MSC: Thank you! I do so rarely get any compliments from you.
Me: *sarcastic* Gee, I wonder why.
I start hitting my head with my fists and my mom walks by with this expression: O.o
I'm not too keen about inserting myself into things, but this was a dream, so I'll just go with it.
And I am not partial to any pairing. Whatever pairings I use are just part of how the story developed in my head.
My nine- year-old, blue-eyed, blond-haired brother, Josh, and I were playing Mario Kart for the Wii when a hobo dressed as Tingle falls through the roof right in front of the TV. As if a person standing in my line of vision wasn't enough, there is dust in my eyes and in my lungs. The watering eyes and coughing distract me from the game.
"Hey! I just lost because of you! I never lose at Mario Kart. You will pay! I mean that literally, too! How am I supposed to explain a hole in the ceiling to my parents?" As I kept up my rant, the hobo had stood up and brushed himself off. I saw that it wasn't just a hobo dressed as Tingle, but it was actually Tingle.
"Ha ha ha! That fall so must have hurt! How'd it happen?"
Tingle glares at me before answering, "There was a cat on the roof. It jumped unnaturally high and used its claws to pop my balloon."
Tingle starts limping around my house. My brother and I can't help laughing when he trips over the toys that are left lying around on the floor. Tingle makes an especially good spectacle of himself after stepping on a Lego piece, dancing around on one leg, stepping on another Lego piece, and then finally falling over onto a Lego tower Josh had just made.
Josh gets mad at Tingle and throws a basketball at him. The ball bounces off of Tingle, hits the TV, and hits Tingle again.
I screech when I see that the TV is broken: "You are paying for that, too!"
My little Yorkie mix comes into the room to investigate all the noise. The little dog starts barking at Tingle. Tingle gets a gleam in his eyes and pulls out a giant bubble wand. He starts chasing my dog, screaming, "Come back here Evil Dog!"
He chases her through the kitchen, slowing himself down by tripping over a rug and running head first into the wall. Josh runs after him, video taping all of this.
I throw my shoe at Tingle when he chases the dog back into the living room. He falls on his face. Then he starts crawling toward my dog. I step on the back of his head.
"My dog may not be an angel, but she sure isn't Evil. Evil Dog lives across the street."
"Fine, then! Take me across the street to the room in the center of the creepy house where Evil Dog sits on his throne and tells stories that are bad!" Tingle points in the wrong direction while giving me these suspiciously specific orders.
I smack him upside the head and lead him and Josh to the house across from mine. Tingle has trouble crossing the street. He is hit by a car coming from the left. He gets up and walks forward two steps and is hit by a car on the right. To avoid another car in the street, Tingle walks backward and is hit by a car pulling out of a driveway. Tingle eventually makes it to the other side.
"Good show!" I call out as Josh and I cross.
We ignore the sign reading "Trespassers will be Trampled" and go into the unlocked house. It is dark and creepy inside, with only a few candles in holders along the walls. Some of its rooms have dirt floors while others have stone floors. Out of curiosity, Josh and I follow Tingle into the house.
Josh freaks out when he sees the huge gold spiders all over. Tingle goes up to one and nudges it. He's knocked halfway across the room.
"Don't worry, they can only hurt you if you get too close," he reassures us.
"Thanks…" I reply, taking a hold of Josh's hand.
We go to the next room. Tingle trips over a loose stone in the floor. He falls forward into a giant spider web with a gold spider in it. The gold spider starts chewing on Tingle's head. I pull a candle from the wall. Josh and I stare at the flame for a long time before the muffled screams coming from the struggling weirdo caught in the web get annoying. I set the web on fire. The spider flees and Tingle is freed. He walks forward into the still-flaming spider web. His left arm catches on fire. He drops to the floor and rolls onto his right side. I walk over and kick him onto his other side. He jumps up, singed but otherwise seems okay.
We walk through a few more rooms before coming across one with a stone floor and a throne directly in the middle of it. The throne is decorated with scenes depicting Tingle being tortured and/or dying in lots of different ways. Sitting on the throne is a white toy poodle.
Josh hides behind me, points to the poodle, and says, "This is Evil Dog. He knocks me over every time I try to play outside. He always pushes me in the mud, so I get in trouble for getting dirty."
Josh is ignored. I'm the next to speak up, "What's with the pics on your throne?"
The poodle shrugs. "Tingle and I are archenemies," he states plainly.
This sends Tingle into a frenzy. He pulls out his giant bubble wand and launches himself at the dog. He overshoots the throne and sends himself flying into the back wall. Tingle crawls to the front of the throne and attempts to stand up.
Evil Dog pulls out two waffles. He starts eating one and throws the other at Tingle. Then he throws a tube of toothpaste. Tingle picks up the toothpaste and spreads some on the waffle in front of him.
"Okay, since you guys came all the way here to see me, I'll tell you a story."
Evil Dog finishes this line and then Tingle, who is still on the ground, starts choking: "There are sprinkles in this waffle! Are you trying to kill me?"
"I threw it at you just as something to throw at you. It's your own stupid fault for eating it, you imbecile. Then again, I must admit that eating it was a brilliant idea on your part. And yes, I will get around to killing you eventually. Now back to my story."
As it turns out, Evil Dog's story is about Zelda's children. It is long and doesn't make much sense. This is the story:
Many years after Ganondorf was defeated, Link and Zelda got married. Soon after, Link left on a very long mission to save a far off land that someone else could have saved. Zelda got lonely. She made a bad choice and had an affair with a leprechaun. Link came home a week after the leprechaun went back to his own realm. Two months later, Zelda went on a looooong trip to visit an old friend, or so Link believed that's what she was doing in order to get back at him for going on such a long journey. She came back seven months later. See, what really happened was that Zelda had gone off and had twin boys. One was half leprechaun and the other was a mini Link. Zelda had been unsure as to whose child she'd been carrying and left Link so he would never find out about the affair (and he never would). Zelda left the leprechaun baby with Saria to raise and the mini Link with Ruto. Zelda went back to Link and they had a daughter a year later.
Both boys had odd upbringings. They both knew they were adopted but they were content with their lives.
One random day, Saria kicked out her half leprechaun son, Leap; she did this with good intentions, of course. She told him to go on a journey. Leap decided to introduce himself to his half-sister. He went to Hyrule Castle Town. The guards refused to let Leap into the castle. Zelda saw Leap and sent her only daughter, Izzy, to spend time with her brother. Izzy was very smart and by age 11, had figured out what had happened before she was born. Zelda trusted Izzy enough to tell her the whole story. Izzy sided with her mother and kept the secret from her father.
So when Leap showed up outside of the castle, Izzy was eager to meet him. They had a grand time getting to know each other. After a day, Izzy brought up Zelda's other secret: the recipe for the ultimate cookie. Izzy explained that each of Zelda's children had a locket with a clue to where the recipe was located.
The two came to the agreement that they must look for Leap's twin brother. The only information they had on him was that Ruto had married a sea creature in the human realm. Leap and Izzy went and used the realm-hopping object that turned out to be a hairbrush.
The brother and sister were transported to a beach, each holding a copy of the original hairbrush. To make it work, you used it like a real brush.
Izzy studied the object in her hand: "How the hell does a bald person use this thing?"
Leap just shook his head, unable to answer. He looked around and spotted a cave to the right of where they stood. They went to it.
There were voices from inside:
"Mother isn't coming back! It's just like what happened with Father," a female voice said.
"I can't believe you're just giving up. Mother always believed," a male voice replied.
"And that's likely why she's gone now!"
Izzy's face grew determined and she marched into the cave.
She immediately spotted Leap's twin because he looked like a clone of Link.
"Daddy?" Izzy muttered.
"HUH?" the Link clone said, turning to face the uninvited guest.
"Who are you?" the girl asked. She looked a lot like Ruto, but seemed paler in color and more human.
Izzy shook herself, "Hi! I'm Izzy and this is Leap." Leap walked over to Izzy when she waved him over.
"Before we tell you who we are, why don't you explain what's going on?"
"Suuure. Our father disappeared less than a year ago. He just went to work and never came home. Our mother was very upset over it, but she was strong and very stubborn. Once in a while, she goes out to search for him. We think that's what she was doing yesterday morning, but she hasn't come back yet and she never leaves us for more than 17.2 hours but it's been 26.9 hours. I bet the same thing that happened to Father happened to her," the girl said.
"Sure, it could be that. Or maybe she found out we're dating," Link clone stated.
What they found out much later was that their father died in an accident involving clown fish and their mother found out about their relationship and went for a swim to clear her head but she got captured by fishermen who mistook her for a mermaid and she spent much of the rest of her life in an aquarium.
"Cool," Izzy said, clapping her hands together, "We are his long-lost siblings. We've come to invite you to join us on out mission to find the recipe for the ultimate cookie, especially since you have the last clue."
"You're dating? Aren't you siblings?" Leap pointed out.
"Well, yeah. But Waterfall and I aren't related by blood." Link clone countered Leap's remark.
"Pfft, Waterfall?" Izzy barely kept her laughter contained, "Ha ha ha! If you abbreviate Waterfall, you get WTF!"
Waterfall was confused, "Hey! What is that supposed to mean?" she lashed out before bothering to think it through, "TELL ME! What the fff-! Oh! I get it!"
Leap rolled his eyes.
"So what's your name?" he asked the Link look-a-like.
"My name is Link Junior. Just call me LJ."
Izzy looked like she wanted to say something but LJ held up his hand to stop her, "I know what you're thinking. Our mother didn't have much of an imagination. She couldn't even come up with normal names. I mean, I look the same as Link—or so I've been told—so that is the name I was given and Waterfall was born only feet away from a waterfall."
"I'll say!" exclaimed WTF, "Mother also had no clue as to what was or was not socially acceptable. Remember that time we had to move because the neighbors walked in on us playing with those weird toys we found in—"
"Okay! No need to bring up the past," LJ interrupted. He directed his next comment at Leap, "Aren't we twins? You're kinda short; even shorter than the girls. Do you have a pot of gold? You know, since you're part leprechaun and all."
Leap shut his eyes and took a few deep breaths.
LJ kept talking, "You know, you're making fun of our names, but what about yours? Huh? Leap, as in, I like to leap and prance around like a princess."
Leap smiled serenely, "Actually, it came from the fact that my mom leapt to the conclusion that I was an illegitimate child."
LJ attacked Izzy's name after getting that lame reaction from his twin: "What's your story? Is Izzy a nickname for a normal name like Isabel?"
"Nope. It comes from lizard. My mom craved lizard guts and almonds when she was pregnant with me. So she named me Izzy. I suspect my name would have actually been Lizard if I'd been a boy."
A screech interrupts Evil Dog. Evil Dog glares at the ghost of a Great Fairy who had floated through the wall with the purpose of interrupting the story, which she'd heard more times than she cared to count. The Great Fairy blinks and floats downward until it is gone.
Note: On to part 2!