A.N: this fic was inspired and helped come to life with the amazing help of Pipkin. Srsly. What would I do without my fave Dane?
Finland pressed his hand over his mouth to suppress the belly laugh that was slowly building up inside of him.
Opposite him was Sweden, slurring his words and cheeks flushed bright red.
"Sorry Sve...you'll have to repeat that." Finland managed to say between small fits suppressed laughter.
Sweden glared and straightened up in his seat, he opened his mouth to speak again but the sudden shift in position must have done something to his brain's sense of coordination.
Because the next think Finland knew: the Swedish nation was sprawled across the floor of the bar.
"Perkele. Sve! You all right?"
Sweden mumbled something and tried to push himself off from the floor, stumbling and only managed to get back up on his knees.
Sighing, Finland stood up from his own barstool and helped Sweden stand up on his feet.
"Honestly Sve, know your limits will you?"
He cast a glance to their table – littered with bottles of beer and vodka.
"I 'n m...l'm't..." Sweden mumbled so incomprehensible Finland wasn't even sure if the man was speaking Swedish, English or drunk.
"Limit? Is that what you're trying to tell me?"
Sweden nodded helplessly as he put most of his weight on Finland's shoulder.
"You reached your limit for 'still manageable' at that 7th beer. You had three more after that you big oaf."
"Try'n t' keep up w'th ya." the taller nation slurred once more and gestured to the ten empty bottles of korskenkova that Finland alone had emptied – in the process he knocked over two bottles of beer, causing the bartender to send them some very dirty looks.
"Yeah well we both know that's not possible." Finland grumbled and wrapped his arm around the Swede's waist for more leverage. "So why you even bother to try is beyond me."
Sweden hung his head low and mumbled something Finland presumed was an apology.
Offering a smile of apology towards the bartender, Finland hoisted Sweden further up and began dragging the Scandinavian nation towards the door.
"We've been over this before Sve; you don't have to keep up with me."
"D'nm'rk s'ys I h'aft'..." Talking and walking proved to be far too much for Sweden's body to comprehend, and his long legs tripped over themselves and sent both nations crashing into the ground right outside the bar.
Finland cursed loudly as he dusted himself off. Ten beers! Ten damn little beers made Sweden a mumbling and stumbling mess of a nation.
Glaring down at Sweden (who was still struggling to understand why the ground was quite so close to his face and hands) Finland tried to talk some sense into his neighbour.
"Denmark is not here and thus you have nothing to prove to anyone."
He didn't hear the Swede's reply; his words muffled by alcohol and cold ground.
Once again Finland hauled the taller nation back to his feet and began walking.
"One step at a time big guy. One step at a time." He tried to instruct as the walk home turned into a dance on ice for Sweden.
For someone so tall and big it was almost unbelievable how much of a lightweight the man really was. Sweden simply had the alcohol tolerance of a 16 year old girl.
A 16 year old puritan girl mind you. Not a Finnish girl for sure.
To be quite honest, Finland was pretty sure anyone could drink Sweden under the table. Nation or not.
After what felt like hours to Finland the two nations finally stumbled into Sweden's house. Finland first thought was to get the man to bed – but after five failed attempt to navigate the stairs he gave up and dropped the now near unconscious Swede on his couch in stead.
"Stay there. I'll get you some water."
Sweden groaned in reply – a sound Finland interpreted as something along the lines off: 'Leave me to my misery, I swear to God I'll never drink again. Oh please make the room stop spinning.'
Well, at least he hoped that was what Sweden was thinking. Because he was damn well heavy to carry home – and currently deserved every single ounce of pain he was experiencing.
He grabbed himself a glass of water while in the kitchen before making his way back to the living room.
"Oh for the love of vodka and saunas! I told you not to move!" Finland plunked the two glasses of water down on the coffee table before rolling Sweden onto his back – the idiot had somehow managed to roll over and off the couch in the few minutes it took Finland to get water for the two of them.
"Pull yourself together Sve. Or I'll take a picture and sell it to Denmark as blackmail material."
"Pl's' d'n't." he begged as he clung to Finnish nations leg as if his life depended on it. And knowing Sweden, Finland presumed the man was right now convinced the floor was moving like the wildest of seas.
"Fine I won't." Finland rolled his eyes and offered his hands to Sweden, helping the man once again up in a standing position.
"Y'r s'...n'c'" Sweden grinned lopsidedly down at Finland as he swayed from side to side. Had he not been supported by two strong arms – he would have gone crashing to the floor once again.
"Yeah, yeah. Thank you Sve. You lie down and sleep now. Okay?"
Finland guided the taller male gently backwards and back on the couch, spreading a blanket over the Swedish nation once he had every wayward limb planted firmly and as far away from the edge of the couch as possible.
Sweden mumbled something Finland took to be a 'good night' as he flipped the light off.
"Night Sve. Phone me in the morning when the hangover is gone."
He got no reply; only the sound of very loud snoring.
Finland rolled his eyes and let himself out the front door, locking it and placing the key under the large potted plant Sweden always kept on his porch.
Fumbling with his phone he speed dialled contact number 9 on his phone, grinning slightly as the person on the other end picked up.
"Finland! Why are you phoning me at this time of night?" Estonia didn't sound like he had been sleeping, so Finland didn't really feel guilty for phoning him this late.
"Just put Sweden to bed, and now I need a drink. Care to join?"
Over the phone he could hear Estonia's keyboard clattering away as the man undoubtedly had already started to look up bars close by.
"There's one just a few miles away from our usual place. Meet you there in an hour?"
Finland grinned to himself as he flagged down a taxi.
"Sounds perfect Eesti~. I'll see you there soon."
An hour later the two nations where firmly seated in a corner of a nice and cosy bar, ignoring the boisterous humans around them.
"No, seriously. It's like Bambi on ice!" Finland waved his arms around in an impression as Estonia nearly chocked on his drink "I swear to you, Walt Disney must have seen Sweden drunk! It's the only logical explanation!"
Estonia snorted loudly at the mental image, tears forming in his eyes as he realised some of his vodka has just come out of his nose.
The sight send Finland into a fit of laughter.
"You'd think he'd have learnt to not go past 6 beers by now." Estonia commented once Finland had calmed his laughter down to a small chuckle.
"He'll never learn." the Nordic nation rolled his eyes and downed his drink, refilling his and Estonia's glasses once more.
"At least he doesn't start fights like America does."
Finland raised his eyebrows in anticipation. "Oh do tell me more, what did he do this time?" He wiggled in his seat in glee.
"Well, Lithuania invited him over for dinner with the rest of us; and before we can even start desert he's dead set on getting back at Russia."
"Oh my god...what did you do?"
"Knocked him out and took him to bed before he could do much damage." Estonia smirked as he swirled the clear liquid around in his glass.
"And then? That can't be all..." Finland frowned slightly at his friend; this was not a fun story.
"Heh, we phoned Russia up the next morning while he was still sleeping and got him to strip down to boxers and snuggle under the covers with America."
Finland clapped his hands together and smiled from ear to ear.
"Please tell me you have that reaction on film!"
Estonia grinned knowingly and handed Finland his phone.
A little fumbling later Finland got what he wanted.
America's reaction was indeed priceless. And the high pitched scream he let out at seeing a half naked Russia in his bed was only made better by the sight of Latvia collapsing on the floor next to the bed in a fit of laughter – quickly followed by a giggling Lithuania.
"You three are the best." Finland laughed as he handed the phone back to Estonia.
"One of our finer moments I must admit." Estonia smirked and sipped his vodka. "I've had drinks with Canada, and he can hold his liquor better than America!"
"Oh tell me about it. I swear America got all his drinking genes from England and Sweden." Finland ran a hand though his hair with a sigh. "All he got from me was a 'cute' face as Denmark likes to point out." He frowned at the memory.
"And Canada takes after Norway and France" Estonia added with a grin. "Two nations who can hold their liquor damn well compared to others."
"Norway intoxicated is amusing though." Finland chuckled at the few memories he had of his fellow Nordics drunk.
"How is that man when drunk? Don't think I've ever seen it." Estonia placed his elbows on the table and waited for a great story.
"He's suddenly very clingy! I can tell you that much." he smiled and flagged down a bartender for another bottle of vodka before continuing his story. "And if you think he's blunt when sober, you need to meet him drunk. He'll tell you exactly what's on his mind at any opportunity!"
"Examples please." The words in a sing song voice as Estonia grinned in line with his friend.
"He once slapped Spain hard across the face and told him to stop stealing his fish! Then he proceeded to drag the poor confused man outside and bury him in snow!" Finland mimed a large pile of snow being dropped – much to Estonia's amusement.
"Does Spain remember this?"
"Not sure." Finland shrugged "If he does he's probably repressing the memory. Although last time Norway got drunk he spent most of the night lying in Netherlands' sofa and hugging Belgium till the Dutchman picked the two up and threw them into a channel."
Estonia keeled over the table in laughter – a few other bar-goers sending the two men odd looks.
"None of this on video?" He tried once his laughter was under control again.
"Sadly...no." Finland pouted.
"Well then!" Estonia stood up from his seat and raised his glass "Next world party at my place then!" He winked at Finland as they clucked their glasses together. "That way we'll get everything on tape."
Finland chuckled darkly before the vodka disappeared down his throat.
"Just hide all plants in your house." Finland added once Estonia had sat back down again.
"Because if you get France drunk enough he might mistake them for someone to seduce."
Estonia spit his drink all over the table, making Finland laugh at both his friends reaction and the memory of France hugging a large potted plant and whispering sweet nothings into it's leaves.
"Oh! Oh! I heard from Poland that Denmark once played a trick on Germany. Can you confirm this?" Estonia bounced up and down in his seat in eagerness
"Oh that one! Yes!" Finland exclaimed, clapping his hands together.
"Germany got so drunk one night with Prussia and Denmark he passed out in Denmark's back yard. Prussia and Denmark spend the rest of the night building a tiny replica of his house..."
"So when a still drunk Germany woke up hey convinced him his house had shrunk!" Estonia cut in.
"Yes! Precisely!" Finland grinned, exchanging a high five with the Baltic nation.
"But that's not the best story I have." Finland smirked knowingly. "Denmark got drunk during the Olympic games in Australia, and I swear I'll one day get that video from Australia. Costs be damned."
"Oh. Do tell! Do tell!" Estonia's eyes glittered with the prospect of hearing another good story.
"Well, as the night progressed he started to freak out more and more over the fact that he was suddenly at the bottom of the globe! So naturally, after a few 'good' suggestions and well placed hints from Norway and Australia he ended up crawling back to the hotel on all fours. Griping the curb and street signs long the way as to not fall off and drift into space!"
"And you have that on tape?" Estonia blurted out.
Finland shook his head "I don't...but Australia does. He refuses to give it to anyone but New Zealand, but I'd give up vodka and sauna for a year to have a copy myself."
"We'll just have to hac-"
Estonia was cut off as the bartender appeared at the table to inform them the bar was closing for the night.
Grumbling the two nations emptied their glasses and stumbled out the door, one arm around each others shoulders as the hard liquor finally began to affect them.
It wasn't until the next morning when both nation awoke on Estonia's living room floor – surrounded by empty liquor bottles and wires – that they realised that not only had they ended up toilet papering and egging several of their fellow nations houses and historical monuments; they had also filmed and photographed themselves doing said actions.
Logging onto his e-mail account, Estonia's face went white.
"What did we do last night after coming home?" Finland inquired warily as he rubbed his slightly sore head. Not liking his friends worried expression.
"We...we send all our evidence not just to one another; but to every nation in my contact list."
Finland's face went as white as a sheet, matching Estonia's to the 't'.
"Worth it though." Finland concluded.
The Baltic nation laughed and gave Finland a high five. "Yeah. It was."
This started with Pip and I discussing how people who have never been drunk write drunk characters. It then ended up being a silly headcanon that Sweden can't handle any more than 10 beers – and suddenly; I'd written her a fic.
Massive credit to Pip – who's amazing at giving me ideas and making this crack!Fic come to life in about five hours!
So thanks! You're my fave Dane in the whole wide world.