What I should never have done

Fandom: Detective Conan/Case Closed

Rating: T

I just can't take it anymore.

Why did I even feel for him? It was first because of pity and regret but why did it escalate to something more?

I should never have felt anything. I should never have looked into his cobalt blue eyes and let them electrify me. I should never have let his cocky, self-confident smile send waves of pleasure through me, making me blush and feel glad that he was directing that smile to me.

I should never have cared. I should never have entered his life.

Now he's part of mine and I can never pull him out from my heart.

But even when he's inside my heart, I knew that I will never be in his. The only one that will occupy that warm, loving space would be Ran. Not me. Never me.

But I knew that I can never hate him for that. How could I? I was the one at fault for falling for him even when I knew that he would never be mine.

My heart hurts every single time I look at him.

But everytime he looked or smiled at me, my heart sang with joy, knowing that at that moment, I was the only one he was thinking about.

But it will never last.

It must not last. I had given him nothing but trouble.

It is time for me to leave. I have to go.

I looked around, taking in the sights of my carer's home, the hakase, who had treated me like his own daughter. I will greatly miss him and everyone else I have grown to love and care for.

But that is all over. I must move on. I had finished what I came for and I will not stay any longer. I need to put my heart at rest.

I dug into my pocket and pulled out the result of days without sleep, researching for the cure that had he had so wanted. Placing it on the kitchen counter, I pulled a piece of paper towards me. I stared at it, wondering if I should tell him about how I feel.

I discarded both the paper and the thought. I jumped off my stool, picking up whatever little belongings I had in my haversack and slung it over my shoulders. I walked to the door, pulled it open.

It was raining. Just like that day I fainted in front of his house. Not caring about the pelting of raindrops upon me, I walked through the rain, staring straight ahead not glancing back.

When he realise that I am gone, I would be far away from here. He doesn't need me anymore.

He can become Shinichi again and be with the one he loves the most.

And me… I'll suffer the consequence of creating the drug that had cursed both of us in the first place.

I'll let my unrequited love eat me.

Even when it might cost me my life.

Really short I know. Just a drabble. Review please!