John looks at the crowd staring lost for words at the sight of him and tries not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation he now found himself in. Mere hours ago he'd been called by a terribly wound up Sherlock who had apparently been very close to doing something very not good to an idiot of a colleague and now his boyfriend's bedroom was full of idiot colleagues all gaping at him as if he were the missing link. This was definitely not how he wanted to spend his Friday night.
"Right well you all look like you have a lot of questions. Questions I'll happily answer when dressed. But first it's probably best if you put the UV light away and go sit outside for a bit." He says as calmly as he can while remaining attached to the headboard.
Dumbly everyone complies (except Sherlock who goes and undoes the hand cuffs and then spends some considerable time locating their clothes from the mess that engulfs Sherlock's room, all the while muttering about overbearing brothers and the right to privacy).
When at last they emerge properly dressed Mycroft, Lestrade and the rest of the drugs squad are seated in the lounge with tea and some cake that Mycroft seemed to have conjured up somehow. They stare at John as he enters, eyeing him suspiciously, so much so that John can't help but think that it's like meeting the parents for the first time (only in this case it's a bit more accurate to say entire family, strange cousins and all).
The words "You two took your time" come spilling out of Anderson's mouth before Donavan can shush him.
"Yes well it took some time to undo the handcuffs." Replies John somewhat annoyed at having his night interrupted by almost an entire police force. Anderson turns red in embarrassment and retreats into the kitchen Donavan trailing after him. Sherlock rudely tells them to make them a cuppa as they go.
"So you're not on drugs then?" Mycroft questions, abruptly changing the subject to something he is slightly more comfortable discussing than his little brother's sex life.
"No" Sighs Sherlock picking up his violin from its box.
"How many more times do I have to tell you no I'm not on anything. I don't need them, I've got John and he's much better." One of the newer forensics seems to find his words simply adorable for she seems to visibly soften. Sherlock ignores her and the rest of the police force who are merely spectators in the drama unfolding between him, his boyfriend, his brother and Lestrade.
"So um why were you seeing the Doctor then?" Lestrade asks seemingly taking on the dad role in this farcical production. Sherlock gives him a look that is normally reserved just for Anderson, one that questions just how dumb he is.
"I'm not seeing a Doctor, I'm seeing a Doctor."
"I meant I'm dating a doctor, John's a doctor" He says smugly.
"Oh" Lestrade nods his head in understanding.
"So um how long has this been going on?" He asks turning to look at John. John shifts slightly on the corner of the leather couch as his stern gaze pierces him.
"Long enough for it to be serious." He replies pulling Sherlock onto his lap. Mycroft looks at Sherlock sternly.
"How long Sherlock?" He asks looking more and more like a mother hen.
"About three months."
"When pray tell were you going to inform me you were dating?" He asks slightly irritated. Sherlock shifts uncomfortably in John's lap and pouts like an upset child while John tries not to giggle as both Mycroft and Lestrade look very much like disgruntled parents that had just realised their baby was growing up.
"It's none of your business" He all but hisses.
"I made a promise to mummy to look out for you, not let you fall into dubious relationships with strange men you hardly know."
"John completes me."
"You say that now but a few months on you'll be mooning over some other guy"
"No I won't!"
"I know what you're like; you'll get bored and drive him away"
"John has a military cross; I think he's more than capable of putting up with me." Sherlock says sliding his arms around John's stocky frame and pulling him in for a kiss.
His actions seem to make Mycroft wondrously uncomfortable so he deepens the kiss, exploring the depths of John's delicious mouth. John kisses him back hungrily and as they slowly lose themselves in each other they hear the not so gentle slamming of the front door and look up to find the living room empty once again.
"Well that solves that problem. Ready for another round Sherlock?"
"God yes! I'll get my riding crop."
Okay so I know I said this bit was complete but I couldn't help but add to it in order to cheer myself up 'cause today didn't go so well.