A/N After the heaviness of "Blessings and Curses," here is a 100% angst-free addition to the 'verse. But I'll caution you – in this case angst-free means completely ridiculous. You've been warned.
Oh, and I might be persuaded to write a part 2 if enough think it's just too cruel to leave the Doctor like this. ;)
The Doctor stood in the guest bedroom of the Tyler estate, making a sixth attempt at tying the bowtie of his tux. It should have been a simple task, especially considering he was a genius and should have been able to do it utilizing only a minuscule fraction of his brain; but his entire brain seemed to be suffering from a lack of concentration. The reason? He was experiencing a severe attack of pregnancy cravings.
Rose was now seven months pregnant with their son, a child once thought to be impossible, and as the pregnancy had progressed, the Doctor had quickly learned that she wasn't the only one feeling the effects of her condition. To put it simply, he had developed cravings. Rose had her share of cravings, too; but while hers mainly consisted of bananas or chips dipped in jam or a few other unique cuisine combinations he'd rather not think about, the Doctor was craving just one thing: Rose.
The cravings would come on sudden and strong and there was only ever one cure, which wasn't always practical depending on the circumstances. Like right now. They were supposed to be preparing for the Vitex dinner party hosted by Pete and Jackie. This type of social gathering wasn't exactly the Doctor's thing, but with the relationship he now had with Rose which made him, for all intents and purposes, a part of the family, such duties were at times expected of him.
With hard, ceaseless work, Pete had already begun to build the Vitex Corporation into an impressive success in this universe. As he'd once promised Jackie, they had now been able to move out of the Powell Estate and into a new, sizable home. It wasn't quite as large or lavish as the mansion he'd left behind in the parallel universe, but it was about twenty steps up from 48 Bucknall House, and worthy of hosting tonight's black tie affair.
The Doctor had made an attempt to wiggle out of attending because he could think of a much better way for him and Rose to spend the evening, but he now had not only one but two pregnant Tyler women to incur the wrath of if he didn't cooperate, as Jackie was now six months pregnant herself, so he'd reluctantly agreed in the end.
The night was already causing him torture and the formal dinner party hadn't even begun. Rose had gone into the en-suite to bathe, and she'd nearly had to lock him out so she could focus on the task. Actually, she did lock him out. He would have been wounded by this for days if he hadn't had a very good plan for how she could make it up to him, which she promised she would if he behaved himself through tonight's dinner and let her get ready.
Rose had then come out of the bath in a mesmerizing cloud of steam and smelling like, well, roses. This wasn't the scent currently shorting out his brain though. No, it was the pure scent of Rose doing that quite thoroughly. Everything about her lately had arrested every single one of his senses and held them captive. She'd always had that effect on him if he were honest. The difference now was his startling lack of control. Just looking at her now made his hearts race and desire course through his veins.
Rose stood at the mirror in the en-suite wearing nothing but a short, dark blue silk dressing gown as she applied her makeup. The powerful, intoxicating scent of her hormones alone, permeating his olfactory senses until he could focus on nothing else, was enough to drive him over the edge. Then there was the swell of her belly, still on the small side since the pregnancy would last twelve months, but just ample and tantalizing enough that he literally couldn't keep his hands off the ripening bump. His darkening eyes traveled a little further up to the loosely open neckline of the dressing gown and lingered hungrily on her beautiful, bountiful brea–
The Doctor yanked his bowtie free with a frustrated groan and began attempt number seven.
He finally managed to complete the task and was mentally congratulating himself on his success when Rose spoke up and caught his attention. Or rather, caught the remaining .0001% of his attention that had previously been focused on his tie. The other had remained fully on her.
"Doctor? Could you help me with the zip?" Rose asked, stepping towards him in the dress she'd now slipped on and turning her half-bare back in his direction.
Was she doing this to him on purpose? the Doctor's desire-laden thoughts questioned. Either way, he was never one to refuse a request of help. And oh, he could help. He could most definitely help. He stalked towards her, his eyes darkening with each purposeful step.
The tips of his fingers brushed a tantalizing path up her arms as he leaned close to whisper in her ear from behind in a deep, husky tone. "I most certainly can. I am, as you well know, an expert with...zippers." One long finger swept down her spine until he reached the zip and began to tug it lower.
"Doctor," she sighed, half in exasperation and half in desire (he intended to work on that other half). "You're supposed to be zipping it up."
Rose's hair was swept up in an elegant chignon which gave him perfect access to the delicious skin of her neck. His lips descended on the soft flesh, his hot breath dancing across her skin as he whispered in a gravelly voice. "Now why would you want me to do that, hmmm? Unzipping is much better. Unzipping is brilliant. Unzipping makes zipping pale in comparison. And you never want to cover this gorgeous flesh, Rose." He ducked slightly and placed an open-mouth kiss to the center of her back and smiled wickedly against her skin as he felt her resulting shiver. "In fact, the more uncovered the better." His fingers trailed up to the straps of her dress and hooked beneath the silky fabric.
He was halted in the middle of his brilliant plan by Rose's hands upon his, stilling him. She then turned to face him. It was very hard to focus on her face as she stood alluringly before him in the black, silky, knee-length dress with a figure-hugging fit that proudly displayed her budding state, and a deep V-neckline that accentuated her ample cleavage.
"What am I going to do with you?" she sighed.
The gleam in his eye was positively sinful. "Oh Rose, I can think of at least a thousand and one delightful– No, better yet, why don't I show you...?"
She leaned in closer, her hands resting on his chest. "I want nothing more than for you to show me...," she stepped back just out of his reach, "after we attend this dinner for Mum and Dad. Now unless you want me to be half uncovered for every guest in attendance downstairs, will you please..." She turned back around and motioned behind her.
With a pained sigh, the Doctor complied with the zipping, though he took his time to make contact with each millimeter of her skin on the way up, mentally adding to his thousand-and-one list of things he intended for them to do later on.
Dinner was, as dinners often have a tendency to be when the Doctor is in attendance, quite interesting, to put it mildly. The element of interest didn't come from an alien invasion or exploding appetizers, though. Actually, no one else but Rose was privy to the added unique element of the dining experience. Though when she nearly choked on her bite of crème brulée over dessert, she did get a few sudden glances in her direction. Rose shot a glowering look at the Doctor, who merely winked seductively. It seemed his goal for the evening was to drive her mad, and he was doing an excellent job. His telepathic seduction practically had her whimpering through the main course. He had told her he had a thousand and one ideas for what she could do with him, and by the time they reached dessert he had mentally shared with her up to number 382.
After dinner came a little more of the necessary social mingling, which the Doctor managed to charm his way through despite the fact that there was only one thing on his mind. By this point the same was true for Rose, and she had to force her way through polite conversations, all the while the Doctor's seemingly-innocent hand on her back or fingers brushing her arm was making it hard to focus on anyone in the room aside from him. That was his plan.
Once the dancing began, both practically lunged at the opportunity to be in each other's arms. They swayed in unison to the slow tempo, Rose's arms around his neck and the Doctor's hands on the small of her back, holding her body close to his. The soft swell of her belly pressed snugly into the firmness of his own. The life cradled between them as the three swayed in harmony only amplified the surging of love and desire they shared.
Rose moved her face closer to his and whispered. "You have been driving me completely mad."
The Doctor's grin was smoldering as he growled in reply. "Good. Now you know how you make me feel. And you have always made me feel this way. It's just that lately...," he leaned in closer until his lips brushed her ear as he whispered, "...you've made me lose every shred of control." He pulled back and looked into her eyes. "Any chance we can slip away early? I haven't finished showing you all of my very, very brilliant ideas."
There was only so much one woman could take without losing all control, and Rose had reached her limit. Leaving early, she decided, was the best idea the Doctor had ever come up with. She untwined her arms from around his neck and took his hand, then turned and walked with purpose through the assembly of guests until they reached Pete on the other side of the room and quickly explained that she was growing tired (tired of her and the Doctor holding back any longer, that is) and that she and the Doctor were going to retire early.
They had planned to stay over the weekend though, so Pete smiled in understanding and said he'd see them in the morning and let Jackie know they'd gone up to bed early. Having a wife who was six months pregnant herself, Pete understood the fatigue, and was amazed tonight at his own wife's stamina as he watched her dancing with one of Vitex's investors. He couldn't help but smile proudly. Jackie had taken to the life of a socialite as if she'd been born for it. He turned his gaze from Jackie in order to bid a final goodnight to the Doctor and Rose, but found they were already halfway out of the room and nearing the stairs. For someone who was tired, Rose certainly moved with speed, Pete absently thought before returning to his conversation with one of his guests.
The Doctor and Rose reached the door to the guest bedroom in a frenzied tangle of arms and lips. The Doctor could barely pull away long enough to let Rose open the door. Once she did, they practically fell inside, mouths descending upon each other once again. The Doctor's single-minded fingers had finally found that blasted zipper at the back of her dress and was just about to victoriously succeed where he had earlier been delayed when a knock at the door had Rose stopping and pushing him back.
"Someone's at the door," she whispered breathlessly, futilely attempting to still him as his fingers determinedly continued their quest on her zipper.
"Don't care," he growled as he plundered her mouth and lowered the zip. "I'll sonic the lock."
"Rose, is everything alright, sweetheart?" came Jackie's concerned voice through the door.
Rose reached around behind her and took both his hands firmly in hers. "'S Mum. Let me just tell her g'night so she won't worry." Rose disentangled herself from him and quickly turned around. "Zip me back up."
The Doctor nearly cried. Pulling his hair almost hard enough to leave a bald patch, he then did as she asked just so Rose could appease her mum and then quickly resume where they'd left off.
Rose pushed a few stray locks of hair from her face and smoothed her hands down her dress in an attempt to look at least slightly composed. She then opened the door and smiled brightly. "I'm fine, Mum. Everything's fine. I was just getting a little...tired."
The Doctor's head suddenly appeared behind Rose from around the door. "Hello! Lovely of you to check on her, Jackie. Motherly concern and all that. Quite touching. But all Rose needs is to go to bed. Trust me, I'm an expert on these things."
Jackie narrowed her eyes at him. Her hand went to her own growing belly. "I'm the one with first-hand experience with pregnancy, so don't go getting' all superior on me." She looked back to Rose. "You sure you're feelin' alright, sweetheart?"
Rose smiled. "Perfectly alright. I promise."
Jackie nodded, patting Rose's arm. "Well, just be sure to take good care of her," she admonished the Doctor with a pointed finger.
"Oh, trust me, Jackie. Any and all of her needs are in the very best of hands." He then practically slammed the door in her face, not out of deliberate rudeness but desperate haste.
Rose turned back to him. "Doctor! That was...mmph!" Her words were cut short by his mouth on hers. Whatever she'd been about to say was suddenly lost to her as she melted into him.
He lifted her in his arms and carried her in what Rose assumed was the direction of the bed, and only realized he'd taken a different route when the door to the TARDIS, which had been parked in the guest bedroom, slammed shut behind them with his foot.
He carried her up the ramp and set her on her feet, breaking away from her just long enough to sprint to the console.
"Where are we go–" Rose started to question but he cut her off.
"Vortex! I'm putting us in the Vortex so there will be no more interruptions." He hit a final button with a feverish whack, then was on her a second later, lips crashing to hers.
His jacket had landed somewhere on the console and his desperate fingers had finally, finally reached her zipper once again when another impossible knock sounded at the door.
"Someone's knocking at the door," Rose managed to get out between frenzied kisses.
His only reply was a growl.
Rose stopped him with two insistent hands on his shoulders, pushing him back. "Doctor! Someone's knocking on the door of the TARDIS."
"That's what people usually do on doors," he panted, eyes wild and dilated. "Or on windows. Or on the HEADS of those who dare to interrupt us YET AGAIN!"
With that, he whirled around and stormed down the ramp.
"Doctor, wait!" she called, hurrying after him as she struggled to pull up her zipper. "We're in the Vortex! Who could be knocking in the Vortex? I don't think it's safe to open the..." He yanked it open. "...door."
They were instantly seized and pulled out of the doorway by four sets of hands – all belonging to one rather large, rather green, and rather annoyed creature. They were then marched down a ramp that had been put in place leading up to the TARDIS.
"You have parked your craft in the Sacred Fountain of Booshly, a violation of ordinance Zed Alpha-7."
A still-stunned Doctor and Rose turned back to look and see that the TARDIS was indeed sitting directly in the center of a tall opulent fountain.
"You will be imprisoned for one thousand Standard Rotations as punishment for your crime."
Rose looked to the Doctor, eyes wide and frantic. "Don't be alarmed, Rose," he quickly tried to assure her. "One thousand Standard Rotations is only four hours. And I happen to know, though not from experience of course, that the prisons on Booshly are quite comfortable."
"Oh, well that just makes everything alright then, doesn't it?" she snapped as they continued to be led away. "How did we end up in their bloody fountain anyway? I thought we were in the Vortex!"
If his hands would have been free to do so, the Doctor would have been tugging on his ear sheepishly. "Yes, well, apparently I miscalculated...just a bit. I was, after all, highly distracted."
Rose just shot him a glare as they were placed in a Booshlian equivalent of a police car. The Doctor was slightly grateful at the moment that she was restrained. Justifiable irritation mixed with pregnancy hormones could make for a dangerous combination he didn't care to have directed at him.
Shortly thereafter, the Doctor and Rose were placed in a holding cell, which as the Doctor had assured her was rather comfortable. Various plush cushions were scattered about the floor and they had also been given refreshments.
The Doctor plopped down on one of the large cushions as Rose jiggled the lock on the solid door. "You see, this isn't so bad," the Doctor tried to cheer her. "We have everything here we need to be comfortable for the next four hours."
She turned sharply towards him. "Everything we need? Everything we need!" Rose gestured frantically around the small space. "Then where's the loo?"
His smile faltered. "Oh. Um...do you need...?"
"Yes! And I'm seven months pregnant, so it can't wait!" She turned her attention back to the door, shaking the lock again in vain. "As soon as we get out of here you are going straight to the Shadow Proclamation and filing a formal complaint against this planet for its HORRIFIC TREATMENT OF PRISONERS!" She yelled the last of her outcry through the door, hoping it would shame their captors. It didn't.
"Rose, just calm down," the Doctor tried to pacify her, standing and taking her by the arm and gently guiding her down onto one of the cushions. "Just look at this as practice. As the pregnancy progresses, the pressure on your bladder is only going to increase. If you think you're having a hard time holding it now, well... So you see, this is a bit like training for the future." He gave her a lopsided grin that she returned with a look of thunder.
"Do you think you're helping?" she asked tightly.
He rubbed a hand up and down the back of his neck. "Um...I'm guessing no?"
After a beat, Rose stood to her feet again, a look of joyous hope coming to her face. "The sonic screwdriver!" she cried.
The Doctor wrinkled his brow in confusion. "What about it?"
Rose lowered her voice so her plan of escape wouldn't be overheard. "You can use it to break us out of here! And even if we couldn't manage a full escape, if I could just get to a loo..."
The Doctor shifted uncomfortably as he delivered the bad news. "Well, you see...I don't exactly...have the sonic screwdriver on me...at the moment."
Her face fell like a ton of bricks. "What? You always have the sonic! Doctor, where is it?"
"It's in my jacket. Which is currently dangling from the gravimetric stabilizer on the TARDIS' console, if I recall the trajectory correctly."
"You and your out-of-control libido!" she cried as she slumped back down. "I thought you had control. I thought you had 'superior Time Lord barriers' that could let you be selective about your arousal. At least that's what you once said, but I've yet to see the evidence."
The Doctor felt just a touch defensive. "Yes, well, you've never complained before," he said in a slightly wounded tone. He knew she wasn't in the best of moods at the moment, but still, Rose was usually quite pleased with his lack of control.
"Yeah, well, it's never gotten us locked in prison without a loo before, either." After a moment of silence, Rose sniffled. "'M sorry. I'm just upset," she mumbled.
The Doctor turned to look at her. Oh, she was about to cry. A crying Rose was never good. A crying Rose was worse than an angry Rose. Almost. He scooted closer and put his arm around her shoulder. "Now, now. No need to be upset, Rose. This...forced visit to Booshly we currently find ourselves experiencing will pass in no time, and then we can..." He looked down at her and waggled his eyebrows. Rose looked back at him and narrowed her eyes. He coughed. "Find you a loo. Then we can find you a loo."
After a few moments of silence the Doctor reached for the tray with one of the drinks they'd been provided with. He took an examining whiff of the blue liquid and then an experimental taste with his tongue. "It taste like banana!" he beamed. "Blue banana juice – why that's brilliant!" The Doctor greedily gulped down the contents of the tall glass in seven seconds flat. He reached for the second one and sat it beside Rose. "It's delicious! Try it, Rose. It taste like banana, and you know how much you've been craving bananas lately."
She looked down at the banana-flavored beverage he was tempting her with, then back at him. "I can't!" she cried. "If I do it'll just make things worse!"
"Oh yes, right. Sorry. Forget I mentioned it. It really doesn't even taste that good anyway. A little bland, actually."
There was another minute of silence before the Doctor spoke again. "Rose?"
"Since you're not going to drink it, could I have it? Strictly to alleviate the temptation for you, of course."
Rose sighed and started to hand it to him, but then jerked it back out of his reach at the last second. "Oh wait! You shouldn't have this either. You've already had one, and if you drink a whole other one while we're stuck in here you'll soon be in the same boat as me. And trust me, it isn't fun."
"Oh, not to worry!" he assured her, trying to reach for it again as she pulled it further away. "Superior biology, me. Why if I had to, I could hold it for days and days and..." He cleared his throat beneath her glare. "Yes. You're right. I've already had one. I wouldn't want to be a glutton."
After another minute or so had passed, Rose drew in a long deep breath and released it with a sigh. "How much longer?"
"Three hours, fifty-one minutes and 2.79 seconds," he helpfully supplied.
Rose sighed again. "Stuck in here for nearly four hours. What are we supposed to do for nearly four hours?" she lamented, leaning her head against the side of his shoulder.
A shiver ran through him from her single touch against him, and the Doctor instantly knew exactly what they could do for the next four hours. In fact, why had they already wasted, as of now, nine minutes and 13.82 seconds?
"Rose...," he whispered huskily.
Rose knew that tone. Oh, she knew it well. Ordinarily it was a tone that would have her melting at his feet, but at this very moment it only reminded her that this particular tone was the very reason they were currently imprisoned without the use of necessary facilities. And now, as his crafty fingers found and began to toy with the zipper on her dress, apparently he actually expected them to go at it like rabbits for the next four hours in this bloody prison cell!
"Rose..." He breathed her name again in that way that usually sent sparks racing from her head to the tips of her toes. Right now though, it made her want to dump her blue banana juice on his head.
So she did.
The Doctor sat back with a wounded huff, shaking the blue juice from his dripping hair. Between Rose's mood swings and his insatiable cravings, the Doctor just hoped he could survive the remaining duration of the pregnancy. For now though, he hoped he could survive the next three hours, forty-nine minutes and 23.61 seconds.