10 years. They claim I have been here a decade. I would believe any time they say though. I can't tell. Time ceases to matter here. How is that possible. Time used to rule me and now it just an intangible thing that has no meaning. It feels like an eternity without her though. Every slice through my skin seems to be dragged out hours past what a simple slice should take.
In the last 10 years or however long it has been I haven't left this rack. I have been tied up and killed over and over again. The creature, Alistair, is creative. Every time is different, each new trick more painful than the last. He physically hurts me but mentally destroys me. He may have found all my physical weakness and has made me weep in pain more times than I can count but he has found every single one of my mental weakness and exploits them daily. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that they figured out Lara was my weakness. My father once told me that Lara was my greatest weakness but because of that she was my strength and that I had to protect her. How can I protect her when I am dead and chained to this rack!
Oh Lara. I close my eyes. I can now. Alistair isn't here. It isn't quiet or peaceful but it is the most rest I can hope here. I can hear the souls around me screaming and begging for God. The heat is something I had prayed I would adjust too but I never have. Every time your body adjusts it seems to get hotter and more humid. It hurts to breath the acidic air. When I breath it my lungs feel like they are on fire but at least for this brief moment he isn't here. I can think of her. I bring what I can of her to my mind. She was so stunning. It's getting hard to remember her but I force myself to every time I can. I remember her dark raven hair that cascaded in waves down her back. Her pale skin that was so soft, just begging me to caress it. Her beautiful sapphire eyes that would twinkle with joy when I made her smile. They were slightly too big for her face and maybe on another woman it would be freakish but on her it just added to her beauty. Her pink pouty lips that just cried out for me to kiss them. The way her head would fall on to my chest when she needed a hug. Oh and her smell. I can still bring that spring day smell to my mind if I try hard. But it's getting harder. They have brought so many demonic versions of her into this room.
The demonic Lara's are easy to spot now. I can always spot the dark spot breaking through the illusion. Alistair as long ago stopped trying to trick me. Now he just does it to mentally break me down. Sometimes he'll have her torture me. Other times he will torture her. Sometimes he'll fuck her and sometimes he'll have her rape me. He knows I know it's not her but it still hurts to see her like this.
I sometimes wonder how I haven't disappeared. The pain of the torture is nothing like the constant ache in my chest. The constant agonizing pain that pulsates in me begging to be reconnected with Lara. I can see the chunks of my soul trying to rip out of their bindings to find her and it hurts worse than any torture Alistair could ever dream up.
The door opens and I tense for a minute. He's here. "Dean?" That's not his voice. "Ruby?" I call out. She enters the room and shuts the door quietly turning on the light. I see her for the first time with my new adjusted sight. She is a demon that is easy to see but she isn't as monstrous as the others down her. "You're not as ugly as I thought you would be. " I say blandly. It's true. She has some of the growths coming out of her head and her skin has a few sores but she looks fairly human. It actually looks like some of the sores are healing.
"Thank you Dean." She says with a slight blush on her cheeks Why is she acting like this. "I tried to get here sooner but I couldn't. I have been held captive and they just now trust me again." I can see she is marked like me. When I was topside I don't know if I would have noticed the mark. Now it's the first thing I see, who created them, who owns them. Most of the demons that come into this room have my same mark, Alistair's mark. Ruby's is different though. She must notice me looking at her arm and she looks down and frowns. "Lilith." It's all she needs to say. I know Lilith is the one who tied her down and tortured her like Alistair does me every fucking day. She broke her apart then rebuilt her to her will just like he hopes to do to me.
"Why are you here?" I hate playing games just get to the point. I don't have time for games anymore. Games just make it more confusing and hurt more.
Ruby looks the door to make sure it is closed. "I came here for Lara. I promised her I would look after you if it couldn't be stopped." The mention of her name sends ripples of pain through me. I see my soul trying to reach for it but is stopped by an invisible forces. Ruby hand shots out and touches just the tops of my soul. I try to recoil but I can't. "I never realized what you two were. Alistair has bound you here. You can't go to her like this Dean. But Dean you can get to her."
That gets my attention. I watch her warily. "If you give into Alistair you will be a demon and I can get you top side and you can be with her. I know she will take you back. Regardless of you being a demon you are soul mates. They can't take that away. Just give in Dean."
Always with trying to break me. Always trying to get me give in and become one of them. "I won't do that to her Ruby. I won't be brought back to her a demon." I've stuck to that mantra for a decade now and it's not going to break anytime soon. I won't be reunited with her as one of these putrid monsters that torture me every day. I know if it was reversed and she was down here she would never cave, never give in. She would stay strong and let them cut into her perfect flesh every day for the rest of eternity.
Ruby gives me a sad smile. "When I sold my soul to that witch and was brought down here I was in love. I loved him so much. At first I thought I would never cave. That I could never cut into someone like they do. But.." she stops for a moment and I can tell she is back on the rack, "we all cave. I wasn't fast enough though. By the time I made it top side he had been dead for 10 days. I wish I had given in faster. Even just a few days would have made the difference. Think about it Dean. You will cave at one point, we all do. Wouldn't you rather cave and see her again then cave a century from now and never hold her again?"
I won't cave. I refuse to cave. I am a hunter. I will not become a demon. Ruby leaves just as quietly as she came in. She leaves me with my thoughts. I can't think of if she is right. I can't let Lara see me has demon. I don't even know if I would have enough control to not hurt her. To become a demon I would have to give up what makes me well me. Even if I did resurface she would go to heaven when she dies and I would never see her again anyways. There is no way someone as perfect as her would end up in hell likes the rest of the people down here with me. No, I must stay strong.
Being here has activated a new group of senses in me. I can feel him in the hallway. Sure enough he comes through the door. "Miss me Dean?" He asks with a laugh. I don't respond and focus on the ceiling. He has a soul behind him sniveling like a coward on a leash. He drags to soul to the other rack in my cell and ties him up. "All you have to do to get off that rack Dean is agree to cut this man. He was truly evil in life. He used to molest little boys. He deserves everything he gets from what he did to those countless children. Come on Dean take me up on this offer and you can rest."
I don't respond. I stay quiet and refuse to even look at that man. I can't do it. He maybe evil but I can't be the one to punish him. "Your choice Dean. But if you change your mind let me know. I'll even keep him here in case." I know it won't matter I won't change my mind I hear his cart of tools being pushed into the room but again I don't acknowledge them. I hear the roar of a chain saw starting and I try not to flinch. Has the moving blades chop through my legs I start to scream.
"We are losing her brother! We have to do something and soon. Daphne wants me to find a way to bring her to heaven until Dean is brought back. She thinks she will rest easier with her and the others in the temple for the souls. I'm beginning to think that's not such a bad idea. It's been a month since we got here and she is just getting worse." Balthazar is freaking out and rightly so. With the strain of these dreams on her body Lara's countdown is speeding up. What should have been 6 months, 2 weeks, 5 days, 12 hours, 8 minutes, and 45 seconds is now 2 months, 1 week, 3 days, 2 hours, 47 minutes, and 2 seconds. That is too close to Castiel's anticipated date.
"I know Balthazar. I know we are losing this battle but we cannot take her to heaven. That is not our father's plan. We must find a way to save her here." I try to stay calm but it's impossible. I need Michael. I can feel the urge in me to snap out and punish those responsible for Lara's predicament without care of caution of who it would hurt. But inside I know we have done all that we can. Balthazar scowls at me and I know it's more out of frustration then anger at me. His charge is on the brink of a nervous breakdown over this and I know he can feel it through their bond . I sometimes wonder if I should have listened to Zachariah and separated them more. They are too blended for charge and guardian to be good for either of them.
At first Jo, Sam, Rick, and Luke were hesitant about our introduction into their lives. But as time as gone on and Lara gets worse they have grown begrudgingly accustomed to us. We are the only ones who can bring her out of her spells. We have had to cut all contact between Lara and Sam minus text messaging. Even his voice on the phone will send her into a tailspin. Two days ago we allowed them to talk on the phone and she slipped. Her body stayed her and her mind went to that poor Lara in that horrible world where we are not there to protect her. Just a week ago I thought we lost her for good. It's the night we had to send Sam away.
Lara is finally resting and she seems not to be connected with her other self yet. We try to catch her before she goes there but we can't always, we're lucky if we can 30 percent of the time. They are even connecting while she is awake now. Just two weeks ago Lara walked into the kitchen and Sam was making dinner and she went into one of her trances and started to talk like she was Ruby and they were in that other world. It is eerie to see her have these one sides conversations yet she thinks he's right there responding to her. The sounds she makes when Ruby and Sam are having sex in their world has been hurting Jo more and more.
There's a light knock on the door and Bobby comes in. "How is she doing?" He asks quietly sitting on the bed next to her and looking over her body for new scratches or bruises. "She is stable right now."
Like she knew we were talking about her she starts to moan. "oh god Sam. Just like that Sam. Right there! Oh God so close! Sam!" We both flinch at the sounds and just hope Jo hasn't heard it. Jo won't talk to Lara about how much it is hurting her and even if she did I don't know if Lara would be able to talk to her about it without slipping. Jo is a true friend to her. She knows Lara is being destroyed from the inside out and keeps her own pain to herself. I try to wake her up but she slips back into a quiet slumber.
Before Bobby and I can do anything else Lara gets out of the bed slowly. I try to grab her but she pushes me off and keeps for her door. Bobby and I follow her hoping to get an idea of what she thinks she needs to do. We follow her into Sam's room, at this point we both start to worry. She shouldn't be near him right now. I try to stop her but she refuses to budge. She walks into his room and stops next to his bed looking down at him and ignoring Jo who is caught in his tight embrace.
Sam and Jo wake with a start and I manage to stop Sam from punching her which is his first instinct as a hunter. She fondles around on his night stand and finds a knife and brings it up. I try to grab it from her but she flashes me her black eyes and stumble back startled. She's not truly a demon but her mind can't separate the two. She cuts her finger tip and drips her blood into Sam's lips. We watch her in stunned silence and follow her back to her bed. She gets under the covers and goes back to sleep.
Not a moment later her eyes flicker open and she is sitting upright and screaming. "SAM! Oh my God where is Sam!" She screams out this time terrified herself. We hear a crash next door and soon enough Sam comes barreling through the door with a startled Jo behind him. "Lara what is wrong?" He asks running into the room next to the bed her crimson blood still dripping from his lips.
I can see Lara trying not to slip back into the other world but it is hard with him in the room. "She is... not now you can't... she is cutting... please Sam see me! I'm here she's in... me she's cutting my fingers... Sam you're stronger than this see me...bleeding in your mouth to make you hers... please Sam you have to see me!" Then she falls over losing herself completely to the other Lara.
"Please Sam you have to see me. I'm trapped in here!" She cries over and over again. "He'll never see you six. He is mine and he only sees me." Ruby laughs at her. Her voice changes to frequently now that when she is awake you can hear the strain on her vocal cords.
I feel terrible knowing what I have to say next especially with how little good times Lara and Sam have left. "Sam I think you need to leave."
"No! She needs me I can't." He responds angrily. I give him a sympathetic nod. "I know she needs you but seeing you right now, just hearing you, sends her back there. We need to cut her from that world and you are the main connection. I am sorry but until she is better you need to leave."
Jo wraps her broken arm around Sam's waist. "I know you don't want to leave her Sam but Gabriel is right. You can't help her right now. The best thing you can do for her is leave. We can go tonight and call her to see how she is doing."
It's clear the Sam is beginning to see this is the best thing for her but I know it is killing him to agree to it. He is silent for a long time. No one says a thing just letting him mull it over. "Fine we will leave tonight. We should be looking for Lilith anyways." They both leave the room and over the next hour we can hear them packing and leaving.
Without Sam being here things have been better. She hasn't slipped into her episodes while she is awake as much. She has also slept walk less. Doesn't mean she's better thought. Just last week a chunk of her collar bone went missing and she was bleeding like stuck pig. I had a hard time forcing my grace on her in that state but we finally stopped the bleeding and made sure it didn't scar.
Balthazar and I continue to sit our vigil and watch over her. I think once she wakes up I will talk to her about taking her to a safe house I have in the pacific ocean. It's an island I made that is warded from almost everything. It might be a safe place for her to heal while Michael continues to figure out what we can do to stop this.
"Daphne is worried she won't make it. If Castiel fails or is late by just a day she won't and you know what. We need to do something." Balthazar tries to stay calm but I can heard the panic in his voice. I let out a long sigh. "I know Balthazar trust me I know."
"Six will you shut up the fuck up in there? I don't care that you almost died." Oh not again. She's not strong enough for this anymore. Lara sits up and pushes past us and stands next to the bed. "Did you miss me Sam." She asks seductively in her Ruby voice.
Bruises appear on Lara's upper arms in the shape of Sam's fingers. We have learned it's almost impossible to cure her when she is in this state and as long as she isn't at risk of dying at the moment we will wait until she wakes up before we heal her. We have removed all the weapons from her reach even while she is awake now but I never thought of the pens. She grabs her journal pen dragging it down her forearms and throwing them up for Sammy to drink.
Her giggles are terrifying, so evil yet so innocent. An invisible force throws Lara on to the bed and she lets out a loud laugh as she rips off her clothes. "God Sam I have missed you so much." She calls out arching her back of the bed. I don't want to watch this but I have to. Just to make sure she isn't killed.
The moans fill the room and it makes me nauseous. Then she jumps up and gets on top of this imaginary Sam. She thrusts her bleeding arms over where his mouth would be. "Get him out of me! Stop it Sam you know better!" She screams out not in ecstasy but pain this time. Her sheets quickly fill with blood. I turn for a moment horrified at what I see but Balthazar's firm grip on my arm brings me back and I try to force my grace in her to stop the bleeding. It's obvious that the Sam in that world has fully lost it now. He is ripping her apart from the inside out.
Before our eyes large claw marks appear on her back. For a moment we are motionless. We can't believe what we are seeing. Three large set of claw marks are ripping through multiple layers of her skin with blood pouring out of her. Her blood curdling scream is what brings us to action. We are then up like a flash trying to get Lara on her stomach so we can see the damage. She is completely out. Whatever happened there was too much. We force our grace in her but the other world is to strong and as we heal her it reopens. We have almost completely forgotten about the vaginal bleeding because this is coming out like a waterfall.
The footsteps in the hallway finally make it to her door and Karen and Bobby come running in. "What is going on in here?" Bobby asks before he can see the bloody mess that his is niece on the bed. "Oh my god!" Karen screams out running to the bed to try and help.
"Do something quick!" Bobby yells. Balthazar and I keep trying to push our grace in but it's not stopping the bleeding. "MICHAEL!" I pray out hoping he comes quickly.
"Gabriel, what is... Lara!" Even he is frantic. The next few hours are the worse of my long existence. Bobby and Karen try to staunch the bleeding with her sheets while Balthazar, Michael, and I keep flooding her body with our grace trying to wake her up and heal her.
After countless hours she finally starts to come too. As she wakes up and takes control over her body our grace finally connects and heals her body fully, just not her mind. She comes to confused and wincing. "What happened?" Her voice cracking after screaming for so many hours.
We don't respond hoping she won't remember but I can see the memories making their way into her mind. Her eyes start to well and she sits up slowly looking at the mess around her. It looks like she was murdered in this bed. "My journal." She asks quietly. I grab it and hand it to her with her blood stained pen.
For a few minutes she just writes then she turns the page over. I am not looking at the journal but her back and don't notice that she is sobbing until her whole body is wracked with them. I put my arms around her while Karen jumps up to get her a tissue. "What is wrong my dear?" I ask her stupidly. What isn't wrong?
She holds the journal up to me. "It's done!" I must look confused because she falls into my chest clutching the journal. "I don't have any other pages and Dean isn't here to get me a new one. It's done. It's done... It's done...It's done...He's gone." She cries over and over again.
We should have seen this coming and planned for it. She knows he's gone but the last thing she needs is a reminder like this. I cradle her to me until she is just shaking and not sobbing. All of us surround her trying to give her any quiet comfort we can. "Darling Balthazar and I have been talking and I think we need to take you away from here for a bit."
Lara pushes herself away from me and shakes her head no. "I can't leave Uncle Gabriel. Dean is out back and my place is with him. Besides Luke and Rick said I could join them in trying to find Lilith so I can maybe get Dean back." She goes out there every day and tends his grave. It's quite beautiful actually.
"Darling you can't hunt right now. I am sorry to say but you are too unstable." She wants to fight me on it but she knows she can't. "Let me take you somewhere safe and we can try and fix this then you can join them." I try to reason with her.
It is silent for a few minutes and then Bobby chimes in. "Lara, I know you don't want to leave but for right now I think it is what is best for you. Gabriel thinks he can help you if he can separate you from any connection to that world for now so please go with him." He practically begs her.
Her face softens and she shakes her head slowly. "Fine I will go. But only if you bring him with us though. But once I can control it I get to go out and find that bitch and get him back." I shake my head in agreement and move to help her out of the bed. For the first time I see the bedroom fully. It is covered in blood. I can't allow her to soak all this in. I snap my fingers and it goes back to normal.
"Why don't you pack and we can leave." I tell her softly. Karen immediately starts to pull some of Lara's clothes together but Lara stops her. "No I will pack."
She moves around her room like a ghost picking up black pieces of clothes and shoving them in Dean's old duffel bag, a few of his old pieces of clothes making it in there. She puts on a pair of black jeans and a black tshirt and puts Dean's leather coat on over her shoulders. "I'm ready." She states. I grab her hand and Balthazar nods at me and we leave.
It only takes a moment and we are there. The air is warm and envelops us in comfort. Lara opens her eyes and takes in her surroundings. I built this island and house on earth to be a haven from the world. There will be plenty of times that we will need this haven this is just the first of many. The ocean breeze moves through the open windows and through the white sheers in front of all the windows.
"Where is he?" Is the first question she asks. I take her hand and guide her out the front door and take her to a beautiful spot out the front door. He's near the ocean so she will have something beautiful to look at while she sits with him. "He is right here dear. He is close by."
Lara slips down to the ground and moves her hands over the ground beneath her. "I'm here Dean. I won't ever leave you." She whispers to him. Balthazar moves back inside to open the rest of the windows and I move to the porch so she can have a private moment with him. A moment turns into hours and she still hasn't moved. She's sprawled out over his grave talking to him as if he is there and can answer her.
By the time the sun is starting to set Lara gets up slowly and moves back towards the house. Her eyes are red rimmed and her hands are shaking but I don't say a word about it. "I'm tired." Lara yawns out.
I guide her to a bedroom on the second floor I designed specifically for her. It faces the ocean therefore it faces Dean as well. The room itself has a large four poster bed with a mosquito net encircling it. The French doors that lead to the balcony are wide open to let in the fresh hair and the smell of flowers from the pots. "Rest dear. We will be right here."
She crawls into bed and is asleep in moments. She isn't resting enough. The timer to her death speed up again last night. Balthazar looks at me nervously. "We have to stop this or we will lose her." I shake my head in agreement we have too.
For a few hours she rests as peacefully as she can right now. We watch over and hope she doesn't have another episode. We notice tears breaking free from under her closed eyes. She doesn't scream out just cries. I brush out with my grace and see she is stuck in that world again. Balthazar tenses up once he realizes it as well. "Gabriel we have to wake her." I know this but I can't.
We worked so hard to clean up her back this morning but the longer she stays asleep the more damage reappears. The rip marks slowly reopening and oozing all blood down her back.
She finally wakes up. She sits up and her hand clutches her stomach. "She's pregnant Uncle Gabe. Sam got her pregnant." She states before passing out again.
I know they were right when they said I had to leave her. Deep down and I know they are right BUT it doesn't make it feel any better. A part of me is kicking myself for leaving her. Dean we could kill me if he knew I wasn't taking care of her. The entire ride from the hotel to Lilith he made me swear up and down to him that I would take care of her. That I would make sure nothing got her and that she was provided for. He told me about how he talked to Adam about coming to find her a few months after his death and how I'm supposed to push her into that relationship. Stupid son of bitch couldn't see that she will never move on. But I agreed to everything regardless.
This morning my phone woke me up with a text. I saw Lara's name and opened it quickly. I am not even allowed to talk with her on the phone anymore. What I read on the text nearly floored me. "Sam I don't know how to say this but in that world you got my body pregnant." Of course Jo read it and she doesn't act angry about it but I know she is pissed.
Jo has been great about this entire thing. She hasn't yelled at me or Lara about any of this and I know it's been hard on her. She is hearing her best friend call her boyfriend's name out every night and doesn't yell or scream. I thought for sure this would be the last straw but it hasn't been. She just frowned and looked up at me. "It's not you Sam. I know that."
How can she be so trusting? I am glad she trusts me but I am also disgusted with myself. It could easily be me. Hell I have already slept with her so for all I know she is pregnant right now with some weird human/demon baby.
That is strange. Only Jo knows that we're here and she has a key. She went out to get us some food. I grab a gun and I go to the door and look in the pep hole. There is a lovely young woman standing outside tapping her foot looking quite frustrated. I hold the gun behind the door and open it slowly. "Hello?" I ask hesitantly.
"Sam it's me. It's Ruby." the brunette responds. Well that nearly makes me drop my gun. "What?" I can hardly believe my eyes.
She looks behind her and pushes through the door knowingly stepping into a devils trap. "I don't have a lot of time. I just got out and I needed to make sure you were alright. I have seen Dean and he is not doing great."
"You saw Dean?" I ask leaning down to cut the trap. "Yes I saw him." She doesn't say anything else and nervously scratches her upper arm.
It shouldn't have taken this long to dawn on me. It's like Lara's dreams. Ruby came back to me. I grab her roughly and shove her against the wall. "What the hell are you doing here? And don't lie to me. Lara has seen what you plan on doing!"
Ruby's new eyes bulge out of her head. "What are you talking about? I wanted to let you know I saw Dean and try to bring him something to bring him strength." I give her a leery eye and take her in. "Don't give me that crap. Lara has seen you every night in that weird world she sees coming to me and feeding me blood. Hell getting her pregnant!"
"Well isn't that great! Lara has a bad dream and you stop trusting me. Hate to break it to you Sam but we aren't there and I'm not getting anyone pregnant. I saw Dean and he is hurting. I thought if I could bring him something of hers he would feel a bit better. Do you know how much I had to risk to get here to do that for him? How much I am risking just talking to you right now?!" Well now I've done it! She is pissed.
I sheepishly let her go and step back. "Look I'm sorry. Things have been tense. Lara has been slipping and her body is getting ripped to shreds. She's been breaking into my room at night and bleeding in my mouth and well we're all a mess." I try to explain to her what is happening but I know it's not making sense.
"Look I know I don't know what she sees or what you think you know but that person she sees isn't me. Besides I would never force you to drink my blood. If you want to you can. It will give you more power than you can ever imagine. You would have enough power to rip open hells door and get your brother and take down half of hell with it. But it would be your choice. I would never force you do something you don't want to do." She seems so sincere that now I feel bad for accusing her of anything.
I reach out and touch her arm softly. "What do you mean it would give me powers?" This is the first I have heard about this. She lets out a long sigh and sits down on the bed. "You were infected as a baby with Azazeal's blood. All it took was few drops decades ago and Lilith can't hurt you. Now as an adult if you consume more you would become very powerful. Just think if those few drops did that what a spoonful of my blood would do now. You'd have the demon blood added with your human soul and it would create something like no one has ever seen. That is what Azazeal wanted to do with you in the first place. Only he would have forced you to his will. I would never do that to you."
"I'm not drinking your blood." I respond quickly. She gives me a sweet smile and grabs my hand. "I'm not asking you too. I'm just telling you the facts. Now do you have a picture of her or something I could take back with me?"
How can a demon be so sweet? I dig through my bag and pull out a photo of Dean and Lara that I had. We don't have a lot of photos but I took that two summers ago when we visited them at the road house. I printed it out to give to Dean since he was hurting so much from the djinn but never had the heart to give it to him. How could they be so blind all these years? I hand it over and she puts it in her pocket. "I'll see you later. Stay safe." She stands on her toes and kisses me softly. I don't mean to but I grab her arms and push her against the wall and kiss her back. "You too." I respond and she's gone.
Before Jo can get back I quickly repaint the trap and make sure there are no signs of Ruby anywhere. What are you doing Winchester? You can't get mixed up with a demon. I hear the key go into the lock and I whip around to see Jo coming back with grocery bags. She kisses me as she passes by to the small kitchen. "You hungry?" She asks pulling the food out of the bag.
I smile and walk up behind her wrapping my arms around her thin waist pulling her into me and burying my face in her hair. "I am but not for food." Jo laughs and I spin her around and kiss her greedily. I pick her up and carry her to the bed and drop her down softly. Then I proceed to force myself to forget Ruby.
a/n sorry again for the long wait on the last one. I hope you guys like this new chapter and leave a review if you can. thanks!