Tuesday, August 21st
I sighed and rolled over. Wait, what? I opened my eyes and found myself still in the hospital wing, except I was in a bed and it was light outside. I groaned and rubbed my eyes, when did I fall asleep? And how did I get into a bed?
"Hey, Babe." Shane was sitting next to my bed, with the incubator on his other side, one hand touching our baby.
"Hey." I yawned, sitting up and stretching "What time is?" I scratched my head.
"Little after nine." Shane answered, smiling tenderly at me.
"How is he?" I looked at the tiny little body in the incubator. He didn't look like a normal baby, he looked like paper thing skin and tiny little bones, and his head was a little disproportionally bigger.
"They say he's still good." Shane said and I let out a breath. "When did you come down here?"
"Eleven-ish I think?" I shrugged, my stomach grumbled and I frowned, I didn't want to leave now. "When did you get here?"
"Around five, you were sleeping in the chair and it didn't look comfortable." Shane blushed and I smiled, he was still so sweet. "You want brreakfast?" He offered and my smile turned back into a pout at the thought of leaving. "Don't worry, I ate in here too." I looked at our baby, our beautiful little miracle baby.
"Do you think he'll be normal? And happy?" I worried, biting my lip.
"With you as his Mama?" Shane grinned, tugging on my hand until I got out of bed and sat on his lap. "He's gonna be the happiest kid in the world."
"Can you believe he's gonna be a week old tomorrow?" A week since Shane's birthday.
"I found the names you were looking at." He said in response and I blushed. "I like them." He assured softly. My breakfast arrived and I moved back to the bed with one of those table trays on it to eat as I kept a watchful eye on my husband and my baby, scared either one of them might leave if I looked away. "What about Aiden?" Shane suggested, I smiled through my eggs. Aiden was one of my favourites too; it meant Little Fire, and he certainly was.
"And Keelea." I added after a while, looking up shyly. "It means 'Handsome'." I just knew he was gonna grow up to be a heartbreaker, just like his Daddy. Shane kissed my temple and smiled.
"Aiden Anthony Keelea Ray." He tested out and I liked the way it rolled off his tongue. "What do you think?"
"I love it." I looked at our son. "It's perfect."
"You got a name, now." Shane leaned down to talk to our baby, his voice gentle as he stroked his tiny hand. "Aiden."
"You scared us by coming so early, Aiden." I whispered, sitting on his other side, he was sleeping. He slept most of the time, but I didn't care as long as he was getting healthy. "Don't scare Mommy and Daddy like that again." I told him, brushing my fingertips against his forehead and he blinked his big blue eyes open. "Hi, Baby." I smiled at him. He blinked and opened his tiny mouth to yawn. Then his shrill cries sounded, for such a little guy he sure did have a lot of lung power. The doctors rushed over and I was reduced back to the sidelines, not even able to do anything when my baby cried. I sniffled and felt like crying as I was pushed away.
"Miley!" Shane started towards me, looking concerned and panicked.
"Your Majesty." Another voice called at the same time. I looked over and it was Alyssa talking to a Doctor. I went to Shane and hugged him.
"He's just hungry, Miles." Shane murmured, stroking my hair. My Baby Boy was hungry and I couldn't feed him. "He's okay." It sounded like he was trying to convince himself as well. A nurse came up to us looking hesitant and nervous.
"Your Majesty?" She asked and I looked up, still clinging to Shane. "If you'd like we could get a breast pump so you can express milk to feed the Heir." She said and I nodded, at least I'd be doing something
"Your Majesty." Alyssa came over from the other doctor as the nurse hurried off. "How are you feeling?"
"Overwhelmed." I replied.
"I'm sorry." Alyssa said and I finally managed to focus my eyes on her. "I've cancelled or rescheduled for the foreseabble future, but the press had gotten wind of the Prince's birth." I winced, the press. In everything that had happened I hadn't thought of the press that had to go along with everything else. "We're trying to contain it and keep them at bay, but they want a statement."
"How 'bout, get a fucking life?" Shane snapped, holdingme protectively.
"I'm on your side, remember." Alyssa glared at him.
"I don't know." I sighed, "his name is Aiden and leave us alone? Except, you know... Nicer?" I shrugged, the nurse came back with a weird looking contraption.
"Aiden?" Alyssa smiled, changing from business to caring.
"Aiden Anthony Keelea Ray Gray." I grinned, our baby boy had a name now.
"The Royal family doesn't use surnames, but the official surname for the Royal family is Spenerland." Alyssa said uneasilly.
"It's what?" I raised my eyebrows, at this point I probably should know my own last name, but hey... I've had a lot on my plate.
"Spenerland." She repeated and I made a face, that was possibly one of the weirdest names I ever heard.
"I'm not naming my kid something stupid like Spenerland, he's having his Daddy's last name and that's Gray." I insisted stubornly.
"I don't mind, I knew he wasn't gonna get my name anyway." Shane shrugged it off as if it were nothing.
"But, it's your family name." I frowned, furrowing my brow. "Like Jacksons kids are gonna be Stewarts, your son should be a Gray."
"So the Gray name stops, it's a boring name anyway, and it's not like his last name is gonna be used." Shane said and I turned back to Alyssa.
"I want it to be Gray." I insisted petulantly. "Or at least, like... Hyphenated or something." I scrunched up my nose.
"Your Majesty, the breast pump." The nurse spoke up and we all turned to look at her.
"I'll release him as Prince Aiden and ask for privacy." Alyssa sihed before she left.
"You know, I could do that for you." Shane said cheekilly. I looked at him, seriously? He was thinking about sex? Our baby boy had just come out of my most intimate place six days, twelve weeks early, and he was thinking about sex? "Or... Or I could go find my little brother to see his nephew?" He asked when he saw my expression.
"Good idea." I nodded emphatically. How could he even think about sex right now? Sex was the last thing I wanted to think about, for a long time. Shane quickly left, his cheeks blushing bright pink and I let the nurse lead me to a private room. Thankfully I wouldn't have to do this out in front of everyone.
Wednesday, August 22nd
"Come on, Aiden." I cooed, stroking his cheek. The doctors were trying to get him to feed by mouth with this tiny little bottle made specially for preemies. I could see his little throat working, and his cheeks sucking as he tried to feed.
"There we go." The Doctor nodded after a moment and I smiled.
"Way to go, little guy." Shane cheered as Aiden started feeding.
"If he keeps this up we should try him on the breast in a few days." The Doctor commented as little Aiden sucked away on the bottle. "One step closer to release."
"You hear that, Aiden?" I murmured excitedly. "You're doin' good."
"We made a fighter." Shane said proudly, kissing my temple. Aiden was already a whole week old. It had been a whole week of worrying and sitting beside his incubator thingy, just hoping and praying for him to be okay.
"Does he know who were?" I asked suddenly worried. He'd been around doctors more than us since he was born.
"He should recognise your voices from his time in the womb, and still recognise you, but spending as much with him as possible will deffinately help." The Doctor replied and I let out a breath. "Talk to him, read, sing, just be around him, just like every other parent of a newborn." Except I couldn't even hold mine.
"Daddy loves you, Aiden." Shane said, tickling his tiny foot as he continued to feed. He lifted his foot in response and I smiled, he was responding to touch. "Good boy." As Aiden finished feeding he blinked his eyes and looked at us, or at least in our direction, as his big blue orbs close.
"Sleep tight, Aiden." I brushed his forehead and deftly adjusted his little blue hat with the crown on it. I leaned against Shane for a moment, it was two and a half hours before he had to feed again, and he was usually up for 45 minutes to an hour at a time, so he'd be asleep for at least an hour. "I'm gonna shower and stuff." I decided after a few minutes.
"I'll come as well, I don't want our little guy to think I don't know how to groom myself." Shane got up as well.
"Love you, Aiden." I was tired as I walked up to our quarters and I looked longingly at the big, comfy bed, but I wanted to be there for my tiny son as much as possible.
"I love you, Miley." Shane grabbed my hand before I could wander into the bathroom, and he pulled me back to him. "So much, Princess."
"I love you too, Shaney." I looked up at him with hearts in my eyes. I don't think I would have survived the last week without him. "God, I am so tired." I whined, hugging him, almost falling asleep against him.
"Me too, Babe." Shane sighed, rocking us. I reluctantly pulled away, I had to shower and clean and brush my teeth, wash my hair; I felt gross.
"See you laters, Baby." I kissed his cheek as I stepped away. In the shower I sank onto the floor under the scalding spray. Everything was so overwhelming, I finally let my tears out again. Crying in the shower was the only way I could hide my tears. I wasn't ready for this, I'm not ready for a kid, I'm only a kid myself, it was too overwhelming; loving someone so tiny so much it hurt. I had to be responsible for little Aiden for his whole life, when he's old enough to start kindergarten I'll only be twenty. When Aiden is a teenager I'll be 28, which is when most people start having babies... My son would be two years younger than I am now.
Why can't I be an uncomplicated teenager in Malbu with my friends like I was a year ago when the only thing I had to worry about was Hannah Montana? I couldn't even perform anymore, there were too many security risks. Did that make me horrible to feel like I wanted to be in a time before Aiden and Shane? I felt horrible. I sat in the shower until my skin was scorched red, then I quickly washed my hair and got out. I forgot to bring clothes so I just wrapped my towel around myself, feeling gross with all the saggy weight, and my intimate place sometimes leaked which was almost barf-worthy, and there was the way my breasts leaked... Though that had reduced since the pump thing yesterday.
When I stepped out of the bathroom Shane was wandering around in his boxer briefs, scratching his head. At the very least he'd shaved when I was in the shower, probably showered in the other bathroom as well. Shane looked up and he smiled, his whole face lighting up when he saw me. I blushed and looked down, feeling yucky and inadequate under his gaze as I headed for the closet so I could get dressed.
"Hello, Beautiful." He stopped me on my way and caught me around the waist. I squirmed and made a face, I didn't like to be touched there, it still felt weird to be so empty. "What's-a-matter?" Shane frowned, his brow creasing in concern.
"Nothin'." I mumbled, feeling self-conscious.
"I love you, Miley." He said, tucking my wet hair behind my ear.
"I love you too." I whispered, I really did. Shane and tiny little Aiden were my world, but I felt so inadequate and despicable about myself. Shane leaned down to kiss me, his lips soft and firm against mine. "Shane." I squirmed and turned my head when he tried to deepen the kiss.
"Princess?" Shane worried, his eyes wide.
"I don't wanna do that yet, Shane." I scrunched up my nose, I was still a little sore down there, and I wanted to focus on Aiden, not sex.
"Oh." He started to pull away and I could practically feel the disapointment radiating from him.
"Shane." I felt bad as he turned away. "It's just it was a week ago, and I feel gross and fat, and everything is way weird down there, and the doctor said four to six weeks." I insisted, not wanting him to be mad at me.
"'S'okay." Shane shrugged, trying to act casual.
"Shane?" I asked, feeling like I was going to cry again, but I refused to.
"I'm fine, Miles." He forced a smile at me, he was hurt, I could see it in his beautiful hazel-brown eyes.
"You're upset." I observed softly. "Please don't be?" I went over and held his hands in my smaller ones. "Please? I'm just not ready, and it's gross there; it leaks and there's blood, and it's all stretched from the baby." I blushed talking about it, I hadn't ever talked to anyone about that area before; people usually just talked at me and I sat mortified or embarassed.
"I'm not upset." Shane insisted, "I guess I just wanted to show I love you and everything's gonna be okay." I sighed, it wasn't the complete truth, but he didn't want me to push it.
"I love you." I repeated earnestly, squeezing his hands lightly.
"Love you too, Miley." He murmured, kissing my forehead before letting me go. Shane went to his closet to get dressed and I watched after him for a moment, worrying my lip between my teeth before I went to get dressed as well. I felt like I couldn't do anything right; I couldn't keep my baby safe inside me, I couldn't hold him, or feed him, I couldn't be with my husband intimately. I just felt like a failure.
1) I hope Miley's dog Lila is okay :(
2) What was your favourite part of the chapter?
3) What do you think of the babies name?
4) I just choked on the Royal last name and I'd actually typed Windsor before I realised I couldn't put that and I just put in the first thing that came to mind.
5) How do you see this 'touching' situation progressing in the future chapters?
I know you're there, and I know you're reading this because I can see how many hits I get and from how many independant people.
So 3 reviews with all my questions answered or 5 reviews in total. Then I'll update Camp Rock with the final chapter of the 1st year; Final Jam, people.
I've been having a lot of ideas about stories for when this one is finished; One based off Sky High maybe? Or Heroes? One with centaurs. One based off of Forever April (The movie Joe's character stars in in Jonas L. A). One where Miley and Joe reconnect roughly 7 years after they did We Got The Party when Miley was 15. One sort of like Blue Lagoon/Flight 29 Down/Lost (possibly without the supernatural aspects) where Miley's on a flight to Paris as a holiday after graduation (instead of the Spielberg movie) and the flight goes down.
Basically I have a lot of ideas and I was wondering what you guys - the readers and therefore potential reviewers - would like to read most. Not just from the list, but anything you might like to read. :D
Smiler For Joe!