Somewhere deep in the forests of the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario, the heroic plumber, was pinned down by hordes of enemies. The enemies surrounding Mario in the dark, confusing forest he was lost in consisted of reptiles, mammals, plants, fungus and automations, all clicking and clacking, hunting angrily for the poor beleaguered plumber. Mario had gotten in this situation because for the two dozenth time in the past twenty years, a princess had wandered off and gotten herself locked in a dungeon. He wasn't even sure on the specifics, he just knew that when someone said to run and jump, he did it. Mario was approaching 50, and his joints ached as he hid in the cold ground.
Mario needed an out.
And this is when Mario looked up and saw a goomba jumping along. But not just any goomba. This goomba was mostly encased in a gigantic shoe, big enough for his entire body. It had been years since Mario had seen one of these, but right away he knew what it meant. It meant salvation from the fear and pain. Using the last of his plumbers strength, he snuck up on the goomba, hit it from underneath, and jumped into its shoe.
Mario felt a surge of power and well-being come over him. He yelled with pleasure as the shoe fit snugly around his cold, weary body. The enemies turned to look at him, finally seeing their elusive foe in plain view. They rushed towards him. But they didn't realize that this wasn't the Mario of a while ago: this was a Mario invigorated by the most powerful weapon he could have. Mario yelled in exhultation, bringing his shoed body down on goombas, koopa-troopas, buzzy beetles, spinies and other foes quickly were stomped under Mario's heel.
"HAHA" Mario laughed with glee.
Then he turned around. He saw something moving, but it wasn't an enemy. It was Toad, or one of the Toads (after 20 years in the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario still couldn't tell them apart). "Help Me, Mario!" Toad sniveled In cowardly fear, depending on the plumber to save him once again. Mario hopped into action, willing to save another troubled Mushroom Kingdom resident, but at the last moment, a new thought crossed his mind, perhaps enabled by the feeling of power that his newfound footwear had provided.
Instead of humbly offering to help Toad, he instead jumped right on his head, flattening his big fungal top.
"I've had enough of you lazy Mushroom Kingdom types and having to save you every time. After 20 years of bailing you out, I am still wearing sewage stained overalls while you lounge around in your palaces. I've had ENOUGH!"
Luckily Toad wasn't hurt, both because he had a big squishy head and this is a relatively non-violent story. But he was confused. Why was Mario mad at them? And how could they stop Mario, now that he had the unstoppable shoe?
The Mushroom Kingdom was on a state of high alert. Mario, in his invincible shoe, was rampaging through the kingdom, stomping on whatever he saw, whether it was his former foes or his supposed friends. Even his brother Luigi couldn't stop him. Soon, a gigantic armada of former enemies had gathered to stop Mario. Bowser, his children, Lakitu, Wart, Wario, The Princess, Toad, Luigi and Yoshi, surrounded by armies of foot soldiers, and with a fleet of airships, all surrounded Mario. But cannon balls and spinies and bullet bills and stomps and magic blasts all brushed harmlessly off of Mario, and his adamantium boot quickly smashed and stomped the gathered opposition. He also yelled vitriol at them, telling them that after decades of being the one who did all the work, he was no longer their slave. They were hurt and confused by the betrayal, and even more afraid of what was going to happen. Could anything stop Mario and his shoe?
The Princess looked out on the shattered remnants of the allied army. It was reminiscent of the Battle of Wolf 359, although as mentioned, much less violent. The Princess knew she had only one chance. If nothing in the dimension of the Mushroom Kingdom could stop the rampaging, insane Mario, she would have to find find help elsewhere. The Princess ran away from the enraged Mario, jumping into a warp pipe. The warp pipes under the Mushroom Kingdom had a weird topology, and only a few knew all their secrets. The Princess was one of these few. Deep in the pipes, she steered through forgotten passages until she emerged in the main Palace of Hyrule!
Standing in front of the Princess was Link, wearing his green tunic and swinging his sword.
"A fair princess!" said Link. "You look like you have come from some distant land, in need of the help of a brave adventurer!"
"Yes and no. I do need help, but I need help from someone more powerful than you. I have heard of your works, but in this realm are men who control forces that are my only hope. Do you understand?"
"Not at all" Link said morosely, sheathing his sword.
The Princess ran through Hyrule as fast as she could, finding a group of old men in dungeons, who all looked identical. Using her fungal wiles, she persuaded them to return with her to the Mushroom Kingdom. Outside of the Palace, she gave them a stack of firewood and waited for the bouncing, insane shape of Mario to show up. As Mario approached, all he saw was a field full of old men in front of fires.
"HAHA" yelled Mario, knowing he could easily bounce on fires, and on old men.
The old men replied: "Go to the next room" "Dodongo dislikes smoke" "secret is in the tip of the nose", and other meaningless phrases, repeated over and over again in an endless chant. Mario didn't understand, and he didn't care, he begin stomping on the men. But unlike everyone else, the men were not harmed by his stomping. They didn't even notice. They just chanted their inane phrases to an increasingly deranged Mario. And that was not all: their fires started exploding outwards, balls of lava that struck Mario. Mario thought his shoe would protect him from anything, but before long, the swarms of fireballs were enough to hurt Mario, and his shoe caught fire, robbing him of his omnipotence. The last thing he heard before he passed out was the voices of dozens of old men, repeating phrases that made no sense.
Mario woke up later, cradled in the arms of the Princess. Now that the false feelings of power of the shoe had faded, he realized that he was lucky that the Princess was always looking out for him, and overlooked the fact that he was wearing the same pair of sewage-tainted overalls for the past 20 years. Mario and The Princess smiled at each other, knowing another adventure had come to a happy ending.