DEF: I am eternally sorry for the wait to the end of this but my best friend got extremely sick (Vita) and the ambulance had to come take her away from school. She's in New York right now seeking medical attention but I'm really worried about her. If it wouldn't be too much trouble, please say a prayer for her to be well again. I couldn't bear it if I lost her.
:::Warning-Intense cursing, cutting triggers and slight yaoi, if any of these disgust you, do not read. If you want to know what the hell happened, PM me. This was a public service announcement, you may now return to your regular programming::::
Darke Eco Freak owns the plot. Robin owns the name and Blite is a review whore.
The rusty red liquid covered his arm in its filth, defiling the slightly tanned skin that his team mates were never allowed to see for fear of their disgust, Superboy had been programed , Megan had been born that way, Artemis never had a choice, he- he did this to himself.
Megan had been afraid that they would fear or hate or feel disgust because of what she looked like, didn't she realize she was a freaking Martian and that television had portrayed faces much worse than the one she wore? Artemis had hidden her identity because she'd thought they would condemn her for her family, didn't she get it? Who your family was didn't make who you were.
Superboy, another one with messed up genes, being a clone of Superman and Lex Luthor didn't mean you were the big blue boy scout or the big, bald wolf, you were who you were, no one else. If he'd ever had the choice, he wouldn't have changed his parents or even his superpowers now that he knew how much trouble they caused, no he simply would've changed himself.
He would become someone his teammates could respect, a son his father could be proud of, a protégé that his uncle would appreciate, wouldn't make fun of and treat like the comic relief. Wally West would be completely different, if only he could change himself.
He breathed deeply, sure people said you could change yourself, you and no one else but that was a god forsaken lie, he couldn't change one damn thing about himself, he'd tired so many times! He'd tried being the perfect son, helping around the house so his mother had practically nothing to do, he'd even cooked the breakfast sometimes, yes he could cook, and yes he could cook well. He'd aced all of his tests and hadn't complained about anything, hell he'd even made it home before twelve at night a few times but it wasn't enough, even his best was pathetic.
'Aw poor baby, careful you don't stain the carpet idiot.' Angeline snapped as a trickle of blood made its way to the white and black carpet, he scowled and caught it quickly with a piece of tissue paper.
'Gods! I swear you can't do any damn thing right!' the blonde raged, his eyes narrowed as she paced up and down his room, it was January first, about a week and a half since he'd started cutting. He shuddered, it even sounded disgusting in his head, he let out a shaky breath, not a proper day since the Justice League mind control fiasco and finding out Roy wasn't who they thought he was.
Roy was a freakin' clone, how much more fucked up could the world get? One of his best friends was a god damned clone and they'd never even realized, hell he was sure Roy knew who Batman was, did that mean the enemy knew as well? Better fete, did that mean Roy'd betrayed all their secrets to the enemy, including the little known fact that he, unlike Uncle Barry, couldn't be controlled by external forces?
'Oh please! That's your problem? Not that Robin having a dislocated shoulder or a couple bruised ribs is anything big, or that fact that blond hag has obviously lost her damn mind? Honestly, she let you kiss her, I thought you were gay!' Angeline laughed nastily. He frowned, he wasn't gay, well sure he'd had an idol crush on Robin for weeks before he'd actually met the kid but that didn't count, everyone had something like that. Your boy crush if you were male and your girl crush if you were female, the one celeb or hero or popular kid that you had a fleeting moment of attraction for.
'Nice story, tell it again. Not like Robin would give a streaking damn even if you were, which you are, he's ROBIN: BOY FREAKIN' WONDER, adopted son of billionaire Bruce Wayne!' Angeline reminded him cruelly twisting on his bed, platinum blonde locks flaring out like the tail of a comet.
His lips pulled away from his teeth in a vicious snarl, she froze with her back to him, shaking slightly as she turned to face him again, her lips pulled taunt in a painful looking smile. He lifted the blade calmly and threw it with deadly precision at her, she caught it deftly and tossed it back, he stopped it with his palm, letting the cold steel gauge into his flesh a good half inch.
He plucked the instrument from his hand and stared at the cut curiously, the blood was gushing to the surface like molten magma, not too quickly but still too quickly for it to be healthy. He caught the blood on one of the many tissues he had piled around his feet, the colour wasn't the deep crimson it should be, it was watered down, like scattered rose petals.
Angeline crouched down for a closer look, her translucent gray eyes flickering with a green fire, toxic determination, self-destructive ambition. They both lurked in those gray green orbs that resembled his own , is that what people saw when they looked at him? Was he that transparent?
'You damaged some tissue, better stitch it up.' Angeline sighed gleefully, soft features molding into something different, the nose lengthened, losing its button look and became more angular, straighter, and her cheekbones moved higher up. Her chin became more prominent, a pointed end to her face with the thin cheeks that appeared somewhat taunt, lips not quite full but not thin either. Her eyes flickered from gray to green to crystalline blue, she shook her head and her platinum locks darkened faster than he could say 'Blackbird'.
'Come on Kid Idiot, don't want people asking questions now do we?' she snapped, even her voice had changed from the musical lilt to something deeper, almost a rasp, like a jungle cat purring as it stalked its unfortunate prey. She reminded him of Dick, no Robin, even her voice had morphed to resemble his.
The boy of steel sighed to himself, it had been almost a full day since the whole Justice League/Savage thing and various Leaguers were still scrambling with the after math. Still, Superman, no Clark, had finally accepted him as family, sort of, that was good right? Superman's acceptance, the one gift he'd ever wanted from the man of Steel and now that he had it, why didn't he feel any better for it?
There was still a strange emptiness inside of him that refused to go away no matter how much he tried, almost as though he were sick without knowing, he wondered if normal humans ever felt this way. He'd ask Robin or maybe Wally, in fact he could ask him right now, the red head was at base for the New Year since his parents were gone on a cruise or something.
He made his way through the deserted hallways to a familiar canary painted door, the one he'd broken so many weeks ago, he scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, after that whole fiasco, the two hadn't really spoken much. Wally hadn't even been on their mission to Haley's circus, which was pretty strange all things considered, after all, the Speedster was a better acrobat than M'gann hands down.
He knocked on the door twice and waited, half a minute passed, a minute, minute and a half, two, he waited for nearly five minutes with no answer, okay so Wally was sleeping, he'd come back later. He turned on his heel, fully prepared to go find Robin when he caught a strange scent, a too familiar scent that shouldn't be coming from anywhere on Base except for the med bay.
"Hey Wally, you okay in there?" he asked awkwardly knocking again, there was no answer but the scent of blood changed as it was consumed by the odor of fire, of smoke and paper.
"Wally? Two seconds or I knock down this door," he warned as the smell of fire peaked, soon whatever was burning would be totally consumed with nothing left. Still no answer, he kicked the door, breaking the metal hinges, before rushing in to grab a piece of half burnt tissue paper.
He smothered it with his hand, the room was empty no one was here so who'd set the paper on fire? He inspected the burnt paper in his hand, all but one edge was blackened, however, that edge was soaked with blood, whose blood?
"Superboy to Robin, I need you to meet in Kid Flash's room asap," he commed knowing their youngest would be there as fast as humanly possible so long as he heard his best friend needed his help.
"H-hey, wh-what's wrong Supey?" Robin asked attempting nonchalance but failing miserably, even if the clone couldn't hear the labored breathing or the pounding of his heart, he would know from the distressed expression on the younger's face that something was wrong.
"Not entirely sure, can you analyze the blood on this?" he questioned holding out the half charred scrap of paper to the bird.
"Hmm, there should be enough, gimme a few minutes," he replied thoughtfully. Honestly, Conner was used to the Bats having the strangest of things in their utility belts, but really, why did Robin have a blood scanner in his jeans pocket? Better question, how did it even fit in the first place? The things were all but skin tight.
"Where did you get this?" Robin whispered so softly the clone almost missed it, thank God for superhearing.
"In Wally's room, Robin is it his?" he asked quietly.
"Is he still at the base?" Robin asked his voice just as low but darker, more solemn and resigned, oh shit.
"Yeah, med lab I think," he answered after listening closely for a few seconds, "Robin, what's going on?"
"Wally being a damn idiot is what. Well don't just stand there! We have to get to the med bay!" the brunet yelled, already tearing down the hall as fast as humanly possible. So fast in fact, the boy of steel was left in the dust.
'Worthless little shit! Just do it already and save me the trouble!' Angeline screamed stomping up and down the room, Wally tugged viscously at too red locks, he couldn't think, he hurt, he was hungry, Gods just make it stop!
'What are you waiting for you pathetic bitch? A fucking invitation? Put the fucking blade to your goddamn neck and push, what is so fucking hard about that?' Angeline screeched stopping in front of him, spitting on him in disgust before she continued on.
'I've been helping you for too long for you to screw up now Wallace! But that's just it, isn't it? You're life has just been one fuck up after the next, each more spectacular than the last, right?'
He covered his ears, pressing his palms as hard as he could against his ears, he wouldn't listen to her, no matter how right she was, no matter!
'Oh for fuck's sake Wallace! You can't block me out, I'm a part of your sick, twisted little mind and you wouldn't believe the kinds of things I see here, you pathetic, pitiful ass!'
The scalpel was in his hand as he pressed them over his ears, the blade started to cut into his temple, so deep, oh gods, the pain was sickening.
'I know that you're gay and your father knows too and you make him sick! I know that you were the most ungrateful child your poor mother could've birthed, she hates you, that's why she lets Rudy beat the shit out of you!'
She was right of course, he removed trembling hands from over his ears, letting over words wash over him, listening to the truth they held. Pressing the sharp steel to his wrist, feel the hot lancing pain that shot up his arm as the blade cut into his pliant flesh and there are screams and laughter echoing in his head. He's not sure if those noises are coming from him or not because they sound so broken and crazy and helpless, that he can't imagine them coming from Kid Flash.
'Kid Flash? You were never him you bumbling idiot! He just borrowed his name for a while, there are so many other people who would gladly take up his mantle and be so much better at it than you. Don't make me sick!'
She's right, she always is, and now the blood is coating his wrist and his fingers are twitching in a way that hints at damaged tendons but he's beyond the pain, in a place where it can't touch him. Oh he feels it all right, Gods know he feels it, but it's so much more insignificant compared to what he's done to others, he pain he's caused.
'That's right. You gave your mother a mental disease, you made your father an alcoholic, you've caused Barry to get hurt more than once, you've hurt your team, and you've hurt Robin. He's the fuck Boy Wonder, it takes a pretty big fuck up to hurt him, guess you're one of the biggest right? Everything and everyone you encounter, you spoil them, you taint them with your wretchedness.
You drag them down to your level and beat them into submission, until you look good when you complete the most menial, nonsensical of tasks. How does the saying go? Never argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience? Guess it's true after all Wallace.' She hissed, long blonde hair whipping in his face.
He doesn't even care anymore when sapphire orbs morph into emerald or black changes to crimson, he's beyond caring, all he wants now is to rest for a very long time. To forget about how much of a screw up he is and relax on waves of nothingness for the rest of forever because that sounds pretty damn appealing about now.
"Me supremus tempus," he whispered, my last time, and the rage built up to a crashing crescendo, he cut through his wrists with a rage akin to that of a tempest, blinding and fast, gone before it had started. His fingers spasmed painfully but he fought the pain and kept his hands steady as he raised the blade to his throat.
"Stop!" The voice is familiar but is so far away and Angeline's laughter is all he can really care, so it's no surprise when he doesn't listen to the familiar voice but when the blade is knocked from his hands he does stop but it's too late much too late.
'Mortuos ut ignavus, decet non?' Angeline cackled, dead as a coward, fitting no?
"Nanites attached to his hippocampus were feeding the episodes straight into his mind," Robin explained somberly, hidden sapphire orbs never leaving his best friend who had been unconscious for nearly a day now.
"How?" Barry asked running a worried hand through already mussed blond hair, neither had left the red head's side since he'd been stabilized, thank God for superspeed and Cadmus.
They'd found him three quarters dead on the floor, bled out with an expression of utter horror and utter peace, the two extremes were enough to give the boy wonder pause but not enough for Wally to severe his jugular. He'd managed to knock the blade out of Wall's hand with a perfectly aimed batarang, how? He'd never know seeing as his hands were shaking worse than a drug addicts.
Superboy had darted forward then, grabbing up their friend in his arms, ripping his shirt and tying off the cuts before Robin could even process what had gone on. Wally had tried to kill himself. He had consciously, actively tried to off himself, why?
Sure he'd had his suspicions about the so called 'drowning' incident but never concrete proof, nothing that he could bring back to Bruce and the surveillance hadn't revealed anything other than prolonged exposure to the fear toxin. In a way he had almost killed his best friend as well, when he had given Wally the fear toxin antidote, he had jump started the nanites and sent them into overdrive.
It had all been a test by Scarecrow who'd been recruited by the Light to destroy all means of resisting them, Roy had been their double agent, he'd known about Wally's sped up mental processes and he had told them that mind control wouldn't work. Instead, Scarecrow developed a toxin that would stay in the bloodstream for hours trying to integrate itself into Wally's hippocampus to turn him towards self-destructive tendencies.
Apparently it had backfired when Wally became aggressive, lashing out at his teammates, Scarecrow couldn't have that happening though, so he came up with a new plan. The second encounter dosed him with more of the first batch of gas, just to keep things interesting while he worked on phase two.
When the fire at the hospital had occurred, Scarecrow had been the fire fighter Robin had seen throwing the girl back into the burning building at Wally, a skin grafted android as it turned out, and taken off. Whatever gas he had sprayed Wally with, it had injected a minute amount of nanites that would latch themselves onto the hippocampus and create a very realistic scenario that would cause the speedster to hate himself.
"Scarecrow. The clone of Roy told them about Wally's unique mental processes and you know how the Light doesn't like loopholes in their plans. They needed another way, other than mind control that could take care of Wally while not throwing direct suspicion on any of them.
Scarecrow was trying to develop a new version of his toxin mixed with the Block Buster serum to give it the strength necessary to work. Unfortunately, about the time that didn't work was the same time Vandal Savage joined their ranks and he told Scarecrow all about Batman's contingency plan for Wonder Woman and Scarecrow decided to use it for a speedster.
He programmed the nanites to plug directly into the hippocampus and generate self-hate episodes where everything would appear real to Wally but to us would make absolutely no sense. You saw the footage of when he threw the knife, he got up and caught it but when he threw it back at himself, he thought it was someone else, the nanites had created a reason and he had supplied the proof himself.
When I dosed him with the antidote, it sent his system into hyperdrive and there was nothing to prevent the nanites from beating down any mental defenses he might have had. Also, it didn't help that his dad beat the shit out of him every day, I checked a lot of stuff Uncle Barry, Rudy was always too aggressive, I talked with some old neighbors. Did you know when Wally was six, Rudy left him out in the backyard during a thunderstorm? That's why he's afraid of lightening, not because of the experiment?
He's been living with the abuse since he was five and he never had the greatest self-confidence despite what we might believe, and this just pushed him over the edge. He was screaming and laughing when we got to him, he sounded just like Joker, do you know how unnerving and terrifying that was?" Dick whispered, nails sinking the palm of his hand.
His best freaking friend had almost died because of him, had acted like the craziest person in the whole fucking universe because of him and now it was up to him to set thing right.
"What about the nanites, if he gets back up from this, he's going to need a lot of psychiatric help and support but none of that will help if those things are still operational," Barry muttered.
"I used an EMP burst to kill them, they're harmless now," Robin replied monotonously, clearly the bird was having some kind of inner argument with himself and Barry couldn't find it in himself to care at the moment. Honestly, the blond speedster was numb, he didn't feel anything, he wasn't sad, he wasn't angry, he was just numb.
He should've known, he was a forensic scientist damn it, he shouldn't picked up on something being wrong with the nephew he loved more than a son, it didn't matter that they weren't blood relatives. Well, they might well as been now. Wally was the rarest blood type in the world, AB-, the hospitals hadn't had enough on hand but luckily they had a walking container full to the brim with eight pints.
He had given more than five pints of blood, the initial wooziness after the first transfusion had lasted for fifteen minutes and the technicians had declared him fit to give again but they still waited another hour before taking a further two pints. That had been over twenty two hours ago and despite his vital signs being normal for a speedster, Wally had yet to wake which meant the speedster and the bird had yet to relax.
The rest of the team would breeze in every half an hour, always two at a time and always with a dozen cups of coffee, one for Robin, who had steadily declined and ten for Barry who had a pile of empty cups next to him. He had called Iris of course and she had immediately called Bruce, given him an earful was currently working on getting custody on Wally for the next two years.
'Oh Wallace, you're such a fuck up, can't you do anything right?' Angeline asked sadly, her multiple coloured eyes swimming with tears. They were back in their room of darkness, their room that wasn't really a room because rooms were like this.
'They've gotten rid of me, I have to go now but don't think that it'll help you. Wallace, you were born a failure and a disgrace, do you really want to hurt so many people by continuing to live? I could take you with me when I leave you know. All you have to do is give in.' She whispered crouching down next to him, her hand caressing his cheek.
'I promise, no more pain, no more truths that hurt, would you like that Wally? Do you want to hear the lies again? You can if you come with me.' She promised touching her lips to his forehead.
"His heart rate's dropping, he's slipping into a coma!"
'Please? There is so much I could show you there, you wouldn't be judged by anyone and Robin would love you there.' He stared listlessly as her form melted into that of Robin's, sapphire orbs sparkling with unshed tears, proud features soft as he watched the red head.
"No! I refuse to lose him a second time! Wally come on, I know you can hear me!"
"The truth hurts," he mumbled resting his chin on his drawn up knees.
'Yesssss, stay with me and I will tell you beautiful lies for the rest of eternity.' Not-Robin swore pressing those lips to his cheek, one hand resting above his heart.
"You need to back away, we're going to try to jump start his heart."
"I don't give a fuck about that! Wally! Please, you can't leave me again, what about your promise?"
'Lies and half-truths are all you'll hear from me my heart of hearts. Give up the illusion of truth and embrace the lie.'
"You don't lie, you've never lied to me, not once."
'What? What are you talking about?'
"Sir please, if we have to call security."
"I dare you, see how many I send home in body bags. Wally, please, show these jackasses over here that you're okay, that you're not slipping into a coma"
"Robin never lied to me, he always promised to tell me the truth, even if I wouldn't particularly like it. I'm sorry Angeline, I can't go with you."
'You ungrateful piece of shit! How dare you turn me down!'
"H-his heart rate is picking up again!"
"See, I knew you were too much of a stubborn ass to give up that easy West. Now open those damn eyes of yours and prove me right!"
'They can get rid of me but you can't! I'm already a part of your mind, a dangerous part and don't think I'll ever leave.'
"I don't care what you say anymore Angeline, you're dead and dead girl's tell no tales nor write any letters."
He'd been awake for nearly twelve hours straight between explanations of what had been wrong with him, to apologies for not realizing something was wrong, to death threats should it ever happen again to finally, finally a quiet revelation that his legal guardians were now Mr. and Mrs. Barry Allan.
He stared up at the white ceiling, he'd seen the footage of his mental degradation and even now that he could think straight, it was still unbelievable. Everything had seemed so real, he had felt all those negative emotions and the sad part was that all of them were caused by the toxin or the nanites, the emotions were already there, they just needed a jumpstart to get going. That scared him.
He had wanted to kill Robin and Roy once, did that mean that he just might? Or what about the cutting and the insomnia which he'd yet to break, what if they persisted, because honestly, he found nothing else helped.
"Dude, go to sleep already!" Robin hissed from his side, the little bird had insisted on spending the night with him on the hospital cot so the doctors had pushed three together to accommodate them.
"How'd you know I was awake?" he questioned turning to face his best and truest friend.
"Because I just do, same way I know you'll work through this and I'll be there with you, promise," the brunet added pressing a chaste kiss to the red head's lips before snuggling deeper into the covers.
He touched his lips lightly, and a small, sad smile grew, maybe things would work out, or maybe he'd just go back to hiding everything away. The smile slipped entirely, and he bit his palm to keep the sobs silent, he didn't even care when a slim pair of arms slipped around his waist and his head pressed to the juncture between a certain brunet's neck and shoulder.
Too many maybes and too many fears of a speedster.
DEF: This is it, the end of 1001 Fears of a Speedster, I might be making a sequel to it where he gets the help or not, it really depends on what my reviewers want. So review and don't ever forget Vita.
Robin: So in this fic, I tried to play up on Wally's knowledge of highschool latin, it's stated on the wiki but not confirmed as canon as yet. I wanted Angeline to go all psycho and then become bipolar and try for the sweet approach. The whole truth and lies thing comes from me watching Avengers over the weekend (t'was amazing, followed the characters and filled with action and angst) and fell in love with Loki. I actually felt sad for him, it was kinda like the stuff I felt for Draco Malfoy in parts six and seven.
-Spoilers ahead, you were warned-
He never really had choice did he? Follow me or I kill you and your family. A bit the same with Loki, in Marvel at least, people always considered him lesser than his brother, why? Because he was adopted? I don't get that, also, why didn't Odin ever tell the kid that he was Laufeyson instead of Odinson? For Avengers, I felt sorry for him because 1. He would be severely punished if he didn't deliver the tessaract and 2. When Hulk flung him around like a rag doll, imagine the blow to his ego. But enough of my ranting.
As I said, this is the last chapter and I tried to sew up the gaping plot holes, finished this in less than an hour for your information. I had lots of fun writing this and I know Vita did too, I hope she'll come back before I decide on the sequel or not.
All my Love
Darke Eco Freak