Author's Note: This is a Homestuck AU featuring lawyers, scientists, gangsters, and multiple pairings. Thanks to Arcaneseamstress and Authenticcheese over on Tumblr for pretty much being the muses behind these sick fires I lay down. :o)

John Egbert v. Vriska Serket

John Egbert tilted his head from one side to the other, carefully considering what his friend Vriska Serket had just told him.

There was a time, back when he was just a scamp, that he would often find himself hopelessly confused. Then he grew up, went to law school, and become breathtakingly less dense. There were, however, times when he found himself scrambling, just like he used to. Vriska had just presented him with one such situation.

The dark haired woman simply leaned against the door frame of John's office, a chai latte in her hand, as she gave him time to mull over what she had said to him. Freak out in five, four, three, two, o-

"So you want a divorce!" John suddenly declared, jumping to his feet."Why do you want a divorce? I thought you and Dave were a great match!"

Vriska gave him a look of disgust. "Are you a moron? No, I don't want a divorce," she spat out, shoving her latte into the hand of the woman who was standing beside her.

The woman was a bit taller than Vriska, but had significantly less presence than Vriska. No, that wasn't a fair observation, John decided once he had had a moment to think about it. It was not so much that Kanaya Maryam had less presence, she was just significantly less intimidating. Where Vriska was prone to sudden outbursts, John could not remember ever seeing Vriska's PA ever so much as complain. Kanya was a true professional, John thought to himself as he watched the tall woman take the chai latte, managing to balance it as well as the half dozen books and folders she was cradling in her other arm with more grace than John could manage on a good day.

"What Ms. Serket means to say is that she is not here to seek council in a divorce, as she and Mr. Strider have been divorced some three months now," Kanaya explained easily. Professional though she may be, she did not seem to be quite the yes-man John took her to be upon their first meeting.

Wait, what did she just say?

"You and Dave are already divorced?" John gasped out, practically leaping over the desk. "I don't get it! Why? What happened!"

Vriska shrugged. "That isn't important."

John sighed, his shoulders slumping. "But it is. I was Dave's best man. Why didn't he tell me he got a divorce?"

Vriska kept her eyes trained on John. They had not known each other long, only a couple of years, and only personally for the last few months. Yet, in that short time, Vriska had learned a thing or two about John Egbert. Most importantly was this: he may act like an idiot some of the, ok, most of the time, but when it came to his friends, he was surprisingly mature.

John did not have to say what he was thinking. The look on his face betrayed him. Reaching out, Vriska was about to ruffle his hair before thinking against it. He wasn't a child. Instead, she punched him hard against his arm. "Listen, dork, he probably didn't tell you because he's hardly torn up about it. Honestly," she added,shrugging one shoulder, "the whole divorce thing was over and done with in less than an hour."

John glanced over at Kanaya. She nodded her head, corroborating Vriska's story. That brought the smile back to John's face. "Oh, I see. Well, I guess that's alright then, as long as it was something both of you wanted." Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. "Wait, so if you aren't here to ask me to represent you in divorce court, why are you here?"

Vriska and Kanaya glanced at one another before Vriska turned back to look at John. His heart sank. It was very easy to tell when Vriska was up to something and the look on her face in that moment was downright predatory. She had not yet said anything, but John already knew he was not going to like it, whatever it was.