Author's Note: This is a Homestuck AU featuring lawyers, scientists, gangsters, and multiple pairings. Thanks to Arcaneseamstress and Authenticcheese over on Tumblr for pretty much being the muses behind these sick fires I lay down. :o)

Karkat Vantas vs. Sollux Captor

Karkat Vantas slammed the door to his chambers closed as he went over to his desk, flopping down into his plush chair. He would throw his books across the office, except he knew that he would be the one to pick them up later and that would just make him feel foolish. He knew it would. He had done it before.


Karkat closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. His doctor was constantly telling him that all of the anger he felt would be the death of him one day. What the hell did that guy know? He was just a piece of shit doctor. He didn't have to deal with the shit Karkat did, day in and day out, in that god damn courtroom. HIS GOD DAMN COURTROOM.

There soon came a light knock on his door. Karkat screamed for the person to get on with it. A petite woman quickly walked in, dropped a stack of folders onto Karkat's desk and ran out. A part of Karkat was very proud of her. He remembered when she first started as his secretary a few months ago. She had burst into tears the first time she had tried to bring him his morning coffee. She was certainly much more thick-skinned now.

He was feeling quite pleased with himself as he looked through the folders of upcoming cases he would preside over. Divorce. Divorce. DIVORCE. MOTHER FUCKING DIVORCE!

Karkat nearly threw the whole stack of folders out the window. Who the FUCK did he piss off so much that he got stuck with all the mother fucking divorce cases? How he longed to go back to his days in small claims court. If people were so divorce-happy maybe they shouldn't bother mother fucking getting marr-

His thought stopped mid-formation. Karkat read the name again. And again. And again, just to be sure. John Egbert. He would get to preside over one of John Egbert's cases! Even if he was alone, Karkat would not let the look of happiness show on his face. But he was going to get to see John again! He had not had a chance to see that MOTHER FUCKING IDIOT IN MONTHS WHERE THE FUCK DID HE RUN OFF TO?

"You know, the ethical thing to do would be to step down from that particular case, KK," said a familiar voice...with a familiar lisp. Karkat looked up, glaring holes into his old friend(?) Sollux Captor.

"The ethical thing would be for you to stop breaking into my chambers. My doors are locked for a fucking reason, Sollux," Karkat spat out nastily.

The taller man just shrugged. "If you didn't want me to come in, you would have used a better lock," he rationalized, going to the couch in Karkat's room, sitting down on it. Karkat resisted telling him that he had, in fact, had all his locks changed just the other day. He was not about to give Sollux any more satisfaction. Grabbing one of the thick law books, Sollux flipped through it. Had it been anyone else, Karkat knew they would have only been feigning reading. But this was Sollux fucking Captor. Karkat knew that behind the dual-colored glasses, he was actually reading. It annoyed him.

"You just came here to tell me off?"

"I am just saying that if you get caught, you could get into trouble," Sollux said simply, taking his glasses off, cleaning them.

"What? Are you threatening to expose me in that little newspaper of yours?" Sollux glared at Karkat now and Karkat shrank slightly from the heterochromatic gaze.

He shrugged now. "I just meant that you should not be so obvious about it. I am not actually accusing you of being unfair. John Egbert does not win all of the cases you have presided over, so if nothing else you are a decent judge."

Karkat was sure that he probably should say something. He was just unsure of what to say. Instead, he hid behind his normally cantankerous personality. "Enough with the fucking compliments. What are you really here for then?"

Slowly, he smirked. "I am here to make sure that you take that particular case."

"Oh, and why is that?"

"Because John Egbert is going to be representing Vriska and there are people I know who wouldn't mind seeing that particular harpy cut down a few dozen inches."