Title: Protecting the Youth of Tomorrow
Pairings&Characters: Tony/Kaoru/Hikaru Hitachiin, Pepper Potts/Haruhi Fujioka
Word Count: ~ 700
Summary: Timestamp to Corrupting the Youth of Today. All you need to know is that Tony is ridiculous, the twins are too, and Pepper and Haruhi can (somehow) put up with them.
Warning: Ridiculousness. Slash and femmeslash.
AN: Look. It was Valentine's Day. I OD'd on chocolate. Crack happened. What're you gonna do, right?
Two shadows creep into his lab, stopping just behind Tony Stark. He turns to them and observes them gravely.
"Captain H. Captain K. Mission report."
"Sir. General P retains control of the object, sir."
"Damn! Did you try going through Minister H? She's been amenable to our requests in the past."
"We tried, sir. She just gave us a look. You know the one, sir."
"Hmm. Well, we'll just have to try-"
"Oh! Pepper! Hey! What are you doing down here?" Tony says, grinning. Pepper just glares.
"Tony. I said no. I meant it. I still mean it. You are not getting that thing anywhere near my - "
"Pepper?" Haruhi asks, standing in the doorway. She's holding a bundle in her arms, and as soon as Hikaru and Kaoru see it, they abandon Tony's side for Haruhi's.
"Traitors!" Tony calls after them. They just stick their tongues out at him and then ignore him in favor of Haruhi. Tony turns back to Pepper and gives her a pleading look.
"Please, Pep? Please?" he asks, widening his eyes for effect. Pepper sighs.
"Bet you'd let Tamaki do it," Tony mutters.
"Is that what this is about? You're jealous because we accepted the pony?" Pepper asks, obviously exasperated.
"No," Tony says, turning back to the worktable. Pepper sighs again.
"Tony. Tony, look at me," Pepper says.
Haruhi walks over, Hikaru and Kaoru trailing after her. Tony looks over at the bundle Haruhi is carrying.
"Just look at it, Pepper. It's all squishy and defenseless. If you'd just let me - " Tony says. Pepper rolls her eyes.
"You are not turning my baby's nursery into a bunker. I don't care how many plans you draw up, you are not putting a heat-seeking missile system anywhere near my daughter," Pepper says.
"Fine! But you still haven't heard me out on my Iron Baby proposition," Tony says.
"Mr. Stark. You are not putting mine and Pepper's daughter into an Iron Man suit," Haruhi says, final.
"But it would be so adorable! We could paint it pink!" Hikaru says. Haruhi just gives him a look.
"Fine. Okay. What about Iron Cradle? Iron Stroller?" Tony says, grinning. Pepper and Haruhi stare him down. "Hey! I'm just concerned about my goddaughter's safety!"
"No, Tony. When you have a child, then you can think about it," Pepper says firmly. Instead of pouting, Tony just looks thoughtful.
"See, that's an idea I can work with. How 'bout it, boys?" Tony says, turning to Hikaru and Kaoru. They look at each other, then at him, smirking.
"Tony. No," Pepper says, horrified.
"Oh, so we're good enough to be godparents, but not have our own kid? That hurts, Pep. That really does," Tony says, feigning disappointment.
"Tony - " Pepper starts.
"No, Pepper. He is right," Haruhi interrupts. Tony and Pepper both blink at her, while the twins give her identical dubious looks.
"I am?" Tony asks.
"It isn't our place to judge your desire to have children. If you believe you're ready, who are we to stop you?" Haruhi says, shrugging.
"Uh, yeah. Right," Tony says.
"In fact," Haruhi says, "Here. Pepper and I were just about to go to dinner." She places her squirming burden in Tony's arms, and takes a step back. Tony looks down at it, flabberghasted.
"Uh..." he says.
"Careful. She just filled her diaper," Haruhi says blithely, taking Pepper's hand. She starts walking away, pulling her wife after her. "Her bag is just outside the door."
"Have fun," Pepper says cheerily.
"Uh. Guys. Guys! Pepper! You're not really leaving her, right?" Tony calls after them. Pepper just waves as they pass through the lab door. "Hey!"
"It's not that bad, Tony," Kaoru says.
"Yeah, it's just a dia - " Hikaru says, or tries to. Just then, a wave of undiluted stink envelopes all three of them.
"Dear god," Tony says, staring in shock at his adorable goddaughter. She waves a fist at him, burbling happily.
"That is the foulest thing I have ever smelled," Hikaru says in awe.
"Pepper can't possibly object to Iron Diaper, right?" Kaoru says, hand covering the lower half of his face. "Right?"