She still remembers the first time she saw him.
His hair was a light brown almost golden in appearance when hit with the right light. Although she was stricken with his eyes the most.
Really there was something about them. They weren't really green or blue, but rather a combination that seemed to vary from each eye, so one seemed to be greener while the other stayed the palest of blues.
She thought he was pretty, in a way.
Almost endearing with the way his hair fell and his eyes seemed to twinkle with hidden knowledge – a bit like Dumbledore's but this man's eyes seemed to be sadder, less jolly and more reserved she would dare to venture kinder even.
She realized he was quite a bit older then her as well, which didn't faze her in the least working were she did she was used to older wizards and really the only bad thing about it was that they could be compared to a piece of day old toast.
Not as interesting – or as tasty – as a fresh one would be, but still quite good, and they had that wise air about them that she was slowly getting used to.
She was about to go up and speak to the new arrival until she was intercepted by another member of the Order and lost sight of the man.
When she finally could see again, he was gone.
Well damn, and he looked like an interesting one to.
The second time was under far less pleasant terms.
It was after Harry Potter was attacked.
Naturally the whole place was in an uproar and she was about to kick someone's ass, if they didn't regain some sense of control.
She had nearly been knocked over three times and she was getting ready to do something about it, when someone pulled her out of the way of yet another attempt to land her on the ground.
She noted it was the man from before with the brown hair – although closer up she noted it was slightly gray at the roots – and she was about to ask him what the hell was everyone thinking, that this utter madness wasn't helping anything, when he uttered an unforgivable.
She twitched. "Tonks, call me Tonks. Not that horrid excuse for a name my mother thought she would gift me with."
The man looked a little confused. "Fine, Tonks. You should come with me; I promise not everything is as disorganized as it appears."
She nodded and let the man drag her by her hand through the flurry of activity. She was half way through contemplating why his hand felt so right – so perfect – in hers, when she realized she didn't even know his name.
He looked back at her.
"What's your name?"
"Remus, Remus Lupin."
She rolled it around in his her head a few times. Remus Lupin. It seemed to fit him in an odd way.
She liked it.
And here she thought that the Order would be all work and no play. Oh no she is going to get to know him and then their shall be plenty of play.
She's wants so badly to kiss him. It is quite literally the elephant in the room, but she isn't so brash as to rush into anything and so she waits. But she's never been big on patience and a week later she's at her wits end with the dreams and decides it's time for a midnight walk.
With a partner of course.
She quickly dressed and padded out of her room.
He wouldn't think that this was anything but a midnight walk between friends and he would come without hesitation. That was her plan anyway then after they had been walking and talking for a little while she would ask.
She had to know. It wasn't as simple as just ignoring everything now, not only did she desire him in every way a woman can a man, but she was almost positive that she was falling in love with him. She could ignore lust, love was not so simple.
Cracking open the door she peeked inside and stopped.
Asleep on Remus's bed was a wolf.
Stepping quietly into the room she drew her wand and crept quietly around the bed circling around like a predator would its prey. The full moon's light illuminated the bed in an almost halo effect casting a glow on the fur of the beast.
The fur looked like Remus's hair and she was tempted to go up and pet it…
She froze staring down at the floor board in horror, slowly she turned her eyes onto the large creature that had begun to stir. She was stuck; she was too far away from the door to make a clean getaway and even if she could have the bed was in the path of the door.
She was trapped and she was scarred and she decided that if she would go down then she would go down looking into the eyes of her killer not franticly searching for an escape route. She turned her head towards the bed and stopped.
Staring at her was a set of eyes. One eye was blue the other was green.
She knew those eyes.
The brown wolf tipped its head to the side almost sleepily and she realized he wasn't even fully awake. She had to go; there would be no midnight walk tonight.
Silently she crossed the room and paused in the open doorway turning back to the bed.
She could have sworn she saw the bushy light brown tail twitch before his head dropped back down in sleep.
She traveled swiftly through the hallways before sitting down on the bed. Remus was a werewolf. That was the only explanation. She probably should be freaking, she should totally be freaking out. She knew she should be so very frightened but she wasn't.
She knew him, this changed nothing, and well okay it changed a lot of things, just like it explained a lot of things. But it changed nothing about how she felt, she was quite sure it only made her care for him even more, plus she had to say he was quite adorable.
All in all, she thinks that she's not afraid of him, she thinks that perhaps it's only endeared him to her more.
Perhaps she will think later this was the beginning of everything that she could have never foreseen for herself.
Tonks shifted in the straight backed chair, he hadn't so much as spoken to her in three months, no matter how hard she tried to speak to him, his only concern was getting her as far away from him as he could not sparing how that made her feel any thought
He just didn't get it, no matter who he was – what he was, as the case may be – he had captured her in his web like a spider and its fly.
And even if she wished to – just like that fly – she couldn't fight it or escape it, and she had given up trying to escape. Now all that mattered was him.
She was fed up, so very fed up with this charade, she wasn't very patient and she was as love struck as any fool could ever dream of being, she loved him for every little thing that made him – well him, and what he was made little difference to her.
She knew and it changed nothing.
It didn't change how she felt in the least, if anything it made her love him more, distance made the heart grow fonder and all that, and he had certainly tried to put distance between them.
So when she caught sight of the heavy red construction paper laying on the desk and the scissors next to it she knew what she was going to do. Tomorrow was that day of the year after all.
Shifting again, she picked up the scissors – she preferred the muggle methods for these things – and began to cut out a slightly irregular and lopsided heart.
With a lopsided grin herself, she began to write.
Remus Lupin nearly collapses onto the bed when he gets back in. Turning over he decides no matter the hour – it was nearly noon – a nap was just what he needed, or that was before he caught sight of the innocent red heart lying on the desk.
His interest peaked he stood and took cautious before picking up the little heart.
Flipping it over, he read:
You don't want to talk to me, okay. I get it. But I'm going to talk anyway because that's the kind of person I am. Remus, I don't care if you're a werewolf, you're my friend, you're the best person I have met in a long time, and I care so very much about you. More than a friend should as the case may be.
Someday you're going to stop running, and realize that I'm not mistaken that I want you, hell I don't risk cutting of my own hand – you know I'm clumsy and clumsy people with scissors are never a great combo – for anyone.
So Remus no matter how much you push me away – no matter how much it hurts – when you're ready to stop running away from the truth I'll be here for you.
PS You really didn't think I would use that dreaded name did you? No you know me better than that.
He is left staring dumbfounded for a long time.
It's four months later when she is injured – and he's beyond any anger that he has ever felt before that he realizes she may mean more to him than he originally thought.
And so while she sits in that room recovering she receives a little red heart that's a few months late.
I care too.