A/N: This story is dedicated to RogueStorm84 who inspired me to push my way into Sam's head and write a Sam heavy (and Dean toppy) story. Thank you for this inspiration and all your wonderful feedback! You are truly awesome! :)
I am really proud of this story! I challenged myself to do something I'm not used to doing and I think it went pretty well. It took me longer than I was hoping, but hopefully that just means that it's even better than it would've been if I'd popped it out within a day or two. Anyway, it's set Season 7 and pretty much follows just before "Repo Man". Deals with Sam's unstable mind/Lucifer/Sam and Dean's apparent problems.
I really hope you all enjoy this story and send good reviews my way, because reviews are like chocolate to me...utterly addicting! :)
Whenever Lucifer speaks it is written in italics, because Lucifer is - obviously - not really there. Also, in case you've never heard the song that's quoted here (in bold and italics) it's by Alias. Thanks!
More Than Words Can Say
Sam was scared; so fucking scared. Their lives were falling apart around them. Cass and Bobby were dead, the Leviathans were running rampant and his head was constantly tuned in to Lucifer radio all day, every day. On top of all of that things with Dean were really strained. Dean seemed as though he was teetering on the verge of suicidal and somehow, despite his own craziness, he had to be the healthy and stable one. He had to keep Dean alive and from wanting to do himself in.
Sam found sleep a near impossibility. Between the fears that raced through his head constantly to seeing Lucifer all the damn time, he couldn't shut his mind off and get any rest. He knew that he would completely turn into a drooling nut bag (as Dean so delicately put it) if he didn't get some sleep soon.
He lay there, in his bed, trying to tune out Lucifer's incessant voice and focus on his beautiful sleeping brother in the bed beside him. In the past, things with Dean had heated up, but it had run cold and dry pretty much ever since Ruby. He knew that his brother didn't trust him and, quite frankly, Sam wasn't sure he deserved to be trusted. He knew that Dean had done everything within his power to care for him and devote himself to him, but Sam always seemed to take a dump on any progress that was made between them.
The problem was that Dean wasn't just a regular person. Sam couldn't talk to Dean the way he could've talked to Jessica or any of the other girls he'd kind of dated in the past. Dean was different than anyone else in the world; Dean was vulnerable, insecure and needed to be handled with kid gloves. Sam knew that, but he found it hard to worry about Dean's needs when his own weren't being met.
All Sam really wanted, besides not seeing Lucifer anymore, was for his brother to declare his undying love for him and finally prove it to him, intimately. It had been years since he'd felt the evidence of his brother's love deep inside of himself and every moment that ticked by made it harder for him to live.
Here I am at six o'clock in the morning, still thinking about you. It's still hard, at six o'clock in the morning, to sleep without you.
Sam was seconds away from tossing the covers aside and moving over to Dean's bed, pushing him over and getting in behind him. He wasn't against begging if it came to it. Sam didn't have the luxury of being finicky about how it happened; he just had to make Dean understand that this was what he needed. Dean was his only real source of sanity in the whole world, Dean was the only one keeping him grounded and he needed him more than anything else in the world.
"God, I need you, Dean." Sam whispered. The only sound he was rewarded with was the light snoring coming come his brother's nose. He groaned inwardly, how long was this battle going to go on? How long would it take Dean to trust him again…to love him again?
"Dean never loved you." Lucifer told him, from the foot of his bed. "Dean was shackled to you. You're his burden, his responsibility. He gave up everything for you and look at you…you're a mess."
"Shut up!" Sam exclaimed; he'd had enough. Dean stirred a bit in his sleep, turning over onto his other side, but not completely waking up. Sam took a deep breath through his nose and reminded himself once again that Lucifer wasn't really there; it was all in his head.
"You told him to go be with Lisa. Dean was happy there, he had a real family."
"You aren't real." Sam repeated over and over again to himself.
"No, what isn't real is your relationship with Dean. You have it in your head that Dean once wanted you, loved you. But, Sammy, you always thought you were better than him. You always wanted more than him, more than this life. You could never give Dean what he needed, so he replaced you. Lisa is who he loves and he gave her up…for you. All you do is break everything you touch, Sam, let's face it."
"Stop it." Sam begged, a sob getting caught in his chest. This couldn't be true, could it? Was it possible that Dean really didn't love him? Had Sam burned all those bridges? No, it couldn't be true. Dean always sacrificed for Sam. He did that because he loved him. Dean loved him, he knew it. But, it was so hard to believe the lies his mind was telling him.
Sam pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger and hoped and prayed that the next time he opened his eyes Lucifer would be gone. This whole thing had gone on long enough. He was wearing thin. Every time he had to fight with Lucifer…his own mind…about his sanity it wore him down.
He looked over at Dean again, whimpering.
And I know that it might seem too late for love. All I know… I need you now, more than words can say. I need you now; I've got to find a way. I need you now, before I lose my mind. I need you now.
"Tsk, tsk." Lucifer said with a smile and a mocking tone. "Might not want to open that door again; you're not the most stable right now. I don't know how well you'll handle rejection."
Sam took a deep breath, "You aren't real. You aren't real. Dean's real…Dean and I are real." Sometimes saying things like that over and over again was his only weapon against his crumbling mind.
"Sammy?" Dean asked, having been stirred awake by Sam's words. "You okay?"
Sam froze. He hadn't meant for Dean to hear this, he'd wanted Dean to think that everything was peachy. He hadn't wanted to burden his hurting brother with all of this. He knew that Dean was barely keeping himself together and he didn't need anything else added to the mix. "Yeah Dean," He lied, "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. Just go back to sleep."
If only Dean was inclined to believe his brother, maybe he would've rolled over and gone back to sleep. But, instead, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up, assessing his brother's mental state. "You seeing Lucifer again?"
Sam swallowed hard. He hated lying to his brother, "Nah, I'm fine."
"You heard me, Sammy. Look, I know you better than anyone and I know when you're lying to me. I know when you're full of shit. I know you want to believe that you're okay, but you're not. You've got bats in the belfry, but you don't want to deal with it."
Sam shrugged, "Maybe because there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I've tried everything, Dean. I guess it's just something I've gotta live with. Don't really think there's much point in bringing it up every time my butt buddy is in the room."
"Sam, you're always wanting me to talk about my shit, but you won't talk about yours…"
"Maybe because I'm always afraid you're gonna find some way of offing yourself if I do. Let's face it; you haven't exactly been stable lately. And our relationship…it's been…well, you know how it's been."
Dean sighed, "You're right about all of that. I've been having a really hard time with the whole Cass and Bobby thing, but it's not like you've got it easy either or anything. You were in the cage with Lucifer for a year and a half, Sam. Your tour in Hell makes mine seem like fucking Disneyland."
Part of Sam wanted to talk about this, but a bigger part didn't. He hated it when Dean made him feel stupid and he had a habit of doing that a lot. Dean wasn't always so good with words, and he wasn't a very reassuring person. "Let's just try and get some sleep."
Dean sighed. Everyone thought he was the one with the emotional problems, the one who wouldn't talk and open up about his feelings. But, he had nothing on Sam… But, instead of protesting, he just got back into his bed and went to sleep. "G'night Sam."
"Night." Sam muttered, wondering if he'd made the wrong choice. He noticed Lucifer with one leg tucked up under his knee, shaking his head. He sighed and laid his head down, hoping and praying he could get some sleep for once.
The next day was spent driving. They'd learned of a case in Wisconsin and they were both secretly grateful. Sam needed the distraction and Dean was almost glad he didn't have to bring up what happened the night before. He had clearly heard Sam say "Dean and I are real" and he couldn't help but wonder in what kind of way Sam had meant it.
The trip was relatively silent. They blasted Metallica and tried not to think about the fact that they weren't in the Impala and they couldn't call Bobby for advice about the case. They just simply tried to keep things as casual as possible. It was their normal routine and they did it well.
They got about halfway there and decided to stop for the night. Dean checked them in while Sam got their bags from the car. Then Sam met Dean inside their room. It was probably one of the biggest dumps they'd ever stayed at. He sighed, "Apparently Mr. and Mr. Smith don't need any amenities."
Dean almost cracked a smile. The Mr. and Mr. Smith thing was mildly entertaining in some weird way, but he refrained from showing even his mild amusement. "I'm gonna turn in." He headed toward the bathroom and shut the door behind him.
Sam rolled his eyes. Dean was being even weirder than normal. Apparently he'd inadvertently kicked himself in the ass when he failed to talk to Dean about his problems. He changed into his sleep clothes quickly and got into bed before Dean came back out of the bathroom.
When Dean came back into the room he found Sam appearing to be asleep and nodded to himself. It was just going to be easier this way. He slipped into a t-shirt and a pair of boxer briefs and got into his own bed. He was asleep almost instantly. There was nothing like a long day of driving and a hot shower to lull you right to sleep.
Sam was anything but asleep. He was annoyed, upset and seeing Lucifer again…or still…whatever.
Here I am, I'm looking out my window; I'm dreaming about you. Can't let you go, at six o'clock in the morning. I feel you beside me and I know that it might seem too late for love for love…
Once he heard Dean's familiar snoring, he tossed the covers off himself and sat up, glaring in Lucifer's general direction. "Just go away, I'm not in the mood."
"I don't know why you're bothering with this, Sammy. Dean's never going to want you. You chose a demon over him and you're crazy…in case you haven't noticed. You got yourself addicted to demon blood, which is something that pumps through your very veins. How could Dean want you? You're barely human; you're a freak."
"Shut up!" Sam exclaimed. The mere mention of the word freak sent Sam into a tailspin. It would either turn him into a raging monster or rip his heart to shreds. This time, considering there wasn't anyone he could really fight, it was the latter. Tears rolled down his cheeks and his body wracked with tremors. He tried to keep his voice down, tried not to wake his brother, but he knew it was futile. He wasn't holding himself together at all. There was no way that Dean wasn't going to know what was going on. So, he did the only thing he knew how to do in that moment; he slipped out of his bed, walked to his brother's bed and slipped in behind him.
Dean went on instant alert. He hadn't been sleeping very heavily because of Sam's outburst, but when he felt someone touch him, he drew in his breath and instantly reached for the gun he kept under his pillow.
Sam's tears dripped onto Dean's neck, "No Dean…it's just me."
"Sammy." Dean could barely get the word out. His heart felt like it had been ripped out, chopped up and then stuffed back into his chest cavity.
Sam clung to him tightly, not wanting to let him go. "Just need…God Dean; I just need you right now."
I need you now, more than words can say. I need you now; I've got to find a way. I need you now, before I lose my mind. I need you now.
"Okay Sammy, not going anywhere." Now Dean was the one who was scared. He wasn't used to Sam getting like this; usually Sam was the strong one who knew how to deal with his shit…unlike Dean who bottled everything and just waited for it to explode. "I'm right here. What can I do?"
Sam sniffled, "Don't push me away, Dean. I just need you to hold me…"
Dean rolled over and slipped his arms around Sam's distraught frame, pulling him close to himself. "Do you really think I could turn you away right now?"
Sam just shrugged. He just wasn't sure.
Dean tensed, "Seriously? How could you think that I wouldn't be here for you when you need me?"
"You've just been so…ugh…things have been so bad lately." Sam didn't want to add that he just wanted Dean to love him like he used to; he didn't want to sound like a moron.
"Sammy, you're my little brother. You're all I have." Dean's voice caught in his throat.
Sam buried his face in Dean's neck, taking in his warm, familiar, musky scent. It was Dean…it was home. "We've lost everyone…"
Dean tucked Sam's long hair back behind his ear and wiped the tears from his cheeks with the pad of his thumb, a sob threatening to escape from his own chest. "I know, baby."
The whole baby thing just made it worse for Sam. He felt like he was being coddled to, like Dean was just saying what he thought he wanted to hear. "Don't say it if you don't mean it."
"Nothing." Sam muttered.
"No Sam, tell me what's on your mind. I want to hear it."
"I'm sick of this…whatever…between us. I'm sick of feeling like this…like nothing I do will ever be good enough. I screwed up; I hurt you…a lot. I get how that affected you, I do, but it's like I can't ever do anything to fix it. You've closed yourself off to me."
"What are you talking about? I've been here with you every step of the way. I've forgiven you for everything that happened in the past. Besides, it's not like I'm perfect either."
"Have you? Have you really?"
"Of course I have. Sammy, what's this really about?"
Sam shook his head, "Nothing. Just forget I said anything."
Dean moved slightly, pinning Sam against the bed with his arm, "No, I'm not just going to forget it. I want to know why you think I haven't forgiven you."
"How could I not think that? You say you've forgiven me and I'm glad you say it, but you still treat me differently. It's not like it used to be."
Dean was confused at first. He didn't think he was treating Sam differently than he had been. "Well, this whole Bobby and Cass thing…" Then it hit him exactly what Sam was really saying to him, "Wait, you mean…?" He couldn't say it, couldn't find his words.
"Yeah, us, Dean. That's what I mean." He swallowed the lump in his throat and forced himself to look Dean in the eyes. If he was going to say all of this crap, lay it all out there, then he definitely needed to act like he had confidence in what he was saying.
"But, Sam, I…" Dean shook his head, "I didn't think…I didn't think you were interesting in that."
"What?" Sam exclaimed. "What did I do to give you that impression?"
"You were always the one who wanted to be normal. You had that thing with Ruby and then there were always these other chicks too…seemed like you had pretty much turned your back on it… I came back from Hell and you were different."
Sam's eyebrows rose, "You were the one who was dealing with all the guilt issues and were different. You were so tortured because of what happened down there…I was trying to give you space to deal with it. I thought you were disgusted with me because I had been with Ruby." He shook his head, "Which I could honestly see, because she was a demon and I…ugh…I hurt you so bad because of her. I shouldn't have ever trusted her. What I did was unforgive-"
Dean cut Sam off by pressing his mouth to his brother's. "Just shut up, Sammy, okay? I forgave you, I did. Sure, it hurt a lot, but I got over it. She was hot and was really good at manipulation. I just…I just can't believe you didn't know how I felt, how I still feel."
Sam smiled, "How is that, Dean? How do you feel about me?"
Dean dipped his head and captured Sam's mouth once again. This time he licked over the seam between his lips and his tongue begged for entrance. It had been years since they'd shared a kiss like this, but if felt like moments, but also an entire lifetime. He sighed deeply into Sam's mouth, running his tongue along his brother's.
They couldn't seem to get enough of each other. It was like they were desperate for it, like kissing each other could save the world…or at least save their own souls. Hot breath against hot breath, soft tongue dancing with soft tongue, lips devouring lips…
Dean pulled back with a delirious smile on his face, "I'm crazy about you, Sammy, always have been. I can't believe you didn't know that."
Sam shrugged, "You haven't always been the best at opening up about your feelings, Dean."
"True, but nor have you…apparently." He placed a smiling kiss against Sam's closed lips and then winked at him, "Otherwise we'd have been doing this years ago…"
Sam smiled, despite the fact that he wanted to be sad, wanted to pout. "I guess you're right about that." He could admit when Dean was right, as much as it killed him.
Dean shook his head, "I don't care who's wrong or right, I just want to be with you, Sammy. I just want to show you how much I love you, how I'd do anything for you…anything. I just want to make you mine."
Sam pretty much vibrated with desire for his gorgeous brother, "I've always been yours, Dean. Even when I left for Stanford, when I hooked up with Ruby…always." Sam couldn't explain the way he felt as he looked into those gorgeous green eyes; it was like for the first time in ages his heart wanted to sing…like he was alive and everything would be alright.
That was all Dean needed to hear. He took Sam's lower lip between his teeth and lightly bit down, his hands sliding down the muscular expanse of Sam's washboard stomach. They both just wanted skin to skin contact, wanted to be as close as they could possibly be, but there was a certain amount of preparation that had to go into this, a certain amount of foreplay that Dean needed to shower Sam with.
Sam moaned, his own hands seeking out the beautiful curves of his brother's muscular ass, beneath his boxer-briefs. "You're so beautiful, Dean."
Dean just huffed and removed Sam's t-shirt, tossing it to the side. His hands were all over his brother's nearly naked flesh; teasing, fondling, tickling. He couldn't enough of his Sammy, couldn't get his fill. He wanted Sam more than he could ever say, needed him. He bent his head to take one of Sam's overly sensitive nipples into his mouth, biting to near pain and then gently soothing with his tongue.
"Oh God, Dean." Sam moaned. His hands grasped at the short spikes of dirty blonde hair, and just held on for the ride. Who knew his nipples could be this sensitive? Maybe it was because it had been a long ass time since he'd been in this position or maybe it was just because it was Dean…his Dean...his soul mate, the love of his life. "Don't…don't leave me…" It had been a while since Sam had shown Dean this kind of vulnerability. It seemed like he had always been forced to be this stoic, hard-ass kind of person, always having to keep himself together in order to protect Dean and keep him together.
Dean drew in his breath, his heart experiencing literal pain, "Shh, baby, not going anywhere. Where would I go? It's been you and me forever…always you and me." Dean ran his hands gently over Sam's beautiful, long and lean body, showering him with the love he'd been dying to give him for years. "Just knew I couldn't compete with a girl, you know?"
Sure, Sam understood that one. For years he'd tried to compete with a string of random women for Dean's affections, so he understood the feelings completely. "Nah Dean, she was always just a set of tits and a pussy. Besides, I didn't even want her; I just wanted her blood…" Not that that sort of revelation really helped the situation very much, it only served to make him seem like more of an outcast, more of a freak.
Dean smiled, "Should've killed that bitch when I had a chance…then I could've staked my claim…manned up and told you how it was going to be."
"Shit Dean, I love it when you talk like that." There was nothing hotter for Sam than when Dean got forceful and aggressive. He loved Dean's dominance over him, though he would never admit to it, even if he was being tied and quartered. He pressed his hips forward, rubbing his lightly-clothed erection against the tight pull of his brother's, "Can't wait to feel you deep inside of me, Dean."
Dean growled, almost animalistically. His hands reached out to tug Sam's boxer-briefs off his body. He had a near impossible time keeping himself from spontaneously ejaculating at the sight of Sam's hard, throbbing cock all naked and standing at attention for him so perfectly. He reached out to place feather light touches to that hardened flesh.
Sam's mouth opened and he drew in a sharp breath. It didn't matter how forcefully Dean touched him, it always felt incredibly intense for him. "So hot, yeah…"
Dean smiled; bending his head to lick up the seam between his brother's tightened testicles. He smiled to himself as he felt Sam's body tremble against him. He continued up the trail, licking a wide stripe up the underside of Sam's cock and up to the head, where he reached out his tongue to collect the precome that was oozing from the tip and hungrily swallowing it down. It'd been way too long since he'd tasted his brother this way and he had almost forgotten how incredible Sam tasted…almost.
Sam, almost out of his mind with pleasure, grabbed at Dean and quickly removed his clothes in a needy, frantic manner, and threw them onto the floor. He drew in his breath as he took in the beautiful sight of Dean in all his naked gorgeousness. Dean was even more beautiful than he remembered. The last few years had really begun to show on Dean's weary face, but it looked so good on him. "I can't tell you how much I want you right now. There aren't words…"
Dean nearly laughed. He loved seeing his brother dumbstruck and speechless. The blush that had crept high up on Sam's cheeks was also intensely beautiful…and sickeningly adorable. Dean couldn't help but kiss both of those cheeks before sliding his hands down to cup at his perky ass cheeks. He wanted in Sam's ass more than he could ever express, but he wanted to take his time and prove to Sam how much he loved him. Hell, he would do anything he could to prove that to his Sammy…his love.
Sam opened his legs, trying to push Dean to speed things up. He was desperate and needy. He wanted Dean's cock so bad it wasn't funny. His hand wrapped around Dean's waist and pulled him closer, "Please, Dean…want you…"
"Shhh, I'm going to take care of you." Dean hushed. He slid off the bed in search of his KY. When he found it he smiled with his own success and quickly moved back to that spot between his brother's incredibly long, spread thighs.
Sam's lower lip quivered. "Dean…" He reached out to grasp at his brother, trying to hold onto him with all he had inside of him.
"It's okay, Sammy." Dean cooed, "I'm right here, not going anywhere." He knew there was something really wrong with his brother, but he didn't have time to deal with it right then. There was something that they both wanted, both needed to bring them back together for the first time in years. "Keep your sexy legs spread for me, baby brother."
Sam did just as he was told. He held onto Dean as best as he could as he watched his brother begin to focus on stretching his tight puckered hole. He hadn't had much of anything – with the exception of his own fingers – in his ass in a long time, so this was going to be a bit of a process. He took a deep breath and tried his best to remain calm and relaxed as he felt his brother working a finger into that hole. Dean knew what he was doing, that was for sure, and it made Sam wonder if Dean still continued to perform anal on people in those years since they had last been together. It was a thought that turned Sam's stomach and also made him want to kill himself. The thought took him to a terrible, dark place where Lucifer was close to butting in again.
Dean looked up into those concerned, dewy hazel eyes and frowned, "you okay? Am I hurting you, baby? It's been a really long time since I did this…"
Sam couldn't help it…he smiled. The confirmation that Dean hadn't been with another guy just really made him feel better. "No other guys since me?"
About a thousand lines formed on Dean's forehead, "How could you even ask me that? You know there will never be another guy for me, no one but you. I've been with girls, but so have you…"
Sam smiled, "I know. Just the thought of you with another guy…"
Dean shook his head, "You haven't…?"
Dean smiled, "Guess I know how you feel. I got insanely jealous there for a second."
Sam laughed. He sighed with relief and forced himself to just focus on the finger that had stalled it's movements within his ass. He began to gently press back against that hand, inspiring his brother to begin moving within him once again.
Dean took the hint and added another finger. He worked Sam open good, scissoring his fingers and twisting them upwards to hit that sweet spot that had Sam writhing and bucking against him…and calling out his name. Dean loved it when Sam called out his name and begged him to fuck him. He didn't know how much more he could take. "Want to be inside of you so fucking bad, little brother."
Sam groaned, "I'm stretched enough…want to feel you."
Dean sighed with relief. He hadn't realized he'd been holding himself back as much as he had been, but his body was desperate to be within that ass. "Just let me find that bottle of lube again." He laughed as he reached around with his hand trying to locate the circular bottle. When his hand wrapped around the bottle he smiled and let out a happy "a-ha!" He opened the orange cap and liberally squeezed cold slippery wetness onto his length and nearly yelled out from the cold. "Shit, that's cold!"
"Let me warm it up for you." Sam's pupils were blown wide and he almost had that look in his eyes that Dean had seen there whenever Sam was face to face with his own blood addiction. It was clear how much Sam wanted this.
Dean wasn't going to argue, not at all. Instead he pressed himself at Sam's entrance and began to slip inside. Sam was well stretched and horny and Dean was quite slippery; needless to say, it wasn't a very difficult feat to get inside him.
"Yeah Dean, fuck me…give it to me." The moment that he felt Dean's length slide deep within him he thought he'd hit the roof. That stretching and burning…the pleasure-pain…it was such a familiar and safe feeling for Sam. He wanted to cry, wanted to pull Dean close and shower him with kisses, but he just let Dean control the moment, let Dean have whatever he wanted.
Dean wiped the long hairs out of Sam's face and smiled down at his sexy-as-hell brother. "Love you, Sammy." Then he completely sheathed himself within that tight heat. He pulled out slowly and then pressed back in, carefully trying to hit Sam's prostate as much as he could.
A tear escaped Sam's eyes and he sniffled, "Love you too, Dean. Always loved you and always will."
"Shhh." Dean hushed. He bent down and captured Sam's lips with his own, softly allowing his tongue to gently rub against the tip of Sam's in a soothing, caressing, romantic kind of way. He needed Sam to know that he was alright, that he was safe with him, that he would never leave him. Dean was never going anywhere, because there was nowhere than he would rather be than with his brother. There was no one else in the world that he could ever want as much as Sam. Sam was his brother, his lover, his best friend…his everything. Sam was like the sun, the moon and the stars. Sam was his own personal angel…the good kind…and he would never again let Sam live one day without knowing how fucking much he loved him. The moment their dad had put Sam into his arms and pushed him towards the door during that fire, Dean had just known that he and Sam would be different; they would be more than mere brothers. Dean had focused on that sweet little baby in his arms as he had run from the house; he didn't think about the way he had seen his mother pinned to the ceiling and burning alive, or how his father was still in that house…he only thought about his little baby brother, the most perfect, most beautiful person in the whole world…his, forever. He knew he could never tell Sam the depth of his feelings and frankly, he couldn't even really find the right words to express the way he felt Sam's name etched into his heart…like a brand…property of Sam Winchester… But, even though he couldn't possibly express it to Sam, he could do his best to show him every day, with everything that he did.
Sam held Dean close to his heart as his mouth opened against Dean's neck. He was close, he could feel that familiar heat rushing to his lower body but it was different this time. It wasn't just desperate, they weren't just in need of a release; this was more, this was almost spiritual. It was like Dean could read his mind, just knew what he wanted, because Dean's hand wrapped around his aching cock and tugged on it a couple times until Sam was bucking and nearly screaming out with his powerful release, feeling the head of Dean's cock rubbing sinfully against that intensely pleasurable spot inside of his ass.
Dean held on tight. His vision whited out and his eyes pretty much rolled to the back of his head as he felt Sam clenched around him, heard his beautiful little brother screaming out his name and felt the warm, sticky evidence of Sam's orgasm all over his stomach. "Shit, Sammy." He moaned loud and long as he hit his own orgasm, his come shooting out of him and deep within Sam's ass.
They held onto each other, riding out their orgasms together, until they felt themselves starting to come down and back to normal.
"You okay?" Dean asked, peppering kisses to Sam's jawline.
Sam smiled, "Never better, actually. I knew Lucifer was wrong about us…" He was too delirious to know what the hell he was saying.
Dean stiffened, "Sam, you do know that he's in your head, he isn't real?"
Sam sighed, "Yeah, of course I know that. But, it's hard sometimes, he seems so real, you know?"
Dean frowned, "Please tell me you didn't see him while I was…we were…"
Sam smiled, his hands running over Dean's back, "Nope. Haven't seen his ugly mug since I crawled into bed with you."
"You ground me. You help me to know what's real. You and I…this life we lead…it's the only thing that's real for me and it keeps me from going crazy. But, let me tell you, I felt like I was getting close. I didn't know how much more I could take…"
"God Sammy, why wouldn't you talk to me about this?"
"I was worried about you."
"You were worried about me? You're the one who's cracking up."
Sam shook his head, "You haven't been stable lately. I was constantly afraid that you were going to off yourself."
"Maybe I just didn't have anything to live for. Now I do, though." He smiled and nipped at Sam's lower lip, "This was the best thing we could've done…killed quite a few birds with one stone."
Sam smiled, "Yup. Now, every time either of us feels scared, suicidal or crazy…we know what to do."
Dean laughed as he brought Sam close and showered him with kisses. He knew they were both teetering over the edge…but at least they knew that when they did, they would hold on tightly and take the plunge together. And that was how it should always be.
More than words can say, I need you now. Oh I got to hear you say I need you now. Before I lose my mind, I need you now. I need you now…