I know this has been REALLY long to wait. But I have been in treatment. But I am out now, so I will start updating more! I hope you guys like this chapter. I am going to try to update at least once a week, so make sure to keep your eyes out for new chapters. Xx thank you guys so much for the messages when I got back 3 it means a lot! xx Happy reading.

-Sierra

"I wanted to forget what was happening. And I didn't know how without the pain..."

I searched through the cabinet, but yet nothing seemed good enough. No pills. Nothing sharp. All because Robbie decided to either, A: Hide it all, or B: Trash it all. Either way, there isn't anything that I can find. But my hands continue to search frantically through the cabinets, drawers and counter top for anything. Anything at all. Tooth paste. Soap. Q-tips. Wash cloths. Towels. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I can feel the pain, anger and frustration build up in my eyes and flood down my cheeks.

Why can't he just give it to me?

I press my back hard against the wall, across from the large mirror and look at my face. The first time in a really long time. My red hair tangled and messy. My face red. Eyes swollen. The trails of the tears still visible on my face. I'm hideous. I slide down the wall, face in my hands so I no longer have to look at it, and I press my knees to my chest. Sobbing loudly. So loudly that I almost don't notice the footsteps coming into the bathroom, but I can hear the faint echo of them, though it takes everything I have to look.

I lift my head, only slightly, to see the bare feet of Robbie. His knees greeting the ground and his arms greeting me. Wrapping around me tightly. Pulling me to him. My arms around his neck, my head in his chest as the tears continue to fall from my face. I don't have anything to lose anymore. He pulls me onto his lap, holding me around the waist as I cry for God knows how long. But eventually, I do pull away, my dark eyes red and puffy from all of the crying, and I look up at him. He is looking at this hideous, disgusting girl, yet his eyes read the -fake- beauty and love. I sigh, looking away and at the counter, not able to look into his eyes anymore.

His forehead leans on the side of my head, and he whispers into my ear, ever so softly."I love you, Cat." My mouth drops open. I told him yesterday... but as "Just friends" how do I read this? As he LOVES me the way that I love him? Or the way he thinks I love him. I turn, making him pull his head off of mine, and force myself to look into his eyes.

His eyes still read the beauty and love -with a mix of pure tiredness- and I look at him closely. Trying to read the truth. Trying to see what he is REALLY saying. But I can't. I can't read anything. I just sit there, looking into his eyes, confused. He smiles slightly, kissing the tip of my nose before lifting me to my feet. He holds my hand tightly.

"I'm still really tired," He says, walking down the hall into his bedroom. I don't say anything, just follow him to his bed. He reaches out his free hand and pulls down the covers, crawling under them, and pulling me along with him. I look at him, a bit confused. "Come cuddle with me?" I smile, unable to hold it in, and lay down under the covers with him, right next to him. Both of us on our backs, looking up at the ceiling. This is surely not how I want to sleep. So I turn to him, taking a risk, and gently laying my head on his chest. Taking in his scent. Oddly of eggs and syrup, and take in the sound of his heart. I pull myself closer, my head digging deeper into his chest. Trying to pick up anything I've missed of him.

His arms wrap around my middle, pulling me -practically- fully on him. His lips gently kissing the top of my head. I don't even want to go to sleep. I don't want to miss out on this moment. I don't want to miss the possibly only moment where he will hold me like this. I look up at him, his eyes still open as well.

"Aren't you tired?" I whisper softly. He looks down at me and smiles slightly, kissing my forehead.

"Ah, yes. But I'd rather lay here and hold you." He whispers, holding me tighter. My stomach fills with butterflies.

I can't hurt him

I look back down, so he can't see my face, and I just hug myself tighter to him, closing my eyes and forcing myself to fall asleep. Forcing myself to try to forget.

This is short, but I wanted to give you a chapter. I am pretty sure that I am going to update tonight again, if I finish updating my other stories! :) Thanks! Review and tell me what you think? If you like self-harm stories, I have another story called "Don't let me cry, Just let me die" It's about Jade cutting. I hope that you -sorta- liked this chapter. But I am sorta off, so I understand if you don't. Xx thanks guys 3 I love all of you so so so much 3

Sierra