A few weeks later, Jasper and I were eating breakfast at a small diner near our hotel. Well, actually I was eating and Jasper was picking at what he ordered to make it look like he was eating.
"So where do you wanna go next? We should probably figure that out. We've been here nearly a month," Jasper said.
"I don't want to leave," I told him. I had enjoyed traveling with Jasper, but I was really liking this place. It was where Jasper and I finally faced our feelings for each other and let ourselves be happy. It had been very good to us. It felt like the perfect place to finally settle down.
Jasper raised an eyebrow in surprise. "You wanna stay here?"
"Well, at least until Carlisle changes me. Then we'll probably have to leave, but I'd really like to stay for a while. But if you wanna keep going, that's fine with me," I told him. I wanted to stay, but I would be happy no matter where I was as long as Jasper was with me.
Jasper shook his head. "My home is wherever you are, Darlin'. If you wanna stay, we'll stay."
I smiled back at him in appreciation.
"We should start looking for apartments. We can't live in a hotel forever. It's time to start building our life together," Jasper said with a slight smile.
My smile faded a bit as his comment reminded me of something we had yet to deal with. "Jasper, there's something we need to deal with before we can really plan our life together. Well, actually it's something you need to deal with."
"What?" Jasper asked.
"Look, I know that this will probably hurt Alice and we've done enough of that already, but I don't see another choice. I love you too much to share you with another woman, even just in name, and in all honesty, I think it will be better for Alice in the long run too.
A look of realization crossed Jasper's face. "You're referring to the state of my marriage."
I nodded. I had been thinking about it for a little while now, but I didn't want to bring it up and cause him possible pain. But it had to be done. I could never truly be happy with Jasper until it was.
"I actually already started the process. I contacted my lawyer the day after we made the decision to stop fighting our feelings. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to cause you any more guilt in regards to Alice. I thought I could just get it done and then tell you afterwards," Jasper explained.
"I do feel guilty. But when we're together, that guilt lessens. Ironically, that makes me feel even more guilty when I'm alone," I told him.
Jasper chuckled. "Believe me, I know how you feel. I think it'll get better when the divorce is final though. Alice will be free to move on with her life and we'll move on with ours. I think that's best for everyone.
I nodded and went back to eating my meal. After a couple of minutes though, I looked up at him and quirked an eyebrow. "You have a lawyer?"
Jasper chuckled. "Sure. How do you think we manage to attend high school so many times or Carlisle managed to work at so many hospitals over the years even though his last legitimate birthday was in the sixteen hundreds?"
I felt like slapping myself upside the head. That was a big 'duh' moment. Of course they needed a lawyer for that stuff. "Right. So someone else knows about you?"
"Not exactly. Jenks doesn't know what we are, but he knows enough not to mess with us. Well, actually, he knows enough not to mess with me," Jasper said with a satisfied smile.
"You scare the crap out of that man, don't you?" I asked.
Jasper had no response but to continue to smile.
"So how long do you think it'll take? The divorce, I mean?" I asked.
"Not long. Jenks is swift. I'm supposed to sign the papers tomorrow. Then they'll go to Alice. As long as she doesn't fight it, and I don't think she will, it should be done within a few weeks," Jasper said.
I sighed. "Is it wrong that I'm eager for that day?" I couldn't help it, I was. It wasn't that I was trying to push Alice out. That was the last thing I wanted. I wished with to God that Alice could be a part of our lives. I didn't hold out much hope for it, but that didn't stop me from wanting it. It was just that I loved Jasper so much and I looked forward to the day where he was mine and mine alone. It might be selfish, but it was how I felt.
"Well, if it is, you can take comfort in the fact that we're both wrong," Jasper told me.
"Hmm," I mumbled before returning to my breakfast once more.
I was sitting at the dining room table just staring at them. The papers that would make me single again. I got them an hour ago and just stared at them. I didn't know why it was hitting me so hard. It wasn't like I didn't expect them. Even if I hadn't seen Jasper make the decision, I would've known they were coming. It was really only a matter of time. Jasper wouldn't stay married to me while he was with Bella and Bella would never allow him to.
I sighed and picked up the pen. "Okay, Alice, this is what you wanted. Just sign them." For some reason I couldn't make my hand work once I picked the pen up, which was ridiculous since every part of my body worked absolutely perfectly. I just found this harder than I thought it would be. Despite the fact that I had literally asked for this, it wasn't easy to let go of someone you'd spent decades with. But I would. I had to.
I took a deep breath and forced the pen onto the paper. I signed my name as quickly as I could. The pain that came was unbearable, maybe even worse than the venom that made me what I was. The only solace I took was that I knew it would one day fade. Jasper wasn't my mate. He was my first love, the way Edward was Bella's, but he wasn't my true love.
God, if this was how Bella felt when she found out about Edward's plan to leave her, I didn't envy her. This was horrible. It didn't matter that Jasper wasn't my mate. It still felt like someone had ripped a hole in me. The ironic part was that that person was me. I did this to myself. I made sure Jasper would move on with Bella. It was the right thing, but it was still painful.
I felt the venom start to well up in my eyes, but I pushed it aside. The family would be back soon and I didn't want them to see me so emotional. They would just ask questions that I wasn't prepared to answer right now.
I folded the divorce papers up and placed them back in the envelope. And then I vowed not to look into Bella and Jasper's future anymore. The only way I was going to be able to let Jasper go was to stay away from him completely, including through my visions. Well, for a while at least. I knew that we'd see each other again and that when I did, the pain would be gone, but until then, I had to say goodbye. "Goodbye, Jasper."