The truth was, he wanted to go over.
And if Natalie hadn't been there, he would've.
Keith just wasn't afraid anymore; well, let's back-up: he was never afraid. Keith wasn't afraid the moment he found out he was dying; in fact, all he was- was sad. He was purely, sad. Thoughts flooded his mind of all the things he wouldn't accomplish. It was like a whirlwind of wanting a wife, kids, to be at the truck show in London, Ontario, to get his diploma, all at the same time, and all in the next 5 minutes. Keith wasn't scared, he just felt like a walking time bomb. When he would walk through the school halls he would find his thoughts drifting to the question of, 'if I just passed out, flat on my face, right now, and died, what would all of these underclassmen do?' The question, indeed, seemed plausible. What would everyone do when he was gone? He wondered that all of the months following the, 'big news,' and that was ultimately, where Natalie came in. Now, sitting in the back of his truck, Natalie becoming keenly aware that they were moving, he just wanted to see and hear that reaction firsthand.
He would finally know what the reaction to his dying was going to be.
And he couldn't go through with it.
"Keith, we're moving."
He laughed it off.
"Keith, this is not good, Keith we have a problem!"
Still. He remained, still.
"Keith, I'm serious, get up, hurry, it's gonna go over!"
"It's gonna go over." He repeated her words calmly.
"Keith, the truck is moving!"
"Moving through space…On a mission." He kept his eyes fixed on the stars. What was there, beyond this world? He would know soon.
He found comfort knowing that he was in control.
"KEITH, YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED!"
There, he heard it- he heard his own plan yelled back at him. He was going to get himself killed. He heard her hit the ground-she couldn't hold on anymore. It was all him now, it was all his choice.
He wanted to go over- he wanted to be missed…but her screams, the crying he heard from her spot against the hard, cold dirt…was enough.
In one swift motion he was in driver's seat, and stopped the car, dirt and small stones falling to the water beneath them.
It could've been him…
But it wasn't.
He stared ahead, waiting for her to freak-out…
Her voice gave him a headache sometimes, when he wasn't fond of hearing her opinions…but this time it was okay. It was okay that she came to the passenger's side window and started yelling.
All that mattered, was that he was alive to hear it.