A/n: Hello, everybody! Before we begin, I would like recommend a story to all of you who are MLP fans. It's written by my close friend, Insanitypony, and it's called Shitstorm Brewing. It's really crazy and worth a laugh. Also, I'm writing a few chapters for it. So please check it out and review it if you're interested!
Now, let's get on with it!
Chapter 9: Sardonic Song
Dakota woke up with a slight headache. His senses quickly came to him, and he soon became aware of his surroundings. He was in a soft, king sized bed, under a heavy blanket. And, for whatever reason, the carpet, paint, bed and sheets were a pure white in color. From what he could tell, he was in his hotel room. A foul stench reached his nose. It smelled like... rotten eggs?
Dakota felt movement in the spot next to him. He looked over to see the sleeping form of Mikey.
Dakota quickly peaked under the covers. Just as he feared. He wore no pants.
Dakota stared at the wall opposite to the bed, a wide range of thoughts ran through his head, all summing up to a single question:
WHAT THE FRENCH TOAST HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?
Sunny didn't know why she sat in a tub full of tiramisu, but she was glad she was. That meant she got free food! She scooped a chunk and began eating it.
Lacete stared at Sunny with a blank look on her face. "What are you doing in my bathtub?"
"Eating tiramisu," Sunny said nonchalantly.
"In a bathtub. No, MY bathtub?"
"Well, get out! I need to take a shower! I smell like a muk making godless love to a garbodor!" Lacete yanked Sunny, who was thankfully fully clothed, out of the dessert-filled tub.
"Jeez, fine!" Sunny crouched, starting her Paras impression again. And she left the bathroom.
"Crazy bitca," Lacete murmured. She turned on the gold plated bath tub's faucet. The tiramisu grew soggy under the water, with the less than solid parts starting to flush into the drain. Unfortunately, the solid parts remained. Lacete sighed. Looks like she would have to call room service or something. But she vowed to take a bath!
Too bad she was too much of an impatient little scamp to wait.
Lacete walked out of her hotel room, looking left and right down the hallway, which was littered with soda cans. The air had a strong smell of rotten eggs. Lacete went to the hotel room door that was closest to her right, and knocked.
Angel, who was wearing nothing but a coconut bra and khakis, opened it. Rubbing the sleep from his left eye, Angel asked, "You... What do you want?"
Lacete pushed Angel aside and entered his room. "I, Lacete, need your help, drunken peasant! You see, despite the fact that I am non-mary-sue perfection embodied, I still collect dirt and germs upon my glorious dermis. And thus, at times, I will begin to smell unfavorably. This is one of those times." Lacete looked up at the ceiling and raised her arms to encompass her glory.
Angel cocked an eyebrow. "So what, you want to use my shower? Don't you have one in your room?"
"I would use my own, if not for that insufferable flip-flop weirdo! You see, she defiled my tub with her tiramisu!" Lacete's eye twitched slightly.
"Uh-huh..." Angel looked at her with a mix of contempt and boredom. "Why should I help you? You've done nothing but irritate my best friend. I know she's driven me insane on multiple occasions, but the principle still stands!"
Lacete rubbed her chin. "Should we battle in the tournament, I will not use my strongest Pokemon!"
Angel snorted in defiance. "That reward is purely circumstantial! Neither of us has any way of knowing who would fight who!"
"Crap, you're right! Hmm... I know, how about I give you a lil' somesing somesing." Lacete pulled up her kimono and stuck out her leg a bit.
"Ugh! Gross! How old are you, twelve? I'm not a pedo, crazy!" Angel spat. He glared at Lacete, who stared back at him blankly.
Lacete lowered her kimono. "I wouldn't let you touch me anyway. I was going to trick you, then run off."
Angel faced palmed, and pointed at the door. "Get out."
"All right! I'll leave!" As Lacete reached the doorway, she turned and asked Angel, "Before I go, I gotta ask: What's with the coconut bra?"
Angel looked down at his chest in confusion. "Huh? How did I not notice that before?" His hand cupped the shell on his right breast, and jiggled it. He winced. "Okay, it's starting to chafe."
Unamused, Lacete backed out of Angels' room, continuing her search for a shower she could use.
All things considered, Nathan had an awesome night. Sure, he didn't remember a thing, but that didn't mean he didn't have fun! Judging from the smell that wafted throughout the hotel, he manged to set of a whole bunch of stink bombs!
Although... That doesn't explain why he's sitting in a laundry bin...
Ring, Ring! A ringing noise emanated from Nathan's pocket. He reached in it, and pulled the ringing... thingy, out. It was his cellphone. The alarm clock went off on it. That meant it was time for the tournament to start. Wearing a tricksters smirk, Nathan burst out from under the laundry and stretched. Then he noticed something... peculiar.
The bin wasn't in the laundry room... It was in a hotel room! Specifically, Sunny's!
Sunny sat on her bed, directly across from the bin, chewing on a sock, and she was covered in tiramisu. Before Nathan could react, Sunny threw one of her flip flops, which only nearly missed his face by a millimeter, and it embedded itself into the wall behind him.
Sunny glared at Nathan. "What's with people in this town and stalking me?" She asked as she spat out the sock. "Maybe I should just eat you people so you can leave me alone," She took a fork out of hammer space.
Nathan just stared at her for a moment, then looked at his phone, and said, "Well, would you look at the time!" He jumped out of the laundry bin and out of the room.
Nathan ran as fast as his pale legs could go. Out of the hotel, to the stadium. Lance once again stood at the center of it, with psycho "goff" Enodi standing at his side.
Only the people mentioned previously in this chapter were there, oddly enough. All of them stood in a row before Lance and Taebory. Sunny looked back at Nathan, and said in a snarky tone, "Well, if it isn't the pervert who defiled my laundry collection!"
"I'm not a pervert!" Nathan shouted as he took a place in line next to Dakota, who was trying to piece together what had happened still. "And how did you get here before me?!"
"Magic," She snorted.
Nathan raised one of his eyebrows. What was with this chick? He made a mental note to put fire crackers in her toilet later.
Lance cleared his throat. 'Well, everyone, we've been waiting eight chapters, but now we're finally going to get to what the author promised us in the first place: a Pokémon battle!" The crowd cheered. We truly are getting the show on the road for the first time!
"Now, let's pick our first battlers, shall we?" Lance gestured towards the sky, where a giant TV screen appeared from behind nothing much!
On the screen were two windows, flashing various battlers faces like a slot machine. It went through various faces for about a minute, but stopped. The two chosen to battle to the death (not really) was... Ember and Nathan! (Duh) ArtemisisSymmetrical whooped from the stands.
As the contestants cleared out to the stands, Lance and Eboni took seats behind that look like the ones judges use in Pokémon contests. Nathan walked to and then stood on the right side of the battlefield, waiting for his opponent.
After five minutes, everyone began to get bored.
"Where is she!?" Nathan whined.
Just then, Something burst from the ground on the other side of the field. It was Ember. She was only visible from the waist up, as everything bellow that was underground.
"Hey, Where were you!? You should have gotten here on time!" Angel, now free of his fruity bondage, asked from the seats.
"Iwaskidnappedbytrollsbutthen Krabby-PeoplesavedmeandthenIbecamet hequeenoftheirundergroundcit ybutthenIrealizedthatIneeded toshowtheworldmytalentsatthe tournamentbuttheKrabby-Peoplewouldn'tletmegosoIdugmywaytofreedom withaspoonandhereIamnow!" Ember said rapidly, and in one breath.
"Uh... Okay," Nathan looked at Ember, one eyebrow raised.
Angel face palmed. "She got a stain on her shirt and had to change it," he translated, whilst pulling his flask out of his pocket.
"WHAT EVA FOOKIN PREPZ!11!" Enony shooted angrily. "JUS GET TE BATTLE ON WIT ALREDI!111!" Geddit? Cause she's goffic? No? Me neither.
Nathan withdrew a Pokéball from the latch on his belt. "Are we going to battle or just keep yackin' the rest of the chapter?"
Ember, who had managed to dig her way out of the ground completely, raised one as well. "Yeah we should get to it. I've got a hot date with Forrest Gump."
Lance, through a microphone that was placed in front of his seat, declared, "Ladies and gentlemen, this will be a three on three battle! Who ever knocks out all three of their opponent's Pokémon will be the winner! Now, three!"
"Two!" the crowd counted down in unison.
"Let's go!" Ember and Nathan shouted.
Prankster Nathan VS. Garage Rocker Ember
Their pokéballs flew through the air, and released the creatures hidden inside.
"Teaser!" Nathan shouted. A purple, gaseous mon came out of the ball. It had a large grin on it's face and detached hands. A Haunter. He let out a creepy cackle from
"Nuts!" And a squirrel-like Pokémon raced from his container. It chattered in some squirrely language about, well, nuts. The food kind, not the other, you sickos. He was a pachirisu.
"I'll go first!" Nathan declared. "Teaser! Use Poison Jab!"
Teaser's movement was swift, he reached Nut within seconds, and with it's hand, which glowed a lighter shade of purple, struck the smaller Pokémon. Nuts flew back by about a foot, flinching.
Nathans eyes lit up as his prankster's smirk grew on his face. "Hey, Teaser, do that again!"
Teaser, obeying his trainer, willed his hand to glow again, and prepared to attack Nuts again.
And just like that, Nuts had disappeared. Haunter canceled his attack and looked around. Nathan grimaced. What sort of attack was this?
He suddenly heard a familiar chattering noise. Nathan looked directly above Teaser, and stifled a gasp.
Nuts unleashed a massive wave of electricity, which struck Teaser dead-on.
"HAUNTHAUNTHAUNTHAUNTHAUNT!" Teaser shrieked as he was filled with pure energy.
After his assault, Nuts landed right in front of Teaser, chattering, "You ain't gonna get yo' hand on deez nuts!"
Haunter shook his head (or whatever his equivalent was) to shake off the effects of the discharge. "What nuts? What choo talkin' bout, Pachi?"
Nathan looked on, in a light shock, then looked to Ember. "What was that?! Some new attack?"
Ember chuckled as she shook her head. "Yes, my little prankster! Scurry is a new move I made up myself! You can't hope to beat me as long as I can use it!"
Sunny, who wasn't buying a word of what Ember had said, looked to the seat at her right, and asked Angel, "Hey, what's really going on out there?"
Angel groaned lightly, and then said, "This "Scurry" attack is really just her Pachirisu's ability, Run Away. It boosts Nut's speed so he can escape his opponents. She's just saying those things because she's a frikin' liar."
""Sweet"? How so?"
"Think about it; We have a liar and a prankster, both are going to be using crazy tactics to battle with."
Teaser began to lose his patience. He repeated his attack over and over, yet Nut's was able to dodge each strike.
Nathan growled. "Teaser, use Brick Break!"
Teaser's hands glowed white, and charged at Nuts, in an attempt to, well, break him. However, Nut managed to dodge it still.
"Come one, Teaser! Fight like you mean it!"
He tried, but to no avail. That... that... squirrel-thing kept dodging!
"Stop dodging and let me hit you!" Teaser begged in his native tongue as he charged at Nuts.
"Okee-dokee!" Nuts complied cheerfully. He then cheerfully jumped in front of Teaser, allowing himself to be hit by the Brick Break. Nuts then did fly in the opposite direction as a direct result of being hit by Teaser.
"That was... stupid," Nathan thought. "And sooooooo boring! This fights been nothing but dodging! And I don't want to win like this either!" Nathan began scratching his head furiously with both hands as he wracked his brain for ideas as to how to both win and make the battle fun.
Suddenly, a light bulb went off inside his head! Nathan smiled, snapped his fingers, and proudly declared, "Prank war!"
Both Teaser and Nuts ceased their fighting to look at him.
Eforly got a dude-you're-so-retarded look on her face. "Wut!?111" she asked sexilly.
Ember looked on, her face held an expression of mild amusement.
Nathan ignored the staring and ordered, "Teaser, prank time!"
Teaser grinned, understanding what his trainer was saying completely. Teaser reached into hammer space (which is a power nearly everyone has in my world) and pulled out two pies, one in each hand.
"You ready, Teaser?"
"Haunter!" Teaser said in confirmation. Then, with lightning fast, speed, threw a pie at Nuts, hitting him square in the face.
Nuts, now lying on his back, licked as much pie he could off of his face. "Mmm. Oran pie!" Nuts jumped up gleefully, practically shouting, "I want more pie!"
Now, for those of you who know anything about the series, it would be obvious that Oran berries are used for healing, and because of that, using a pie made out of them as a weapon is generally a bad idea.
Nuts jumped up, a portion of his health restored.
And for the next hour, Nathan and Teaser had tried all sorts of pranks in an effort to defeat Nuts. Joy buzzers, whoopee cushions, stink bombs, spicy gum, C4 explosives, and banana peels. But, somehow, none of this affected that damn squirrel!
Nathan sighed at his failed attempt at a prank war. Pranking was usually one of his strong points. Why isn't it working now?
Ember watched the battle field, bored. This stupid battle had been going on for too long. Really, she hasn't even gotten the opportunity to show off her epic guitar skills yet, so she decided to end it.
"Nuts!" She shouted, getting the attention of her ADD addled Pokémon. "Let's end this! Electro Ball!"
"Kay!" Nuts began to gather a ball of electrical energy at the tip of his tail.
"Oh, no you don't!" Nathan shouted. "Teaser, Shadow Ball!" And Teaser began to create a ball of, well... shadows in his hands.
Then the two mons charged at each other, releasing their respecting balls. The attacks collided, creating a small explosion that engulfed them, followed by a large cloud of dust. (A totally original and not cliche event that's used to build a false sense of dramatic tension.)
"Teaser!" Nathan cried.
"Nuts!" Ember also cried.
The dust cloud had cleared, revealing the results of the battle. Neither Nuts nor Teaser had won. their attacks had knocked each other out.
"Crap," Nathan muttered in disappointment whilst looking at the ground. He held out Teaser's Pokéball. "Return." And in a flash of red light, Teaser was back in it. "You did good." He said to the ball.
Ember pouted slightly and shook her head a bit. She also returned Nuts. "Rest well, little guy. We'll be idols yet."
She then called out to Nathan. "Hey, prankster dude! You wanna know how I got these scars?"
She motioned to her scarred face which wasn't actually scarred.
"What scars? I don't see any," Nathan squinted in attempt to get a better look at her face.
"Well, My mother loved tauros' so much to the point where she refused to defend herself against one when it was trying to kill her. After she died from that, I vowed revenge against all Pokémon everywhere! I tried to kill a ninetails, but it cursed my so that my soul would burn like a flame for all eternity!"
"Then how are you here? Why are you using Pokémon?"
"Because shut up."
Nathan merely shook his head as he and Ember took out their Pokéballs.
"Go, Roid!" Ember sent out a Machoke.
"Go, Midnight!" Nathan had sent out a Chandelure.
"Roid, use Foresight!" A large magnifying appeared over Midnight for a split second, then disappeared. "Now, use DynamicPunch!" Roid's fist glowed with a reddish energy, and before Midnight could react, she was punched in her face, causing an epic explosion. This lead to an anticlimactic K.O.
Nathan's eye twitched at this. That... was just stupid! He should be winning this! He shouldn't be some no-name liar's bitch!
Meanwhile, on the other side of the field, Roid wasn't faring too well. Unfortunately for him, Midnights ability was Flame Body, which left a rather nasty burn on his fist. (In the shape of a tangelo, no less)
Nathan noticed and smirked. "Looks like your Roid just got burned."
"Ha! This is nothing! You only have one pokémon left while I still have two!"
Nathan continued to smirk. 'Whatever you say, lady. What ever you say." He pulled out another Pokéball, and threw it. "Go, Creepster!" And out of the ball came a Spiritomb. It felt as though the creature was covered with a foul aura, almost pure evil. He floated uncomfortably close to Roid, staring him down. He was understandably freaked out by this, as he backed up a few feet.
"Roid, Use Fore-"
"Creepster, use Dark Pulse!" Creepster quickly created a few rings made of dark energy and collected them into a sphere like form, blasting Roid point-blank and causing a minor explosion.
"Roid!" Ember shouted, but was immediately relieved to see he was (relatively) okay as the smoke cleared. He was hunched slightly, and his breathing as a bit heavy, but overall, he was okay. "Heh," She giggled slightly. "Hey, Dummy! You do realize Dark-type moves don't work well on Fighting-types, right?"
"Doesn't matter. Look." Ember noticed Roid wincing in pain. Of course! The burn he sustained from Midnight. That little freak must be be waiting the battle out so that Roid would faint from the burn!
Ember scowled. "You're a lot better than I thought kid." She raised her right arm above her head. "It looks like I'll have to take you seriously." Then, out of Hammer space, Ember materialized her guitar into her hand. "Let me play your swan song." She began strumming her guitar, singing.
"La da da da da,"
Roid abruptly stood up straight, his breathing returning to a normal pace.
"I'm gonna bury you in the ground."
A large magnifying glass appeared over Creepster, presumably the move Foresight.
"La da da da da, I'm gonna bury you with my sound."
Roid removed his Power-Save belt, which may I remind you limits a machoke's strength. After doing this, his muscle size increased dramatically. He was twice as large then when he started out.
"I'm gonna drain the red from you pretty pink face. I'm gonna-"
"What the glorble glop are you doing?!" Nathan rudely interrupted Ember's song.
Ember chuckled softly as she looked down at her instrument. "Y'see, I trained my pokémon with my sweet songs. They're in tune with my tunes, as it were. And when I bring out my guitar, we're in full synch, baby!" She struck a low chord, signaling Roid to charge forward.
Nathan's eye twitched. "I don't care if you have some weird battling style! I'll take you down all the same! Creepster, Sucker Punch!"
Creepster sprouted a tendril made out of the purple... stuff that composed most of his body, preparing to slam it into Roid.
"Sorry I don't treat you like a goddess, is that what you want me to do~?" Ember began to sing again.
"I. Am not. A girl!"
Roid's fist and Creepster's tentacle-thing slammed into each other, causing yet another explosion, albeit minor.
"Sorry I don't treat you like you're perfect, like all your little subjects do.
Sorry I'm not made of sugar, that I'm not sweet enough for you~"
Despite being blown back a bit, Roid didn't seem to have taken any damage. He crossed his arms in an "X" formation, preparing to use Cross Chop.
"Is that why you always avoid me? That must be such and inconvenience to you! Well..."
Creepster leaped into the air, charging up a Dark Pulse. "Spin!" Nathan ordered. Creepster complied, spinning rapidly as it released the Dark Pulse over his body, wrapping himself in an unwrapable sphere of darkness. Roid also leaped up, and struck the sphere with his mighty arms. For a moment, there was a struggle, but soon the sphere began to form cracks. At first, they were tiny, almost microscopic, then slowly but surely, they began to spread; they began to grow. And soon, the entire ball of darkness was covered in cracks.
"I'm just your problem..."
Crash! The black shield Creepster created had shattered like glass. The pieces evaporated as they fell to the ground, now useless. Roid's attack made contact and sent Creepster flying into the stadium wall behind Nathan.
Nathan only let out a small gasp as a reaction to what happened. Creepster let out a sigh of defeat before falling unconscious.
"And with that," Lance announced into the microphone, "Creepster is unable to battle! The winner is Ember Kingsley!"
"FOokn prep," Egoly muttered sexily. "Dat KAWAII emo boI shud hav 1."
Ember, who had been absorbed with her song, had just noticed her victory. She let a small, but still noticable sigh. "Oh? It's over already? I didn't get to finish my song... Oh well. Hey, pale kid!"
"Return," Nathan muttered as he put Creepster back in his ball. His gaze was a bit empty due to the shock of losing to a wannabe rockstar like Ember. (Who totally should have lost.) "Hmm?" He turn to look at Ember.
"Don't look down, guy! It isn't your fault that you lost; It was just destiny! You see, I was destined since birth to become the most famous star in the world! And nothing can stand in my way, lest they be crushed!" She looked to the sky, her arms raised in a dramatic fashion.
"Hehehe," She started to giggle, but it soon turned to manic laughter. "Ah... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
A/N: Good. F**king. Arceus. I HATE this chapter! I've never done a fight scene before, so I don't know how well this turned out. I had to keep editing this thing down & fixing it! It's fraking massive! (Over 4,000 words! That's a LOT for me...)
The song Ember sings is "I'm just your problem" written by the lovely people behind Adventure Time, which I don not own. (And Ember can't sing as well as Marceline. That OC of mine sounds like Rebbecca Black.)
Anyway, everyone, I'm so sorry for being late. I've been caught up in a lot of stuff lately. (for like five moths, no less) Like, I went to see ParaNorman (Awesome movie. Buy the DVD) for Anticsareme's birthday, then BW2 came out, so I had to beat that, (Got Genesect! Awesome.) then I've been getting into a show called Gravity Falls (Awesome show. I can't help but cross it over with ParaNorman!) Which is on Disney channel, (and it's the only good show on there nowadays) I went to see Wreck-It-Ralph. (Also an awesome movie. I'm buying the DVD when it comes out) AND season 3 of MLP: FIM came out (WATCH IT!)
So yeah. I've been sooo busy. I'm sorry, guys! *grovels a bit* Hopefully, I can get the next chapter out this month... I hope.
Also, What do you guys think of my new profile image? And I'm thinking a bout getting a cover for this. And since I'm a terrible artist/ have a computer with out a scanner or any artsy stuff, I was wondering if anybody could help me out with that? Please?
Next time: Angel VS. Canus