A/N : My first Glee fic since Glee has become depressing lately I decided to write a humor/romance fic surrounding my fav couple Samcedes. It takes place after regionals but Rachel and Finn aren't getting married yet (they are still engaged) and Quinn didn't get into the car accident.
Summary: Sue Sylvester forces the Glee club to get up on their parenting skills now that she's pregnant giving each of the kids a life like baby to take care of for a week. Samcedes. Sam/Mike/Puck friendship. Various Glee friendships.
Mercedes Jones arrived at McKinely High early with her friend Tina Cohen-Chang right beside her; the two girls chatting about the movie they went to see last night before entering the busy hallway to get their things from their lockers. It was like any other day except the Glee club was in a cheery mood since their win at regionals plus there was no more drama within the group and everything seemed to be going back to normal...well almost. Mercedes glanced down the hall to see no other than Sam Evans chatting with Mike about something they seemed really interested in. She took the time to admire his smile and laugh, the way his nose scrunched up and how his muscles seemed to flex under that nice fitted shirt...
"You are suppose to be finding yourself, Mercedes, not oogling Sam in the hallway!" Tina's sharp tone snapped Mercedes out of her trance causing the shorter girl to frown. "Don't give me that look! I totally saw you undressing him with your eyes! Friends do not do that to friends and I thought you both agreed to be just friends!" The Asian crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her friend who sighed. "I'm just making sure you're ready before you jump into anything. Call me Tina Chang...the cockblocker!"
Mercedes laughed then shut her locker, "No one is going to be cockblocking anyone because there's nothing to cockblock. We are just friends! I can't glanced over at Sam and Mike without you thinking I'm having some kind of dirty thoughts?"
"You never look at me like that...and I'm your friend."
"You never looked that good in blue!" She joked causing Tina to roll her eyes and place her books in her locker. "Come on, Tina, you know this isn't easy for..."
"Hey, girls!" Mercedes nearly jumped out of her skin as she turned to see Mike and Sam now standing behind her. When did they start making their way over to them? And how did they manage to be so damn quiet? Mike looked amused as he went to give his girlfriend a quick kiss on the cheek while Sam watched Mercedes with an unreadable expression. "Someone is jumpy today!" Mike joked as he wrapped an arm around Tina.
"We went to see a scary movie last night." Tina replied, "Mercedes is still a little spooked I guess." She gave her friend a wink then smirked.
"What movie did you guys see?" Sam asked, his eyes still on Mercedes as she glanced between him and Tina. He held onto the straps of his backpack tightly, his knuckles turning white. She could tell that he was trying to keep this as casual as he could. He's been doing that since she sang that Whitney Houston song to him on Valentine's Day and she really appreciated that he was giving being just friends a shot. Even Shane didn't mind being just friends, they still hung out and talked a lot but with Sam it was different. It was forced.
"Umm...we went to see Happy Feet 2." She shrugged and watched as Mike and Sam gave them both confused looks while Tina tried not to laugh.
"That movie isn't scary...like at all..."
Mercedes rolled her eyes, "I know. Tina was just being a jerk." She shot her friend a look that only caused the Asian to laugh. "You guys just caught me off guard. Make some noise next time, Mike!"
He grinned, "I'm like a ninja, baby!"
Tina snorted, "A ninja who trips down the stairs and falls into bushes..."
"That is not fair because you're parents were entering the house and I had my pants around my ankles..."
"Ok!" Mercedes exclaimed, interrupting the Asian couple before they said way more than her and Sam needed to hear. "I need to get to class and you guys need to not air your dirty deeds to your friends in the hallway. See ya'll in glee club!" She quickly turned to leave, avoiding any looks at Sam before dashing down the hallway. She heard Mike asked "What's up with her?" before she turned down the corner.
The day was going pretty well until it was time for glee club. Mercedes didn't mind it much since Quinn made sure she was always in between her and Sam or always around period when it came to him being in the same room so it wouldn't be as awkward. The blonde even joined the God Squad to make sure that Mercedes didn't have to be left alone with Sam and their complicated feelings; meeting that Joe Hart kid was a definite plus though.
"Hey there," Quinn grinned as Mercedes took her place next to her. "Aren't you looking lovely today? Tina told me about your little relapse in the hallway..." The blonde watched as her friend's smile faded and turned to glare at Tina who shrugged. "Now what is this I hear about you wanting to have sex with Sam on his locker?"
"Ok...I may have exaggerated a little..." Tina spoke up before Mercedes could get up and give her a tongue lashing. "But you were totally eye sexing him. And that's not what friends do to..." She stopped when she realized the rest of the glee club was starting to fill up the room.
"This conversation is not over, young lady." Quinn said as she kept her eyes straight ahead. Mercedes glanced from Tina to her and rolled her eyes as Sam entered the room. He fist bumped Mike before taking his spot on Quinn's other side next to Rory. "Good afternoon, Sam." Quinn greeted nicely, receiving a smirk from the blonde boy.
"Mornin', Quinn." He put his backpack down before leaning forward to look down at Mercedes who seemed upset about something, "Hey, Cedes." She sighed and muttered a 'hi' but kept her eyes straight forward causing Sam to frown and sit back. Was she upset with him? He thought he was doing really good at this 'just friends' thing considering he was completely in love with her and the thought of being friends made him wanna curl up into a ball and die.
The rest of the club took their seats as Mr. Schue entered the room looking more pale and stressed than ever. They were about to ask him what was wrong before Sue Sylvester entered the classroom with some of the band members, each of them pushing in baby strollers with blankets covering them. The kids all frowned and whispered amongst each other before Mr. Schue went to the board and wrote 'Parenting'.
"Umm...is this a joke?" Quinn asked as she took in the strollers and word on the board. "Because as a teen mother who gave up her daughter for adoption this is not funny..."
"Calm it, Q." Sue interrupted, taking Schue's spot in the front of the room as a huge grin spread on her face. "As most of you may know...I'm pregnant!" The kids looked at her in shock. "Yeah that's right. I got a baby growin' in me and it's already more successful and better looking than all of you in here!"
Rachel rose her hand then spoke up, "Um what does this have to do with glee club? We just won so I think it is time we focused on what songs we will be performing for Nationals and the solos I will be receiving..."
"Can it, loud one." Sue interrupted before anyone else in the room could. "As I was saying, I'm pregnant and will be bringing a little Sue into this world." Puck made a gagging sound, "Something wrong, Noah?" She asked angrily, glaring at the mohawked teen who held a hand over his mouth as he paled.
He shook his head, "No...just picturing you having sex." He muttered before quickly gagging again.
"Anyways, since I will be bringing a child into this world I thought it was time that you guys would know how to take care of one. Because there is no way I'm going to have my child around you irresponsible little roaches without the proper knowledge on how to take care of one..."
"Most of us are seniors." Finn spoke up, a confused look on his face. "By time that baby explodes out of you...or whatever it is they do...we'll be long gone."
Santana rolled her eyes but agreed, "Yeah. He has a point. So who cares if some of us don't know how to take care of a baby? It's not our responsibility to watch your demon seed. Plus I practically raised myself. It's called tough love. I came out fine." She shrugged, ignoring the looks from the others.
"Lord Tubbington raised me." Brittany nodded, "You can get a dog nanny. Like the one in Peter Pan." Santana patted her girlfriend on the back before turning her attention back to Sue who was shooting them an evil glare.
"Point is, guys," Mr. Schue finally spoke up, "Most of you don't have all the credits you need for graduation." The seniors in the class started at that but he raised a hand before they could have an outburst, "Figgins said you guys haven't had any community service time. You need those credits to graduate..."
"Bull!" Puck yelled, rising from his seat. "I was in juvie! For a week! That is totally community service! And let's not forget me getting Artie laid!" He pointed to the boy in the wheelchair who blushed then placed his head in his hands. "So I should have all the credit I need!"
"You did not get Artie laid, you idiot. Britt wanted to bone him so she did." Santana sneered.
"My father said community service is for poor people." Sugar said, "I refuse to work with hobos or dirty people."
"Guys!" Schue interrupted, sighing. "Point is you will be getting good credit for this." He glanced over at a smug Sue, "Since Sue convinced Figgins this was a necessity after that disastrous 'sex ed' class Miss Holiday gave you all...you must all take care of a baby for a week."
"Wait," Mercedes arched a brow at him as she sat forward and pointed at the strollers. "There are actual babies in there? Oh hell to the no, Mr. Schue, I am not watching some other person's baby for a week! That has got to be illegal or something!"
"Calm down, Aretha, these babies are not real." Sue replied. "I had a good chat with a Mr. Maury Povich and he lended me these realistic...creepy...dolls." She removed a blanket from one of the strollers and held up said doll. The kids all made faces at it; some disgusted and some amused.
"It looks like a baby corpse!" Kurt exclaimed. "Is it suppose to look so real? What ever happened to making kids watch a boiled egg?" He held onto Blaine's hand as his eyes scanned the doll.
"These are breathing lifelike baby dolls." Sue explained, "Since Maury's show turned into a battle of 'you ain't the baby daddy', he has no use for these. He use to give 'em to those little outrageous teens who wanted babies to show them that it ain't all fun and games to be a mom." She placed the doll down and turned to smile at the kids. "And now they're all yours. Take good care or them or you will be dealing with me!"
"Mr. Schue! We should be thinking about Nationals right now!" Rachel exclaimed, "This is ridiculous!"
"If you wanna graduate you have to do this, Rachel. I'm sorry."
"Fine." Kurt sighed, "Hand me a girl with eyes that match mine. Blaine and I always said we would adopt our first after we both make it big on broadway but I guess we could always use the practice right now. But I refuse to be a stay at home mom." He shot his boyfriend a look before looking back at Mr. Schue who shook his head.
"Sorry, Kurt. The parents have been randomly selected. I can't allow you all to just pair up with who you're most comfortable with. It has to be a challenge..." The couples in the class began to complain. "Sorry, guys! Also, one of you will have to be a single parent. But Sue has gotten the chart to see who is paired with whom." The kids groaned at their fate being in the hands of Sue Sylvester.
"Alrighty then! Wheels will be paired with Santana!"
"What!" The latina shot up from her seat, "I am not being paired with Artie! I've never even hooked up with him once! And just because he's a football player doesn't mean I want him being the father of my child! I do not want my baby saying 'holla, who dis be?' as its first words!" She glared over at Artie who gave her a shocked look.
"Do you think I want my baby going around screaming it's from Lima Heights Adjacent and it'll jack people up?" He asked back incredulously, "Plus Satan is not gonna be the mother of my baby! Nuh uh...no damn way!"
Brittany smiled at her girlfriend and ex, "I think you guys would have an adorable crippled demon baby!"
"Mohawk and Asian girl!" Sue continued, ignoring Santana's outburst.
"What?" Mike and Tina yelled in unison as they looked over at Puck who was staring at one of the strollers in a daze. "I cannot have him be the father of my baby!" Tina shrieked, "He wanted to name Quinn's baby after an alcoholic beverage! My baby will end up in the dryer! He will give it a stupid mohawk like his!" Puck snapped out of his daze to glare at her.
"Hold it right there, baby momma number two!" Quinn rolled her eyes. "The mohawk is bad ass and you should be lucky to have me as the father of that creepy doll! I have mad parenting skills yo! Beth loves me! And I use to babysit my little sister all the time!" Tina squinted her eyes at him then grabbed Mike's hand in hers. "Now...I think we should get a boy. And we're gonna name him Puckzilla the Second."
"See!" Tina yelled, pointing over at Puck in distress as he gave her a look that said 'what did I do?'.
"Sugar and Young Bert Reynolds..."
It was Kurt's turn to have an outburst which Sue knew was coming because these glee kids were overdramatic over everything. She wondered if she was ever going to get through the list with at least one of them agreeing. She paused and allowed the young teen to have his turn to complain.
"Blaine and I are going to have a kid together! Not Blaine and...Sugar!" He spat her name in disgust causing the girl to shoot him a look. "I refuse to have a my boyfriend raise a baby with someone that is not me! Especially when she will dress it like a fashion deprived Bratz doll hooker!"
Sugar stood from her seat to yell at him, "Are you talking about my taste in clothing? Because I dress way better than you!"
"Oh please! Who dresses you? Hannah Montana?"
"Guys!" Mr. Schue interrupted, running a hand through his hair. "Can we please just get through this without any more outbursts? The more we get this over with the more we can focus on Nationals so please just...go along with it." The kids quieted down. "Sue...continue."
"Porcelain and Leprechaun..."
"Great now my kid is going to have a drinking problem." Kurt muttered under his breath but not low enough for Rory to not hear him.
"That is a complete stereotype about the Irish!" He exclaimed, "We are not all drunks!"
"Quinn and the hobbit." Quinn and Rachel glanced at each other and before Rachel could say anything about it; Sue continued, "Other Asian and Brittany. Lady lips and Aretha and Finn to be a lonely old gigantic father by himself." She looked up from the paper and grinned, taking in all the kids looks but the two that looked the most distraught were Sam and Mercedes when they realized that they would be parenting a life like baby doll together. "I take your guys stunned silence as a sign as approval and with that said I will be assigning you the babies too! Some are boys and some are girls and they are anatomically correct so you better hope you don't get peed on."
"You can name them and dress them. They use the bathroom, cry, and vomit so...yeah...treat it like it is really yours." Mr. Schue said. He noticed how pale Sam looked, "Sam...you ok?"
"We...we can't be together...I mean work together." The blonde spoke up immediately, shooting Mercedes a look. "She needs time to think and I need to give her space and we can't do that if we're going to be having a baby together."
Mr. Schue frowned, "I understand there has been a lot of Samcedes angst these past days, Sam..." The couple shot him a look. "What? Isn't that what they call you two? Anyways I understand there's a lot of feelings and history between you two but the way you guys are going about it isn't healthy. Remember that week Miss Pillsbury suggested you two not speak?" They nodded. "That made you guys feel horrible. And I know it did because when you two sung those songs to each other...I saw it in your faces. Just...it's just a week. Two friends watching a really creepy doll. Ok?"
Finn raised his hand, "I'll be Mercedes' partner! I really don't wanna be a single parent. It's not going to be fun..."
"Too bad, pudgy. You get what you get." Santana snapped, crossing her arms angrily. "I cannot believe my girlfriend gets a hot Asian dancer to father her baby and I'm stuck with wheels."
"Watch it, woman!" Artie warned.
Brittany smiled and looked at Mike, "We're gonna name our baby Unicorn Princess Pierce-Chang."
Mike frowned, "No we're not!"
"Would you prefer Panda Princess?"
"Why because I'm Asian? That's racist, Brittany!"
"No...I like Kung Fu Panda! Me and Santana got our lady kisses on to it in the movie theater once..." Santana quickly placed a hand over her girlfriend's mouth and glared at her very interested friends.
"O...k...Come up and get your doll." Mr. Schue said as he turned to grab an envelope off the first stroller. "Here ya go, Finn. You're the proud single father of a baby girl!"
"Seriously?" The tall teen said in distress. "It's a girl? How am I suppose to know how to dress it and wipe its...lady parts!" He whispered the last thing like it was a bad word. "At least with a boy I will know what to do with it!"
Rachel smiled at her boyfriend, "Don't worry, Finn. I will help you. I'm sure you will be a terrific father to our daughter. Now you should name her..."
"Rachel, this is Finn's baby. You and Quinn will have one of your own so you can't tell him how to raise his kid."
"What the hell!" Finn yelled. "My girlfriend can't even help me? This is so unfair! How am I gonna have a baby with no mother!" He walked up and looked down at the creepy life like doll before sighing. "I guess it's kinda cute...I'm gonna name it Little Debbie. After my favorite snack."
Santana snorted and before Rachel could say anything, Quinn put a hand over her mouth.
"The rest of you get up here and claim your new bundle of joy. Oh and name it...something nice." Mr. Schue said, shooting the kids warning looks.
Mercedes sighed as everyone else got up and made their way to the front of the room to get their dolls. She glanced to her right and realized that her and Sam were the only ones who didn't get up and since Quinn was the only thing separating them; the blonde was now with Rachel examining their 'baby' together, the diva realized she was screwed. She turned to look over at him, ready to say something until she realized his green eyes were staring straight ahead at their stroller as he continued to chant something under his breath.
He stopped and looked over at her, immediately blushing.
"Were you...were you just saying 'please be a boy' over and over again?" Mercedes asked incredulously as the blonde ducked his head in embarrassment at being caught. She tried not to smile at his adorableness. "You want us to have a boy? Err...a boy doll thingy?"
He shrugged, "I always wanted our first born to be a boy."
"I mean my!" He said quickly before getting up from his seat, wiping his hands on his jeans. Mercedes could tell he was nervous, he always did that when he was nervous. "Um, let's go see it shall we?" She nodded and he extended his hand to her which she took. They both walked together to the stroller and glanced over at their friends who already had theirs. Some of them were actually happy and cooing over the dolls, some were arguing about what to name it while others were fighting over who gets custody first.
Sam glanced at Mercedes before releasing her hand to step forward and take the blanket off the stroller to reveal the doll to them. Kurt was right when he said they were creepy and looked like baby corpses. They were so life like it was almost scary and they even breathed. What kind of doll did that? Their baby was tan with brown curly hair. Mercedes rolled her eyes guessing Sue and Mr. Schue wanted it to look like its parents. She looked over at the others to see their babies also looked like a mixture of both of them too. This was going to be a tough week.
"Looks like we got a boy!" Sam exclaimed as he peeked down the things diaper. He tried to suppress a smile but failed.
"You got what you wanted. What should we name him?"
Mercedes shot him a look before placing a hand on her hip, "Samuel Evans, we are not naming our baby after a comic book character!" He began laughing and she rolled her eyes. "I am going to kick your butt, boy! Be serious." She grinned as he began to think a moment.
"How about Sam Jr?"
"How original." She deadpanned.
"Well he's your son too! What would you name our kid?"
Mercedes bit her bottom lip and thought about it. She would be lying if she said she didn't think about having kids with Sam when they were together and what they would name them. "How about...Jacob?" She liked that name because it was like Jake and Jack. Jake, being something Sam liked because of Jake Sully from Avatar and Jack being something Mercedes like because Jack Dawson from Titanic.
Sam smirked, "Jacob Evans? Nice."
Before Mercedes could agree they heard a loud scream and quickly turned to see Santana throwing the doll to Artie before backing away in fear. "That thing just opened its eyes! It's possessed! Keep that Chucky doll away from me!" She then began to go off in Spanish while Artie held their doll lovingly.
"Woman! Keep your voice down! You're scaring Jackson!" Artie exclaimed.
"Jackson? Did you really name your baby Jackson because of Michael Jackson?" Blaine asked and Artie nodded happily. "Well me and Sugar have a girl. She wants to name it Queen." He shot his partner a look. "That's just begging for her to get picked on in school."
"With a name like Queen all the other kids will know who not to mess with." Sugar replied with a toss of her hair. "But first things first we go shopping because these clothes are not suitable for our daughter."
Blaine nodded, "Finally something we agree on."
"We have little Cher here." Kurt said as he held his doll and showed his boyfriend with a proud grin. Rory stood back and watched as his partner hogged the doll up, not even letting him help in naming it. "With my talent and good looks, she will make it big in showbiz."
"Can I hold her?" Rory asked.
Mercedes tried not to laugh at her best friend's snottiness. She noticed even Quinn and Rachel were getting along well with theirs and already had a schedule planned on who gets it and when. The only one having trouble was Tina and Puck. She could see how frustrated her friend was when Puck started talking about dressing their baby as a biker. He wanted to name it Harley Davidson.
"I'm glad you guys are enjoying this." Mr. Schue exclaimed, relieved that no one was no longer complaining and they looked excited. "Hopefully this week goes by fast. Till then we still have glee so this weeks assignment is to sing a song to your new bundle of joy! Class dismissed."
Mercedes looked over at Sam who was holding the doll and looking down at it with a small smirk on his lips. She knew he was great with kids due to the fact he had Stevie and Stacey. But playing mommy to Sam's daddy while trying to remain just friends was something she was not ready for.