This was it.
This was the last straw.
He was going to get it now.
Oh how he was so going to get it now.
Just when things were actually going his way, this happens.
But as he was thinking about it, it was worth it—worth it for doing what he did.
And when he did what he did, his ass was going to get kicked and his life was in jeopardy.
And what was the threat towards him?
Anybody who decided to answer had three guesses, plus one hint—an obvious hint.
A very obvious hint.
A very, very obvious hint.
But how would someone know if he or she or they were correct?
Well, judging from how the side of the tree he was in looked more like sandpaper, the two girls sitting at the bottom of it, and him sitting in one of the branches, anyone would that a monster was on the loose. The whole scenario would've played out like this:
An innocent man had been minding his own business when, all of a sudden, he encounters a monster. Said monster saw him as a meal, or perhaps someone to kill, and chased after him. The man ran up the tree, and the monster, which couldn't climb the tree, ferociously clawed at the side of the tree until it was in the bad state it was in now.
But there's just one question about this whole story: where do the two girls come in?
It was simple, really; so simple anybody could have seen the truth because of how obvious it was.
Those two girls, who were innocent as the man in the tree was, came along after the monster had left and sat down at the base, no doubt confused at first by the sandpapery appearance the bark had taken on, and the man sitting on a branch above.
Anybody would have gone up to them and said "Excuse me, girls, but this is no place to be hanging around! A monster is on the loose, and if it comes back, it could catch you and eat you!"
Unfortunately, people who thought it was like that were wrong—dead wrong, and for several reasons:
One, the man wasn't as innocent as he people thought he was.
Two, it wasn't a monster that turned the bark into sandpaper.
Three, it wasn't one monster he was running away from—it was two.
And four, those two girls down at the base of the tree weren't running from the monster—they were the monsters.
When taking those reasons into thought and considering how the scenario really played out, it would go like this:
The man did something to anger the two girls, who then proceeded to chase him all the way to the tree where they furiously clawed at it until it turned to the sandpapery state it was in.
Yep, that was how it happened.
That was how it was these days.
That was how it pretty much was for Juza Amakusa, a charming ladies man who in no way was a charming ladies man at all when every single girl he flirted with instantly rejected him.
But that didn't stop him from trying to win a girl's heart. If anything, it only made him more determined to do better by continuing to utilize every tactic he knew, including others he had learned along the way throughout the course of his life.
These two girls below him were no different from the others he knew, except for just one thing—one single, tiny little thing.
They were worse than all the other girls combined.
And just who were these two girls, someone might wonder.
Well, they were none other than Amakusa's favorite pair of 'pampered princesses', Ange Ushiromiya and Asmodeus of Lust of the seven Stakes of Purgatory.
And just what had he done to them exactly?
Again, it was simple, and this was where the people who guessed wrong at what the scenario was were right.
Amakusa had just been minding his own business while walking through the park—yep, that was the only part of the wrong version of the story that was correct, but this is where things turn out differently.
As he was just casually walking across the grass, listening to the birds sing in the trees while flirting with cute girls he passed by, he spotted his two favorite 'pampered princesses' sitting on the edge of a six foot drop into a large patch of daisies.
From where he was standing when he noticed them, he could not help but chuckle at how cute they both were.
Asmodeus was wearing the formal uniform that she and all six of her older sisters wore, while Ange was simply attired in a light green tee shirt, a pink miniskirt, and a pair of sandals on her feet. Because it was nice and warm today, she had no need to wear the black jacket or those long socks she usually had on. Likewise, Asmodeus also had no need for her red jacket, so she had taken it off and rolled up her sleeves when they got to the park.
The way they sitting was absolutely adorable, given how Asmodeus was resting her head on Ange's shoulder with her left arm around the witch's back, whereas Ange was resting her own head atop of the youngest Stake's head and her arm around Asmodeus' shoulder.
It was no wonder why they both made a perfect pair of sisters, even though they weren't related to each other by blood. It was their sisterly bond which drew them so close together to make the picture of an ideal familial bond, something the Stakes of Purgatory all shared, but in a different way.
Mammon was a huge heap of trouble; she always teased her sisters and stole their belongings.
Beelzebub was sort of like the Stake of Greed, but she wanted food instead of material things and she always whined when she didn't get any, as well as teased her sisters from time to time.
Leviathan was a big crybaby who wailed loudly when things didn't go her way—sort of similar to Beelzebub's whining—but she also did tease her sisters like the Stakes of Greed and Gluttony.
Satan always got pissed at her sisters when they criticized or teased her.
Lucifer was arrogant and vain, but also responsible as she was the oldest sister.
Belphegor was just a shy, timid, withdrawn introvert, who didn't like socializing with others because she didn't know how to; so, like always, she just did her work.
Because all of them were way too busy trying to handle each other's problems, such as Lucifer trying to keep Satan from slaughtering her sisters, they had no time at all to spare for their youngest sibling.
That was why Asmodeus always had felt so alone amongst the Stakes since she was shoved to the side so her older sisters could move forward. Her loneliness had gotten so bad that at one point she considered leaving Ange and her sisters and find someone else who would need her. Fortunately for her, Ange willingly—and quite eagerly at that—took up the role of being her big sister so that Asmodeus could finally have an older sibling who would love her.
And now, after being together for about a year, their sisterly bond had grown so strong that it couldn't be broken by anything. Nothing could damage it; it was as if they were long lost twins who had been separated at birth, reuniting with each other after so many long years had passed to spend the rest of their lives together. They would never leave each other alone, and they'd always be there for each other too.
That was what it meant to be sisters.
And that was why Amakusa found their sisterly bond to be so adorable.
Which was why he couldn't help himself from doing what he did.
And what had he done to enrage both girls, one might ask?
Well, all he did at first was sneak up behind them as quietly as a mouse.
Ange and Asmodeus had no idea he was there, nor did they know what his intentions were. By the time he had gotten close enough to them, they had already stood up and closed their eyes, giggling softly because they were so happy that they were spending time together in such a peaceful spot. But it was about time for them to return to the picnic table where they and the other Stakes were having lunch.
Of course, being who he was, Amakusa was definitely going to ruin their peaceful moment together. And he did so by simply closing most of his fingers so that only his index and middle fingers on both hands were still open. Making sure they were close together, he brought them close to his mouth and kissed them.
Upon hearing the first kiss, Ange and Asmodeus had opened their eyes, confused about what was going on. Upon hearing the second kiss, it was too late.
Before they could even finish turning their heads, they suddenly felt his fingers pressing softly against their cheeks—and it was the very same fingers he kissed.
Amakusa didn't have to wait long for a reaction, nor did he even care that it wasn't the sort of reaction he sought—actually, their reaction led up to their fit of rage, which surfaced right when Amakusa was already running towards the tree he picked out as he had been getting closer to them.
In an instant, the very moment his fingers came into contact with their cheeks, Ange and Asmodeus both freaked out. Startled, they shrieked as they jumped a few feet in the air and came back down just as Amakusa had already left the clearing.
It was a risky gamble he was making by fleeing the scene, given how those two girls somehow ran like speed demons, catching up to him before he even got a tiny fraction of a mile. What was somewhat worse was that they could actually hear him say one of those things he always said to other girls, but they didn't mind when he wasn't talking about them—it was when he was talking about them that they did mind.
However, he could count himself lucky this time, as if the gods were actually blessing him for doing what he always does—some of them, anyway. Of course, there was also the possibility that the gods were just cutting him a deal by providing their assistance so he could convert to whatever religion they were a part of; either that, or they were just entertaining themselves because they had grown bored.
Whatever the case, that didn't stop Amakusa from taking advantage of this opportunity which had never presented itself before—though it wasn't one opportunity; it was two opportunities.
First, the moment they both landed, Ange and Asmodeus both lost their balance and teetered on the edge of the somewhat short drop below for several minutes. Unable to regain their balance, they then fell into the patch of daisies below them, recovering a few minutes after so they could chase the idiot—who they now knew was Amakusa—and slaughter him for scaring them, and embarrassing them at the same time.
Amakusa could tell that they were gaining on him from the giant dust cloud they were kicking up behind them as they chased after him, and from how close they were getting and how they were much faster than usual, he knew they were completely pissed.
But just as Ange and Asmodeus were about to nab him so they could beat the living shit out of him, they both—in perfect sync, given how their sisterly bond was as strong as a sibling bond shared by twins, maybe even stronger—tripped over their own two feet and fell flat on their faces.
It was this second chance which enabled Amakusa to reach the tree unharmed. He was free from the dangerous threat against him, but also trapped by said threat.
For around three hours, he sat in that tree and rested on a branch with his back against the trunk. Up there, he could a good distance into the park and the woods nearby, as well as having the best seat available for the show.
By the time he reached one of the highest branches, Ange and Asmodeus had already reached the tree and were clawing at the base of the trunk like a couple of cats using a scratching post, their eyes closed as they screamed with rage—which even sounded like the screams a cat made when it was angry.
But now the show was over, having ended two hours ago—surprisingly, the girls' nails and their fingers suffered no damage at all from their constant clawing at the tree; it was as if their hands were impervious to harm caused by actions such as the one they took against the poor tree.
In his mind, Amakusa laughed at the whole idea of comparing Ange and Asmodeus to cats, finding it cute that kitties had claws. It was even more adorable when he thought of them as the kitties.
Territorial kitties at that, given that they just stayed right at the bottom of the tree for three whole hours, spending the time by doing all sorts of things.
For the first hour, they just clawed the tree in the hope that it would collapse so they could get to Amakusa and rip him to shreds.
For the second hour, which was when it got a little chilly, Asmodeus spoke with Ange about something and ran off somewhere, returning shortly afterwards with their light jackets, a picnic basket, and a big blanket for them to sit on. Amakusa couldn't hear what they had said before, but he guessed that Ange was going to stand guard while Asmodeus went to get their stuff.
It was this second hour which was just as entertaining as watching paint dry, but Amakusa was still fascinated by what Ange and Asmodeus were doing during that time. Throughout the fifty minutes since Asmodeus had returned, they set up their little picnic so they could share a lunch they made for themselves and conversed with each other about whatever topics interested them. If Amakusa dared to climb down even just a few branches—or perhaps just one—to get closer so he could hear what they were talking about, he might just end up regretting it; not that he ever regretted his actions, of course, but this time might be the first.
The third hour was when the two girls looked the most adorable; once they had finished talking, they had grown tired and decided to take a nap together. After they yawned and stretched their arms up in the air, Ange and Asmodeus then curled up together, snuggled up to each other, and finally cuddled together. Once again Ange rested her head atop Asmodeus' just as they wrapped their arms around each other for comfort, using a little decorative pillow to place their heads on while napping.
If Amakusa wanted to stay in that tree all day and watch over them as they napped, he would've, had he not any work to do. His break for the day had come to a close when he checked his watch to see that it was now time to head back to Okonogi's office to make more deliveries for him. It was kind of a boring job, being on the road for part of the time whenever he wasn't acting as a bodyguard for one of his boss's clients, but he didn't care; he got to meet a lot of people either way, so as long as he got to know others, he was fine with whatever job or task he got.
However, there was just one tiny problem with him getting back to work: Ange and Asmodeus might've woken up if he so much as blinked—if their hearing really was that good.
But Amakusa was good at what he did, and one thing he knew how to do really well was climb down a tree without waking someone at the base of it up. He had done that around seventeen times in his career, so he had a lot of experience when getting out of this kind of situation unscathed. However, it was Ange and Asmodeus he was dealing with here, so it was going to be a real challenge getting down; but he relished the idea of testing his skills out on worthy opponents, so he went ahead and started climbing down as quietly as a snake slithering along a vine.
The good news was that he got to the ground without waking the girls up.
The bad news was that the other Stakes had noticed him the moment he walked around the tree, but luckily he had put his finger to his lips to gesture for them to be quiet. While they were suspicious of whatever he was planning they just kept silent like he wanted them to.
Unfortunately, he had closed his eyes when he gestured for them to be quiet, so when he opened them, he was strangely confused at first at the sight of all six of the older Stakes taking a few steps back as they began to tremble.
It was only when he felt fingers gripping the collar of his shirt that he realized he was caught.
So being the good sport that he was, Amakusa turned around and smiled…
"Hi lady, twin tails, how's—"
Okonogi just sat at the desk in his office, a blank look on his face as he stared at Amakusa's pulverized form and sighed.
Amakusa was, for lack of a better word, slaughtered, even though he was still standing—something he amazingly managed to do, despite the critical condition he was in—right across from his boss.
"I assume there's a logical explanation for this, Juza?" Okonogi asked as he continued to stare.
Even though his whole entire face was swollen, his arms stuck at his sides because he was through a portion of a destroyed tree—literally speaking of course, since he'd been thrust into it like a lance being thrust towards an opposing knight to skewer him—Amakusa managed to smile through broken teeth and the woodchips sticking out from his mouth and his lips.
All he could do was mumble incoherently, but what he had said was "I'm good at what I do."
Even though he couldn't understand a single word of what Amakusa had just said, Okonogi knew what those exact words were.
He also knew that Amakusa was indeed good at what he did.
But there was one thing which he did so well that it exceeded all of the other things he did well at.
That one thing which he always pulled off perfectly and excelled at more than anyone else…
Was pissing off Ange and Asmodeus.
I had been thinking of doing this idea ever since I uploaded the second one-shot for the 'I Can't Socialize' arc of my one-shot collection, 'I Can't', so I went ahead and did it. The reason why I went ahead and wrote this was because Renahh Chen loved what I did with Amakusa in that arc, so I decided to make a one-shot specifically for her as a present to her, but anyone else may feel free to read it.
Also, even though this one-shot mainly features Amakusa, the pairing for it will be Ange/Asmodeus because I technically made it to be about them.
As to how descriptive it is, I didn't intend for this one-shot to have much dialogue at all—only some lines by the end, but it's still mostly descriptive.
I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
I don't own Umineko; it's owned by 007th Expansion.