I own neither Harry Potter nor Danny Phantom. Please do not sue, because suing is mean and you don't want to be mean, do you? Also, please note that this disclaimer applies to the entire fic and therefore gives you even less excuse to sue.

Chapter one: In which Danny impersonates a lawyer

"I still think it sucks that you had to give up wizard school."

Danny laughed. "It's not that bad, Tuck."

"Actually, it kind of is," Sam pointed out. "It's wizard school, Danny. How many people have an opportunity to go to wizard school?"

"I'm guessing that most wizards get the chance," her boyfriend quipped. Sam punched at him, but the laughing halfa dodged easily. "And besides, it's called Hogwarts. That's probably the most badly-named school in the entire world, with the possible exception of Swine Flu Academy and Bacon High."

"There's a place called Bacon High?" Tucker sounded skeptical.

"Of course not," Danny replied dismissively. "I made it up."

"Well, if a place named Hogwarts actually exists, you never know."

The halfa acknowledged his point with a nod. "Maybe if I didn't have to deal with all these ghost attacks, I'd've ignored the name and actually gone. But…." He shrugged eloquently. "I have to deal with all these ghost attacks. And so here I am, stuck in non-wizard-y Casper High for another two years." He grinned.

As one, the three friends ascended FentonWorks's front stairs. "Come on," Danny enthused, forgetting all about Hogwarts. "Maddie made snicker doodles."

"Oh, yum!" Tucker cried, flinging wide the door.

He froze.

The adult Fentons (not counting Jazz, who was already at college) and two women who could only be witches sat waiting in the living room. Danny recognized one of them: Emily Ebert, the government official who had introduced him to the world of wizards, explained its laws to him (at least, the pertinent ones), and overseen his O.W.L.s. The other woman was completely unfamiliar to him. Tall and skinny as a rapier, she appeared to be around Evangeline's age.

Danny silently cursed his inattention. He had the ability to sense magic- it was apparently a product of his fire powers, just as his ghost sense was part of his cryokinesis- but he had to focus to utilize it.

Keeping his face neutral, he said, "Hi, Mrs. Ebert. Who's your friend?"

As he spoke, he reached out with what Tucker called his wizzy-sense. It skipped over Emily and the non-magical humans- Muggles, they were called- and focused on the stranger.

She felt like a cat. That was the first thing Danny noticed, mostly because it was so strange. He'd seen a few wizards before while shopping for his schoolbooks last April, but none of them had reminded him of a cat. Actually, they hadn't reminded him of any kind of animal.

Cat Lady was also moderately powerful- not an unstoppable force, but tough and strong enough to put up a fight if she decided to attack.

Chill, Fenton-Phantom, he ordered himself. She's not going to attack you. You're just being paranoid, as usual.

The shy, tiny witch didn't quite meet his eyes as she answered him. "This is Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall, this is the student I was telling you about, Daniel Fenton."

"Please to meet you," Cat Lady recited.

Danny didn't echo the sentiment. His brain fixated on the word student. "Mrs. Ebert, what's going on?"

"Perhaps we could continue this discussion in private?" McGonagall suggested, shooting a pointed look at Sam and Tucker. As unrelated Muggles, they weren't supposed to know about the existence of wizards. That hadn't stopped Danny from telling them anyway, of course. He didn't keep anything from his friends- not his clone/twin, not his fear of the future, not wizard school.

Of course, McGonagall and Ebert had no way of knowing that. Even if they had known, they wouldn't have let Sam and Tucker stay and hear what was going on. They'd give the two Muggles a mind-wipe and add a scolding to whatever they wanted to talk with Danny about.

The halfa forced a strained smile. "Sorry, guys. How about we meet at the Nasty Burger at seven? This should be taken care of by then."

The full-humans shot him two worried glances. They, too, had heard the word student, and they disliked it as much as Danny did.

But almost two years of ghost hunting had transformed them into excellent actors and even better liars. "Sure thing, Danny," Sam said, keeping her voice light and easy. "We'll meet you at our usual booth. We can get that new smoothie they just came out with."

Tucker nodded. "I've already scheduled it on Pendra." He held up his PDA.

"You're so weird," Danny muttered fondly, rolling his eyes. "See you then, guys."

The moment the door closed behind his two friends, all pretense of casualness dropped from his face. "I don't know what Mrs. Ebert's told you, Professor, but I'm not a student."

Cat Lady shook her head. "I'm afraid, Mr. Fenton, that you are."

The hybrid's eyes narrowed. "Uh, no, I'm not. The law says that I don't have to attend school if I've proven myself competent with a wand, gotten a tutor, or received three O.W.L.s. I didn't just get three O.W.L.s- I got four. Astronomy, History of Magic, Herbology, and Potions."

"Normally, Danny, you'd be right." Ebert wrung her hands together. "Unfortunately, none of those subjects use wands."

"So?" He folded his arms across his chest. "The law didn't specify that I had to learn wand-related subjects. It just said that I had to get three O.W.L.s, and I did."

Ebert joined McGonagall in shaking her head. "I admit that you've completed the letter of the law, but you haven't fulfilled its spirit. Those laws were passed to assure that underage wizards such as yourself could control their accidental magic."

"Which I can," he interjected. "I'm so good at controlling accidental magic that you guys didn't even detect me until a few months ago. I figure, if a bunch of wizards with magic-detecting equipment didn't notice I was magical until after my fifteenth birthday, eight years after they detect magic in normal wizards, the Muggles won't notice either. Besides, here in Amity Park, they'd just blame anything weird on ghosts and leave it at that."

McGonagall's lips thinned. Wizards didn't like Amity Park's ghosts.

Until Walker's invasion a year and a half ago, the wizarding community had never even heard of the ectoplasmic entities commonly called ghosts. They were accustomed to wispy specters, quiet and content to haunt magical places. Those spirits stayed hidden, under control; they were no threat to the International Statute of Secrecy.

Amity Park's ghosts were… decidedly less quiet.

The American Ministry had managed to cover up Walker's invasion. Pariah Dark, though, had been an entirely different story. Nothing could make the world at large forget that a whole city had been sucked into an alternate dimension, or that the incident had been broadcast around the world.

The long and short of it was that wizards were not overly fond of Amity Park's blatantly supernatural visitors.

"They would," Danny continued. "People blame everything on ghosts here. Like the summer cold everyone in town got in July- the media was honestly speculating whether or not ghosts were behind that, when it was really just a regular old cold."

"Not necessarily," Maddie interrupted.

Her former son rolled his eyes. "See? Everyone blames everything on ghosts. With ghosts around, who needs wizards?"

"Whether or not that is the case," Emily cut in, "the law-"

"-says that I need three O.W.L.s. I have four. Problem solved. Bye." Danny gestured to the door.

Ebert was not impressed. "Four O.W.L.s in subjects which didn't require wands. Tell me, Danny, do you even have one?"

"Of course not," he replied flippantly. "I want nothing to do with the wizarding world. I've told you that."

"I'm sorry, Danny," the witch sighed, "but you really have no choice. Since you don't know how to use a wand, you can't control your magic. Since you can't control your magic, you might accidentally use it where Muggles can see."

"And blame it on ghosts," he pointed out.

Her jaw tightened. "Since you might accidentally break the International Statute of Secrecy-"

"-which is useless anyways, because of all the super-powered ghosts flying around-"

"-you have to go to a wizard school." Ebert was almost shouting by now. "Since you have already gotten yourself expelled from every wizard school in North America, you will be going to Hogwarts."

"No thanks."

"You have no choice, Mr. Fenton," McGonagall told him. Her voice was filled with ice. "The law requires you to attend a wizard school."

"No it doesn't," he repeated, stubborn as always. "It requires me to get three-"

"Your state's magical senator disagrees," the British witch interrupted. "She passed a statewide law that all underage wizards must prove themselves competent with a wand."

Danny's jaw sagged. "You're kidding me. When did that happen?"

"Yesterday, actually," Ebert muttered. She had the grace to sound embarrassed. "And it's effective immediately."

"Why are you protesting so much, sweetie?" asked Maddie, honestly confused. She and Jack had encouraged their son to attend wizard school, if only for one very specific reason. "If you go to Hogwarts, you can learn magical ways to destroy ghosts!"

The halfa grit his teeth. "For the last time, Mom, I don't want to destroy ghosts, with or without magic. I'd much rather cling to the shattered remnants of my normalcy, thank you very much."

"The fact of the matter is, Mr. Fenton, that you are not normal."

Danny fought back a snort. You have no idea, Cat Lady.

"And just as you have no choice about being more than normal, you have no choice about attending Hogwarts. Or, if you get yourself expelled from Hogwarts as you've done for the American academies, you will be obligated to attend another school. One that does not speak English and is even further away from your home than Britain is."

The not speaking English part didn't faze Danny at all. He had recently gained the gift of tongues, the ability to understand every language, including sign languages and some codes. And Pig Latin, of all things. It was the further-away-from-home part that made him flinch.

He had a duty, blast it all! He couldn't just up and leave, abandoning his people to the ghostly hordes. Sure, Sam and Tucker were great hunters, but Team Phantom had been weakened enough by Jazz's departure. They couldn't afford to lose another member. (Not that Danny blamed Jazz for leaving. It wasn't every day that you got a full-ride scholarship to Hartford University, a latecomer than the Ivy League, and she had a future to think about.)

And even though these witches didn't know he had that duty (he didn't blame them, either), hadn't he made it pretty obvious that he didn't want to go to wizard school? He'd fulfilled their laws, he'd even gone and gotten an extra O.W.L. In his opinion, the senator had no right to pass a law at the last second that would ship him off to Britain.

"Look," he growled. "I know I can't get a tutor because of the no-magic-outside-of-school thing, but I turn seventeen in March. That's not even a year from now- just over half a year, actually. If I promise to start learning how to use a wand the second I come of age, will you let me stay here?"

From the expressions on the witches' faces, Danny guessed that the answer was no.

"Why not?" He knew he sounded whiny, like a spoiled little kid, but anything was better than letting them drag him off.

"The law is the law, Danny," Ebert sighed.

"Which law is the law?" he snapped back. "The new one that was probably passed just to spite me, or the one about the O.W.L.s?"

Ebert closed her eyes. Danny could practically hear her counting to ten. "Professor McGonagall will pick you up tomorrow at six A.M. She'll bring you to Diagon Alley to get your wand and schoolbooks. Then she'll go with you to Hogwarts. You should be there in time for the Sorting."

"I. Am. Not. Going. Anywhere. With a name. Like. Hogwarts." Danny folded his arms across his chest. His gaze just begged them to argue.

"I'm afraid, Mr. Fenton, that you have no choice."

"You realize that I'll just get myself expelled within the first week, right?"

"We'll ship you off to France. Then Bulgaria. Then Sweden. Iceland. Italy. Spain. Macedonia. Need I continue, Mr. Fenton?"

"No, you don't," Maddie answered for her silent son. "He'll be there, Professor. See you then."

The witches nodded. They stood, spun, disappeared.

"Start packing, sweetie," Maddie ordered. "You can't learn to destroy ghosts with magic until you're packed."

"Mom, I'm not-" He paused, considering. "Okay. I'll go pack."

Most mothers would have been suspicious by the sudden change of heart. Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately), Maddie wasn't most mothers. She was completely oblivious to everything except what she wanted to see, and right then she wanted to see Danny willing to go to Hogwarts, where he could learn how to murder ghosts.

Danny spent the rest of the afternoon shoving things into his suitcase- not just things he would need at wizard school, but spare ghost-hunting equipment, food, money, his ID and license, his laptop with its charger, his cell phone with its charger, and a pillow and blankets.

At that point, the suitcase was literally filled to bursting. Danny glanced at the other things he wanted to bring- books about ghosts, mostly; not the tripe that his ex-parents believed, but works by ghosts for ghosts- and grimaced. He didn't want to leave them behind, but they wouldn't fit into his suitcase unless- oh, duh. The halfa turned the tomes intangible and returned their solidity once they'd been packed. How he loved having superpowers….

"I'm going to the Nasty Burger now," he told his former parents after supper. "You know, say goodbye to Sam and Tucker."

"Okay, Danny." Jack teared up. "I'm so proud of you, going off to magic school to destroy GHOSTS!"

"…I'm sure you are."

He didn't bother changing into Phantom to get to the restaurant. It was within walking distance, and though he could fly, that didn't mean he lacked legs.

He was the first to arrive. Tucker came next, followed shortly by Sam. "Okay, spill," she ordered, sliding into her seat. "What was that about?"

Danny spent the next several minutes ranting about the senator's new law and the general idiocy of the wizarding world.

"That can't be legal," Sam hissed.

"Hey, you've read their history books. You know wizards are crazy."

"So what're you going to do?" Tucker asked. "Because if you're going to go quietly, I'll eat my hat. And I have no intention of eating my hat."

"Oh, I'm going alright," Danny growled. Green lights flashed in his eyes. "Just not to Hogwarts. I'm running away."

Okay, time for some explanations. This fic was inspired by OOCness in other HP/DP crossovers. I have a hard time believing that Amity Park's self-proclaimed defender would just abandon his town for a bunch of strangers halfway around the globe like he does in a bunch of other fics. I also strongly doubt that he would go around blabbing his secret to the Order or anyone else, especially if he knows how wizards treat half-humans. Last, why does every other HP crossover (not just the ones with DP) involve a complete stranger staying at the TOP-SECRET headquarters for a TOP-SECRET organization?

In this fic, our favorite halfa will make the wizards RUE THE DAY they heard of Danny Fenton. Mwahahahahah...