A/N: It's been a busy few weeks for me at school, and haven't had time to write much of anything. But I'm back! and here's the next chapter of WASTWT, i hope you like it, it took a while for me.
March 28th, 11:20am
It's been five weeks.
They're moving you home soon, you can feel it in the air. It's almost like looking through a foggy glass window, and wiping your arm across the accumulated condensation. A small bubble of clarity, you hold on to it tightly. Sitting up in your bed, you stare at the rows and rows of flowers and "Get Well Soon" cards scattered across the desk in the corner. Some of the flowers have begun to wilt; your Mother has probably been too busy worrying over you to notice. You stare at one bouquet in particular, white lilies in a crystal vase. They are directly under the sunlight beneath the window, and are positioned in such a way that they are the first flowers you see when you wake up in the morning.
You hope that they're from Rachel.
March 28th, 11:42pm
"They're moving you soon."
You wiggle your upper body so that you're speaking into the skin of her neck. Your breath fans out across her shoulder and you feel her shiver slightly beneath you.
A week or so ago, Quinn decided that she was inclined for a massage. Which is impractical in her current predicament, and while you declined heartily to acquiesce. You discovered that you just can't say no to a disappointed Quinn, and within minutes you found yourself climbing cautiously up the bed, throwing the pillows onto the floor to sit behind her with your legs cradling hers on the outside of the railing. You let her sit within you, her head resting on your shoulder, and although you knew that it must have pained her to sit in that position for so long, you smiled back when she looked up at you. And you both didn't particularly mind.
And as it were, now that things have been set to motion, you can't say no. And you press your forehead softly against her naked shoulder blade as she lays her body against you. Your fingers toy with the strings of her hospital gown.
You can see the scars in her lower back form her surgery, she still wears a brace, and it loops around her lower back and pelvis, settling around her hips. You wish that she didn't need it anymore. You wish for a lot of things.
"You don't sound like a snake today."
You feel her shrug her shoulders, and you know that she must be smiling. You can read her mannerisms and expressions so easily now. It's a wonder you never caught them sooner.
"Doctor said I get the wires off tomorrow. You can't call me Voldemort anymore."
"Irrelevant, you'll always be Voldemort."
She hasn't moved, but you can just tell that she's doing that cute little pouty face that she does, and you wish that you could turn her around in your arms to kiss it away. You settle for her neck instead, right below the wispy blonde baby hairs at her nape. Her skin is warm, and she smells like generic shampoo.
You feel her turn her head to the side, and you follow the motion, your lips still ghosting over the skin of her neck. She's staring out of the window into the night. You can see Orion through the glass, and you're about to point out Betelgeuse, the red giant, until you hear her voice. Soft and questioning, it feels like a lullaby.
"I said, do you see those lilies? …On the windowsill?"
You look down, away from the starry reflection of night and finally settle on what it is that she's alluding to. A vase of white lilies, they're almost incandescent in the moon's reflection. Looking at them now, you know they were the right choice. You brought them two nights ago while Quinn was sleeping; you smile into her back and nod.
"They're beautiful. They're the first things that I see when I wake up. Delicate, and warm, illuminated. They remind me of you."
You can't help the small laugh that escapes your lips. It's funny how well you both know each other. And it's ironic how you picked them out, simply because they reminded you of Quinn: Soft features, lips like white petals, and beautiful from the inside out. You laugh, because she seems to think that she sees those same qualities in you. It's preposterous, but glorious all the same.
"You're gorgeous Quinn. And I don't just mean in the literal sense of the word. You're light, and dark and day for me. Everything in between…. but I'm glad you like them. I spent forever in the flower shop trying to get them just right."
She sighs in front of you and wiggles a bit. You can tell that she's starting to get stiff and tired from sitting up for so long. You disconnect slowly, and shift from behind her, letting her back fall back onto the bed slowly, delicately. Her eyes are already heavy and she groans softly when she finally hits the pillow.
"I'll miss you if you go."
Her voice is heavy too; it's almost husky with the need for sleep. Her stitches and bruises along her face and jaw are all but healed now, and she looks like the Quinn that you remember. You nod your head; she must not know that you'll feel just the same.
"I have a feeling that I'll miss you more."
You kiss her on the nose, softly. Her eyes have already shut.
March 30th, 10:14am
You flex your jaw a few times, widening it and scrunching your lips. You probably look really weird right now but you don't really give a shit. Your mouth still feels really strange…and you really need to brush your teeth you realize. Running your tongue along your lips and teeth is almost weird now, you feel brand new. At least your jaw does. Minus the slight pop that rings in your inner ears now when you flex too wide. The doctor told you yesterday that it's residual, it might never go away, and you think you're okay with that.
"Stop doing that loser, it's giving me the creeps."
Santana will never change apparently and you glare at her. At the moment you don't really want to retaliate the negative sentiments since she's currently the one holding you up by the waist, along with your newly assigned physical therapist, Martha. They've got you out of the bed, and you're sweaty, but the popping of your freshly freed jaw is a welcome distraction from the exertion of standing up, and moving your legs. They work fine, but your spine isn't all the way there yet, and you need to move your knee, or else your ACL will never recuperate.
It hurts. Like a bitch, and the tears are right there at the corners of your eyelashes, but you pop your jaw over and over again. It's something to hold on to.
"Look at that, chica. You're like, moving and shit."
You turn your head to bark out something far from nice to Santana, but when you turn your head she's smiling. She's staring at your legs, and the minimal steps that you've taken and she's beaming. She looks up at you, and you both stare at one another, you can't help but smile back. And now you're both cheesing like idiots, and the tears have most definitely fallen. Somehow, you don't care.
Santana nods her head, and breaks your eye-connection to glance somewhere off in the distance. You aren't sure what she's looking at since it would cause too much of a hassle to turn your body and figure it out. But when she looks back at you, her eyes are the softest you've ever seen them. And she smiles at you kindly as she grips steadily onto your waist.
You never see Rachel standing by the door; you don't see her bright eyes, or her wide Rachel Berry smile. You don't see the fresh bouquet of lilies in her hands, or the happy trails of tears painting her face. You don't see her blush for you. You don't see, not yet. And that's okay.
"Alright Quinn, a few more steps."
You nod your head to Martha, and she holds you along with Santana. And you let the pop of you're perfect jaw hold you steady.
"Okay. Let's do this."
March 30th, 11:23am
Santana left fifteen minutes ago. She shoulder bumped you on the way out of the door while Martha busied herself, helping Quinn back onto the bed. You smiled at her knowingly, and she smirked in return. You realize, that Santana Lopez really isn't so bad.
"Don't be like me."
She whispers as she walks by you. She doesn't turn around as she makes her departure. And you let her go, silently vowing to her wishes.
March 31st, 11:11pm
You're all wrapped up in Quinn. She smells like she used to, like vanilla and apricots, and you inhale her scent from beside her. She's on the sofa, laid out with pillows behind or back on the armrest. You sit on the floor, with your knees tucked up to your chin, and your head resting on her thighs. Your hair fans out in her lap, she plays with it lazily while you hum, watching the Travel Channel.
"Are you glad to be home, Quinn?"
It had been work, getting her home from the hospital that morning, preparing the railings in the bathroom, making the house wheelchair accessible for the past week. But she's here, and it was all worth it.
"Yea…the hospital was stifling."
You nod your head and bite your lip, staring at a TV show that you don't particularly have any interest in, but Quinn likes it. So you keep it.
"What are we Rachel?
The question catches you off guard, and you immediately mute the TV, and turn your head to stare at her. She looks like she's somewhere else, lost in her own world. And you desperately want to bring her back into yours.
"What do you mean?"
She bites her lip, much like you did just a moment ago. You think it looks better on her.
"I know that you're not with Finn anymore. I get that. And I know that we are both on the same page feeling wise. But what do you want us to be? I know what I want, and I just…I want to make sure that it's what you want."
"What do you want Quinn?"
You smile back, turning off the TV for good this time.
"Good…because I want you too."
She looks at you quizzically a slow smile drawing up on her face. She still looks relatively unsure, and you wish that things could be easier for the both of you sometimes.
"Good…but what about... what about when we leave? When we graduate and go off to different schools. Different states? I don't think I'll be able to make it without you, Rachel."
"New Haven isn't the end of the world, Quinn. I'll visit as often as you'll have me. We'll make it work.
She smiles then, really this time, her entire face lighting up. And you're sure in that moment, as your heart flutters and your chest constricts beautifully, that all of this. You and her, it's nothing less than love. And you feel so light all of a sudden, as if the universe has finally been aligned. And you know, that this is what you've been striving for all along. And you have it, sure as breath on the wind. You've found heaven, and earth and love…all in Quinn Fabray.
You get up on your feet and kiss her forehead softly.
"Cross my heart."
April 1st, 3:22pm
The Barbeque at Rachel's house is so lively and bright. The sun is out for spring, and some of the trees have already started to bloom. It's a gorgeous Sunday. And you smile at everyone as you sit in your chair by the patio, eating watermelon and drinking iced tea. The boys have started up a game of ultimate Frisbee, and they run around you in circles, whispering things in your ear and twirling your hair. You realize that you missed them, you missed this.
Tina, Mercedes and Kurt took the liberty of decorating your new wheelchair. It has glowing spin-y wheels, and a "Welcome Home" leopard print sign hanging off of the back. You think the leopard print was Kurt's idea, but you're not entirely sure.
Your mom is standing around with the adults by the back porch. Rachel's dads, and Finn's parents, Santana's mom and her little brother…it's nice to see everyone together, you look over and a few of them wave at you. You wave back. It's funny how happy you seem to be now, even despite your own circumstances. You think this is the happiest you've ever been, and maybe there is something skewed in that logic. But you can't change the truth. Puck walks by with Beth in his arms, and he holds her down in your lap so that you can play with her hair and kiss her cheek. She mutters something unintelligible and you think she's the most gorgeous thing you've ever seen. You're glad that you made her, and that you're here to remember her.
"Photo! Say Barbra Streisand!"
The sudden sound pulls you up, and there's Rachel. In shorts and one of your old button down t-shirts that she must have stolen from your closet when she visited you on the first day that you came home. She's holding a digital camera and smiling, pointing at you, Beth and Puck. You all smile and beam, and the camera flashes.
She whispers as she stares at the resolution. And when she looks up again she's looking directly at you. Her eyes are so soft, and you imagine that the rest of the world has fallen away…except for her. She'll always be there. She'll always be it for you.
"You're it for me, you know that?"
She smiles at you, and your heart flutters. Her eyes are a bit brighter than usual, and a shy blush creeps up her face as she walks toward you.
"Drink your iced tea Quinn, it'll get warm."
She reaches you and leans in closely, Beth is still in your arms and she stares between the two of you softly. And almost like in a dream she leans in and touches both hands to your face, holding you there.
"You're everything for me."
And before you can say anything in retaliation her lips are on yours. Soft and firm, she tastes like watermelon. You wonder if you do too. And this is the first kiss you've shared in public around your friends, your family, your peers. This is the first time that you've even shown anything other than what you are. She kisses you in the sun, your daughter in your arms….and it's all alright.
And when you disconnect, she swings behind you, with the biggest smile on her face and pushes your chair around the back lawn. Through the boys ultimate Frisbee game, and the gossip circle taking place on the patio with all of the girls and Kurt. And everyone just smiles at the both of you, and all of the parents wave. And you realize…
That none of it even matters.
It never has.