Awkward Relations

Patroklos took a slow step back as Elysium rose into the air. He was no coward, but the raw power rolling off the spirit of Soul Calibur was enough to give even the bravest man pause. Only the thought of what the spirit wanted to do to his sister gave him the courage to stand his ground. He would not let someone take his sister away again, not after he'd just found her.

He tightened his hold on his sword and shield. "It's all right, Pyrrha. You don't need to be afraid." He glanced back at her and smiled as confidently as he could. "We can beat her if we fight together."

But Pyrrha didn't look afraid. Instead, her gaze was locked on Elysium, expression somewhere between confusion and wonder. "She… she reminds me of someone, brother. Who… who is she?"

Uh oh. The small matter of the Elysium trying to kill his sister and take over his body aside, he had really, really been hoping to avoid that particular question. After all, he and his sister were still on fairly shaky ground relationship wise – epic battles of destiny tended to do that – so he exactly wasn't sure how he could explain the fact that the spirit of Soul Calibur resembled a scantily clad version of their mother without coming across as some kind of degenerate pervert.

"She…" Patroklos grimaced at the look of earnest pleading on his sister's face. Damn it, how could he lie to that face, and did she really have to stick her lower lip out like that? Pouting should have looked pathetic on someone her age, especially since her right arm was still deformed by the power of Soul Edge. Instead, she looked adorably pathetic, kind of like a kicked puppy, a very kicked puppy. "She looks like our mother, okay? That's why she looks familiar."

Pyrrha's reaction was not what he expected. He had expected her to perhaps cry, maybe even express a little joy about remembering part of her past. What actually happened was that she took a long, long look at Elysium then glanced back at him and then back to Elysium again. Then she took a shaky step back.

"Oh." Pyrrha clutched her hands to her chest. "So… um… she looks like our mother?" She bit her lip. "But… but then why doesn't she have more clothes on? You're the one who decides what she looks like, right?" Her eyes widened and Patroklos felt his gut clench as she cringed away from him. "Are you… are you some kind of pervert?" She looked down at her own clothing, torn from their earlier battle, and tried to cover herself with her shield. "Please don't stare at me."

Patroklos glared at Elysium. The damn spirit was actually smirking. "Look," he said to Pyrrha, "I don't know why Elysium looks like that, but if it helps, I can try and picture her as something else, okay?" If Elysium had taken on their mother's appearance at his behest, then surely, he could make her assume a different look, one that didn't have Pyrrha thinking he was some kind of deviant. Brows furrowed, he closed his eyes and willed for Elysium to change into someone else. From Pyrrha's gasp, he must have succeeded. Or maybe not, he thought as he opened his eyes.

Elysium had definitely changed its appearance, all right – into his sister. A very, very scantily clad version of his sister. He swallowed thickly as the spirit of Soul Calibur shifted lazily in the air, his gaze moving from it to the young woman beside him. Were Pyrrha's breasts really that big?

"You pervert!" Pyrrha cried as she covered her chest with her shield. "Don't come any closer!"

Patroklos reached one hand toward her, but tripped spectacularly over a loose rock. He flailed wildly to keep his balance but ended up with his arms wrapped around one of his sister's legs. In a desperate bid to salvage what was already one of the most awkward moments of his life, he looked up to try and convince her that he wasn't a pervert only to find himself looking up her skirt. His eyes widened…


Patroklos felt one of his teeth come lose as Pyrrha kneed him in the face with enough force to actually lift him off the ground.

"You're depraved!" Pyrrha whimpered as she pressed herself against a nearby wall. "Please, don't come any closer!"

Groaning, Patroklos got to his feet. If the situation weren't so terrible, he might have complimented his sister about just how hard she could knee. Right now though, he was mostly concerned about whether or not he'd be eating through a straw for the next few weeks. "Pyrrha –"

Elysium coughed and flared her wings outward. "Look, you two seem like you have a lot of things to talk about, but I am kind of on a schedule here." She smiled toothily. "You know, the whole taking over your body and killing your sister thing."

Patroklos growled. "You won't touch her!"

Elysium rolled her eyes. "And you will?"

"Yes! I mean, no." Patroklos grimaced and looked back at Pyrrha who looked even more horrified than before. "I don't mean touching like that… I mean, we're family so…"

"Word of advice from someone who has lived a very, very long time." Elysium chuckled. "When you put your foot in your mouth, stop talking, otherwise you could end up with your entire leg jammed in there." She smirked. "But I have to admit, you're more interesting than the last guy who had Soul Calibur – he just killed his father. You, you've got a mother complex and a sister complex."

Patrokols' eye twitched and he glared at Elysium. "You're mine…" Behind him, Pyrrha gasped and he threw his hands up in despair. "No, I didn't mean it like that! I meant I was going to kill her."

"I can't believe it," Pyrrha murmured as Patroklos charged toward Elysium. "My brother is such a pervert…"


Author's Notes

As always I neither own Soul Calibur, nor am I making any money off of this.

I know I can't be the only one wondering just what is up with Elysium looking just like Sophitia. Honestly, there is something very wrong with that…

In any case, I've been playing Soul Calibur for a long time, even used to read the odd fanfic about it, but after playing through Soul Calibur V's single player, I just couldn't help myself. Patroklos and Pyrrha are just too funny, and I definitely think there's some fun to be had with messing with the other characters. For instance, how would Siegfried deal with the fact that so many of his moves seem to just go through people for no reason (glitchy hit detection FTW)? And just who is the father of Hilde's children?

As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.