This is pretty weak and my first homestuck fanfic so replies and critics are beauitiful
i know there's a lot of talking and it's a weird setting (jade's house some how on earth post game) but I hope you enjoy it 3
A Crab in the Snow
"JADE, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WHITE SHIT? IS THIS HOW YOU HUMANS BREED?" asked Karkat stepping out of Jade's hive to look the white speckles accumulating on the ground. "WHAT THE FUCK, WHY IS IT SO COLD? WHERE DID THE SUN FUCKING GO?" He asked looking up.
Jade, rushing outside with a warm coat on, rushes over to Karkat with a seemingly homemade gray coat identical to her green one.
"Silly! It's just snow! Didn't you have snow on Alternia, or come to think of it any weather at all?" she replied struggling to get him into the coat.
"JADE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? DAVE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS, ARE YOU TRYING TO BIND ME INTO YOUR HUMAN SERVICE OF 'MARRIAGE'? AND WHAT'S WEATHER? ON ALTERNIA ALL WE HAD WAS SUN THEN NIGHT THEN SUN THEN NIGHT THEN… WELL I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW IF THE SUN EVER WENT DOWN BUT WHEN I CLOSED MY EYES AT NIGHT IT SEEMED TO OF GONE." Karkat rambled on. As much as he hated humans they were somewhat easier to talk to, even Jade no matter how weird she was.
"Karkat! Seriously? This is a coat; it keeps you warm! If you don't wear this, well you could get hurt or something! And no weather? Wow that's crazy, here water falls from the sky, semi-frozen water falls from the sky, frozen water falls from the sky… wow you're right snow is weird…" Jade's thoughts begin to drift to how peculiar weather really is, momentarily forgetting she was trying to get Karkat into a coat so he accidentally puts both his arms through the head hole and his head through an arm hole.
"UH HELLO, TROLL TO JADE. JADE! SHIT WHAT IS THIS SHIT JADE!" screams Karkat as he falls over into the snow and can't get up because of the jacket.
"ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ" – Jade
"SHIT YOU FELL ASLEEP. WAKE UP JADE. JADE!" after a few minutes pass of Jade still sleeping upright, Karkat starts to panic since the white 'snow' seems to begin to cover him.
"HELP" he screams in final desperation.
"Huh. OH! Karkat I'm so sorry, here let's get you up and set that coat straight. Hehe!" helping him up she adjusts the coat while he grumbles and murmurs under his breath fucking shit.
"Now that your coat is all fixed let's have some fun! Hehe!" she giggled
"WHY THE FU-" forcefully, jade takes his arms and turns him around.
"Now shush!" she commanded, though that didn't stop the grumbling.
After a few minutes…
THUMP! Something solid and hard slaps Karkat in his back. His coat seems to feel damp and things only get worse.
"JADE JADE, WHAT JUST HAPPENED? JADE WAS THAT A KNIFE JADE ARE YOU DEAD WAS THAT YOUR HEAD JADE…" Karkat begins to freak out. He only remembers to well what happened when Gamzee lost his cool… Turning him around Jade greets him with a hug and a smile, like the crab he was Karkat says nothing and stands still not moving a bit to return it.
"Oh silly, it was just a snowball! They're fun to throw and play fight with, so sorry I scared you Karkat!" breaking the embrace Jade wiped the snow off Karkats back and gave him another smile while adjusting her glasses.
"Now, let's go have some more fun!" she laughed as she grabbed his hand and dragged him farther away from her hive to play in the white expanse of what Karkat would cal 'FUCKING SNOW'.