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Turkey Baster 32
"I swear Miss Elizabeth is smiling at me," he said.
"She's too little to smile at you," I said. "She's spastic. And you get her excited and one of the things her face does is appear to smile for real reasons."
"What about when it scrunches and she cries. That means exactly what you think it means. So why can't the smile? Anyway, she's a genius."
"Don't do that lame parent thing where the baby has to be a genius. I'm not a genius, you're not a genius," I said.
"Depends who you ask," he said.
"You mean if I ask you…"
"I'm a genius for picking you to be the mother of my child and she's a genius."
"Well…I think I picked you," but we could argue that and 'genius' might not show up in any facet of that story so let's just…." We were all lying on our bed. He reached over and kissed me.
"Three more days," he said. He'd been counting. Three more days was my six-week check up. If the doctor gave the green light…intercourse was happening. It was his favorite word. He whispered it to me now, "intercourse."
I laughed. "You haven't suffered," I said, "we've been creative."
He moved closer, our heads meeting, the point of the vee our bodies made, the baby lying between. "Oh but baby…much as I love it all…intercourse with my Bella, that tunnel of love, that segue-way to iss-blay, it's been so long, so long baby," he whined, his finger drawing a line over my collar bone to the cleavage showing in my barely buttoned shirt for my boobs were on call twenty-four hours now.
"Whiner," I said.
"I'm learning from our little doll. You scream you whine and cry and Mommy comes running. I don't know why I didn't try it before. Forget dinner and jewelry and groveling. Just shit your pants and criiiiiy. That's what gets Mommy's attention."
"I hope you didn't just give me a glimpse into our old age," I said.
We laughed then. Elizabeth had fallen asleep between us and he scooped her up and put her in the bassinet sitting near our bed. Then he came back to the bed and lay behind me, pushing me onto my stomach so he could rub my back. "Like this pretty girl?" he whispered.
"Better than your other idea," I said. I meant the whining, etc. My eyes slid closed. I was smiling and getting sleepy.
I don't know when I actually fell asleep, but it didn't take much these days. And Edward's hands could put me to sleep or wake me up, or take me up like nothing else. But I lifted my head, and Elizabeth was still asleep and Edward wasn't in the room.
I went into the hall, and looked over the banister to the living room below. Edward sat in conversation with Carlisle. I couldn't believe my eyes. I hoped Esme wasn't with him. I debated going back to bed and pretending like I hadn't noticed his glaring presence in my house. I watched for another moment. It felt weird to be ease-dropping, but if Edward wanted me in on this conversation wouldn't he have come for me? Before I could decide what to do, Elizabeth cried and Edward looked up and saw me. I waved, then Carlisle looked up and I waved at him.
He stood. "Hello, Bella," he said. "I hope you don't mind. I was in town for a conference…. Your home is…."
"You don't have to feel…it's good to see you. I'll get Elizabeth and be right down," I said.
Was this what I wanted to do? Somehow it was. It helped that he didn't bring Esme. This was the closest one Edward had for a father. If he was being civil, and it looked like he was…it felt right to let him see Elizabeth. I hoped Edward agreed.
So I carried Elizabeth down the stairs and they stood at the bottom waiting. Carlisle looked eager, but Edward conflicted. He was proud, but tuned in to him as I was I could feel his reticence. He didn't think Carlisle was worthy just yet. Perhaps not for a long time. But time was precious and shouldn't be taken for granted. Carlisle had risked something coming here…rejection. Anyway, it took some courage.
"Can I hold her?" he asked.
I looked quickly at Edward and he wasn't protesting. We carefully made the transition.
Carlisle spoke babytalk to Elizabeth. It made me smile. Edward was watching, not smiling yet. We moved to the living room and sat down. Carlisle held Elizabeth and after a bit, he looked at us, teary eyed. "I hope you guys…Edward…you're my son."
Edward looked uncomfortable, but if we were ever going to even classify as friends we'd have to dally in the land of uncomfortable for a while at least.
"Look…I'm glad you came over to see her. Thanks for coming. But it's like I said…it'll take time."
"It's hard on Esme," he said.
"You don't want me to get on that just now," Edward said. "It's like I told you before. Give me time."
"I understand," he said. "It's hard to think of missing out on this one."
Edward shrugged. There didn't seem to be more to say. Carlisle asked if we wanted to see pictures of the twins, and Edward let out a breath.
"I would," I said. I looked at them, and then Edward glanced at them for a minute.
Carlisle kissed Elizabeth before returning her to me. He seemed to know it was time to leave. He gave Edward a loose hug before leaving. Since I held Elizabeth he touched my arm and said, "I hope you'll be in touch soon."
Edward nodded before he could politely close the door. I hated to see him this conflicted, but I understood.
There was a damper on the evening after that. Until Jasper and Alice showed. They couldn't get enough of holding Elizabeth and they insisted Edward and I leave the house to get a milkshake.
"A milkshake?" I asked. "But I have to nurse every five minutes."
"Don't go far then," she said. Before I could protest, Edward took my hand and hurried me out to the car.
"We're alone," he sang, "we're alone."
We pulled down the street to a local park and he pulled into the parking lot and shut the car off and pulled me to him and we started to neck. He fired, and I returned fire and that meant when his hand went to my lady parts my hand went to his man parts and it got hot and hotter and when his hands started to roam I broke it off and said, "Not the boobs!" because I didn't want to get milk all over, and he shoved his hand down my pants and cupped me hard and the tips of his fingers found the place and he rubbed like only he could and then there was a knock on the driver's side window and the flashlight in our faces and Edward sat up and so did I and I said, "Oh…shit," as I frantically adjusted my clothing. And Edward rolled down his window and the officer asked for identification and Edward tried to laugh but it was strained, and he tried to explain and the officer asked if he'd been drinking and he said, "Fuck no, if you'd listen."
And the officer told him to keep his hands on the wheel, which he did, then he had his hand running through his hair and the officer repeated, "hands on the wheel, sir," with full authority.
Edward slapped his hands onto the wheel and the cop saw we lived just down the street and he told Edward the park closed at dusk and handed him the identification back and once in the car the officer waited to see that we really left and Edward waved and said, "Fucker," as we pulled from the lot.
We were quiet, and then I burst out laughing. He had to eventually grin at least. "Oh God, Alice and Jasper are going to love this," I said.
"You're not telling them. They'll know we parked and you're not telling."
So we got ice cream at the Dairy Queen window because we were too humbled to go in, and when we got home Edward said, "Not a word."
And I laughed and ran to the house ahead of him and he grabbed me at the door and turned me around and we were necking against the house while he held the ice cream in its paper bag beside my head. Then the porch lights went on and Jasper opened the door and saw us and said, "Get that ice cream in here before it melts."
Then Edward told them what had happened and we spent a good while laughing about it. Alice was determined we were all going away the next weekend and she and Jasper would be on hand to babysit while Edward and I had some dancing time. That's how she put it, 'dancing time.'
Then Jasper and Edward spent the rest of the night on the Ipad picking out our destination while I nursed Elizabeth and shared her back and forth with my sister.
I took a chance…a stupid chance and I got changed. I can't recommend what I did…it was reckless and insane, but the motive was love and somehow that's what came through…that's what grew.