Percy Jackson Parody: An Eternally Dysfunctional Family

"Hades! How many times have I told you? DO NOT STEAL MY MERMAN GUARDS!"

"I needed them!"

"…"

"Don't give me that look! I DID!"

"…"

"You're still doing it!"

"I know…"

"Are you even gonna ask what I used them for?"

"…I don't WANT to!"

"All I did was use them for a giant board game!"

"…"

"…oh and I'm gonna need you to cover for me with Zeus…I MAY have used some of his North Pacific sky for the game…and Apollo's arrows and some of my hell hounds escaped into Ares territory…"

"What game did you play that used acres of sky, hell hounds, mermen, and magical arrows?"

"…a form of…chess."

"What the Olympus?"

"You don't have to swear at me."

"Just give me back my guards."

"Fine-I'll give you your fish dudes back."

"Do NOT ever call them fish dudes again!"

"…Aren't I supposed to be the hot head cool guy, Zeus the uptight party pooper, and I thought YOU were the chillaxed one…"

"…"

"Geez, didn't know you could growl through your GILLS."

"I would say go to Hades…but that see that'd just be really stupid."

"…"

"Stop laughing and get out."

"That is NOT brotherly."

"Who said I was-"

"Is that a cell phone?"

"Yes, I got a cell. So what?"

"Are you trying to lead monsters to you?"

"Dude…that applies to demigods -you know we can kill most monsters like bugs right?"

"…yeah, yeah."

"…"

"Okay, you stop laughing now and just answer your phone."

"…Aaaaaw. Fine. Fine….Hello, this is Poseidon"

"…You seriously answer the phone like that? What if it was a mortal?"

"…Idiot! How could a regular mortal get the number of a GOD? I'm on the phone!...Oh, sorry…I had an…interruption…who is this?...Oh hi Percy…no…no Uncle Hades ISN'T here…I was NOT yelling, young man…yes I know you're not a kid…uh…yeah I can't lend you the Mur Guard…why? Oh cuz…I didn't lose them!...why would I give you my palace? No I'm not done using it! I'm not THAT old!...just go ask your mother."

"…"

"You're a vwery good Daddy."

"Oh yeah because MY son was the one who accidentally set 100 demons out into L.A. when he tried playing TAG with them."

"Nothing good happens from Nico being bored…"