Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Supernatural.
Warning: May involved abuse of magic while intoxicated, bad language from wo(men), and some crack.
Author's notes: It's Friday night and there's no SPN to fill the void. This calls for posting some gender bending I wrote a few months back. Will the Winchesters ever forgive me? Dunno. Labeled crack because its logic might not hold up. Setting is loosely season 5 for SPN and post series for BTVS.
There was a saying about not drowning your sorrows. Willow couldn't quite remember how that saying went, mainly because of the little guy banging on the drums inside her skull, but she was going to go with Buffy's alternative gem of wisdom: "breakups and booze are non-mixy things."
Damn that coven in Atlanta for hosting the open bar.
"Goddess," Willow called, "where are the aspirin?"
She grimaced, rubbing a hand over her face. Then she realized why she had awoken at this unholy hour in the first place: someone was knocking on the door. No, knocking was putting it too nicely. Someone was banging on the door.
"Stop already!" she snapped. She stumbled across the room, tripping over her laptop…Why did I leave that there? And why's it covered in candle wax?
The answer to those questions didn't come to her until she opened the door, her caution forfeit to her hangover. "What?" she whined.
Willow perked up a little, the hostility leaving her voice when she actually saw who was standing at the entrance. Two hot girls were elbow-to-elbow on her entrance mat, both tall - legs up to the moon, Willow amended - and clad only in boyfriend tees and boxers. One had sandy hair, the other a darker, chestnut shade, and both were staring at her with intense, green-hued eyes.
Willow thought she might still be asleep, because she was pretty sure she'd had a happy dream like this before… "Can I help you?" she managed, when she saw there was a third visitor, a man in a trenchcoat, standing a few feet behind the women.
"Lady," the shorter of the girls growled. And though her voice was high, there was a hardness to it that didn't quite fit the body. She held a threatening finger out. "I want my friggin' penis back and I want it back now."
Willows eyes widened. Suddenly, the events of the evening were coming back to her.
As it turned out, open bars weren't that much fun if no one was there to share it with you. Willow had considered a one-night-stand and quickly squashed the idea. As much pain as she was in right now, there wasn't a reason to drag another person into her drama. Of course, she'd also considered calling Kennedy, but that sort of defeated the whole breaking-up-with-her thing. So, smashed, and still hoping she had the magical juice to make her way home without splicing (thank you, Harry Potter, for giving her nightmares for a month), Willow arrived to an empty rental estate and booted up her computer.
Honestly, it had been a while since she'd wasted time on the internet just for the sake of wasting time. In fact, she wasn't exactly sure how to waste time these days, what with a new Big Bad always crawling out of the woodwork and junior slayers constantly getting into trouble and her Wiccan students needing constant guidance… It didn't leave Willow with much time for the small stuff. Like fanfiction. She used to love fanfiction.
Willow knew she was still drunk the moment she giggled at the thought of writing a new story. But that didn't stop her.
Charlie Brown fanfiction was out of the question, that was for sure. Her eyes ventured across the room to the stack of books Andrew had loaned her. She'd already read them, and no, they weren't really works of art, but they were fun… Of course, her feminist side had a serious problem with the lack of interesting female characters in the series.
The light bulb went off in Willow's head. She weighed the options: write the fanfiction or simply rewrite the book characters themselves. The tequila in her system said that last part wasn't a bad idea. The author would never know, and the characters… Heck, fictional, so who could it hurt?
Willow sloppily typed out the title: The Supernatural Adventures of Samantha and Deana Winchester.
"Fun," she smiled, and lit a candle.
"Not fun," she confirmed, frowning. "You're not supposed to be real. I performed the spell on fictional characters. Characters from a book series! It shouldn't have had an effect on…"
Her voice trailed off, because the two girl-guys were looking kind of annoyed by this train of thought. They were also looking kind of like they'd just realized what had happened. Which was strange, unless...
"Wait...surely not. That's just…" Willow's jaw dropped a little. "Are your names Sam and Dean Winchester?"
The shorter one rolled her eyes again. "I'd really like to shoot you right now," she…he announced.
The man in the back spoke for the first time. "Dean," his voice was gravel on a hot road, "we discussed killing the witch already - "
Dean shrugged him off. "Yeah, yeah, Earth magic vs. Demon magic, two different things, whatever… Still not going to stop me from putting a bullet in her foot out of spite."
The tall one, Sam, Willow reasoned, leaned in, holding Dean back with one hand. Sam's steady, understanding gaze stirred something inside Willow. The witch was fairly certain she felt the making so a swoon coming on.
"Listen, my brother and I, we just want you to fix our bodies," Sam said, giving her a small half-smile. "We understand it was a mistake. Please, just…undo what you did, alright?"
Willow pouted a little. "Are you absolutely sure you want to be a boy again?"
She was kind of hoping his answer was no.
"I'm detecting some lesbian vibes here." Dean shot her a goofy grin, pushing himself next to his brother and forgetting his promise to shoot her. "Hey, you know what, we could probably put off this switch for another hour if you wanna - " Sam threw a sharp elbow into Dean's side. "This is a once in a lifetime - " Another elbowing followed. "Nevermind."
"I'm sure," Sam confirmed.
"Your loss." Willow shrugged. "Let it be undone."
The Winchesters spoke at the same time, then blinked slowly and turned to face each other when they realized the voices had been too deep. Dean immediately reached down, cupping his crotch with a little prayer at the tip of his tongue, and Sam looked as if he was just barely resisting the urge to do the same.
Willow smirked. Boys.
"Now that that's done, can we get back to the whole fictional character thing?" Willow asked.
She was promptly ignored when trenchcoat guy broke between the men, grabbing each of them by the shoulder. "It is resolved," he stated, and gave her a bone chilling glance. "Do not perform magic while intoxicated."
Willow opened her mouth to reply, but the trio had vanished, the faint sound of flapping wings still in the air. "But…"
So much for telling two hunters that she was co-leader in an army of slayers.
"Your loss," she repeated, and shut the door.