Peeta and Katniss have kids
Ahh. Valentine's Day. The bestest day in the year, in Peeta's opinion.
He spent three hours this morning baking heart-shaped cookies, and sent them to everyone he loved. Katniss… Prim… Buttercup… Gale…
Oh, it was just such an exciting day! Love was in the air, and if Peeta tried really hard, he could almost hear the angels sing and the cupids shooting arrows.
"…how many times did I tell you not to throw away perfectly good bread?"
"…the bread was ruined, mom. Get over it already!"
"How dare you talk to me like that?" *punch!*
Okay, so his family members made it difficult to hear, but those cupids and angels were out there making some lovely noises, and Peeta was sure of it.
Peeta sat down in front of his computer and logged into Facebook. He had to tell Katniss he loved her one more time, and Facebook was the fastest way to talk to her.
But before he was able to do it he saw something.
A Friend Request.
From Peeta and Katniss's Kids.
Peeta and Katniss's Kids?
What a fantabulous day! He has kids? With Katniss?
Peeta immediately confirmed the request and looked at his kids' profile.
Peeta and Katniss's kids Profile Page
Name: Peeta and Katniss's kids.
Age: Between one to three years old.
Home: With our awesome parents.
Current location: In the garden, playing.
Interested in: Drooling, drinking milk, sleeping and burping.
In a relationship: What is a relationship?
Aww, they were the most adorable little bastards ever!
He immediately posted a comment on their Wall, he was just too excited not to.
The comment was received on February 14th at 13:04PM.
'O-M-G. I KNEW Katniss loafed me too, and here's the proof! We have KIDS! YAY YAY YAY! :D'
To Peeta's excitement, Katniss posted the next comment.
'Is this some kind of a joke?'
Aww, Katniss was so cute! She just couldn't believe that they have those adorable kids! She was probably overtaken by excitement.
'Katniss, my loaf, look! We're in the page of our fantabules kids!' Peeta wrote, not able to keep his huge smile off his face.
The loaf of Peeta's life, Katniss Everdeen, posted the next comment.
'We don't have any kids.'
Peeta bit his lower lip. Did she really think their kids, their awesome kids, weren't real?
Jeez. He really needed to teach her a thing or two about motherhood.
'Then how come we're in their Facebook page? Facebook doesn't lie, Katniss, babe.' Peeta wrote, knowing that he was right.
But Katniss still didn't change her mind.
'Don't call me that. And we never even had sex.'
Okay, now she was just being petty.
'And whose fault was that?' Peeta wrote in response, challenging her.
Gale Hawthorne then joined the conversation.
'I can't BELIEVE it! You have KIDS? What an awful thing to discover on Valentine's Day *sob sob*'
Peeta couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for Gale. But just a tiny bit. He was too happy to really care about Gale.
'THOSE ARE NOT OUR KIDS!' Katniss continued to be annoying.
And then Peeta and Katniss's kids sent a comment, and Peeta just couldn't be happier.
Adorable. Just super adorable.
Katniss, apparently, didn't think so.
'Oh, for god's sake.'
Peeta decided to at least be nice to their kids, he never talked to or seen them before after all, and sent them a special little comment.
'Yes, my sweet little angels? *kiss*'
He was a good daddy. Yes he was.
'Peeta, stop being such a fool! This is probably just a bored person who has no life that created this page to mess with us!' Katniss sent quickly.
And Katniss was a rather bad mommy. Yes she was.
'But who can do such a despicable thing?' Gale wrote.
A minute later Peeta and Katniss's kids sent yet another comment.
'Daddy, why is mommy such a b*tch?'
*Gasp!* Profanity, PROFANITY!
'EXCUSE ME?' Katniss sent. By her use of Caps Lock, Peeta figured out she was pissed off. Or extremely excited.
Which seemed unlikely to him. Their precious kids used profanity, after all. So Peeta figured she was pissed off.
He decided to teach them a lesson.
'Peeta junior, this was NOT a nice thing to say to your mother! Apologize this instant!'
Oh, he felt so grown up!
Peeta and Katniss's kids sent the next comment.
'I'm sorry, mommy.'
Peeta nodded his head in approval. Now they were acting like his sweet little angels!
Johanna Mason then joined the conversation.
'Wow, Katniss, you and Pita sure move fast!'
Katniss's response to that was a short and rather unpleasant one.
Peeta, however, was bothered by something else entirely.
'IT'S PEETA! PEETA!'
'Yay, it's Johanna Mason, our favorite aunt!' Peeta and Katniss's kids wrote excitedly.
Well, that was just great.
'That explains where they heard the word b*tch from.' Gale wrote.
Peeta ran a hand through his hair. Gale was probably right. Johanna was a bad role model.
'Johanna, I'd like it if you keep your language to a minimum while being in the presence of me and Katniss's kids.' Peeta wrote, hoping that Johanna will be more responsible around his kids.
But Katniss was still being difficult.
'Peeta, SHUT UP ALREADY! THOSE AREN'T OUR KIDS! WE DON'T HAVE ANY KIDS!'
Peeta rolled his eyes. Oh, his wife was just so stubborn!
'Come on, Katniss, honey, let's not fight in front of the kids.' Peeta wrote calmly.
He received a '*growl*' from Katniss.
Peeta nodded his head in approval.
'That's better. Good that you control your anger :)' He wrote, knowing that he just made Katniss feel really good with his awesome encouragements.
Peeta and Katniss's kids sent the next comment.
'Mommy, we discussed it, and we both think that you need to be nicer to daddy.'
Peeta Mellark liked this.
Katniss, apparently, lost her patience.
'Okay that's it! Who is it? President Snow? Cato? Who the hell is it?'
President Snow The Sexy Rooster then joined the conversation.
'Not me, my little blooming rose ^^' Was his comment.
'Yeah, it's not me either.' Cato The Sexy Buffalo sent.
Katniss decided that enough is enough.
'Okay, I am calling to every Hunger Games' character ever created to Like this sentence, so that I could see this isn't you pretending to be my freaking kids!' Katniss wrote.
Peeta liked the comment and looked at the computer as more and more people liked Katniss's comment.
'President Snow The Sexy Rooster, Cato The Sexy Buffalo, Johanna Mason, Peeta Mellark, Gale Hawthorne, Finnick Odair, Annie Cresta, Primrose Everdeen, Mrs. Everdeen, The deceased Mr. Everdeen, Rue, Thresh, Clove, Marvel, Glimmer, Buttercup, FoxFace, Cinna, Greasy Sae, Caesar, Haymitch Abernathy, The Morphlings, Boggs, Blight, Plutarch, Woof, Enobaria, Brutus, Atala, Avox girl, Beetee, Wiress, Bonnie, Bristle, Cashmere, Gloss, Castor, Cecelia, Chaff, Claudius, Commander P., Cray, Cressida, Darius, Delly, Effie Trinket, Flavius, Fluvia, Hazelle, Homes, Jackson, Lavinia, Leeg 1&2, Madge, Leevy, Lyme, Mags, Mayor Undersee, Maysilee, Messalla, Mitchel, Mr. Mellark, Mrs. Mellark, Octavia, Paylor, Pollux, Portia, Posy, President Coin, Purnia, Ripper, Romulus, Rory, Seeder, Seneca, Tax, Thom, Tigris, Titus, Twill, Venia and Vick Like this.'
Everyone. All of the characters liked it. Which meant, their kids, their precious, REAL kids, weren't made by any of them. They couldn't be signed into Facebook while logging into Facebook with another account.
Peeta and Katniss's kids then sent their final message.
'Mommy, I need you to help me burp.'
And Katniss's last comment was a confused, horrified, 'O.o'.
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