Well hello my wonderful readers! I love one shots, I really do, and Katniss and Peeta are one of my favorite pairings.
I drew inspiration for this one shot from the end of Mockingjay, in the epilogue where Katniss says something along the lines of 'I find it hard to take pleasure in anything, in fear it might be taken away.' Unfortunately, I don't own a copy of Mockingjay, so I apologize if that quote isn't correct. Anyway, enjoy!
I stared out the window as the rain hit the glass with force, feeling like I was taking a stab with every drop that hit. I put my hand over my stomach, as if maybe I could protect her from the pain I was feeling. Dreary days always did this to me. They brought back memories of things that I had long since tried to lock away in the deepest confines of my mind.
My baby stirred inside me and I cringed. She doesn't deserve to be brought into a world where so much pain and suffering is allowed to exist. She deserves so much better than a father who half the time sees me as a monster and a mother that has been beaten and damaged beyond repair. She deserves to be somewhere safe and happy, where she won't grow up walking on the ashes of all the people I once loved.
I won't be able to take care of her. I couldn't take care of my mother when she needed me all those years ago, I couldn't stop the Capitol from harming Peeta, and I let Prim, my sweet Prim, be painfully taken away from me. Everyone I surround myself with ends up getting hurt in the end. Maybe I could just leave her with Peeta. He could take of her, and then I wouldn't bring any of my misfortune down on the two people I love the most.
Just then I heard a knock on the door. Speak of the devil. I tore my eyes away from the water stained glass to look at the door, waiting for him to come in.
It wasn't who I expected it to be though, and he spoke to me from outside the door.
"Lover boy's worried about you," Haymitch said. "Get your ass out here."
I didn't respond. Haymitch was practically the last person I wanted to talk to right now.
"Katniss." He said louder. "As your mentor I demand you come out of your cave." The word cave sent shivers up my spine, making me recall all those fearful nights I spent curled up with the dying boy praying for our safety. This just made me angrier at Haymitch and how insensitive he could be. "Three… Two…" He started to count as if I was a child. I knew what that meant. I sprang up off my perch at the window and threw myself against the door, just as Haymitch got to one and proceeded to open it. I heard him grunt as I threw all my force against him, pushing the door closed and locking it before he could make his way in. "Katniss Everdeen!" he roared angrily.
"GO AWAY." I yelled with rage in my heart. This backed him down a bit, he sighed and stopped pressing on the door. I'm guessing Peeta was nearby, as I heard Haymitch say "it's no use, she locked me out," and walk away.
I ran over to my bed and curled into myself. Suppressing every emotion I could as not to become a total wreck. I felt my baby kick me again. She was already punishing me for being the bad mom I knew I would become.
Sometime later but probably not too long I heard Peeta come to the door and try to open it. He spoke to me softly through it. "Katniss, can I come in?"
I did not respond.
"Please?" He asked sweetly.
Again no response.
"At least tell me what's bothering you."
I rethought my strategy of not answering Peeta, thinking about how badly I wanted him with me. I also thought about how it was better for me to be alone, so I couldn't infect the happy people with all my issues. I bring people down. I just need to be by myself.
My side that longs for companionship won over, as I quickly unlocked the door and went and sat on the window bench again. Peeta slowly opened the door and came over to sit next to me, rubbing my back and stroking my hair. He played with my braid for a while before he finally spoke. "What's wrong?" he said calmly.
I put my head on his shoulder. "I don't know why you put up with me, I just bring everyone down. I can't even convince myself to be happy when I have every reason to be. I have you. And a baby. And a nice home. But just can't." I started to talk faster as all my emotions came spilling out. "I'll never be able to raise a child. You're going to hate me because I do more damage than good and I don't know what I'll do then. You'll leave me, and take her too. I'll be alone, even though I know that's better for everyone but I don't know how I'll cope with that. I've probably passed on my horrible memories to our child and she'll be terrorized by visions of mutts and dead children. I've already ruined her and she hasn't even been born yet."
Peeta put a hand over my lips to shush me, and rocked me gently back and forth. I just gripped his shirt, hoping that would make it impossible for him to ever go anywhere. "I'll never leave you, I promise." He said into my hair. "And you have every right to be unhappy sometimes. We've been through more than any person should ever have to go through. But our baby will be happy and never have to experience anything we went through. And you're going to make an excellent mother, you're kind and caring, and you're so protective. You would never let anything bad happen to her. I love you and her so much." He kissed my head, and then my lips. I just let him hold me for a while, making me feel better every minute he was there. "I can't believe you think I would leave you," he said to me. "Why would I leave you after everything we've been through?"
"I don't know." I whispered. "I don't even know why you're with me to begin with."
Peeta didn't say anything to that. His only response was to whisper 'I love you' every so often. Eventually Peeta took my hand got up and went outside to get some fresh air, where the clouds had parted and the rain had stopped, and where the sun was breaking through the clouds, sending rays of light on to the patches of dandelions that were everywhere in full bloom.
Well, I hope you liked it. It was a bit wordy and I started not to like it half way through, but I thought I would post it anyway.
R&R and fav my darlings! You all are amazing! :)