I Just Want to be Happy…
*I own nothing except for Lucy :)
*I know I said Shania was in Slytherin, but I switched it to Gryffindor :) Sorry for any confusion! Any questions just message me!
I watched Lily run upstairs and then I turned to James. "What did I do?"
"Did you not see Lucy when you came in here?"
"Not really, I only saw her go upstairs" Prongs rolled his eyes "What?"
"She ran in here, crying her eyes out!"
"I didn't do anything!"
"That's the problem! You didn't do or say anything! You just stood there!"
"How would you know, Prongs? You weren't there!"
"She told us, Padfoot"
"Don't, don't say anything to me. Talk to Lucy instead" He sat back on the couch and glanced toward the girls' dormitory then at the roaring fire.
What am I going to do now? I'm screwed…
I slump onto the couch next to James and then I hear shouting from the girls' dormitory. What's going on?
I shouldn't have gone to the common room. That was the most likely spot to go. Of course Sirius would look there. I just hope he didn't see me crying…
I lay on my bed now, staring at the ceiling, hoping that something will happen and it will cave in, taking my life, making it so I will never have to talk to Sirius ever again. Maybe I should just avoid him instead of wanting to die…yeah, that seems less extreme. As long as I don't have to talk about this with Sirius ever again. I don't even know why I said anything in the first place! I'm so stupid!
I feel more tears leak from my brown eyes and I try to blink them away, but they just continue to seem out of me. Damn emotions.
Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to have a perfect life. Like Lily's. Sure, it's not picture perfect, but it's more perfect than mine will ever be. She has parents, friends, a boyfriend, and somewhere to call home. The only thing wrong with her life is her sister, Petunia. Ever since Lily got her Hogwarts letter, Petunia's called her awful names. But that's the only thing trying to ruin Lily's perfect life.
My life on the other hand, is horrid. My parents left me when I was born. I only have 1 friend, well I do have some acquaintances, like Alice and Remus, but only one true friend who I can rely on through thick and thin. And my foster mom can't stand me. She would've thrown me out long ago if she wasn't receiving checks from the government just for housing me. Out of all of the kids in my foster home, she likes me the least. I don't know what I did wrong, she just hates me.
My life is far from perfect. Sirius' life is considered perfect to mine, and he doesn't even live with his parents, he lives with James. But, he's happy none the less, while I live unhappy every day.
"Lucy?" I flinch as I realize Lily's in the room."Are you alright?"
"Perfect!" I exclaim as I sit up on my bed "Fucking perfect, Lil, thanks!" I bring my knees up to my chest and then wrap my arms around them. Lily frowns and walks over to me. She sits on the bed beside me and pats my knee.
"I'm sorry, Luce"
"I can't do this anymore, Lil" I say after a moment of silence.
"Do what?"I let out a sob as she looks at me with concern in her green eyes.
"Life. I can't continue to live when I'm so unhappy. I thought that I was starting to get better because Sirius was actually talking to me, but I ruined that. I ruined the one shot at happiness I had." I saw tears glisten in Lily's eyes and she grabbed my hand "Lily, I'm not like you, I'm not pretty, or sweet, or loveable. I'm me, and I hate it. I don't stand out from everyone else. I'm average. You aren't though, you're perfect"
She snorted "Lucy, you've got to be kidding me, I'm far from perfect!"
"You have a perfect life though! You have a boyfriend! Friends! An actually family!" I shout "I have nothing!"
"I only got a boyfriend because you told James I liked him!" Lily yells back "If you wouldn't have told him, I probably never would've!"
"Everyone likes you more though. Even my foster mom!" I shriek "You don't know how awful it is to be me! Everybody hates me! I hate me!" I sob
"Lucy, stop. You're amazing, don't convince yourself otherwise"
"Why shouldn't I?"
"Because you are perfect. Sure, you're life isn't, but neither is mine. My sister can't stand me"
"That's the only thing wrong with your life, though, Lils" I sigh "One thing that's screwed up. In my life, there isn't just one, my whole life is a screw up"
"No, it's not, Luce. Life's just testing you to see if you can handle anything. And if there's anyone who can handle anything, it's you. If I were you, I'd never be able to handle myself. Ever. But you can. You're stronger than I could ever dream of being. Lucy, I wish I had your strength. I wish I could be like you. Be able to say anything I want without even thinking of the consequences."
"I appreciate the thought, Lily, but we both know that you would never want to be like me. I'm a hot mess"
"Damnit, Lucy! Stop throwing yourself a pity party!" I feel tears sting my eyes and I hurriedly get up and walk to the bathroom in our dormitory, quickly shutting the door behind me. I locked it and then leaned against it, choking on my tears.
I then heard and felt a pounding on the door "Luce, I didn't mean it like that! I'm sorry"
"Leave me be, Lily. Just leave me. I can't be helped" That only made her pound harder
"Lucy! Don't do anything stupid!" I heard her let out a sob "Please don't, you're my best friend!"
"Tell your parents I said goodbye" I walk away from the door and walk over to the bathtub where I see my razor sitting on the ledge. Many of you may be thinking why I don't just point my wand at myself and say the killing curse? Well, I'll tell you why, because you can't cast that spell on yourself. You can't cast any of the Unforgivable on yourself, it won't work.
"NOOOOOOO!" Lily screams from outside the door. "LUCY!"
"I'm sorry, Lily" I said softly, but loud enough for her to hear me.
"Lucy, don't do this, please! We can work this out! We can work everything out! You can stay at my house until we graduate! Please, don't do this!"
But I wasn't listening to her anymore. I was pulling up my right sleeve, preparing it.
Nothing Lily could say would stop me now.
*Pretty intense….Don't worry, everything will end up fine in the end :). Thanks for reading!