Title: Not Me (1/1)
Character/Pairing: Britta, Jeff, Annie
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Gen, slight sexy-times, romance... ish.
Spoilers: Epidemiology.
Summary: Britta and Jeff meet in the bathroom during the Halloween party.
Disclaimer: I don't own Community and I make no money off of it.

A/N: This is part of a new series of mine called Off-Screen-Ville. I've been planning it for a while now and just finished one of the fics finally. The series is going to be made up of short, or longer, fics based on things mentioned in the show that happened off-screen. Like the clip show scenes in season 2. I'll tackle those eventually. Prompt me with something if you'd like.

A/N 2: This may very well be the weirdest thing I've written... and I've written Doctor/TARDIS smut. I'm just sayin'.


... ...

... ... ...

"We shouldn't be doing this," Britta moaned, not in pleasure, but annoyance.

"No. We absolutely should be doing this because we're both adults, and we can handle it. And because we're both as horny as teenagers." He struggled with the zipper in the back of her costume, trying to pull it down. It didn't budge, so he yanked harder.

"Speak for yourself. And, funny how you didn't want to until- hey, be careful. This thing was expensive to rent." She tried, again, to unfasten his pants, but he brushed her hands away. "This'll work better if your pants aren't on, Jeff."

"This is a-"

"6,ooo dollar suit. I know. We all know. You've told us all about a gazillion times."

"I'm not damaging my suit just to get some."

"Yeah, speaking of getting some. How about you get some? Clues, I mean."


"I wanted to have sex earlier, you said no, because of your stupid suit, you big girl. And then Annie showed up in her little dress and pigtails. Suddenly, you can't wait to have sex."

He pulled back to stare at her. "What the... hell? I can't even- that's stupid, Britta. Annie has nothing to do with us fucking in a school bathroom during a ridiculous costume party thrown by a man who has more costumes than the SNL wardrobe room."

Britta pointed at him triumphantly. "Deflection."

"Congratulations, you sussed out my cunning plan to deflect a discussion about ridiculous, irrelevant things in order to get some!"

"Well, yeah, I did."

"Whatever. Let's just-" He groaned and carefully slid out of his jacket after a pointed look from her, folding it before looking for a place to put it. His eyes darted from stall door hooks, to the counter, to under the sink. "It'll have to stay on." He slid back into it and Britta was sure she heard a sigh of relief.

He was such a schoolgirl.

Speaking of.

"So, you suddenly needing to have sex, like, right now, has nothing to do with a certain pigtailed, short-dress-wearing study pal?" She watched his eyes narrow, though he tried to keep neutral. Saw his jaw work before he halted it. Noted the way his eyes slid from hers for a second before he shrugged.

"Duh-doy. Annie and I aren't... anything." He fought with her zipper again, spinning her around to face the wall. "There was just the one kiss- two kisses. Flukes."

"Right," she mumbled, shifting impatiently. "Look, Jeff." She turned, swatting ineffectually at his hands to keep him from disrobing her further. "You and Annie have some things you need to work out. Maybe you should go do that instead of trying to prove how much you don't care about her by sleeping with me."

"Or maybe," he said seductively, trying to pull her arms free, "I should- what is-" He frowned, yanking on the green material. "How the hell did you get into this thing? It's like a straight jacket." He yanked harder, jerking her forward. Her forehead met his chin.

"Ow! Jeff, god. Will you just stop?" She tried to rub her head, but her arms wouldn't reach.

"Be a normal girl next time and dress like-"

"What? A slut?"

"-a human being." He glared at her, then considered his words. "Just not the Human Being."

She sighed and slipped her arm free of the sleeve, maneuvering around inside the costume. Pulling down the inner zipper, she lowered the top half, freeing her arms, then rubbed her head with a wince. "Despite my better judgment, Jeff, I actually care about you. You're a good friend and a decent person-though that's usually after being pushed into being one-and Annie is a great person and a great friend. You should-"

"No. It's not up for discussion because there's nothing between Annie and me. What the hell, Britta? She's practically a teenager. While I, in case you hadn't noticed, am not."

"Yeah, the receding hairline gives it away." She smirked when he turned to the mirror and futzed with his hair. It was just too easy.

His eyes met hers in the mirror. "Not cool."

"Neither is you trying to sleep with me because Annie gets you hot."

Jeff spun at that, trying hard for offended, but coming off caught. "I- that's ridiculous. I don't want Annie. Stop trying to push your issues onto me."


"Oh, please." He crossed his arms over his chest, casual, but purposely so. "I've seen the looks." He bobbed his head a little. "Troy?"

"What?" she gasped again, confusion rising in her. "I don't- Troy is just a friend. A concept you seem to have trouble with, Jeff. A friend is someone who doesn't sleep with you because someone else got him hot and bothered and he doesn't have the guts or brains to date her instead!" Forcing herself to calm down, she readjusted her costume. "You know what? I'm not doing this tonight. You need to figure out what you want."

"Pretty sure I made that clear when we came in here."

"You need to figure out who you want, then. Because it's not me." She settled her hand on the doorknob, turning to look over her shoulder at him. He was staring at the wall, back to her. "Jeff," she said more kindly, "you can pretend you don't care about her all you want, and you can even treat her badly-though I'll beat you if you do-but it's going to bite you in the ass someday. And you might lose her, even as just a friend."

She heard him draw in a deep breath as she turned the knob, before Abba drowned him out.


... ...

... ... ...

He craved flesh.

It felt familiar to crave flesh.

Something burned deep in his belly and his brain hurt, pushing him to find soft, fleshy tissue. Teeth gnashing, he grabbed at something nearby, pulling it to his lips. Opening his mouth, he started to bite down, but the flesh was tainted.

He didn't want it.

Other pieces of flesh were nearby, others were further. Inhaling deeply, he veered toward the right.


Flashes of red caught his attention. Flesh that smelled right. Good, tasty.

Orange blocked his way to the good and tasty and he pushed it aside with a growl. Other colors, other smells, not right. He wanted the good flesh. Lurching toward it, he fell.

Smooth flesh. Pretty red color. Good and tasty.

A pleased sound left him. He leaned down to bite. Claws, fingers, teeth... she was tasting him.

He didn't mind.

Mouth opening on her flesh, he bit. Soft. He liked it. Tasty. Soft.

She stopped biting. He wanted her to bite more, but she moved free of him and crawled away.

Something hit the floor. He stared at it.


Standing up, wanting to go after the pretty, he saw the familiar thing on the floor. He picked it up.


He went after her, pushing buttons.