Title: I Never Told You
Date: March 21, 2012
Things to know: The whole Franco thing never happened. Sam's not pregnant. Robin's dead. Patrick reluctantly saves Jason's life. Jason and Elizabeth both find themselves at an impasse in their lives.
Dedicated to: Caitlyn...Happy Birthday! Hope you like it! P.S. Return my CD. You know the one I mean.
*Special thanks to those that suggested storylines. Caitlyn read them over and decided to put a few together, changing some facts. Hope you like it and I'll try to write the other suggestions if I can.*
The town was starting to thaw out from the harsh winter it has just endured, but she still felt cold to her core. Elizabeth has never felt so numb in all her life. When she lost Lucky way back when, she went numb but she never went this numb. It seemed to her that the losses were just piling up. First Emily then Jake, now Robin. Why did she have to keep losing the most important people in her life? She and Robin reached a point in their friendship that they relied on each other a lot. They both relied on each other the way she and Emily used to rely on each other. Now she's gone and Elizabeth, once again, is left to live on. How was that fair?
Cameron is angry with her. She doesn't know how to get through to him and she can't give him what he wants. He wants Lucky and he wants Jake. Both people she wishes were still around, but both people she has no way of giving back to her son. Aiden is still too young to process much of what's going on and that was a good thing in her opinion. Her youngest son could still go on with a childlike view of the world. Oh, how she wishes Cameron could return to that oblivion. Back to a place where he didn't hurt and where his father's absence wouldn't affect him so much.
Elizabeth wishes she could be a part of that oblivion as well. To see life the way her baby sees it. If only life worked that way. She tries to fill the void the best she can, but nothing seems to work. Dates with Ewen, for example, just aren't filling the void. As amazing as he might be, Elizabeth just can't open herself up to him. Not that she hasn't tried. Because she has and it just doesn't work. Her heart belonged to one man and that man will never be hers again. So, putting aside the dating world, Elizabeth tries to focus on her two sons, but finds that harder than dates with Ewen.
Thanks to Maxie, she doesn't have her job to occupy her time. Once again her life was flipped upside down by that wench and she's left to pick up the pieces from the damage Lucky and Maxie created. Admittedly, it was her fault as well, letting Lucky back into her life that way. Hoping for some kind of connection to fill the void.
With her boys asleep upstairs, Elizabeth sits with her Grams in the living room. Today wasn't a good day for her. Its the anniversary of the day she lost Jake and she just couldn't bring herself to feel anything. If she were to feel even the slightest bit of emotion, she's sure to unravel completely.
"No offence, my dear, but you look to be in shambles." Audrey commented, accepting the cup of tea from her granddaughter. "I know today must be hard for you."
"It is." Elizabeth concedes, running her fingers through her hair, fighting off thoughts of her son. "I'll live."
Her grandmother was unaware of the bitterness behind her words. The hard truth that she really would live while all those around her perished into death's hands. It was ironic if she thought about it. Taking a drink of tea, forcing the dark thoughts to recede, Elizabeth focuses on the here and now. Hoping that the memories will just stay at bay, hidden in the recesses of her mind.
"The boys are asleep." Audrey can see the cold distance in Elizabeth's eyes and it pulls tight on her heart strings. "Why don't you go visit little Jake?"
"I don't see what good that'll do." Elizabeth's voice plain, setting her cup down on the coaster. "I'm needed here. Cameron and Aiden could wake up at any time."
"I'll be here." Audrey says softly, standing up to get Elizabeth's coat and hand it to her. "You need this. Trust me."
Elizabeth eyed her grandmother for a moment. The memories echoing in her mind. Everything her grandmother ever said to her while she had been pregnant with Jake. She was a number one Lucky supporter, a part of her wondering what her grandmother now thought of the almighty Lucky Spencer now. Stifling any words that threatened to form, Elizabeth took the coat and walked out of her home. Maybe visiting her son will be good for her. It definitely couldn't get any worse. After everything she's been through, Elizabeth is once again back in a place void of emotions and life. Once again she's nowhere.
The anger and guilt has started to eat at him. Why would they keep this from him? Everything was starting to make sense and he couldn't believe that Patrick saved his life after losing Robin. The very thought of his first love sent aches through Jason that he never thought he'd feel again. He was slowly going numb. Once again someone he loves dies and he is left to live on without them. If there is a god, he must really hate Jason. Why couldn't he be the one to die instead of the people around him? Sam is in front of him, giving him every excuse in the book as to why she kept it from him, but he couldn't care. He couldn't feel anything because if he allowed himself to feel anything he was sure to fall to shambles.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her." Sam sighed, watching the cold distance in Jason's eyes. "I just knew that it would've killed you if we told you before the surgery."
"She died last month on the twenty-first." Jason muttered, looking through Sam than at her. "The irony is too much."
"The irony?" Sam eyed him, confused about what he meant.
"The irony." Jason shook his head, casting the images out of his mind, begging the memories to stay away. "I have to get out of here."
"You've been discharged so we can go home." Sam watched as he stood up, grabbing his jacket from the chair. "Monica's coming with your papers."
"I have to leave, now." Jason states, walking out of his room, starting to feel suffocated by being in that place. His son's death echoing in his mind.
"Jason, wait!" Sam chased after him, stopping him from walking past the nurses' station. "We have to wait for your papers."
"What's going on?" Monica questioned, walking up to them with the clipboard that had Jason's discharge papers. "Is everything okay?"
"He wants to leave." Sam kept her eyes on a very cold, distant pare of blue orbs. "You know he hates hospitals."
"Yes, of course." Monica shook her head, holding out the clipboard to Jason. "Just sign and you can go."
Jason didn't speak, afraid of what would come out of his mouth, signing the papers before brushing past Sam to the elevator. He couldn't be there much longer. Elizabeth's cries echoed through the air in that place. The sound of his son's machines being turned off echoed through halls. So many painful memories echoed through the halls of General Hospital and he just couldn't be there anymore. He couldn't take being around anyone in that moment. The irony of it all was threatening to swallow him whole. The worst of it all was Sam. She never should have kept Robin's death from him.
He was slowly slipping back into the numbness that had been his life. First he lost his sister. Emily was young and she didn't deserve to die the way she did, but it was his fault because Diego Alcazar wanted revenge for his father's death. Then Jake. He should have been protecting his son. He should have done so much for him, but even he was lost to death's hand while his father remained alive. Now Robin. She fought so hard to save him, sacrificing her own life in the process. After everything he has been through, all the fighting he had done, Jason's back in a place void of emotions and life. Once again he's nowhere.
"Jason?" Sam called to him, forcing him to look back at her. "Aren't you going to wait for me?"
"No." Jason says plainly. "I just want to be alone."
"Jason, you can't blame yourself for Robin's death." Sam says pleadingly, walking over to him. "You couldn't have prevented it."
"You don't know that." Jason states, yanking his hands out of her reach. "She died for me."
"It doesn't make it your fault." Monica chimes in, walking over to him. "She wanted to save you. Its not your fault."
"The irony." Jason mutters, hearing that from his mother was just ironic. "Robin's death is as much my fault as Emily's. We both know you believe I'm responsible for that."
Monica couldn't help but feel bad for blaming her son for the death of his sister. She seemed to blame him for every loss she has endured and, until that moment, she didn't realize just how badly that affected him. In her moment of silence, Jason walked onto the elevator, closing it in the faces of both women. He couldn't feel anything. He was more numb than he's ever been and Jason accepted it. He accepted the numb nothingness that has taken residence within him.
Both Elizabeth and Jason took the same path, ten minutes apart. They made their way to Emily's grave first. Both missing her now more than ever. Emily had been their voice of reason. She had supported them in everything, even if no one else supported them.
From Emily's grave, they made their way to Robin's grave. Both wishing they could say something, anything, but both had no words. The words wouldn't form and their voices failed them, so they simply stayed for a moment before moving on to their son. Elizabeth was kneeling in front of the headstone, her right hand flush against the granite, tears frozen in her eyes when Jason finally arrived to the gravesite. Like she did to him all those years ago, Jason clasped his hand on her shoulder, lending whatever strength he had left.
Elizabeth didn't have to look up to know who was there. She could feel his presence from miles away. Somehow they always seemed to find themselves together in times of tragedy. They've both suffered the same loses. Emily was a sister to both of them. When they lost her, they knew exactly how the other felt, a feeling no one else could understand. Then they both lost their son. Once again, both understood how the other felt. Now they've both lost Robin. They've both lost one of their best friends and both understand how the other is feeling.
No words of comfort are spoken. No empty attempts at helping each other cope are made. They just let each other be. Both grieving for the people they've lost. Both feeling the emptiness that now resides within them because they are left to live on without those they have lost. Twelve years later and they were both back in the nothingness that swallowed them whole all those years ago. Twelve years later and they are back to being nowhere. Both wishing the other wasn't there, but glad that they weren't alone in the nothingness. Glad that they weren't alone in proverbial nowhere.
Author's Note: For those that didn't put it together, the irony that Jason's talking about is that Robin died on February 21 while Jake died on March 21. Exactly one month apart. And just to tell you in advance, Jake won't be coming back to life. I'm sorry. The loss is a necessary connection for them.
A little note to the person that messed with my friend Rocker's page. If you even think of hacking my page and deleting my stories, I will track you down and fly kick your face! For all of Rocker's fans, she apologizes for not being able to finish her stories. Unfortunately, she's not going to write anymore. I know it sucks, but she's going to be helping with my stories so you'll get a taste of her writing styles in the future chapters of my stories.
Back to the point...I hope you guys like this first chapter. I'll thank you in advance for the reviews. You guys all make writing a true pleasure and I'm so thankful to be able to share my thoughts and passion with you all.
Till next time...