A/N: Hey. Some pretty serious personal shit went down for a few months, and I'm not going to spread details on 'teh interwebs' for pity or anything. It just took a while to update because of it. Here's another RAGE and a new Interlude for the hell of it.
WE'RE BACK, FUCKNUGGETS.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Screamed one Ork.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Screamed his nob, hitting him over the head with a choppa.
"!" Screamed their warboss, slamming their heads together with his power claws.
" !" Howled Ragequit as he was fired out of Getoffmylawn's Angry Marine Launcher. The warboss was slammed backwards by the impact, his face caved in by Ragequit's power fist. Ragequit rose to his feet, growling.
"NEXT FUCKER IN LINE? COME ON, WHO IS IT? I'VE BEEN SAVING THIS RAGE FOR MORE THAN THREE EMPEROR-DAMN MONTHS FOR YOU LITTLE SHITS!" He fired his bolt pistol into the sky. "ALWAYS ANGRY!"
The nobs blinked. Ragequit waited patiently for a few seconds, until Getoffmylawn's modified Shokk Attack Gunn succeeded in firing the land raider crusader stuffed chock-full with Temperus Maximus and his Angry Terminators at the Ork Army.
"ALL THE TIME!" They howled, smashing down the door. Muchdickery rose up from behind one Ork warlord's back and snapped his neck, falling back into the shadows smirking. BSOD ripped an assault cannon off of the land raider, and began using it as a club. Getoffmylawn fired himself through his Shokk Attack Gun, waving his chainsaw in glee, leaving a confused Enginseer Newell and Gates behind as it opened up yet another portal and yet another bloodthirster stepped out.
"Not again." Gates muttered, oil leaking from his torso unit.
Behind the flashy and explosive entrances of the Angry Marines, the 101st Malgorian Ablative Shields steadily moved forwards. Nedrod closed his eyes and started counting back from ten.
"FUCK THIS!" Commissar Egar roared. "I'M JUST GOING FOR THE MOTHER FUCKERS!"
"That lasted even less time than I expected." Nedrod sighed. Private Immortal Redshirt nodded.
"Yeah, I figured it'd last until at least Close combat-"
One of the orks showed that some of them could, in fact, hit one of the several million guardsmen in a straight line in front of them. Redshirt dropped to the ground, a red stain covering his chest.
"Not again" He gurgled, even as Nedrod dropped to his knees and started to put him back together again.
The Emperor's Long Nap
The Lord Custodian of the Emperor's Guard, Custodius Maximus, rose from his prayers in front of the God-Emperor's rotting corpse and turned to walk away from the golden throne.
"WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. YOU EVER WONDER HOW WE GET HERE?"
Custodius Maximus turned around for a second, his draw dropping. Techpriests and psychers turned to face the now animated and talking Emperor of Mankind, although he was still rotting.
"I MEAN REALLY, MY EXISTANCE HAS JUST BEEN ONE LONG STRING OF WHAT-THE-FUCK MOMENTS."
Messages were sent out immediately – the Emperor was talking! He was alive!
"NOW LOOK AT ME! A ROTTING CORPSE ON A CHAIR BECAUSE MY SON HELD A GRUDGE OVER ME CREATING A NEW FUTURE FOR HUMANITY OVER THROWING A BASEBALL FOR HIM. THAT SON OF A BITCH. NOW, WHAT DID I MISS? I HAD ONE REALLY LONG NAP TO GET OVER THAT HANGOVER."
The Emperor of Mankind retreated into the warp and checked history for a few seconds.
"YOU PEOPLE DID WHAT? WITH THE BATTLEFLEET, AND THE – AND THE BURNINGS AND THE – WHAT THE FUCK IS THE INQUISITION? ANGRY MARINES? WHY ARE THEY – WHAT DID THAT GUY JUST DO TO THAT ORK WITH ITS OWN COLON, DEAR SCIENCE!"
Custodius Maximus blinked.
"ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK IT. I TRIED. IF YOU IDIOTS COULDN'T LISTEN TO THE DAMN 'IMPERIAL TRUTH' AND ARM YOURSELF AGAINST THE FALSE GODS OF CHAOS, YOU DESERVE TO BE WIPED OUT. ENJOY THE MASSIVE ARMY OF NECRONS COMBINED WITH A WARP STORM I'VE BEEN HOLDING BACK FOR YEARS."
Custodius Maximus frowned.
The Emperor ceased to exist on his chair, and a horde of daemons spilled forth from the warp just as a Monolith teleported on top of the golden throne.
"Oh, son of a-"
Terra ceased to exist from the one-sided curbstomp that ensued.