Not All It's Cracked Up to Be
Older Kids
Genre: Gen, Badfic/Crack!Fic, Challenge, Friendship, Humor, Team
Timeline: Classic Team
Synopsis: Jack finds himself on the receiving "end" of a dubious honor, and the rest of the team is there to ass-ist.
Notes: Written for this quarter's one_prompt challenge, "catastrophe"
Status: Completed August 26, 2010


Not All It's Cracked Up to Be

Sam struggled not to laugh. "It's an honor, sir."

"It's a statue of a butt-ugly animal, Carter," Jack retorted, gesturing toward the clay sculpture with a sweeping hand.

"It's a lestra," Daniel explained, leaning in to have a closer look. "The lestra is a sacred animal to the Samesh. Without it, they couldn't plow their land, carry goods to and from town, or have milk or cheese or any number of other useful products. It's like the Hindu cow, only—"

"Butt-frickin' ugly?"

Teal'c arched an eyebrow. "The equine does possess a bifurcated facial structure."

"Ah, well, I'm not sure I'd call it an equine, Teal'c," Daniel began. "It's more like a... feline. Paws and claws, not hooves, and—"

"I don't know, Daniel... other than the feet, I think it looks more like a donkey."

Jack snorted. "A donkey, Carter?"

"Well, if you look at the ears and the tail..."

"Oh, so that's how you tell which end is which."

"Jack, don't be an ass."

The colonel attemped a look of innocence. "The only 'ass' here is the ass-ugly donkey-cat-thing."

Rolling his eyes heavenward, Daniel let out a sigh. "The chieftain gave this to you in recognition for saving his life. No matter what it looks like, can't you accept it for what it represents?"

"Extremely poor taste?"

Teal'c put his hands behind his back and widened his stance. "I believe I can now properly identify this item."

"It's a statue of a lestra," Daniel replied, brow furrowing. "What else could it be?"

Teal'c's lips twitched. "I believe it is a Cat-Ass Trophy."