Okay, so I was skimming through past stories/blogs/tumblr when I saw how lots of people liked to focus on discussing Dick's therapy session (which I think will hint he may become Nightwing)…and I decided to do a stupid little story on Dick and Dinah but without any mention of Megan's mental simulation discussed.
I know, I should be working on 'Christmas Colored Arrows,' but fear not—I have it under control
Now onto the story!
"Bruce, I don't want to," Dick whined. He and Bruce were sitting in the main room, waiting for the other members to come. Tonight was the annual Gotham City masquerade ball, and Bruce thought the Riddler had planned an event there based on clues from their last encounter. Mayor Hill invited Bruce to the ball, so it was an easier way for him to go undercover. Dick was asked to come too, but…
"You have to do this," Bruce repeated. "No whining."
Dick closed his eyes and the bell rang. Alfred opened the door and Dick slid from the chair. "Ah, Mr. Queen, Miss Lance, good evening," he greeted.
"Good evening, Alfred," they greeted him removing their coats and hats. Bruce walked up to welcome the couple, but Dick did not stand up—not until Dinah sat across from him and put her and on his knee.
"Relax. It's only one night, and I'll be here to remove anything I do."
Dick nodded slightly and bit his lip. By four, Aquaman. Hal Jordan, Superman, the Flash, John Zatara, and Martian Manhunter had come over. Much to Dick's horror, Oliver, Manhunter, and John brought their daughter/niece/protégé with them.
The other members of the League had agreed to keep watch over the city and house while the Dynamic Duo were gone, and Dick was okay with that, but the girls...
"W-wh-what are the girls doing here?" he stuttered.
"They're my assistants," Dinah explained softly, watching Dick turn a deep shade of magenta. Dinah laughed and took his arm. "Come on. We have a mission to fulfill."
Dick almost cried out as the giggling girls followed him and the older woman back to the 'operation' room. "Okay, Dick, if you complain, Bruce will find out," she warned. "So…here is a small present." He took the baggie and opened it to be a green hospital dress.
"Not really aster," he mumbled to himself.
After changing into the 'gown' he held the back tied and Dinah nodded. "Okay…follow me, and we'll help you get this over with." Dick avoided looking at the giggling girls as they led him to a small operation table. "Now, Dick, the first role of female beauty is hair only on the head. All you need to do is lean back and relax."
Dick nodded and laid on his back while Dinah talked to the girls and Artemis walked away to come back with a bowl of water, a can, and a razor. "First," she explained, "we have to shave your underarms."
Dick sighed. For the underarms, Artemis was responsible for cutting the long hair and lathering water and shaving cream on the skin before she slid a razor along his sensitive skin on both sides. Dick was impressed with the smooth perfection as Artemis rolled gel deodorant—violets and lavender!—on his underarms.
"One done," Dinah muttered checking it off on her clipboard. "Lie on your stomach," she commanded.
The boy held the gown over his tiny backside while he turned. He could hear rubbing, but he tried to focus on what the mission was going to be. "So what are you going to do next, are you going to—OUCH!"
"Leg wax," Megan explained spraying cooling alcohol over the hairless part of skin. Dick shuddered and sank his teeth into a pillow as Megan waxed both his legs, sometimes accidentally ripping skin, and fanned and sprayed the hairless flesh. "Good thing you still don't have hair on your arms yet," she commented.
Dick ignored her and turned around. "Am I done with waxing?"
"Nope," Dinah said grinning. "Zatanna, wax the eyebrows. Megan, Artemis, grab my bag of cosmetics."
Dick gulped and looked up at Zatanna while she beamed at him. "You still don't look different," she said. Dick closed his eyes but undid his action when Dinah lifted his leg.
"Canary…what are you doing?" he asked.
Dinah grinned. "Bruce said you'll have to be near other young women at the private pool and spa, so…"
Megan and Artemis were lucky enough to be leaving Dinah's car to not hear Dick's cry of stinging pain.
Ten minutes later, Megan and Artemis had called him to another table when the door knocked. Dinah opened it to Arthur's presence. "Here, Miss Lance," he said handing her a takeout box. "My own specialized meal of seaweed, grown specially in the backyard," he said.
Dinah smiled widely. "Thank you, Arthur."
Dick walked past them then, but with his legs apart and moaning at each step. Arthur blinked. "What's wrong with him?"
"Bikini and thigh wax," she said smiling.
Arthur's eyes popped open. "Oh, Neptune, that's never fun," he shuddered walking away. When he joined the men in the 'waiting room,' he gulped and chugged down a glass of water. "Guys…have you ever known someone who suffered a bikini wax?" Every man flinched and tried to weakly laugh.
When Megan was done with the waxing, Dinah asked Dick to lie on his back and not ask questions. Dick obeyed and Artemis hunched over him. "Open your left eye," she instructed. Dick reluctantly obeyed and sighed. "Look to your right," and he felt a tender yet sharp object slide under his eye. He closed his eye and felt the object trace over his lid.
She repeated on his other eye while Megan pulled out a tube, untwisted the cosmetic, and 'tugged' on his eyelashes. As Megan did the same to the other eye, Artemis dabbed a brush against his cheeks, over the top of his chest, and fanned extra material away.
Meanwhile, Zatanna held his hand and smoothed a mini paintbrush over the fake manicure. Dick felt tickled but held his breath when she whispered, "Yrd eht slian," and his hand felt warmer.
Artemis put her tool down and twisted a different tool. "Open your mouth," she instructed and Dick reluctantly parted his lips. She slid the heavy color over each lip with a small smile. Megan finished working on his eyes, so she pulled out a mini box and rubbed a sponge against the dusty color.
"Close your eyes." Dick winced and pretended to be on patrol. When his face was all dolled up, Zatanna sprayed Ralph Lauren perfume around him. Afterwards, Dinah sat him on the table and reached into a bag.
Dinah was helping with hair extensions ("It's more realistic than a wig, Boy Wonder," she snapped) when Artemis walked forward holding two skin-colored balls. "Dinah, are these the appropriate cups?" was enough for him to realize what they were.
"No, I asked for C—"
"C?" he gasped. "No…"
"Hush up, Rob," she sighed as she continued working on his head.
"Black Canary…I don't want to wear a bra," he pleaded.
Dinah glared at him. "You won't," she said. "But they will stick to your chest until you splash hot water over them."
The poor boy felt nothing but the will to shoot himself in the mouth. "Artemis, Megan, look through the racks and boxes I brought over and see which one suits him-no wait, which you like best."
Dick felt his insides turning to hydrochloric acid. Artemis and Megan were going through the outfit and shoes while Zatanna finished the hair style, sprayed Ralph Lauren again, and beamed. "Zatanna, I need you to help the other girls," Dinah commanded and Zatanna walked away.
Dick looked at her timidly. "What—"
"I need you to stick your arm out," she instructed. The victim, who was still recovering from the bikini wax (he heard they were giving him a special swimming suit!) sighed and obeyed until the blue eyes caught sight of the can and almost made the human back away. "Black Canary, what—"
"Spray tan," she explained. "The girls picked out your dress already, so we need to give you a tan."
Dick winced as she sprayed his arm and goosebumps popped under every site of being sprayed. "Other arm." Spray. "Lift the robe."
Dick growled and looked away. "The last time I was ever this naked in front of a group of women, I popped out of my mother's body—ah!" He jumped away at the spray on his calf. "I'm feeling distraught about this."
"Well, get traught, or get busted!" Artemis yelled from the other room.
By the time Dinah was done, Megan walked in holding a tiny blue box. "What are those?" he asked.
"These are clip-on earrings," Megan explained. "We won't pierce your ears, but these are attached to the lobes in a way that makes them look pierced."
Dick swallowed and was silently glad none of the other boys were helping. "Oh, God…"
He merrily shuddered as the clasp pinched his lobe, but the weight would be a problem later.
Finally, Artemis and Zatanna walked in carrying two separate boxes. "Dick, change in the closet," Dinah ordered. "We'll help with your voice coaching."
"Uh oh," he croaked.
In the main room, the men but Bruce were laughing over their ridiculous advertisement to avoid DUI on national TV. The men's chatter stopped when the door opened and Dinah leaned against the frame, smiling.
"Gentlemen, for the last two hours, your daughter, niece, protégé, and I were working these awful hands off to create a mission like no other, so as a result…I present, Miss Rachel 'Dixie' Grayson."
The men stood up as the other girls walked out behind Dinah. Through the door frame, a thin and short yet slender woman—girl—was walking to the men, clad in a one-strapped purple gown and white elbow-length gloves with matching stilettos, diamond necklace, and pearl earrings, her long black hair curled around her shoulders, each man catching a whiff of Ralph Lauren.
The girls giggled while 'Rachel' beamed at 'her' mentor. "You ready?" the millionaire asked looking pained.
"Yes," 'she' said in a feminine tone. The 'female' took Bruce's arm and he walked the two of them away from the main room. As soon as their car drove away, the party began.
Dinah sat on Ollie's lap as he pulled out a bottle of wine. "Tell us everything!" he yelled. His protégé and Megan were laughing while John gave his daughter a weird look and Dinah began babbling out events that made the men roar.
I know—stupid but funny. Review please.
Secret: The only good thing about 'Alpha Males' was the sweet and wonderful Captain Marvel. Otherwise I did not really enjoy it