AUTHOR NOTE: I'm revamped this story! Made it more interesting and tried to correct some mistakes. Enjoy! Oh by the way, Sean NEVER came back through highschool, he left after the shooting, and didn't come back. Manny and Jay didn't happen.

Emma Nelson was now 20 years old, and she was glowing with radiant beauty. Her natural medium blonde hair had light blonde highlights all through out her long layered hair. Her body finally grew into those long tanned beautiful legs of hers and she reminded people of front cover magazine models. She still had that cute beauty mark, under her left cheek. She barely wore make up, maybe some mascara. This girl looked like she could have it all..yet, she didn't. She had nothing.

At least, she felt that way and truly believed that.

Her eyes were closed as a taxi brought her back home. She been in and out of rehab for almost a year and a half now, and hopefully she'd never go back. What sent her there were decades of tragedy's, school drama, and complete horror. It's like nobody understood what Emma had really gone through in her life.

Emma let the memories cloud her struggling mind... FLACKBACK:

"I'm your daughter." Emma said, sitting on a hospital bed next to her ill mental father, Shane. He smiled wide. Emma was 13 or 14 years old then? She had hunted down her father finally, and no, her father wasn't always mental, the rumors were he tripped on acid, and jumped off a bridge..

Emma could say her drug problem came from Shane, like father like daughter... but that was just a sad excuse. Maybe it came from being the 'babysitter, and nurse'.

"Emma." Snake told Emma, rubbing his forehead and shutting his eyes. The cancer was getting to him. Emma was now around 14 at this point. This was when Snake came over to her and Sean when they were trying to find a moment of peace, "I really need you to baby sit Jack."

Emma sadly frowned and looked to Sean, who was just complaining about never being able to see her. He looked at her sadly as well until huffing, and looking down.

No, Emma couldn't blame her addiction on Snake, or even her mom for that matter. Or Sean. Though Sean caused a lot of pain, but that's what love was, wasn't it? Maybe she could blame her addiction on Rick. Rick Murry...FLASHBACK AGAIN:

"Glad your here Emma, sorry I kissed you. You made my list." Rick told Emma, walking down the hall of Degrassi. She stood next to Toby, and Sean, who put her behind him, saving her life when Rick went to shoot her.. he aimed that gun right at her head.

BANG!

Emma woke up with a bit of a jolt. That was enough of the memories and flashbacks. Anyways, that was about almost 4 years ago, sure it scared her like hell still but.. was that the reason why she did all she did? Maybe it was time to just blame herself.. She was a stupid easily influenced girl she guessed, the girl with 'virtue'.

Her eyes fluttered a bit, she was so tired. Maybe a LITTLE more sleep before she had to face everyone. Memories still flooded into her head...

FLASHBACK.

"Everybody thinks I'm a freak now." Emma insisted, sitting on a park bench a week after that shooting. She was at the ravine, Emma Nelson, Cause girl. I bet Alex would turn in her grave at the site of her maybe she wouldn't, since seeing who Emma was with.

Next to her, the one and only Jay Hogart sat staring at the fire in front of them. Him and Emma both sat on the bench in the park, and he finally turned his head to look at her with an unreadable look. His eyes were so enchanting to Emma. . .so crystal blue with a bit of grey.

Emma's hazel eyes locked on his as she curiously asked, "Do you think I'm weird?". He chuckled softly and stared into her eyes before shaking his head no.

And just like that, she was under him, and he on top of her. She's never kissed the way she kissed Jay that night.. nor been kissed that way. Then again, the guy had a lot of practice right? A lot of other girls... (Maybe too much).

A doctor rounded the class, Emma remembered it like yesterday, "Gonorrhea. An STD disease that clogs the throat, making it a bit sore...but, can be cured."

Emma, who had been having a sore throat since that night with Jay, suddenly swallowed a nervous lump in her throat. Her and Jay, Jay had been messing around with Alex and rumors had it, Amy too. Did she have this? Did he do this to her?

Well why wouldn't he? He was Jay Hogart. Careless, rude, and self absorbed. Only wanted pleasure out of all this. For a second she thought he was really helping her through this big bump in her life, that she had finally found someone- ugh, no that was just stupid. She understood now, it was time to go back to old times, where Jay was no more a romantic interest, he couldn't be, he wasn't the type.

"I think I'm sick." Emma remembers crying to her parents who tightly embraced her that night, and they got her checked up.

END OF FLASHBACK.

Emma tried forgetting about the whole Jay thing after that, yeah they had their rants here and there though still, but they could finally go back to their old enemy...friendship? Or whatever you would call the relationship those two had.

Then, after that came the last year of highschool, when a Lakehurst stabbed JT. JT died in the arms of Liberty, infront of Emma's house, at HER party. Emma felt like the fault of that, since that party should of never happened - Anyways, her therapist tells her not to think about those things anymore. She's just trying to say that was her downfall. So after Jt died, where do you go when you feel lost?

Back to the ravine.

Jay wasn't there anymore when she went back, and he had never found out she was going back either, which meant nobody from Degrassi did either. It was only pot at first for Emma, but it was getting in the way of her studies before college. Then, when she went to college, her new boyfriend, Kelly, got her into coke. He wasn't even the sketchy type, just a rich boy, with too much money to spend on stupid things with. So that was Emma's introduction with cocaine; and it helped her get less sleep too, to study. A good pick me up.

"Hey girlie!" the taxi driver called out from the front.

Emma sat up straight in her seat and rubbed her eyes, "Yeah?" she squeeked.

"We're here." He confirmed with a slight smile.

Emma looked down a bit until she got the courage to look up. They were turning onto her street, and the last time she was here came rushing to her head, where her parents found out she had a bad problem, right before she went to rehab.

FLASHBACK:

"So glad you could make it home for the holiday Em, how's college?" Spike opened the door for Emma to hop in.

It was cold, winter, yet Emma remembered she couldn't feel much back then.. she was so numb on the coke. It was somewhat.. a great feeling, to not feel.

Emma felt her energy speeding up, she had snorted a white line before she came in, for courage you know? Emma smiled widely while speaking somewhat fast, "So good mom! You have no idea. Opened my eyes to like, everything!"

"Well, glad you got your spunk back." Laughed Snake, coming from behind and hugging her, that's when Emma noticed two more people. One, Manny, ofcourse!

But then Sean Cameron.

What...the...hell.

She wasn't on that much drugs so WHAT the FUCK was he doing here? And why standing so close to Manny? He looked nervous too. Emma herself was feeling like she had swallowed a knife and it was slowly turning inside her.

"Hey Em." He finally breaths, his eyes locking with hers. Not like she could catch that moment, so many questions were flooding into her head right now.

"Sean? What..what are you doing here?" Emma tried to muster a shocked, but a good shocked, smile. Manny put a hand on Sean's shoulder. Emma felt anger rise in her, but hid it. But- what the hell was that?

Manny explained to her best friend, "Sean goes to the same College as me, Em. We're study partners now. Hope...you don't mind. He's the only person I knew there!" they shared a sheepish smile.

Emma thought about it. I mean, Sean and Manny had been friends since day 1, and Manny did stop speaking to him after their final break up and it had been years. So whats a harmless friendship between them? Emma bit the end of her tongue before laughing it off, "Why would I mind? Good to see you again."

Well that's awkward to say to the ex who saved her life in a shooting but also made her life hell every time they broke up in the past.

Both Snake and Spike gave another looks as well.

"I'll go get your bags." Sean offered, leaving. Manny awkwardly stood there before reaching over and hugging Emma tight.

"So glad you can be good about this. You know how Sean doesn't have much family for the holidays; and neither do I. So it's great to all be here. Missed you so much, Em." She whispered in her ear.

Emma softened a bit before smiling.

"Oh...Emma." Snake said for Spike to cover her mouth.

The girls pulled away and Manny gasped, "Oh your nose is bleeding."

Emma quickly covered it, feeling caught, no, no, they couldn't know. Give an excuse, lie!

"Must be the weather. I'll go get cleaned up." Emma confirmed.

After washing up and staring at herself in the mirror, Emma went down the stairs. It's been at least 4 months since she's been home since college started. She figured Manny would still come around a lot to see her parents but to bring Sean back into her house? What was going on?

"Sean, is Jay coming again for dinner tonight?" she heard Spike ask Sean in the kitchen, preparing for their Christmas meal.

"Again?" Emma asked, over hearing that and stopped in the doorway. Had Manny brought Sean more than once to HER parents house? With JAY too?!

"They are a package, Spike." Manny joked over from the table.

Emma crossed her arms looking over the scene uncomfortably. Manny was sitting in HER spot, Sean was helping HER mother yet not here for HER? And now, Jay Hogart was popping up with visits so HER parents could make HIM dinner? What a jerk!

"Wow, new family in this house or what?" Emma joked but everyone heard the bitter tone but tried ignoring passed Emma a sad sort of glance but Emma wouldn't take it.

Emma then jumped feeling someone brush pass her, "Admit it Greenpeace." Jay Hogarts husky tone was heard.

She felt goosebumps run up her arms. MUST be Jay Hogart, she thought. She turned and he stood next to her and leaned on the wall, taking in the view she was, "You missed me." he grinned, his eyes twinkling like a hunter who found it's prey. He still wore that dumb black hat backwards too.

Spike laughed from the sink and over at Jay as if his joke was funny.

Emma rolled her eyes, "So what else is new? Did you sell Jack?" she taunted, since she hasn't seen her baby brother yet.

No one laughed but Jay smirked from behind her against the wall. He could tell she was tense. He went to put an arm on her shoulder, until the front door opened and everyone turned.

Joey let Angie and Craig inside, "Merry Christmas!" he called, little Angie, who was around 12 now, held hands with Jack, helping him inside. Who was now walking! And around 3 years old.

Everyone smiled and went over, sharing hugs, even Craig and Manny did, yet it looked like they really moved on and were being friendly. Emma then got nervous, Craig was once into cocaine.. he wouldn't notice her slip ups, would he? Suddenly she was a nervous wreck.

Jay stayed back, leaning against the wall behind everyone 'hugging'. He wasn't the hugging type. And he never did Christmas' but Sean talked him into it when he invited him to Greenpeaces dinner party; I mean, how could he pass that one up?

Jay found Emma kind of slipping away from the hugs though too, which was odd of her. She also had this look in her eyes, something Jay felt he could only see or at least understood. He could imagine how she probably felt right now with Sean here, and what's been going on. Left out, betrayed, replaced..

Emma thought she slipped out without anyone noticing. She went down her stairs to the basement, where her room was. Zipping her bag open she grabbed a small looking vile with white stuff inside it. The coke. She lined it up on a binder with a credit card.

Home Sweet Home.

She sniffed.

"Just wanted to come down and-" Craig Mannings came down her stairs with a big smile on until it dropped deadly off his face when he saw what she had just done. "Merry...christmas.." he drifts slowly, his eyes squinting with sorrow. Never would he think Emma would be into the things she use to fight against.

Emma sniffed a little bit, trying not to but it needed to go up. She ran a hand through her hair and charged by him, "You did it once too Craig, I do it just to keep up with school work, so keep it quiet, alright?" she demanded, going up the stairs until turning to give him a 'got it?' kind of look.

He slowly nodded, staring across the wall. She huffed but left. He stood there, speechless. But Emma was so kind, and sweet, and pure. .

Doubts ran through his mind, maybe he should tell, he knew how much of a struggle it was for him, but.. he was addicted to it. Maybe Emma wasn't. Maybe she did need it as an energy bolt for school. But it was the holiday- maybe she had lots of homework. Oh dear god, what was Craig to do?

((**))

"Craig pass the gravy!" Snake asked over the laughter at the dinner table.

It was actually coming from Emma, who was now suddenly fine with the whole Sean and Manny thing already, and even laughing at one of his jokes, he laughed with her.

Sean loved Emma, maybe they moved on but he'd always need her acceptance, approval, maybe no one could understand that but they did.

But on the other side of Emma at the table, Jay tilted his head a bit curiously, narrowing his eyes at her questionably..

One thing her and Sean never had is what her and Jay had, even if she didn't want them to have it, because it annoyed the shit out of her. He always knew when she was mad or happy, sometimes even what she was thinking. And for being a sad girl moments ago and seeing right through her she was upset about Sean, her emotions flipped to totally okay with it in less than 5 minutes and he was sure Dr Phil wasn't downstairs for her to talk to so why was she so suddenly fine with everything?

After dinner, they all sat in the living room hanging out. Angie and Jack were passed out already. Craig was a bit fidgety, not liking keeping Emma's secret.

"Knew you'd go to college for something like that." Sean teased Emma, Jay rolled his eyes getting up to get some hot chocolate that Spike warmed up. He'd probably peace soon. Sean and Emma wouldn't shut up.

Even Manny picked at her nails sitting on the other side of Sean, but whatever, it made sense they'd be wrapped up in another she guessed.

Besides, whose bed was Sean sleeping in? Yes, that's right, secretly Manny and Sean were a thing, and she wanted badly to admit it, especially now with Sean and Emma non stop talking and laughing. Okay, she's just being jealous. Breath. They've moved on. Emma didn't want Sean anymore and it'd been years. Besides, Manny and Sean had this passonate irresistible pull to another now. It was love.

Meanwhile downstairs, Emma's mother went to help unpack Emma's clothes and then felt something drop. She looked, and covered her mouth, picking up a bottle filled with cocaine. Spikes eyes watered and gazed up the stairs to where her daughter now was. Oh no.. say this isn't true.

Emma entered the kitchen now to catch a breather to see Jay in there. Oh, that's where he went. She wanted to be alone right now though, to calm down. Her nerves were way too much right now. She couldn't stop shaking, she was getting too ansty, and she didn't want anyone to notice.

Jay and her connected eyes, and that's when Jay squinted his eyes to get a better look at hers. Emma darted her eyes away from him. Oh god, she was being nervous around the wrong people, it was Jay who could find out just by looking at her! Run, run from him Emma!

"What's with your eyes?" he said out loud, taking a step toward her. He was so tall, and lean, and much stronger so caught her arm tight when she tried to back up.

She moved her head to the right, "Nothing." She snapped, "Jay let go!"

His rough hand let go and then cupped her face, his fingers slipping through her blonde hair, gently but determined. He stared into her eyes. Emma softened looking back up at him but then remembered what he was trying to do and struggled out.

"You're high!" Jay yelled, following her to the door and slamming it closed before she could go.

Emma hissed, "as if you're the only one to point fingers. You drink, you smoke! You steal!" She started to pace, losing her breath.

She felt cornered. This was bad, bad. First Craig, now Jay. Oh the world ended if Jay Hogart knew something.

"It's legal!" Jay said, justifying it wasn't as bad, "Your on something else, your pupils are huge, you've been acting wierd..." he looked like he was trying to figure it out and his eyes seemed to harden, "What is it your on, Emma? Coke?"

Why'd he look like that? Why'd he look like he cared? That jerk! That hypocritical jerk!

Emma shut her eyes and ran her hands through her hair as the kitchen door opened. Emma and Jay whipped around to see Spike, holding that cocaine bottle. Emma's world came crashing around her, even Jay took a step back and his mouth dropped before looking at Emma with alarmed eyes. He didn't think Spike was there.

"Mom." Emma cried, shaking her head, tears burning up into her eyes. She couldn't explain this now..

From behind Spike, the whole gang came in. Snake, Joey, Craig, Manny and Sean slowly crept up behind, looking at the scene and how destroyed Spike looked.

"Great, come on in! It's a show right? Always is with you people!" Emma exclaimed, tears beginning to fall. She always seemed to be lead Character too! She never asked for this!

Jay frowned deeply, still standing right behind her as everyone stared her down from in front and glanced questionably at another.

Meanwhile, Emma pushed Snake away from her, "Don't touch me!" Emma cried, she didn't want to be touched when he tried to hug her.

When Sean gave her that look, that sorry look, that PITY look, Emma wanted to die. As if he had to pity HER, he's got to be just as fucked up as she was! Don't dare he look like he was better than her and pitied her right now?!

"I saw her do it downstairs.. I was afraid to say something during dinner." Craig whispered.

Emma's mouth fell giving him a 'what the fuck is wrong with you!?' look.

"It's been more than hour, her eyes are still a bit dilated, means she does it a lot." Craig admitted.

Spike choked on a cry and leaned into Snakes embrace before turning and resting her head on his chst.

"Emma." Whispered Manny, shaking her head and couldn't believe she was into this.

Craig finished, "I think she's addicted."

"Why don't you call the doctor first, Doc?" Jay shot at him.

Craig blinked, and looked at Joey who whispered, "Lets go, Craig." the two turned, and left the scene.

Emma felt ambushed, Spike was hysterical crying into Snake's arms, who was yelling at Emma that she needed help. Sean and Manny, well, their silent judgement stares said it all. Jay had slowly crept to the back door. He took one more glance at Emma after he went out, and watched her through the screen door, she was crying still, fighting with everyone, and he looked away with a distant look in his eyes. He had to go though, like Emma had said, it wasn't a show. He hoped the others didn't treat it that way either.

Back inside.. .

"I'm calling Doctor Ribley." Spike said after whipping her tears and going to the phone.

Emma stood in the middle of the kitchen, just staring down at the floor numbly. Everyone had finally left, Sean was last out the door and glanced back at her, she didn't want to even look at him. He frowned and left too. Emma then whipped around to remember Jay should still be behind her, to see him gone.

Damn. He was really good at making her feel somewhat normal.

"Mr Ribley... . we need your help." Emma heard Spike tell the Doctor.

END OF FLASHBACK

"Ready?" The taxi driver stopped the car.

Emma looked at her house for a moment until nodding, "Ready than ever." She had to go, to face them all again. She was home from rehab finally, and Manny was getting married... to Sean. She knew it was going on, she wasn't stupid, just didn't believe it'd get that serious, nor believed Manny would betray her like that

I mean yes Emma once dated Peter after he hurt Manny, but that wasn't her first love or anything close to that. Everyone knew the Sean and Emma story.

Maybe if she got Sean back and things went back to normal, it'd all be fine again. She heard he opened his own garage, just like he always planned when they were teenagers, maybe they could still have that dream life they use to gush over together. If Manny could hurt her like that why couldn't she hurt Manny back?

Besides, this could be good for her recovery.

Yeah. That was it. Everything would be better if she just got Sean back.