Hello~ Rin here!
I decided to release another of my lovely parodies since Shotarella did so well~
(I have to admit I'm a bit sad that my stories with a real plot aren't doing nearly as well =3=)
But! As I promised to random poll voter who voted for Little Red Riding Hood as my next parody, I will write it!
(Hansel and Gretel vote doesn't count because Len voted for it X3)
So here's the story!
"Yo Len! Get your ass down here a do this job I got for you!" A voice screamed.
Len sighed with fatigue, "Why does Meiko have to make me do all these stupid chores? Can't she do them herself?"
He trudged out his room over to the main room of the house that doubled back as a kitchen, living room, dining room, sitting room, AND foyer.
Since the area doubled back as so many things, Meiko preferred to call it the Kilidin Sifo*. Len had no idea how she even came up with a name for the place, but with her drunken mind, it was likely no one would ever find out; or make sense of it anyway.
Meiko stood in the center of the Kilidin Sifo in a proud pose like she was some sort of aristocrat.
"Finally decided to show up, you sure took your time," Meiko commented.
"What do you want this time?" Len asked irritably.
"Oh!" Meiko said with a kissy face, "Someone's a wee bit grouchy! I wonder why that is?"
Len raised an eyebrow, "Who says 'wee bit' these days?"
She waved her hand as if she was dismissing the matter, "Anyway, I need you to go take some soup to Grandma Miku back in the Forest of Doom. Think you can handle it?"
"Do it yourself! I'm not going to put up with these stupid jobs anymore!" Len fumed, "First it was fetch some legendary sake from the Field of Rash Giving Flowers, then fetch MORE legendary sake from the Lake of Yellow Liquid, then even MORE legendary sake from the Cave of the Nudists! But now Grandma Miku? I'm not going to!"
Meiko's expression darkened, "Listen boy, I'm fucking fed up of your fucking complaining. So go fucking bring your fucking grandma her fucking soup or you'll fucking wish you fucking weren't ever fucking born."
Len was flabbergasted. Not because he was scared, but because he never heard someone use the word fucking so often in one statement. He was impressed at the very least.
"F-fine," Len agreed hesitantly.
Meiko shoved him a basket with colorful flowers entwined around the wicker handle. She then also proceeded to hand him a piece of red cloth white lacy trim around the edges.
Len gave the objects a skeptical look.
Seeing Len's confused face, Meiko explained, "The flowers grew their naturally, despite how many times I tried to get rid of the things using… various methods."
Len shook his head, "I wanted to know what the red thing is."
"Oh! That!" Meiko laughed, her face quickly darkened with a creepy smile, "It's your punishment."
"What did I do to deserve being punished?" Len questioned.
"YOU TRIED TO DEFY ME!" Meiko said in some sort of impersonation of someone.
Len sweat dropped, "Well I'll go get this stupid delivery over with…"
With ninja speed, Meiko quickly jumped up and tied the red fabric around his neck.
Meiko smiled, "Silly fool, you tried to go without your cute little hood!"
Len clenched his fists, "This thing is for girls!"
"Then you'd suit it perfectly!" Meiko replied with a snooty laugh.
Len glared to the side with an anger vein throbbing on his forehead, "Whatever, at least no one will see me like this."
Len stormed out the house with his red cape flowing out behind him, only to have the door slam shut and get his hood caught in the door.
Len stomped his feet in annoyance, "Aw, come on!"
He angrily ripped the cloak from the door and resumed stomping out into the Forest of Doom.
As he grumbled along the path he noticed the lack of pleasant animal noises. The only sound he could hear was growling, screeching, screaming, and…. Well, let's not go there.
Len stumbled around the forest trying to avoid poisonous brambles, venomous squirrels, and toxic fruit that persisted in trying to get in his way.
After a good bit of cursing, he finally managed to reach a green cottage with pots filled with leek lining the window sills. Len took one look at the house and immediately knew that this was the residence of Grandma Miku.
He strolled up to the door and rapped his fist against it several times.
"I hope the old croon isn't asleep, I don't want to get stuck out here waiting on this imbecile of a grandma," Len grumbled to himself.
The leek shaped door swung open revealing a young looking girl with teal pigtails.
She cocked her head at Len, "Lenny?"
Len stared at her awestruck, "Grandma! Why are you not old!"
Grandma Miku's eye twitched in annoyance, "You trying to imply something, boy?"
"O-of course not! You're still the same ol- YOUNG grandma I always knew!" Len stuttered.
She clapped her hands, "Then come on in! I suspect you brought my leek soup, right?"
Len mumbled 'yes' a proceeded to follow Grandma Miku into the cottage.
Len inspected the inside to see everything was decorated to resemble a leek in some way. Len wrinkled up his nose with disgust, the place reeked of leeks! All he could do was count down the time until he'd be able to leave this leek shrine of a house.
Grandma Miku bustled over to her leek kitchen and swept a bowl off a counter.
"Here's a little reward for my cute little grandson~!" Grandma Miku smiled as she handed Len the bowl.
Len look in the bowl to see pink tentacles squirming around trying to fling pieces of leek out the bowl.
"What is this shit?" Len asked.
"Octopus with leek in a tuna broth since the thing refused to be cooked unless it was in tuna," Grandma Miku grumbled.
Len flung the bowl over his shoulder, annoyed.
"I wanted to get something else," Len muttered.
"Oh! You want that. I don't think it was good enough last time. You'd just be disappointed," Grandma Miku tsked.
"But it's all I ever look forward to!" Len whined.
"What? You don't like me or something?" Grandma Miku yelled.
"No. I just want it," Len declared.
"Such an eager little boy you are! I didn't know you were the age to start wanting that, but I guess I was wrong," Grandma Miku laughed.
"I've had it before! Why is now different?" Len muttered.
"Oh fine. I suppose I should have known better than to try to resist," Grandma Miku smiled.
~15 Minutes Later~
"Thanks for the explosives Grandma! You're the best!" Len called out as he walked out the door of the leek house swinging the basket now filled with bombs, TNT, and other dangerous goodies.
"No problem Lenny boy! Just make sure you get back to Meiko alright!" Grandma Miku called.
Len strolled off into the woods feeling much happier than he had in a long time. He'd finally be able to deal with the problem.
He swatted his way through spider webs until he heard a blood curdling howl.
Len froze in place as he heard a deep voice growl, "Hello my sweet tender sausage~"
Len slowly rotated to see a man with dark blue hair standing shirtless in a pair of ripped jeans along with a black tattoo on his upper arm of an ice cream cone.
"It's you! What the hell do you want this time?" Len yelled.
He striked a muscular pose and said, "I've just been hunting all these big bad woods for the single ray of light like you my little pork chop~"
"Guh, why are you so gay?" Len groaned.
He struck another pose, "It's what the heart wants my tasty ham~"
Len began to laugh evilly, "It's hard for your heart to want something if you don't have one!"
He reached into the flower covered basket and pulled out a stick of dynamite. Len then proceeded to throw it with all of his might at the gay wolf man.
The TNT bounced harmlessly off his head onto the ground.
"Someone forget the fire my hamburger~?" The man asked.
"Fuck you Grandma! You didn't give me matches!" Len cursed angrily.
The blue haired man slung his arms over Len and whispered into Len's ear, "If you want I could light a fire in your heart~"
Len turned his head up to the sky and screamed, "!"
:D Kaito won this time!
Poor, poor deranged Grandma Miku, you can't light a bomb without a match. Remember that kids!
Should there be a Part 2?
*Kilidin Sifo is just the first few letters of each of the words :3