AN: Um, hi there! This is my first journey into Hunger Games fan fiction and I do hope you all will be nice :). I was incredibly intrigued by the epilogue and how it seemed that Katniss and Peeta were at an impasse when it came to having children. Let me know what you think!
When I woke up that morning the light streaming through the window was soft and for once warmed me. Stretching I felt the other side of the bed only to find it cold but still messy. I knew he had gone to the bakery early to make sure he was able to be home as soon as possible. In our first year of marriage Peeta and myself had reached an agreement that he would always be home for dinner. I blamed my upbringing, but the truth was that some of my favorite memories of us occurred over that dinner table.
I sat up slowly allowing my body to adjust to the change in position. I rubbed my eyes and made my way to the kitchen to see what I could scrounge up for breakfast. I always knew I would have fresh bread, it was the other options that I was never sure of. While hunger was not the problem in District 12 now it was still something that I worried about constantly.
I smiled as I saw the flower buds on the bushes Peeta had planted years before were beginning to bloom. Through years of counseling I had come to a somewhat understanding of my sister's untimely death. While it was still incredibly unfair that she was taken too soon, she at least died trying to do something she was passionate about. My therapist Fritz had opened my eyes to how I was willing to die in my obsession to kill Snow was similar to her passion for willing to die to help the innocents.
As I practically inhaled my toast and fried rabbit meat I decided my goals for today would be to hunt a little and to perhaps clean the house. I laughed to myself as I changed into my father's worn leather jacket. I didn't expect to be at this place 14 years ago when the world as I knew it changed.
Hours later when I returned home the sun was nearly gone and the shadows were taking over. I smiled at my bounty, never hunting more than I needed these days. While nobody was hungry any longer many still preferred the taste of wild game to the food shipped in from other parts of the country. I dropped the excess with Sae and practically ran home.
As I shed my jacket and walked to the kitchen knowing that's where I'd find my husband I felt a little giddy. Peeta and I had a hard road but I knew now that truly I couldn't have lived without him.
"Hey," Peeta called over his shoulder from where he was stirring something on the stove.
"Hey," I replied, my voice almost gravely from how little I used it today.
"I made some rabbit stew, I figured it was probably about to go bad," Peeta told me as he turned around. "You look so beautiful Katniss."
I laughed humorlessly as I crossed the room and nearly fell into his waiting arms. Peeta embraced me without abandon and I felt a rush of warmth through my body.
"How was your day?" I asked as I looked into his eyes.
"Good," he shrugged.
I nodded and moved to take a few bowls from the cabinet. I readied our utensils for dinner as Peeta started to serve up the stew.
"You really made a lot tonight," I commented as we sat at the table.
"I figured we could have left over's and give what we can't eat tomorrow to Haymitch."
I nodded silently and dug into my stew.
As quickly as we had finished cleaning after dinner we had just as quickly cleaned each other in the shower. I dispensed a generous amount of the lotion we were both supposed to apply to our skin due to our burns and bent to lather my legs.
"You look beautiful," Peeta said softly from behind me.
Our eyes met in the reflection of the mirror. I immediately noticed as Peeta's eyes darkened and his breath became shallower. I gasped immeasurably as his arms wove around my waist.
"Come to bed," Peeta whispered in my ear as he nibbled my earlobe.
"Can't I finish this?" I smiled tilting my head to the side.
"How about I finish it for you," Peeta suggested pouring a generous amount in his hands and slathering my belly.
"Well don't let me stop you," I smiled practically baring myself to my husband.
"I do have something serious to talk to you about," Peeta murmured as he kissed my neck.
"Mmm," I moaned weaving my hand through his hair.
"I want us to have a baby," Peeta said as he rubbed his thumb below my bellybutton.
"Absolutely not," I replied without hesitation.
"Katniss," Peeta sighed, "I really don't understand why you won't."
I turned around and took a shuttering breath as I braced my hands on our bathroom counter. Looking into Peeta's eyes it was hard to say no to him, but instantly I was brought back to the day Prim's name was chosen and I volunteered. How could we imagine bringing a child into a world where things of that nature could happen?
"You know why I wont," I said.
"But there hasn't been a reaping for over a decade. This democracy thing is working well, and for once people in District 12 aren't hungry or being blown up in a mine. It's the best time possible," Peeta argued.
I shook my head and left the bathroom. I threw an almost sheer cotton shirt on over my body and crawled into bed. I felt the bed dip slightly as Peeta joined me, he sighed loudly as he burrowed into his pillow.
"I know you don't understand why I wont do this," I said softly, "but I have a hard time thinking of myself as a mother. I couldn't protect anyone who put their trust in me before now. How could I protect a helpless baby?"
"Because Katniss you tried to protect them as best you could, which is more than I could have done."
I sighed and winced as I remembered Prim's body exploding. I felt a silent tear fall down my cheek at the memory. Peeta's arms wound around me and pulled me close to him. He smoothed down my hair and I instantly burst into sobs.
"Shh Katniss, it's okay."
"No it isn't. She trusted me to protect her and she still died Peeta, she's gone," I screamed.
I let out a loud hiccough and tried to stop my sobs. It had been months since I had a breakdown of this size. It always seemed to happen on what I considered to be a better day.
"Peeta, can't you see why we can't have a child?" I whispered.
"I'll let it go for tonight," Peeta sighed. "But, let me just say your dedication to protecting Prim showed how amazing of a mother you will be."
He gave my waist one final squeeze before settling into his pillow. I knew the conversation was finished for the night. But I knew it wasn't finished for good, and that made it feel like I had a brick on my chest.
AN: Ps. Not Beta'd...and leave a comment if you feel so inclined!