"Is it right?" he asks, his legs curling up to his chest, his fingers hesitantly gripping the sheets and holding it up to his collarbone for coverage.
"I don't know," I respond.
"Is it okay?" he pushes, his cerulean blue orbs clueless and innocent, but there's something there, something I want.
"I don't know," I answer back.
"What would the organization think…?" The third question wasn't really for me, but for him to answer on his own. He was looking down, at the sheets, wondering.
I couldn't take it any longer. I crawled forward and sad next to him, and I could feel his body shift away, but he didn't move completely. He was looking at me, frightened.
"We don't have to, Roxas. This needs to be mutual for it to work," I explain, just wishing he would insist. I wanted him so badly it was heartbreaking…
"What's mutual?" he whispers, clearly humiliated. He was naked, never been naked before, never been touched before, never been loved before, and he doesn't have a very large vocabulary.
"It means that we both need to want it," I explain, smiling warmly and backing away to give him space, deciding to pull my pants back on so that he could make a clear decision, but I doubt he would give in anyway. We'd been trying this for months, and tonight was the first night he would take his clothes off.
"Sora, I…" My erection throbbed as he said my name, oh how desperately I wanted to love him the way I'd dreamed since I'd first seen his face in that picture. The day that I gotten my first blue ice-pop. Back then I'd loved Kairi, but since that picture came into my life, and I knew Roxas' name, the feeling had faded until gone. Roxas was a part of me, and no matter how wrong it may be in the eyes of the organization, he was mine. He was my love. "I want you to love me, but I'm afraid," he explains, hiding his face in his arm in shame, tussled blond hair sprawling out across his peachy skin. I moved closer, touching his arm. No flinch. That was a good sign.
"I'll be gentle, I promise," I say, butterflies and adrenaline flooding my stomach at the thought of finally making love to my Roxas.
"Okay," he agrees, giving me a weak smile before letting me kiss him, his soft pink lips moving slowly. He was going to torture me with this, no matter how amazing it was for both of us.
"Will you take the blanket off?" I press, just wondering if he would.
"But," he looks down, his eyes frightened again, his beautiful angels face re-breaking my heart. "I thought you were supposed to do this kind of thing under the covers…without the light…" He looks at me, needing guidance, an opinion or second opinion.
"Well it's not mandatory, but if you want," I say, nodding. Where did he hear that?
"You and your 'm' words," I laughed, stroking his cheek softly. He smiled at me, baby like features lighting up my world. "It means it's needed, like a rule or requirement." I know the word 'requirement' confused him, but he understood.
"Can we? I would feel safer that way," he says, taking my hand from his face and holding it between both of his. I nod, standing and retrieving the condom from my dresser as I make my way to the light switch. I turn back to look at him.
"Are you sure you're ready?" I ask. He nods and gives me one of his cute small smiles.
I took kept my eyes on him while letting my pants drop to the floor, waiting on his reaction. He had a sharp intake of breath while taking in the scene for a second time. I followed his blue eyes down and laughed at my erection.
"You do that to me you know," I say, as I turn towards the light switch.
"You do it to me too," he says. I looked back at him, kind of surprised.
"Really?" I ask. But now it was his turn to be impatient.
"Yes, but turn the light off if you want proof." I do eagerly and it goes dark. On my way back to my bed I trip over some of our clothes and fall face first into the mattress, making Roxas laugh beside me. I let him get it out before sitting next to him again, our eyes adjusting as we gaze at each other. That nervous feeling comes back to him as it does to me. I'm a virgin too, though masturbation has been a part of my life for years now. Roxas on the other hand, well he had only just started to realize the things he could do with his body. But he'd never attempted them. This was going to be his first experience…with anything.
"I'm scared, Sora," he murmurs, touching my hand. This was the furthest we've ever gone, aside from a few kisses here and there.
"Of what? I'm here, and you know I love you," I say, kissing his fingers, the back of his hand, his palm.
"I know you won't, but don't you feel the same way? The exposure, isn't it terrifying?" he questions, no longer looking at me but the darkness surrounding us in the room.
"You're not exposed my love, though I understand what you mean considering I actually am. And I must say it's more thrilling than terrifying," I say, smiling warmly but soon moving under the covers so that we can make love.
"Sora," he begins. I shush him with my lips and he kisses back for a moment before pulling away. But I continue to kiss him, longer to show him that this is the way we do it.
"Lay back," I instruct. He nods and shivers, his spine becoming erect as I lay delicate kisses along his neck. He has a small gasp, and I smile to myself. This must be his spot. I then move to his lips, and look into his eyes for moment before the kissing began. There was no need to teach him how to move his lips right, the instinct brought us further and the love completed it all.
I move closer and my erection presses against his hip. More small gasps. But it's okay, we both love it, and I know because he continues to do it, more and more urgently. It's like he was finally given the chance to blossom and it's happened.
I wrapped my arms around him tightly, giving in and pulling our naked bodies together underneath the covers. I moaned into his mouth and moved my right hand up to tangle in his spiky honey hair while my other held him in place by the small of his back. He froze momentarily at the new sensual actions but caught on quick enough, still stiff and hesitant but falling into the motions quickly.
"You're doing great Roxas," I whisper as I pull back for a breath. He presses his wet lips against mine again, unable to stay away. Yes…
"More," he demands, barely pulling his lips away to do so. I stop kissing and nod, ripping open the condom I'd had with my teeth and reaching down to put it on. "What's that?" he wonders, looking down but not seeing anything due to the lack of light.
"It's called a condom. I'll wear it to keep you safe from sickness," I tell him.
"You can get sick from doing this?" his voice sounded so curious, like a young child.
"Yes you can, diseases," I say.
He shivered and kissed me once more before rubbing my face in his hands, "I hope we're safe."
"We will be, just hold still, I want you to really feel this okay?" He nods and lies completely on his back again. "No, you have to turn over, onto your stomach," I tell him. He looks confused but does it anyway. Once he's in a comfortable position, I nudge his legs apart slightly, and he looks back over his shoulder, frightened again. "Don't worry," I assure him, kissing his hair.
After positioning myself between his legs I start to rub him with the lube I had on my table. He hisses from the cold and laughs quietly.
"There are a lot of things to do before you have sex; I thought we were just going to do it."
"Well, the lube is just precautionary, it's to make it hurt less," I say, regretting it but knowing it needs to be said.
"Wait, hurt 'less'?" he asks, making sure he heard it right. I lay against him, pressing my body against his and bringing my lips to his ear.
"Yes Roxas, it'll hurt but only for a minute, the more you trust it'll get better the quicker it will," I say.
"But you promised you wouldn't hurt me," he rebels, trying to move.
"It can't be done without pain, and I never said that, I just said I'd be gentle."
"Okay," he gives in, "do it." I cover his mouth with my fingers, guilt overwhelming me, and I considered putting a stop to it. He sighed and buried his head in the pillow, waiting. I positioned myself at his entrance and his shivered, as did I. This was it…the losing of our virginity…
"Ready Rox?" he nods. "One…two…three!" I shove in quickly, deciding the quicker the better. He screamed in pain into my hand and I couldn't help but gasp myself. My god he was tight! Too tight!
"Roxas," I gasp again, groaning in pain at the tightness around me. "Please," I beg pointlessly, "it hurts! Try to loosen up!" I push, keeping my hand over the crying boys mouth. His warm salty tears glided softly down my hand and I felt horrible for pressuring him into this. For tricking him into this pain. I should've been the one. He loosened up a bit, and I sighed with relief, wondering how he did it. I released his lips for a kiss, a kiss his sobbed softly into.
"Ow…," he cries over and over again.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper, kissing him all over, as if that would make it better.
"Sora, make love to me," he begs, gripping the sheets. I thrust softly into the precious blond, the tightness now bringing to me a new feeling. "Faster," he says.
"Does it feel good for you too?" I question.
"If you go deep enough…"
That was when it all began. I was hesitant at first but after a few minutes we were making love to our fullest extent and senses, soft pants escaping our mouths as names slurred and our bodies became moist with sweat. I thrusted harder, deeper, causing Roxas to cry out, his hand shooting down and fingers clutching mine desperately as I held onto his hips.
"What's happening Sora!" he desperately pleads for an answer, but all I do is lift his hips up so that I can gain access to his manhood. My fingers encircle around him and start to rub, immediately going for the head and milking if for pre-come. He moans into the pillows, panting my name. "Sora…what are you doing to me," he moans louder.
"You're gunna come," I explain.
"What?" he asks, lifting his head from the pillows. I start pumping him quickly, tightening my hand so that he knows that I feel. He squeezes his eyes shut and moans my name, the octave of his voice getting higher.
"It means you'll climax soon, have and orgasm," I explain, "It's the most wonderful feeling into the world." Then I'm suddenly determined to make him come.
Finally, after about another minute of trying, he squeezes my hand and cries out, my name of course, and a colorful array of whimpers escape from my lover. He arches his back into me and continues to writhe in pleasure.
"That's my baby, come for me," I whisper in his ear as he shoots the last of his seed into my hand, tangling in my fingers. His whimpers drop to soft moans and he becomes goo. At that moment, out of nowhere, I could the coil in my stomach release and I exploded into him.
"Roxas!" I cry, clutching him desperately as I began to marvel in the wonderful feeling of my orgasm.
"Mmmm," he responds beneath me as it comes to an end.
"I love you," I whisper, pulling out of him and facing him as we hold each other in our arms, panting. And few passionate kisses later and we fall asleep in each other's arms, spent.