Summary: Bella isn't like other girls. She's quite different than most others her age. Why? Edward knows. parody humor.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Or the rest of the trillion dollar franchise.

Autumn, 2089

Leaves were falling, landing softly under the feet of children on their bikes.

In the mist of it all, stood an odd looking girl, and a young man. They were oblivious to the world around them, clearly in a dimension all their own, and anyone listening in on their conversation would have been quite confused.

"I know what you are," he whispered softly, the girl on her toes behind him, trying desperately to reach his height.

"How?" she replied, slightly taken back by his utter bluntness.

"You're clumsy. Insanely clumsy.

" You have dull brown hair, terrible split ends, and hair on your arms."

She gasped, looking down at her forearm, trying to make it disappear in the light.

"Say it. Say it out loud." He hesitated, turning around to face her.


The term slipped off his tongue, and faded into the noise of two little girls playing in a pile of leaves they had gathered in a corner.

She started sobbing and held her face in her hands, mascara smearing in the process.

"I knew it! I knew you would never fall for a time-traveler!" she spit out and burst into another wave of tears.

"Bella! Please stop crying. This is all so awkward, and people are starting to stare." the young man replied, looking around him worriedly.

She continued to cry. Suddenly falling off balance by the weight of her tears, she fell to the ground. Peering up at the man before her, she continued her rant.

"Sorry Edward." she retorted. "I wish I was born in 2072 like you! Not the twentieth century. Then I wouldn't be so much like our ape ancestors, and be naturally hairless. Just like you!" She paused before adding, "on my arms of course."

She for one liked her dull hair and split ends.

Edward sat down on the ground next to Bella, and held her arm while humming the Star Wars theme song.

"Oh sweet Bella. I love your arm hair." And with that he began to softly kiss her wrist, trailing up to her cheek, before he stopped and looked deeply into her eyes, secretly checking out his reflection.

"But.. but.." she stuttered. "I'm so clumsy due to riding the threads of time, and my dull hair is just due to lack of care. I'm such a monster!"

Bella began to twirl her split ends, silently cursing her lack of hair hygiene.

"Oh Bella. I like you falling all the time, because then I can catch you and look like a hero. And your dull hair attracts me so, since you use old children shampoo that smells of weird tropical fruits."

She looked into his eyes endearingly, subtly smelling her hair.

And without a warning, he grabbed her lifeless hair and crashed his lips down on hers.

And without question, she returned the favor.

Nearby a little boy named Tad was riding his plastic tricycle.

He was staring incredulously, not at the kissing couple in the middle of a playground, but at the girl with hair on her arms.

He crashed into a tree.

So I just found this on my computer from a couple of years ago when I still wrote twilight fics. It mocks their shallow relationship (let's be honest, they're in love with each other all of a sudden), and even though I'm not a fan anymore, I thought it was kinda funny.

Oh and in this version of the future people don't have arm/leg hair. that is all.