The morning after my realization, was agonizing and quite tiring. Each time I saw my reflection in a mirror, my eyes would wandered down to my tiny bump. Which was the only thing that was portraying what Linden and I had done. And it was the only thing that was keeping me here. And keeping me from running off with Gabriel.
Or finding my brother...
I let out a pitiful sigh at that thought, and I fell back onto my bed. The covers of silk, cream colored sheets. I was never too fond of this color. It was too dull. Too worn. But at this moment in time. This was exactly what I needed. Boring. Worn. Because everything else wasn't. My life was getting torn at the edges and this new realization only made it that much more tainted. That I might end up like Jenna or worse...Cecily. The only one of us wives that was happy to be here.
She is naive. She is young. And she was torn from the life she should've had. Being a child. Doing what children do. Using the time in their hourglass for freedom and bubbling laughter. But now she is a mother herself. Her life is wasted, and she doesn't even mind. She embraces it even. And even if I am resentful towards her, I do pity her. For the life she will never have. And the one she could've had.
I stared at the ceiling for what felt like years. Only staring. While my thoughts ran with the wind. There were mostly pondered on the person that was nuzzled beneath my skin. The only evidence of that night. And the new rock in my path. This would make escaping that much more difficult. Not only for my body...But what lies in my heart. For who is the one that holds the key to it.
At first Linden was someone I despised. Someone I loathed to my very core. But now...I wasn't so sure. Why did my heart pick up in pace when I saw him? Why did my heart ache at the thought of leaving him? Why did I let him take what I've held so dearly? Those were question that I knew the answer to...But I didn't want to admit to myself that they were true.
But why can't I see myself living in this prison with someone that is only a puppet in his father's game either? Because I know that isn't how I would want to live the rest of my days. It isn't how I want my life story to end. But that didn't make leaving that much easier.
It felt like I was being pulled by two different ropes. One attached to freedom...The other, attached to those sparkling green eyes. The father of my child. And the man I was forced to be married to. Even if it didn't feel like force anymore...
"Lady Rhine! Are you feeling ill? Why are you still in your evening gown?" Deidre exclaimed, sounding quite frantic. I was so lost in my only wonder, that I didn't hear her come in. I trailed my eyes over to where Deidre was standing and I could see nothing but concern for myself in her eyes..They were dripped thickly with it. It made my veins fill with guilt and I forced a smile to play on my lips. For her sake.
"No, I'm feeling fine. Just a little tired." Not a single thought was wasted, when these lies slipped through my lips. It seems like the person I am is slipping away with every lie I spill. And what replaced it was someone I didn't know in the mirror. Someone I never wanted to be.
And maybe that is why I wanted to run away...Because I knew the person I've tried to fight tooth and nail for, was slipping away. All that was left is a speck of what it used to be.
"Do you need anything? Water? Food? I could ring up the food attendant, if you need-"
"It's alright, Deidre. I don't need anything. I'm just going to get some rest. If that is alright?" I didn't mean to cut her off, so harshly. It wasn't how I am. Even if my emotions were spiraling out of my control. I would never take it out on an innocent person. Especially sweet Deidre. But here I was...Doing what I would have never done.
Maybe it was the pregnancy. Maybe it was the sleepless night. Or maybe both were fueling my emotions. I would not have a clue. I'm conflicted about most things now days...This was nothing new. But this was nothing old either.
Oh, if only Jenna was here to guide me...She would have a plan. She would know what to do...She would just know. But she wasn't here...She couldn't save me now. My life was in deadlock. And I couldn't break the lock over it.
But did I really want to...?
"Yes, Lady Rhine. I'll let the others know you need your rest. Good day, Lady Rhine." Deidre bowed slightly, and left the room quickly. I could almost swear I seen hurt coat her face. But I wasn't too sure. But even that thought added to the long layers of guilt.
What is happening to me?
"Sweetheart...Wake up, Sweetie." I felt myself being swayed back and forth, gently. It was like I was on a boat, being swayed by the gentle waves. It was calming and it made me want to pause time for a few moments. If only the nausea didn't decide at that very second to make an appearance. Well isn't this dandy...
"Sweetheart...? Are you alright? You look ill." I fluttered my long eyelashes a few times, before my eyes finally adjusted to the light. I could see from the window, that it was almost evening. I slept the whole day away. I haven't done that, since the first time I tried to escape...
Maybe it's just the pregnancy...This baby must be taking a lot out of me. Bowen didn't even cause Cecily this much trouble when she was pregnant with him. Why was it this hard, this early, for me? I didn't understand, and quite honestly, I was too tired to care. At least right now.
"I'm fine..." I mumbled softly, trying to keep what little I eaten yesterday down. It was a struggle but I was doing my best to hide how I was actually feeling. I didn't want Linden to know I was pregnant. I didn't want anyone to know. I couldn't live with myself if Vaughn used my baby, just like he uses Bowen. It would rip my heart to shreds.
I've seen what he has done. I've heard what he has done before. And I will not let my life be controlled by that monster. Or let my baby become another puppet in his game. Even if it meant leaving Linden...Who is gazing at me with concern. His green eyes deeply dipped in it.
Just like Deidre's was...
That made my heart clench tightly. Like the bird cage I'm trapped inside of. It was as if the walls were clenching tighter and tighter. Making it even more known that I was only an prisoner. That I had my wings clipped.
"You don't look fine...Sweetheart, why have you been avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?" His voice went soft, and I could almost feel the hurt running off his body. And for one reason or another, it shattered something inside of myself. This was just getting more and more complicated with every day. These feelings...The what if's. And now this pregnancy...
Gabriel will never forgive me for what I had done. That much was sure. I gave Linden what I swore to not only him, but to Jenna, I wouldn't. And now I was carrying said man's child. This was the unforgivable.
But I can't give up...I made that promise to Jenna.
But that doesn't make this any easier.
I had two choices. Neither easy...But only one path can be taken.
The ivy or the key-card...
But either way...This child was going to get freedom.
I just had to figure out how. And soon.
Omg! I'm soooo, sooooo sorry I haven't wrote anything, for months now. I've been through writers block and it sucked. But, now, I'm back! And hopefully with more chapters! I will not give up on this story, I promise you that. Slowly, but surely, I will continue to write this story for all you amazing people.
So I would like to thank-
burnt-rose15, Tabby Dreamer, buddyrox818, bebo88, Huntress3419, AvidReaderAshley, SmartBlondie13, AiUchihaUzumaki, starlight568, WriterReader13, jinxed1919, Averill-of-Loup, Clove the knife girl, CocoMonkeyGirl, The Girl of the Moon, iskipwheni'mhappy, 2luvornot2luv, midnight0sun95, awesomeprincessdragon and lillyrosenight.
-For all the amazing and quite day-brightening reviews, alerts, and favorites. If I could hug each of you and tell you how awesome you are, I would. Over and over again. Because, honestly, I think you all are the most amazing people ever. And I thank you for being soooo patient.
So thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this. It means a ton.
Till the next chapter...Where Gabriel comes in and drama flies. ;)
Have a good day/night! :)