Angry is the new black!
Alexis Colby is burnt out, it's all over the papers ever since she physically attacked her secretary after a coup led by her eldest son took over of Colby Co. Thanks to her clever lawyers instead of doing time she could avoid jail by agreeing to take part in an anger management programme.
However this anger management programme was nothing like Alexis expected. She has been dumped in the middle of nowhere with nothing but a heavy pack, the ugliest boots she has ever seen and mismatched group of miscreants the like of which she would evict on sight. All of this she could have coped with but to have to take orders from that man… to have to endure that little smirk every time he ordered her to do something disgusting like wash the group's dishes.
So just as soon as she came across a phone she was calling her lawyer, jail must be better than this as Alexis Colby was certain there must be some rule that prevented ex-husbands from being the one providing your therapy!
Ok so backing up a little Alexis Carrington Colby…forget the rest of the surnames otherwise it really did become a mouthful…well she was angry. Not just a little angry but boiling mad, seething in fact…so furious that she couldn't manage to even vocalise it.
How dare he…that selfish little whelp…to do this to her, his own mother? To conspire with that common little trader to take her company from her. Well he wouldn't get away with this…somehow Alexis would have her revenge.
So it was hardly her fault that in the midst of this plotting her useless secretary of the week happened to stick his empty blonde head around her door.
"Mrs Colby Mr Carrington would like me to remind you that you still have only three more minutes to pack your personal belongings…"
Really the idiot had no sense of self-preservation, delivering that message to an angry Alexis and then not even having the sense to duck. It was natural selection, survival of the fittest. It really was an all round fluke and hardly Alexis's fault. Circumstances had conspired against, her son, her temper, her stupid secretary and for once her accurate aim.
Still it seemed the judge was hardly swayed by her argument. In fact as he leant back in his chair Alexis could almost detect a small smirk as he delivered his judgement. The damn self-righteous bastard was enjoying this far too much. A fact that had Alexis's digging her nails into her palm as she tried to keep a resigned serene expression on her face even as the pontificating sod handed down his judgement.
It was ridiculous. She did not have an anger problem. Alexis just liked throwing things…remotes, ashtrays, vases…whatever was to hand really. She was hardly a public menace. The judge was quite clearly biased.
After all it was ridiculous 30 days in jail or paying a fine and compensation and attending and completing an anger management course.
Well the choice was obvious and Alexis sneered as her lawyer indicated her intention to go for option two. After all how hard could it be? She just had to suffer through the hippy group hugs and make up some sob story…god it wasn't like her actual history was cause enough for anyone to be bitter and angry with the world.
And that was how the story began.
"Oh you have got to be kidding me." Those were the words out of Alexis's mouth when her limousine pulled up outside a ramshackled old ranch house. "This cannot be the place?"
"It's the right address." Her driver insisted as he unpacked her luggage from the trunk. "And look there is a sign." He pointed and Alexis scowled.
"Damn." They were in the right place. Expect that this didn't look like any hippy retreat Alexis had ever imagined. Plus the man who emerged from the house certainly didn't like any new age therapy sort Alexis had ever met…still he probably smelt as bad.
"Mrs Colby?" The rancher asked eying her excessive luggage with interest. "You really won't be needing all that, didn't you get the introductory package?"
"Oh that." Alexis did remember her lawyer passing along some documents at the same time as his exorbitant fee but Alexis had merely thrown the lot into her briefcase and forgotten about it. The damn lawyer could wait for his money until this whole mess was over with, it wasn't like he had done his job and gotten her off the charge in the first place.
"No sorry. Why was it important?"
"Well yeah I just hope you've got yourself a pair of sturdy boots in all of that fancy luggage of yours and some wet weather gear I wouldn't be surprised if we have ourselves a little rain later and I wouldn't want you to catch your death."
"What do you mean catch my death?" Alexis spluttered staggering after him into the ramshackle house in her five hundred dollar heels as her driver took this as his cue to beat a hasty retreat.
"You know if you want any of that luggage of yours I suggest you start bringing it in…I really do think it's about to rain."
"Me carry my own luggage you have got to be joking?"
"Oh I seldom joke Mrs Colby, my mother insists I was born without a sense of humour. Besides your going to have get used to carrying your own pack around might as well start now."
"My pack…what the hell is this place…"
"It was all in the introductory pack Ma'am it's a shame you didn't bother to read it…oh and look here it comes…might I suggest you start shellacking that luggage of yours sooner rather than later." The rancher advised as outside the rain began to pour down.
Cursing under her breath Alexis all but stormed out to her luggage, straining as she tried to drag two Louis Vuitton suitcases at her time but her heels slipped and sank into the now muddle puddle that was the ranch's driveway. All but screaming in her fury Alexis glanced up to watch the rancher watching her all dry on the porch, as he smoked his cigarette whilst she slowly got drenched.
"You bloody bastard…no sense of humour my arse." Alexis cursed as she dragged her cases a few feet enough to get them under the veranda and out of the rain. Panting she rested against the hut's side Alexis considered leaving the last two but considering she couldn't remember which case she had packed her hairdryer in and there was no way she was going to be seen in public without her hair being properly styled Alexis had little choice.
Wandering back out into the downpour Alexis wiped at her eyes, she could only imagine the state of her make up…and as for her outfit well that was going in the bin the moment she had found her room and located a warm shower. Keeping that mecca in mind Alexis found the strength to move the last two cases inch by painful inch towards the house. The end was practically in sight when her footing gave way and she found herself face down in the dirt.
God she should just give up now…she was already dying of embarrassment…what more could allowing herself to drown accomplish?
However before Alexis could seriously consider suicide someone was there helping her to her feet. Strong hands guided her over to the sanctuary of the house and Alexis gratefully collapsed on the rickety porch steps before reaching up to wipe the orange muddy gloop from her face.
However staring up into the face of her would be saviour Alexis couldn't believe her eyes. Maybe there was something hallucinogenic in that mud…or perhaps they had acid rain out in this Hicksville.
She had to be tripping out…it couldn't be…it wasn't possible…because that wasn't Dex Farnsworth Dexter.