My Bedroom, 4:00 pm

Well this is new to me, a sort of New Year's resolution. I mean, it's August, but same thing really. Yesterday during a rather loud and hilarious argument with Petty, I decided that I really ought to write down the goings-on in my life, for personal pleasure. How else would I, in years to come, recall the smart insults I make up, such as, "horse-faced, hippo-kisser," because if we're being honest, Petty is horsey, and Vernon truly resembles a hippopotamus.

Therefore, I have decided to write in this diary. It's a rather faded, dilapidated little thing that I found at the muggle bookstore, but this way no one will be interested in picking it up and perusing its pages. Anyway, I like it. I guess if I'm starting this off right, I should describe myself and current situation, so later I can look back and laugh at how pathetic I was.

A Short Summary of Lily Marie Evans' Appearance and Life at Age 16


Height: 5'4." So basically short.

Body Type: Generally ok. I get a bit pudgy after eating…and I eat a lot.

Eyes: Emerald green, or so I'm told. I just see green.

Hair: Wavy/curly/out of control, reaches halfway between shoulders and elbows, a darkish shade of red. Collaborates with my eyes to make me look like a Christmas tree.

Skin: Pale. I never tan. It's depressing.


Home: Medium sized house in Cokeworth. I've lived here ever since I was born, except when I'm at school. My home is the best place in the world, when my sister's not here.

School: I go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the second best place in the world. This September I'll be a sixth year.

Family: Loving, odd, fanciful, and bit silly mother; dependable, loving, and self-proclaimed funny father; disgusting, giraffe-necked, vapid, stupid, aggravating sister

Friends: Marlene McKinnon, tall, gorgeous, brunette, hilarious, crazy, boy-obsessed, freaking smart, loyal to the point of idiocy; Alice Maloney, small and curvy, sweet, blond, hard-working, also loyal to the point of idiocy.

Enemies: James Potter, Sirius Black, Chloe Brown; no description, they piss me off

Boyfriend: None, oh well.

Blood Status: Isn't it depressing that this actually matters? Anyway, I'm a muggle born witch, or a mudblood, as a select group likes to say

So that's me, summed up in a few bullet points. Depressing, I know. Ah well, can't be helped. Anyway I have to go. Petty is screaming in the doorway. I think she realized that I switched her conditioner with odor-reducing foot cream.

"Lily, you immature little bitch! I can't believe you! That stupid cream is making it horribly oily. And Vernon is coming round for dinner. He can't see me like this! Look at my hair!"

"I'm looking, Petty. I'm looking, and I'm laughing."

How very rude. Petty snapped my quill. Good thing I had another on the bedside table. I do believe I shall be informing mum. Ew, Vernon is coming for dinner. Fat lump that he is, he'll probably eat everything and then, rude arse that he is, criticize my mum's cooking. I can't stand him. But then again, I can't stand Petty either, so I do believe they are a good match. I must say, it's quite amusing to see them together. Petty looks like a giraffe, and Vernon a walrus crossed with an elephant. Simply adorable.

The Sitting Room, 8:30 pm

Dinner was a spectacular debacle. Mum made a fantastic beef casserole, and Vernon ate ¾ of it. Then he suggested that next time we order in for dinner. Dad thought it would be funny to make Vernon sit on the smallest chair at the table, resulting in the chair cracking and Vernon falling on the floor. I chose to spend my time embarrassing Petty in front of her boyfriend.

"Petty, do you want to go to the spa with me this weekend? They have this one special foot massage for people with mutated toes. I'm sure you'd love it." Vernon spent the next fifteen minutes peering fearfully under the table at Petunia's feet as she glared daggers at me. It was amazing.

My mother kindly asked Vernon to stay for tea (she makes the worst decisions sometimes) and so we all awkwardly moved to the sitting room. My dad offered some cut-up pineapples to everyone (he has an odd obsession with pineapples). No one took him up on the offer, so he put the plate on his lap and began to eat them all on his own. After a few minutes, Vernon succumbed to his own fatness and grabbed some. I sat on the floor by the fireplace, ignoring everyone.

"Lily, dear, would you please answer Vernon's question," my mother said with a pointed expression. I looked up, and realized that Mr. Walrus-Elephant had been talking to me.

"Sorry, what?"

"I asked where you go to school. Petunia never said, just that it's a boarding school."

Now this was going to be fun. Petty is super paranoid about the fact that I'm a witch. It's actually the reason that we're no longer close. To her, I'm a freak, abnormal and weird. At least that's what she says. But when I got my Hogwarts letter, she sent a letter to Professor Dumbledore asking if she too could be admitted. I found his reply in her room. It was kind, but still a denial to her request. Ever since then, Petty has hated me. It's a huge source of tension and stress in my life, and I generally don't talk about it. Not many people know about my issues with my sister.

"It's in Scotland. It's a bit out of the way, you definitely don't know it." I wasn't interested in talking to Mr. Walrus-Elephant, but at my perfunctory reply, both my parents narrowed their eyes. I rambled my way through a few more sentences. "The school's name is Sickleknut. You can't find a website, they don't believe in the internet. They send out letters to students that they want to have at their school."

I glanced at Petunia, who was sitting rigidly next to Vernon on the couch, forced to slide over to the end because Vernon was so fat. She was furious, and I grinned openly. Not only had she caught the wizarding world money reference in the name of the fake school, but she also understood my snide reference to her lack of magical blood.

"Hmph. Sickleknut. And is it a good school? I haven't seen it ranked at all. Bit unfortunate, isn't it?" Vernon looked at my parents with an accusing expression, as if suggesting that they were too poor to pay for a good school.

"Actually, Vernon, it's off the charts. Literally. They request to be kept off because there is, in fact, no comparison between my school and all others in the UK. We're so much better." I adopted haughty expression, and Mr. Walrus-Elephant looked taken aback at someone matching his snooty attitude. My mum smiled behind her hand and my dad snorted openly. Petty continued to look as if she had swallowed a lemon.

After conversation continued in this dull sense for some horribly boring hour or so, Vernon finally left, saying he had to speak with his boss about a promotion. His boss is his father…he owns a drill company called Grunnings. I expect Grunnings will be taken over by someone else by the time Vernon is old enough to have a hand in running it. Mr. Walrus-Elephant certainly isn't smart enough to keep the business afloat.

My parents are still sitting on the couch, but now they're laughing. I presume by my dad's hand gestures that they're making fun of Vernon's large belly. Petty is upstairs, probably calling Vernon to check if he got home okay. But honestly would it really be that big a deal if he was hit by a car? Maybe then he would get a little flatter. I think it would do him good.

My butt aches from sitting on the floor. I'm going to make a cup of hot cocoa and then go upstairs and write to Marlene and Alice. I never replied to the letters they sent me last week. I'm so jealous of them. Mar is in Greece, visiting some cousins, and Alice is in France with her mother, staying at their beach house in Marseilles.

I think I'll also take some chocolate up with me. I've been chipping away at a huge slab I bought from Honeydukes just before the summer hols. Yum.


My Bedroom, 11:00 am

You know what you should never do? Look in the mirror when you wake up. Bad, bad, bad idea. I really don't need to be confronted by my own revolting face first thing in the morning. Gah. It's scary.

Anyway, this past week has been bloody boring. Petty is with Vernon all the time, my friends are still away on vacation, my dad went back to work after his three week break, and my mum is always out and about with her friends, going to garden club meetings and the like. So I'm left alone to my own devices, which basically means sitting at home, watching television (got to get my fill before school), and eating too much. Eating way too much. I really shouldn't be allowed to make my own meals. I make…a lot of food.

On the plus side, I wake up whenever I want, unlike the bloody 6:30 am at school. And here, just sitting in the house, I don't have to worry about makeup and hair and the like. It's a beautiful life. In fact, at the moment I'm in a white tank-top and pajama bottoms decorated in little teddy-bears holding hearts. Not the most attractive outfit, but quite comfortable. A Christmas present from Aunt Louise. Dear Aunt Louise. What a character. She likes her wine, and her fine young men, she does. It's always a treat to flirt with her newest catch at family get-togethers.

I do have something to look forward to. Marles is coming back in a week! She replied quickly to my letter from last week. I expect she used express owl mail—her family is superbly wealthy and it wouldn't have stressed their budget. She is trying to persuade me to go clubbing with her when she gets home. There's this new nightclub downtown in London that's apparently all the rage, and allows teens aged 15 and up to go on Thursday nights. She wants to stay at the Leaky Cauldron for a week before school and go then. I, personally, am completely uninterested. I would like to stay in Diagon Alley with her, but am unwilling to break my daily routine of slovenliness for a bunch of perverted males only interested in rubbing up against me. Also, I can't dance.

We'll see what happens. I hope Alice goes with us, if I must go. She will stay sane around all of the guys; she already has her soul mate in Frank Longbottom. Frank graduated from Hogwarts last year. It's going to be tough for them being apart, but they'll see each other on Hogsmeade weekends, and he's in London at the Ministry of Magic, so Alice is seeing him before school. He's in training to be an Auror. I'm so jealous! That's what I want to do when I get out of Hogwarts. Actually, Alice, Marles, and I are all planning to go to the Auror Academy.

Alice and Frank are perfect. They complement each other in everything. Frank is tall, quiet, masculine, and muscular. Alice is small, cheerful, and bright. They are attached at the hip when possible, they read each other's minds, they finish each other's sentences. They are absolutely adorable. Alice and Frank are honestly the source of my belief that relationships work.

I ought to get out of bed and make some breakfast. My stomach is growling. The pineapple-shaped clock (courtesy of my father) on my dresser tells me that it's 12:00 pm. It actually does tell me. I charmed it last year to say the time out loud every hour, because I find the beeps that it generally makes incredibly annoying. I think I shall have some toast and tea to eat. With a lot of butter on the toast.

The Kitchen Table

8:00 pm

Poop. Petty was home for dinner. Vernon left for Scotland this afternoon to visit his superbly rich uncle for a week. Petty reminded us of Uncle Humphrey's wealth every two minutes for a week when she found out. Stupid, shallow girl. Uncle Humphrey aside, as much as I dislike Vernon, unfortunately his absence means that Petty will be home more often. I dunno how I'll stand it. Merlin please let time pass quickly so Marles and Alice can get back and save me from suffering.

Today was more eventful than I expected, surprisingly enough. I went out to grab some groceries for mum (she wanted potatoes for dinner…and I think Vernon emptied us out of potatoes at some point) and I came across Hestia Jones in the chocolate aisle. Hestia is going into seventh year. She's also in Gryffindor, so we know each other fairly well. She's quite nice, a bit quiet, and beautiful, with long straight black hair that I would kill for. A bunch of males in the Hogwarts population are after her, though there's no point because she is completely uninterested in dating. She's so studious; she puts the rest of us to shame. One time a guy tried to interrupt her studying to ask her out, and he spent the next three weeks in the hospital wing, trying to regain a somewhat human-like form again. Even now, Davy Andrews has a bit of a green hue to his face.

Hestia and I chatted for a bit. She's also stuck in Cokeworth, but she just got here. Her father is at an international broomstick convention in Turkey (Mr. Jones works for the Nimbus Company) and Mrs. Jones went with him. Hestia was left behind because they wouldn't be back until September 5th, after school already started, so she's staying with her aunt. This is actually nice because I have someone nearby from the wizarding world to hang out with! Besides Sev. Because that's a whole other story. One that makes me want to scream and throw things and also curl up in a ball and never move. All at the same time.

But anyway, Hestia and I are meeting up for lunch tomorrow. Which means I don't have to see Petty or anything. Excellent! Alright. I guess I ought to take a shower now. Ought to stay clean, and all that. Overrated, cleanness is. Merlin, I'm a slob.