A comedy fanfiction by Jez Redfern the Huntress
I do not own Harry Potter. I wish I did :)
Harry glared at Voldemort, his wand aloft. Scraps of debris fluttered down gently, some catching on Voldemort's long black robe, but he kept his attention on The Boy Who Lived. "Time for you to die." He told him softly, sinisterly. He raised his wand and-
"Can I take a lunch break?" Voldemort asked. Harry lowered his wand and glared fiercely at him. "No."
"But I'm hungry!" Wailed Voldemort, chucking his wand in the air. "I want a burger!"
"VOLDEMORT! You-just-threw-the most POWERFUL wand in the universe in the trash!" Screamed Harry. "I want a burger! Wormtail!" Wormtail scuttled over at the Dark Lord's call. "Y-yes, my lord?" He stammered, fingering his graying hair. "Take me to Burger King!"
All of a sudden, Hermionie appeared out of nowhere, clutching a giant book. "Burgers are very unhealty." She told Voledemort sternly. "It says here on page 9684363 that-"
"ONLY MUDBLOODS HATE BURGERS!" Snape swooped over, batlike as ever and pointing a white finger at Hermionie. "That wasn't nice, Snape!" Hermionie snarled, bushy hair flying everywhere. She swiftly flipped through her book. "It says on page 95727284060800 calling people mudbloods is mean! Get him, boys!" Fred and George Weasly began running towards Snape with a bar of pink soap. Snape took one look and ran for his life. Fred and George chased after him gleefully, with Oliver Wood on their heels trying to beat them with a broomstick all the while yelling, "YOU WERE LATE FOR QUIDDITCH PRACTICE! THIS MEANS DEATH!"
Voldemort watched then said, "Now who's coming to Burger King?" "I'm in." Ron Weasly replied cheerfully, and many others nodded as well. "I can't work like this!" Harry yelled angrily. "I'm going to Chucky Cheeses with Ginny." Ginny nodded defiantly. Turning away, Voldemort said to Dumbledore, "Will you come?" Dumbledore paused.
"Does it have a play area?"
Voldemort nodded eagerly
I'M IN!" Yelled dumbledore
Voldemort whistled and they all appeared in Burger King. A pretty blond waitress came up. "Hello, and what can I get you today?"
Arthur Weasly paused. "Hmmm, I'll have the... maybe the... oooh, that looks yummy... but that comes with a toy. Ermmm, perhaps..."
Three Hours Later
" ... maybe... I like that but..." Arthur shoved his glasses into place.
Bellatrix reached over and plucked a fry from Molly Weasly. "NOT MY FRENCH FRIES YOU!" Molly yelled and promptly killed Belatrix. Voldemort peered over Ron's shoulder. "Can I have her toy?"
Harry entered the building, but froze. "Oh, no." He groaned. Colin Creevy screamed "OMGGGGG ITS HARRY! HARRY WILL YOU SIGN MY HAT IN LIPSTICK? WILL YOU TAKE A PICTURE WITH ME? OMG I'M YOU'RE BIGGEST FAN!" Colin Creevy fainted after an excited bounce. Harry fled in fright, yelling, "I'm being stalked!"
But Voldemort blocked the door, holding burgers. "Time for you to die, Potter! Nothing can save you now! Death by burgers!" Harry rolled his eyes as he was pelted by burgers. "Well, I'm going on vacation. Ron can be The Chosen One."
Voldemort cried, "BURGER FIGHT!" He stopped abruptly as J.K Rowling stormed in and turned her icy glare to him. "Have you been mean?" She demanded. "Sorry mommy." Whimpered Voldemort.
Authors Note: This is just a quick funny spoof! Please review! This is not my best writing, I originally wrote it in script format and converted it. If you want to read my serious writing, read my Doctor Who fics! Bye! ~Jez)