Word Count: 860
Pairing: Hancock/Luffy, Ace/Luffy (,Luffy/Ace?) (Nothing explicit at all this is pure lulz...)
Type: OPAU, Alternate Reality, (a hint of crack?)
Genre: Comedy, (Unrequited) Romance(?)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from One Piece.
VTM: Just a silly little bit.
Ace stared on in shock. Marriage? His 'little brother'? To that woman! He stared in awe as Hancock fawned and squealed over Luffy, who seemed quite clueless as to what she was doing. Surely she was delusional, right? "O-Oi...What do you mean 'marriage'? You can't be serious."
"Of course! He admitted his love to me!" Hancock said with a cute tone in her voice.
Ace was definitely not amused by this, that woman must have a few screws loose in her head if she thought Luffy would 'proclaim his love to her'. The older D. couldn't see why or even how Luffy, of all people, would even do such thing.
Ace watched for a moment as Hancock seemed to drift off into her own thoughts. He quirked an eyebrow at how she suddenly started talking to herself, seeming to be in some kind of distress at first then going into some 'lovey-dovey' baby talk.
"Oooooh~! Luffy~!" Hancock squealed cutely. Gushing with affection, obviously absorbed in some sort of twisted fantasy.
Ace looked a little nervous as he watched her, his mind raised a bunch of questions. What the hell was she imagining? Maybe she's a pervert? Just how old was she anyway? Was she one of those 'cougars' he heard about? Wanting to take advantage of his poor, innocent little brother?
Ace then looked at Luffy and pulled him aside to talk more privately. "Oi, Lu, are you sure you want to marry that girl? She seems pretty weird..." he asked with a grave tone.
"Na? What do you mean?" Luffy said with a blink. He looked at Hancock as she moved about in a similar fashion as Sanji did around Nami and Robin. He couldn't help but laugh.
Ace frowned slightly. "You dunce, this is serious. Look, do you really want to be her husband?" At this point Ace was blushing very slightly. He couldn't help feel a little embarrassed with how irritating the thought of that weird woman being the wife of his 'little brother' was. Was this, 'jealousy'? That was just stupid! What did he have to be jealous about? He was just looking out for the kid's best interests, nothing more, right?
"Huh? Who's getting married?" Luffy asked suddenly.
Ace nearly fell over. "You are!"
Luffy gave a confused blink. "What are you talking about? Why would I be getting married?"
In a flash Luffy's head was left covered in lumps. Though the older D. brother was fuming, oddly there was a little relief. Ace could feel a slight smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
"I shall take Luffy back with me to Amazon Lily now." Hancock said as she approached them.
Ace then defiantly stood in her way. "Over my dead body, you crazy hag!"
Hancock was taken aback by the sudden outburst from the older D brother. "What did you just say!"
"You heard me! You're not marrying him!" Ace then pointed at her accusingly. "He's way too stupid for that crap!"
Luffy simply sat and watched as a war started right in front of his eyes.
Hancock suddenly decided to try a different tactic and suddenly went into a 'cute mode'. If Fire fist was going to be difficult, she'd just deal with him like she did with any other who dared stand in her way. "But...I love him~!" she said as she made an innocent looking face.
"Like I care! The answer is still no!" Ace was completely unfazed by the display. Little did the snake princess know, but after years of dealing with such a troublesome little brother, Ace could harden his heart to 'cuteness' with ease. After all, Luffy would always try to weasel his way out of trouble with Ace with similar antics when they were children.
Luffy grinned and gave a laugh. "Shi, shi, shi, shi!"
Ace glared at him and gave him another whack on the head for good measure. "What's so funny, you little monkey! Stupid little brother! Can't you see she is a pervert!"
"Pervert!" Hancock said with her eyes wide with shock, she then started to fume with unspeakable anger. "How dare you!"
"Ace is jealous, huh?" Luffy said suddenly. He laughed harder at the sudden blush that showed in Ace's face.
"What do I have to be jealous about!" Ace said as he attempted to jump kicked Luffy in the face. However, he was suddenly blocked by a giant heart that had materialized in his way.
"You will not harm my future husband!" Hancock proclaimed.
"He's not marrying you, idiot!" Ace snapped. This woman was almost as dense as Luffy was!
Hancock looked at Ace, quickly becoming suspicious. "You wish to be my rival? A man!" She then pointed at Ace while 'looking down' on him. "Fine! I accept your challenge! We'll see who's love is stronger!"
"L-love? What the hell are you talking about?" Ace couldn't help but blush deeper. He quickly tried to shake it off though, hiding his embarrassment with anger. "Not only are you a pervert, but you're a dumbass too!"
And so on that day begun a most bitter rivalry. Who will be triumphant?