I still feel like I need some kind of therapy to deal with the sob-a-minute gloom-fest that was On My Way, so thank Grilled Cheesus for fanfiction. It's my only way of coping. But during that bit in the episode when Mr. Schue had everyone in a circle talking about that time he wanted to kill himself I was expecting Blaine to say something. But he didn't, so fanfiction had to be written. Consider this like a deleted scene.
Oh, and if anyone was wondering, the title of this little fic is a line from No Lies, Just Love by Bright Eyes, one of the most beautiful/depressing songs I've ever heard. Feel free to Youtube it if you fancy. It's a good song.
Anyway, reviews would be nice.
And I don't own Glee, or this would have been an actual scene.
Salvation It Came Quite Suddenly
As Mr. Schuester and the rest of the Glee Club left the auditorium, talking excitedly about Regionals, Kurt and Blaine stayed behind on the stage, sitting together on the piano stool.
"Are you okay?" Kurt asked gently.
"Yeah, of course I am," Blaine said with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"You just seemed kind of uncomfortable earlier," said Kurt. "You know, when Mr. Schue was talking about what happened to Dave. Other than when you said what you were looking forward to in the future, you were pretty quiet. I just wanted to make sure that nothing was wrong."
Blaine took hold of Kurt's hand with both of his, slowly stroking the soft skin under his fingertips.
"I'm fine now," he said. "Really, Kurt, I'm okay. It's just... that was kind of a difficult subject for me."
"What do you mean?" Kurt said with a slightly worried frown.
Blaine took a deep breath, looking down at his and Kurt's hands rather than at his boyfriend's face before he spoke quietly.
"Everything that's happened with Dave has really got to me. I feel so bad for him because I know exactly how he feels... painfully so."
Kurt couldn't help but gasp. "Oh my God, Blaine, you didn't...?"
"Almost," Blaine whispered.
Tears were stinging Kurt's eyes as he looked at his boyfriend. "Was this... was this back at your old school, before you transferred to Dalton?"
Blaine shook his head slowly. "After. But I'd been thinking about since then. The bullying was so bad and I felt so alone that I just..." He sighed as he remembered that horrible feeling of isolation. "I just did see the point of living."
He held onto Kurt's hand a little tighter. He couldn't remember the last time he'd said all this out loud.
"I wrote a lot of letters," he continued. "To my parents and my brother, apologising and explaining and telling them that it wasn't their fault. I wanted to get the words just right, so I had a lot of different versions. When I transferred to Dalton my life was better, technically, but I didn't feel any better. I still felt so alone, so isolated and worthless. I put on a brave face for everyone, but I was empty on the inside. So I decided in sophomore year that I was going to end it all. I had the letter to my family ready, and a bottle of sleeping pills I'd taken from my mother's bathroom cabinet; I didn't want it to be painful. I was tired of this life. I was ready to go."
Blaine finally looked up at his boyfriend, and found that Kurt had his free hand over his mouth, tears pouring down his cheeks.
"Blaine, I – I'm so sorry," Kurt whispered, wiping the tears off his face with his sleeve. "I'm s-so sorry that you ever felt that way... but wait – your sophomore year, that's when we met."
"Exactly," said Blaine with a small smile. "The day I met you was the day that I was going to do it. One last performance with the Warblers, act like everything's normal so the guys don't worry, and then when I got home... but then this guy stopped me on the stairs, this beautiful guy that obviously didn't go to the school. And after that, after meeting you and talking to you, I decided to give myself a few more days – a few more days that have turned into almost a year."
He grinned and kissed the back of Kurt's hand. Kurt wiped away his fresh tears. He didn't know what to think.
"So I... I saved you?" he said incredulously.
Blaine nodded. "Quite literally. We found each other right when we needed each other the most, like fate... destiny. You could have asked someone else on that staircase what was going on, or you could have come to spy on us another day."
"Oh God, that's true," said Kurt, feeling nauseous as he thought about it. "I just stopped someone at random. If I hadn't stopped you I wouldn't have just missed out on getting a boyfriend... you wouldn't even be alive."
Kurt's voice was constricted on the last words, his eyes filling with more tears that he failed to hold back. Blaine got up the piano stool and knelt in front of Kurt, resting the hand he was still holding against his chest.
"Do you feel that?" he asked.
Kurt nodded, feeling Blaine's steady heartbeat against his palm and fingertips.
"I know it sounds lame," Blaine said softly. "But this heart is beating for you, because of you. Since I met you I wake up in the morning and I actually feel happy... I actually feel lucky to be alive. My life doesn't feel pointless anymore because you are in it. And I'm most looking forward to being with you for a long as possible."
Kurt smiled as Blaine reached up and wiped his tears away with his thumb.
"I'm looking forward to that too," he said, before taking Blaine's face in his hands and leaning down to kiss him tenderly on the lips. They both smiled broadly once they separated.
"I love you so much, Kurt," Blaine said, sounding as if he was trying not to cry.
"I know," said Kurt, stroking Blaine's cheek. "I love you too."
Blaine stood up, holding both of Kurt's hands to pull him to his feet too. The couple shared another sweet kiss, before they left the auditorium hand in hand, their fingers laced together.
Hope I haven't made too many of you lovely Humble Readers even sadder.