Disclaimer: I do not own SGA of course, if I did, Sparky would have been canon. *grin* No money was made from this ficlit and no copyright infringement is intended. Any similarity to any story not my own is coincidence.

Title: An' All Our Ghosts be Angels...
Genre: angst/spiritual; John POV
Rating: PG
Timeline: Sometime after the end of the series
Author's Notes: Please keep in mind that I actually stopped watching the series after they killed off Elizabeth, so any errors in canon... I'm sorry. Oh, and I don't know what happened Sedge, but I like the idea of John taking her in after Elizabeth dies, so...

Written for the Sparky Advent Calender at john_elizabeth

Originally posted on LJ


"An' All Our Ghosts be Angels..."

"I always think about you when it snows," I murmured, catching sight of her out of the corner of my eye. "I don't know why... not much snow on Atlantis... or..." I trail off as she comes to stand beside me.

Elizabeth looks like I how I want to remember last seeing her... the real her... before the replicators, before leaving her, before the accident; red shirt, black pants hugging her curves, hair curling loosely over her shoulders. She is unaffected by the cold that nips at my nose and makes my ears tingle.

"Always," I say, shifting the ax in my hands as I start to scan the woods for a likely looking tree. I hear Sedge bark, chasing snowflakes.

"I'm glad she has you," Elizabeth says.

I shrug. "It just seemed right, taking her in," I reply. "Besides I wanted... I needed something to remind..." I shrug again, letting my words fall into the snow and be swallowed up by it.

"That one looks good," Elizabeth says, pointing to a smallish Blue Spruce. I nod and push my way through the snow to reach it. I finger the branches a moment, feeling the needles try and pierce my gloves. I nod again and heft the ax before swinging it to strike the trunk. The bite of it in the wood feels satisfying in a primal sort of way.

"My father and I used to do this every Christmas," she says, her words are spoken softly, but I can hear them even over the crunch of the ax. "My father would always let me pick the tree."

"I remember..." I reply, my breath puffing out in a white cloud. "You told me that once, after you let me go to PX379 to get a tree for Christmas on Atlantis that first year."

I pause a moment, the ax hanging loose in my hand.

"I still remember that as being a really good Christmas."

I know she's raising an eyebrow, and I turn to look at my own personal Christmas ghost.

"It was also the Christmas you let me kiss you under the mistletoe."

"Let you?"

"Well, okay, it's the Christmas that you didn't slap me for sneaking a kiss in the name of holiday spirit." I can't help but laugh at the expression on her face. "Still wouldn't have regretted doing it for a minute, even if you had slapped me," I confess.

Suddenly, I sober.

"I wish you were here to steal a kiss from now, 'Lizabeth." The ax feels like a dead weight in my hands now, heavy with the pull of Earth's gravity. "I never should have left you."

"You did what you had to do, John; what I ordered you to do."

"I should have disobeyed that order. God, it's not like it would have been the first time I ever did that."

"You need to let it go, John. You need to let me go. You can't keep doing this to yourself. You know I would have never wanted you to punish yourself this way."

I nod. It's the truth.

"I can't help it," I admit.

"Try John. If not for your sake... do it for mine. Please... I would have never wanted your memory of me to be something that causes you so much pain. You know that."

"I know but..."

My voice freezes in the cold mountain air.

"John, if you ever loved me... and we both know you did... you'll so this... Let me go. I don't want to be a ghost haunting you."

I nod slowly. "I'll try... but 'Lizabeth; it's so hard."

"I know, John. That's why I brought you a little help," she says before bending down to pet Sedge as the old white dog skids to a stop at Elizabeth's feet in a puff of ivory snow.

That's when I hear it, Rodney's voice echoing from somewhere nearby.

"I don't see why Teyla having some vision about Sheppard needing us, means we all have to go trooping up some godforsaken mountain to go find him."

"Where's your Christmas spirit Rodney?" I hear Jennifer asking, her voice clear. They must be getting closer.

"Somewhere down there in a warm cabin, next to a fire," Rodney complains.

I watch Elizabeth rise, now dressed in an Ancient's white dress. She smiles as Sedge dashes down the mountain, barking as she races to meet my old team.

"Maybe this can be another really good Christmas, John. If you let it be."

I lean forward quickly and steal a kiss. I'm not surprised that her lips feel warm beneath mine as I let myself linger in the moment.

"I'll try..." I whisper against her mouth. "For your sake..."

"Go get your friends, John."

"You think I can get Rodney to help me carry back this tree?"

Elizabeth steps back; smiles. "Even I can't make that Christmas miracle happen," she teases. "Goodbye John. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, 'Lizabeth," I whisper into the swirling light that makes the snowflakes glitter and dance. I follow her last order and go to find my friends...