A little episode of inside the author's head: I hate titling this series. The only one of these I haven't ripped my hair out over was "After the Storm". That is why this title is only one word.

This is the last actual story for this series. I'll do an epilogue skipping time, probably not too much though (like a year or two). If there's a specific age you'd like to see the kids at though, I'm open to suggestions. Also, since the epilogue will be the very last story of the series and you've all been very loyal readers, if there's anything you'd like to see happen, let me know (so long as it isn't a wedding).

I also started a blog on fanfic writing. thescrappile at tumblr dot com.

Thanks for reading!

Reid flipped a page over, and continued typing into his word processor, having resigned long ago to the fact that the FBI would insist using technology without thought to convenience for him. They demanded typed versions of reports now, almost all the forms were digitized, and while they may save some trees, he missed the tactile stimulation of it all.

Emily didn't mind, she liked having everything on her computer, it meant she didn't have to drag a bag full of files home. He could understand the appeal to that, especially considering the baby she was carrying around that was due to appear to the world in a week. To his surprise, she was the picture of maternal harmony, especially this last month when everything just seemed to work out right.

Morgan's place had finally sold, and as soon as that money came out of escrow they'd be able to pay back a big chunk of their new mortgage. They'd finally gotten the house fixed-up and painted, or at least Morgan had; he was rather adamant that Emily wasn't helping him with any of it. He'd enlisted the others to help with painting and moving in though, leaving a very pregnant Emily to direct their motley crew. Having spent much of her last trimester exhausted, she hadn't argued much, and had been very grateful to all of them.

And to top it off, Addy was being good with potty training. Emily was extremely pleased with that, hoping to only have one kid in diapers at a time. And, Morgan had been beaming with pride for his little girl. Sometimes it was still a little weird to see his two friends as parents, weirder still to see them as lovers.

Movement drew his attention from the case report to his very pregnant companion. She was wincing, on hand on her belly, eyes squeezed shut, lips pressed together, and remained that way for over 30 seconds. Then she was seemingly fine, returning to her work. Reid frowned. She'd been doing that for the better part of the day, and he was beginning to grow concerned.

"Emily?" She looked over at him. "Are you alright?"

Emily frowned. "Sure…why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you've been wincing in pain with increasing frequency all day," he said matter-of-factly.

"It's fine. Just Braxton-Hicks, you know?"

Reid shook his head. "You've gotten up twice today already, if it was just Braxton-Hicks, it would have stopped."

Emily faced him, looking at him pointedly. "Fine, it's persistent Braxton-Hicks." Then she went back to her work.

"It's been getting more frequent and it's lasting for longer periods of time. And, I can tell it's getting more painful."

She flipping through the file she was working on, seemingly ignoring him.

Reid cleared his throat, and said nervously, "Emily, I think you're in labor."

She froze. Then swallowed and turned to him calmly. "No. I'm not due for another week."

He released a frustrated sigh. "And you weren't due for five more when Addy came, and JJ had Henry three weeks early. It happens."

"That may be, but it isn't happening now." Her voice was level, perfectly calm.

Reid reached for his phone. "I'm going to call Morgan."

"No!" He froze fingers hovering over the buttons, and looked at her. "Don't bother him, it isn't time yet."

He realized that her image of perfect maternal harmony these last several months had been an act. A calculated, perfectly performed act. Emily was not fine. Reid made a decision, and quickly dialed Morgan.

"Hey kid, what's going on?" The older man answered.

He spoke quietly, so as not to alert the entire bullpen. "You need to get to the BAU, Emily is in labor."

"What?" Morgan's voice was about three octaves north of normal.

"She's in labor, and I think she's in denial."

"Wha—I—right, I'm coming." The click told him Morgan was on his way, and Reid chanced a look at Emily.

She wasn't looking at him, she was bracing herself against another wave of pain, which looked worse than the last. It hadn't even been ten minutes since the last contraction. Reid picked up the phone again and dialed JJ, imploring her to come as well. He started to dial Hotch as well.

"Reid, if you don't put that phone down, I'm going to waddle over there and strangle you with the phone cord."

Though he felt bad ignoring her wishes, he felt her and the baby's safety was more important than not having her mad at him. Reid finished punching in Hotch's extension.

He could feel Emily's eyes boring through his head.

Emily was going to kill the genius. But first, she swatted Derek's hands away, and regarded him, JJ and Hotch. "I'm fine, Reid's being paranoid."

"Are you sure, Em? I saw you wince this morning. Maybe we should head to the hospital just in case?" He was worried and not bothering to hide it.

"I don't need to go to the hospital. I'm not in labor, the baby isn't due for another week."

"I wasn't due for three, Em. Henry still came."

She looked at JJ. "It's just Braxton-Hicks, you remember that, right?"

JJ nodded. "I also remember that it wasn't that painful, and didn't last all day."

Emily crossed her arms over her chest.

"Prentiss, can you honestly say it doesn't feel like the morning you went into labor with Addy?" Hotch had his victim face on, part joyless professional, part compassionate soul.

She bit her lip. The truth was she couldn't say that, but she wasn't ready to have this baby. She wasn't ready to go through labor again. Every burst of pain reminded her of how terrified she'd been on that plane. The blinding terror even after Addy was born.

At her silence, Hotch looked at Morgan. "Do you have bags for Prentiss and the baby in the car?"

Derek nodded. "Of course, we got them ready two weeks ago, just in case."

"Then you have her doctor's information too?"

"Yeah, we got everything ready to go. I've got Dr. Peters information on my cell, and—"

"It's fine, I'm not in labor," Emily interrupted. "And, I'm not going anywhere."

No, labor would mean that she was going to have endure that agony again. Labor meant that her child would come into the world within a matter of hours, and if her baby had some birth defect not detected in the blood tests, she'd have to find a way to come to terms with it. Every blood test, every sonogram, the CVS, it had all come back perfectly normal, and Emily was scared to death that it was all only false reassurance. She'd read too many studies, too many books, too many stories, and she just couldn't get this lucky twice. Not at her age, and not with her history.

The pain shot through her again, and god it was worse than the last few times, and longer. It always seemed to last just a few seconds longer than the last time, at least since the real pain hard started to come. But she rode through it, as she'd been taught since childhood. She felt Derek rest a hand on her back, and heard the whimper escape from her own mouth.

When it was over, four people regarded her with worried frowns. Hotch spoke. "Prentiss you're going to a hospital. Now."


Derek sighed. "Are you out of your mind? You want Reid to deliver this one too?"

"I'm not doing it," Reid said, holding up empty hands.

She didn't look at any of them. "No."

"Why? Why no?"

Emily bit her lip. "I just…no."

"That isn't good enough, Emily. The baby is ready to come out, and you need to tell me why you're against going to a place where we can make that happen safely." He was upset and growing more so by the minute.

She ran her tongue over her top lip. "I'm just…I'm not ready."

Derek crouched next to her. "I don't think it matters right now, Princess. Junior here makes that call."

"Well, Junior can just learn how to wait."

He chuckled now. "So, are you going to carrying Junior around in your belly for the rest of your life?"

Emily still didn't meet his eyes. "Sure. Why not?"

"I think that's going to get pretty tough on both of you in a few years."

"We'll learn to deal with it."

"Really now? You'll learn to deal with never being in the field again?"

Now she did look at him, or rather glared.

"Em," JJ tried. "This is not your first time, you know the baby is coming whether you want it to or not."

"I want it to come," she said adamantly. "I want to see it and hold it, and know whether I've been carrying around a boy or a girl. But, what I want doesn't matter, because I'm just not ready. I have another week, I've earned that week."

"It doesn't work that way though."

"I know, JJ."

Emily knew how this must look to them, how unreasonable she was being, but she just couldn't help it. She hadn't been ready for another child when she'd found out she was pregnant, and that hadn't suddenly changed during the last nine months. And, she certainly wasn't ready for all the memories the labor pains were already trying to drag up in her mind. She just couldn't have the baby, not yet. She needed more time.

Morgan rubbed a hand over her knee. "Tell me what I can do to help you."

She shook her head. "I don't know."

"Well, how about we start with baby steps. We'll get you standing, and then walking, and we'll go slow and eventually make it to the car, alright?"

Emily inhaled, and ran her tongue over her top lip. "I don't think you get it, Derek. I can't move."

She was literally frozen with fear.

Morgan stared into her dark brown eyes, and felt a lump slide painfully down his throat as he swallowed. This was not good. The mother of his children, the woman who started down serial killers without flinching, and who'd backed him up for four years was so scared of…well he wasn't quite sure what was terrifying her so much. She said labor, but it had to be more of that. Emily could handle pain and the threat of pain like no one he'd ever seen.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, and pushed himself back to standing, facing Hotch, who was watching them with a deep frown on his face. He walked over and looked at his former boss. "I don't know what to do."

"What's wrong?"

"She's scared to the point where she can't move, and I don't know has her so freaked."

"You've never discussed anything like this?" He asked.

"What, like her freaking out when the contractions start? No, Hotch, we haven't discussed that."

"I mean her fears concerning the pregnancy."

Morgan sighed. "A couple times, early on, but after the tests all cleared, she seemed fine. Better than fine, she seemed happy, she talked to the baby all the time, and even got Addy babbling nonsense at her belly."

After kissing Emily goodnight, Addy would kiss the bump and say 'night night, baby' in her sweet, baby voice.

"Do you think you can at least get her to the car?" Hotch glanced at Emily.

Morgan followed his gaze, and saw Garcia had joined the crowd, and she and JJ were beside Emily, trying to talk to her. When he turned back, he saw Rossi on his way over. "Without carrying her, I don't think so. And frankly, Hotch, I don't think forcibly maneuvering her to the car is the answer."

"What's going on?" Rossi asked.

Hotch answered. "Prentiss is in labor, and not handling it well."

Dave looked at him. "How's that?"

"She's refusing to go to a hospital, she says she's too scared to move," Morgan explained.

His eyebrows rose in a show of skepticism. "This is our Emily, we're talking about? Emily Prentiss. The woman who isn't scared of a damn thing."

"Yeah, tell me about it," he said.

"Alright, well I think the first thing to do, is clear the bullpen. An audience isn't going to help matters, and they're already starting to gawk." The older man nodded toward the desks full of people not so covertly shooting looks toward them.

Hotch nodded. "I'll send everyone home."

"And, the next thing?" Morgan asked.

"Oh, that's up to you, kid. You know her best, you put that baby inside her, and you know what's really going on, you just have to figure it out."

"Are you telling me to profile the mother of my children?"

Rossi shrugged. "If that's what it takes."

Morgan rolled his eyes, but proceeded to do it anyway. He carefully went over everything he knew about Emily, about her history and her life as it was now. He knew she'd been groomed to put on a happy face, even when her world was in turmoil; no, especially when her world was in turmoil. He knew that her method of coping with uncomfortable emotions was to bury them so deep in her brain that it would taken an army of shrinks several lifetimes to pry them out. He knew that she'd been taught that when you disappoint people, they have no use for you anymore.

He also knew that the most important things in her life now were Addy, the baby, him and the team. He knew that she'd become pregnant three times in her life, by three different men, none of them planned. She'd chosen not to have the first, hadn't been given a choice with the second, and the third…she wanted the baby, she just didn't want the timing. And out of those children, he was the only father that bothered to stick around. He knew that the only time he'd ever seen her scared was when Addy was born, and the months following. That he'd never seen her doubt herself as much as those first few months.

Derek knew what was wrong.

He walked over and cleared his throat. "Can you guys give us a minute?"

The threesome nodded, and headed off to join Hotch, who'd shooed everyone out of the bullpen and stood by the stairs, presumably waiting for Morgan to figure out what to do about Emily.

She rode through a contraction, and then turned her gaze up to meet his. Morgan crouched down in front of her. "I know you feel out of control, and that you're afraid all you'll feel when you hold our baby for the first time is fear, like with Addy. I know, Emily, that you're terrified of failing our children or me, and you feel like if you can't instantly embrace motherhood this time, that will mean you did fail. And part of you, a little part that I'd bet my year's salary you pretend doesn't even exist, is a little afraid I'll walk away." He inhaled, and grabbed one of her hands. "Am I right?"

Her teeth were digging into her lip, and her eyes started to water, so all she could do was nod.

Still crouched in front of her, Derek ran a finger over her cheek, tilting her face so she had to meet his eyes. "How did I miss this?"

She wiped at the tears already sliding down her cheeks. "I'm pretty good at hiding things."

He let out a soft chuckle. "That is an understatement if there ever was one."

"I don't know what to do," she finally admitted. "I'm already screwing up."

"Well, I think I can quiet at least one of your fears." He leaned closed and pressed a kiss to her lips, leaning his forehead against hers and looking her in the eyes. "I am not going anywhere. You, Addy and this baby are my life, and I am a lucky man for it. I will be here for you, Emily. Always."

Emily rested a hand on his cheek, tears pricking her eyes. She ran her fingers over the barest hints of stubble on his chin and kissed him. When she finally opened her mouth to speak, it was a gasp that came out instead of words, and she practically pushed Derek out of the way leaning over, squeezing her eyes shut and groaning through the contraction.

When she opened them again, Morgan had a small velvet box in his hand, and Emily's eyes just about bugged out of her head. Her mouth fell open, and both their attention was momentarily distracted by a barely restrained squeal. JJ waved Garcia to quiet down and stop staring.

Morgan sighed. "Relax, it isn't that. I learned my lesson the last time I asked, we aren't ready, not yet anyway."

Emily's momentary panic faded to confusion, and she watched Derek open the box to reveal a white gold ring with two gemstones. It was designed so the band divided into the sections, each with one of the gemstones. The stone on top was a vivid yellowish green, and the stone on the bottom was an equally vivid royal blue.

Confusion reigned for several more seconds until she realized what the two stones meant. The kids' birthstones. Emily found the tears she was trying to hold back exploding from her eyes.

Derek suddenly looked worried. "Uh Em, babe…do you like it?"

She nodded, wiping her eyes, and trying to regain her emotionally overwhelmed self. "It's beautiful."

"You get what the stones are then?"

"Yes, thank you."

He sighed with relief. "Had me scared there for a minute, Princess. I was actually going to wait after the baby came out, but I think now is as good a time as any."

"Because I'm having a meltdown," she said, crankily, angry with herself.

Morgan smiled. "Because these two stones represent the beautiful, healthy children you've given me. You have not failed, Emily." He raised a hand to her face, his fingers getting lost in her hair, and thumb stroking her face. "You weren't prepared for Addy at all, there was no way you could have been, but she's a happy, healthy toddler, and she is learning so fast now, we can barely keep up with her. That is not a failure in my book."

Emily kissed him, and then laughed. "Man, I must have cured a plague in a past life to get you."

Derek grinned. "Maybe we cured that plague together."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Emily ran a finger over the stones in the ring and then sighed. "You know that won't fit on my chubby fingers, right?"

Morgan grinned. "A friend with some experience in the area caught me with the paperwork for the jewelers a couple weeks ago and mentioned that might be an issue." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a velvet pouch, pouring a strand of white gold from it. Derek slipped the ring onto the chain and fastened it around her neck.

She played with it for a minute, smiling at the thoughtfulness of the gesture. "They're going to make me take it off at the hospital."

"Does that mean you're ready to go to the hospital?"

"I don't think this kid will wait much longer."

"Thank god." He wrapped an arm around her, and let her grip his other arm, gently bringing them both to the standing position. It was then that Emily was hit with another contraction, her body folding over, one hand holding her aching back.

"Oh, shit," she hissed through it. When it past, Emily stood up again, finding herself suddenly protectively encircled by Derek's arms. She leaned against his chest for a minute and breathed. When a familiar sensation struck her body, she groaned and cursed. "Damn it."

"What? What's wrong?" He pulled back to look at her.

"My water just broke."

His mouth dropped open and his body tensed. "You, your wa-we need to go. Right now." He turned toward their friends. "We need to go to the hospital now. Immediately."

Pain like this shouldn't be possible. Why would someone construct a body that could feel that level of agony? It wasn't sane. No, it was downright sadistic.

Emily screamed and screamed as the umpteenth contraction gripped her body and tortured her for almost a minute. She flopped back on the bed, breathing heavily, but smiling slightly as she felt Derek take her hand.

"I'm ready to be done now. Can we fast forward or what?"

She heard a feminine chuckle and looked over to see a nurse checking a monitor. The African American woman in her late forties nodded toward Derek. "You better be glad she has a sense of humor, and isn't cursing you out."

Derek shot them both a hundred watt grin. "She loves me too much to curse me out."

The nurse smiled, and winked at Emily, before heading out to her next patient. Another contraction hit and Emily bore down with it. This one lasted longer, she could sense every torturous second it dragged on.

"That one was longer, we're getting closer."

Emily nodded. "I wish I was a man."

His eyebrows shot up on his forehead. "I don't think the bedroom situation would work out quite as well if you were a guy."

She looked at him, and chuckled. "I guess not."

There was a knock and Garcia popped her head in. "Rossi picked up Addy and took her home, and I called both your mothers. Derek, your sisters just put your mother's on a plane, she should be here late tonight. Em, after jumping through about a dozen bullshit bureaucratic circus hoops, I finally managed to track your mom down, she's also on a plane. If not tonight, she'll be in early tomorrow."

"She's actually coming?"

"Yep, the Ambassador sounded all kinds of excited to see her new grandbaby."

"Are you sure that was my—oh god!" She lurched forward and screamed through another contraction.

"Oh kitten, that…that…I'm so leaving the baby thing to you and Jayje."

Emily shook her head back and forth. "I'm done. That's it. Why the hell did I say no to the epidural?"

"You said a natural birth would be better for the baby," Derek said, helpfully.

"Yeah, well—" Her thoughts were cut off as a contraction hit and she suddenly felt the urge to push, which turned her stomach violently. Without time for conscious thought, Emily turned abruptly to side, and vomited onto the floor beside Derek's chair.

He was on his feet in seconds. She waved him away and puked again, grimacing as the contraction won over the nausea and the pain washed over her again.

"Em. Emily what's wrong?" He had his hands on her back and arm, and looked halfway to terrified. He shot a look at Garcia. "Get a doctor."

The frightened tech made to turn, but Emily waved her to stop. She coughed, and crunched on the cup of ice chips in lieu of water. "It's okay. Vomiting is normal, I read about it in a book."

"That contraction was awfully quick, we should alert the doctor's anyway."

"No worries, I got it, I don't think I have the stomach for this anyway," Garcia said, stepping back, her usually perkiness vanished.

Emily groaned. "I think I traumatized Pen."

Derek chuckled. "She'll get over it."

The doctor came in shortly, measured her, and nodded with a smile. "You're at ten centimeters, Emily. Do you feel ready to push?"

"Oh, hell yes."

He shot Derek a smile, and nodded to the nurses to get ready. Emily positioned herself to push, and raised a hand to push the sweat soaked hair away from her face. In minutes Emily was baring down with a contraction, pushing with all her might at the doctor's coaching and Derek's soft reassurance.

It took barely twenty minutes. Twenty minutes of screaming like the Jersey Devil, and squeezing Derek's strong hand black and blue. Twenty minutes of sobbing, and sweating, and feeling her heart pounding itself damn near out of her chest. Twenty minutes of Derek's smooth voice coaching her, praising her, telling her how much he loved her.

It ended with a high-pitched cry. Their baby screaming as it acknowledged the world, a sound that brought fresh tears to her eyes.

"It's a boy," the doctor called. "You want to cut to cord, Dad?"

Derek looked absolutely mesmerized as he nodded, and the doctor handed him surgical scissors. He very deliberately snipped through the cord, and then went back to stand by Emily. His eyes were wide, and filled with tears as he kissed her forehead and whispered, "He's beautiful."

Emily was still looking into his emotion-heavy eyes when the nurse appeared, and set the baby into her arms. He was only loosely wrapped in a blanket, so Emily could see his tiny little body squirming in her arms. He had ten fingers, ten toes, and perfect, beautiful face. He was dark-skinned, like his daddy, with a good bit of dark hair on his head. Her son scrunched his face up and stretched his arms, and Emily began to bawl again.

"He's amazing." She looked at Derek, who was staring at both of them with tears slowly falling down his cheeks. Derek Morgan was standing beside her and crying. In all the time they'd known each other, she didn't think she'd even seen him cry.

Emily kissed her newborn son's forehead, running a hand over his head, before she whispered softly to him. "I think Daddy wants to hold you, buddy."

He swallowed and took the baby with ever more deliberate care than he'd used to cut the cord. His voice cracked as he spoke. "Hey there, little man."

An hour later, Emily had been cleaned up and moved to a regular room. She was cuddling their son, his head resting against her chest, and her face soft and relaxed as if completely at peace. Her eyes were aimed downward toward their son, her thumb rubbing around the little fist that clutched her index finger. She had an ethereal glow about her pale skin, almost like a diffuse light haloing around her.

Derek Morgan had never seen a more beautiful image.

It was the polar opposite of Addy's birth, absent the fear and shock. He pressed a kissed to her head, and headed out the door to usher their friends inside. They were still in the waiting room, Garcia pacing and clearly about to burst, while Kevin just watched her helplessly. Reid was the first to notice him.

"Can we see them now?" He asked. Garcia whipped around then, and stared frozen at Morgan.

"Yeah, Em and the little man are waiting." He smiled and it widened when Garcia squealed and hurried over, squeezing his bicep.

Morgan led them to the private hospital room (a friend of the Ambassador had called and scored it for them), knocked gently on the door to give Emily warning, and pushed it open. He held it as the team entered, and quickly gathered around the bed. Morgan inched through and stood beside Emily.

"How are you feeing?" JJ asked her.

"Honestly? Exhausted, but wonderful."

Garcia wrung her hands and erupted. "Oh my god, if I don't hold that precious little baby right now, I'm going to burst!"

Morgan chuckled and looked at Emily. She nodded, so he gathered their son from her arms, and turned to the team. "We'd like you all to meet Nathaniel Robert." He looked at the baby. "Now this crazy lady over here is your Aunt Penelope, Nate. She's going to cuddle you for a minute."

Garcia eagerly took the baby in her arms, and held him against her body. She stared at him for a minute, before looking at Emily, tears hanging in her eyes. "God Em, he's so beautiful."

Hotch looked over her shoulder and actually smiled. "She's right, you make some cute kids."

"Hey, hey," Morgan said. "I helped make this one, too."

JJ rolled her eyes. "Right, we all know Emily did the bulk of the work."

"Oh come on now, I had to survive those hormone storms, that is hard work that leaves scars." He held a hand to his chest, melodramatically.

Emily scoffed. "You want to talk about scars? After pushing your son out, my body is never going to be the same again."

Reid held up a finger. "Actually, in surveys most women have indicated that it was only six months to a year before their vaginas returned to normal."

The group went dead silent and stared at Reid. Morgan shook his head. "Really man? Why do you know that?"

Reid shrugged. "I read it in a book."

"Seriously Reid, only?" Emily said. "Six months to a year is a long time."

"Not when you consider how long pregnancy lasts. A full term pregnancy is approximately 10 months, therefore recovery time is actually likely to be less than the duration of the pregnancy."

JJ eyebrows cinched together, as her attention went from Nate in her arms to Reid. "Uh Spence, would six months sound like a short time if it was you?"

He frowned. "But I don't have the correct anatomy for that to apply to me."

Garcia sighed. "Oh, Boy genius, you are missing the point."

"Well, this certainly took an interesting turn." Emily was looking at him as she spoke. Morgan grinned at her and winked.

JJ passed the baby to Hotch, who took him expertly, and smiled again. Is that what it took Aaron Hotchner to smile, babies? Morgan considered that and realized he smiled most when Jack was around. It made sense.

"Do you guys need anything?" Garcia asked them.

"Has anyone spoken to Dave recently?" Emily asked.

JJ nodded. "I called to tell him the baby came. He said everything is fine, and Addy went to sleep easily."

Hotch passed Nate to Reid as Garcia was pulling her cell phone out and setting it to camera mode. JJ was smiling at Reid. "Are you going to get him into MIT too?"

Reid turned his attention to her. "I could get all of them into MIT."

"But could you get them scholarships?" Hotch asked.

Morgan picked up on Hotch's teasing and grinned. "He has a point Reid. Scholarships are the only way we're affording anything more than state school."

"Actually," Emily began, "we'd just have to ask my mother. She was always good at handing out money."

He smiled then, cranking his charm up to it's peak. "I always forget that. My girl has money, I could be a kept man."

Emily eyed him, eyebrows slightly raised. "If that's what you're after, you better start dating my mother."

He smiled, and took Nate back from Reid. Holding the baby gently, he leaned over, and returned his son to his mother's arms. He spoke quietly to Emily. "Oh, I think I've got everything I need already."

Then he captured her lips in a deep kiss, disregarding the other four people in the room. Emily didn't hold back either. They'd just brought life into the world. Holding their newborn son between them, they were lost in a cloud of adrenaline and ecstasy.